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@depravcd-a
heyuhifthisisyourthing
good morning, pals. it’s been a minute since i’ve posted anything. but i wanted to pop in one last time and say howdy, see how y’all were doing. to nobody’s surprise, i am going to be shutting this blog down. neither the muse nor the drive have been here for awhile, no matter how much i do miss it here. but this isn't goodbye! i’ll still be logged in on the app if anybody wants my discord, or wants to message through there.
it’s been real, y’all! unfortunately, i didn’t get to do as much with this blog, or with most of you, as i wanted to, but i appreciate everyone who has stuck around this long. y’all are some of the most wonderful, creative individuals i’ve had the pleasure of meeting on this awful site. sjdngkj idk how to end this, but, uh - i’ll see y’all around. :)
evenin' y'all
so i just finished moving yesterday. still in the process of unpacking and getting settled in buuuut hopefully when i get home today we'll have WiFi and i can start jumping on my laptop again and getting to all the shit i owe
evening pals. just a little check up to see how everyone's doing, and to let y'all know im still here. disco or ims are always open :)
evening pals. just a little check up to see how everyone's doing, and to let y'all know im still here. disco or ims are always open :)
darkenedhearts:
CONTINUED FROM HERE ! @depravcd
when trent arrived in japan, it was like his entire world was flipped upside down. all the people he normally wrestled weren’t there anymore, he couldn’t keep a consistent conversation without timezone barriers getting in the way. rocky abandoned him, dustin turned on him. now he was with chaos ( merely for survival ) he was getting eaten alive, the guys in the back act as if he had a choice in the matter of his arrival, debut. title match wins—— rocky told him that they were winning the titles. and of course trent was thrilled, these titles were prestigious and he thought that people would be happy for him. but as soon as he realized that he was just a month into his debut ? the prerogative changed.
he wasn’t seen as trent anymore. beretta.
he was seen as a coattail rider, a cheater. a guy that would do anything to get to the top—— and that couldn’t be the furthest from the truth. but who would believe him, he got the titles. he can say whatever he wants, right ? he followed rocky like a dog on a leash, listening to whatever he told him because rocky’s been in a japan for a long time, he knows things that he wouldn’t be able to understand. one of those things being stay away from bushi. and with bushi came hiromu. someone who’s very existence gave trent agida. whenever he got a look from him, the mind games. he could never tell if he was telling the truth. and nine times outta ten he wasn’t.
so why did he find himself bundled up. on a balcony with him in the freezing cold ?
cause trent still saw the good in people. and it was disgusting. he wanted to know why hiromu really disliked him. if he believed all the rumors and lies. and here he was again. saying that he treated trent with kindness. he clutched the sleeves of his jacket tighter, call it a nervous tick. ❛ kindness ? you’re always playing mind games with me. trying to get me to say shit that i don’t really mean, so you can report it back to bushi. make everyone hate me more than they already do ❜ mumbling the last bit, realizing how paranoid and crazy he sounded. but it wasn’t his fault. which is something he had to learn. ❛ you don’t like me, bushi hates me, even dustin punched me in the face for no reason. i don’t know what i’m doing the-fuck wrong ❜ turning away from hirmou. looking at the stars in the sky. ❛ it’s not like i asked to win the belts a month after i debuted, i know guys that have been working much harder than i have for a shot at the bucks, like you ! “ trent. arms still crossed. looking back over. ❛ you don’t like me because i took your spot ! and i’m sorry, i’m really fucking sorry. but that doesn’t give you the right to fuck with my head ! “ he exclaimed. smacking the top of his baseball hat covered head. trying to hold back the tears, god this was fucking embarrassing. if this was a big mind game. then hiromu surely got him to crack.
SYMPATHY PULLS AT HIS HEART STRINGS. his intentions had always been malicious. wanting to harm, carve deep. a threat to his family, their legacy, wasn’t one hiromu could stand by and watch. yet, somewhere along the path, words became genuine. actions were true. his blood didn’t boil at the sight of trent, the mention of his name --- his presence doing the opposite. making him warm and fuzzy, even. disgustingly so. cold fingers trace along his hairline, moving back through loose, long locks.
“i can’t speak for everybody else,” tongue flicks over his lips, breath released. watching the shape of it form in the chilled winter air. how did he get himself into these situations? “but, hey, i like you. so.” lips part to say more, but he can’t bring himself to.
i like you i like you i like you ..... he didn’t mean it like that, surely. right?
right????
TARGET: JON MOXLEY,
@depravcd ; ♕
❛ i struggle with this bullshit everyday and it’s probably ‘cause my demons simultaneously rage !! i’m about to break down , searching for a way out . i’m a liar , i’m a cheater , i’m a non-believer – i’m a popular monster . ❜
DEEP BREATH, teeth biting into cheek’s delicate flesh, “you’re not a monster.”
WHERE DO YOU HOLD YOUR LOVE?
BAYLEY: in your heart,
you hold your love in your heart. love is intrinsic, inevitable, love is the beating core of everything; love is also hard to talk about. your love comes out with more rareness, mostly shows up for the big things in a big way- this doesn't mean it doesn't beat for the small stuff, you feel it all, in fact you feel it more intensely than most which is why it's so hard to get out. you hold your love inside you because it matters, it might be the only thing that does.
SAMI: in your teeth,
love has uneven edges but it is something you sink your teeth into. with love you give all of yourself over and feel everything as it happens- good and bad. for you love can be a fight, whether it's hard won or hard lost (or hard to hold on to), love has a way of leaving it's impression in your skin. it's not that it hurts, it's just that it knows your tender spots and seems to hit those first.
HIROMU: on your tongue,
your love is language. it's the way you say goodbye, good morning, how was your day?. love for you is less something to talk about and more something that weaves itself into your speech without permission (and, of course, with it). love comes out of you everyday in the easiest way to understand; what's the point of feeling it if you don't say it? sing it? scream it? it bubbles up and spills over anyway.
tagged by: @darkenedhearts & @ofgrief
tagging: everyone
adapted from this post ! bold what definitely applies to your muse. italicize what somewhat applies to your muse. repost ; do NOT reblog.
𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙸𝙰𝙽 » toothy grins, stories around the campfire, clothes covered in pet hair, hot temper, old jeans, heartbeat in head, potatoes and steak, beaded jewelry, bruise like galaxies, mementos, backpack stuffed full, craigslist furniture, spontaneous road trips, air ripped from lungs
𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙳 » homemade bread, white lies, easily excited, trying on hats, band geek, pep talks, no impulse control, sunsets, vintage fashion, long showers, selfies, following dreams, rosy cheeks, song mash-ups, pink lemonade with tequila, loves easily, animated storyteller, full of comebacks
𝙲𝙻𝙴𝚁𝙸𝙲 » list of wishes, biting their tongue, band-aids and neosporin, shoulder to cry on, morning sun, necklaces, trial and error, homemade quilts, formal clothing, astrology fan, messages in bottles, pleated braids, speaking up for friends, feathers, motivational quotes, vivid dreams
𝙳𝚁𝚄𝙸𝙳 » bird watching, shy kid, wind chimes, trying to whistle, summer camp, apple orchards, lost in their head, glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling, hoodies, thrift shopping, saving worms off the sidewalk, pig latin, bare feet, thunderstorms, numb fingers, braided hair, naming potted plants
𝙵𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃𝙴𝚁 » goosebumps, leather jackets, adventure, chewing nails, cares deeply but can’t show it, bronze locks, no sleep, taste of iron, netflix binges, never forgets, combat boots, stories behind scars, table for one, official soundtracks, sore calves, trusts themselves the most
𝙼𝙾𝙽𝙺 » always trying to be better, wanderlust, meditation, sweatpants, old photographs, yoga, sleeping in hammocks, nostalgia, minimalist design, breath of fresh air, baby animals, volunteering, perfectionist, doesn’t care about fashion, healthy snacks, noticing the little things
𝙿𝙰𝙻𝙰𝙳𝙸𝙽 » school uniforms, thick jackets, sleeping with the windows open, logical advice, scrapbooking, compasses, i fight for my friends, sculpture gardens, cold morning air, big soul, likes routine, secret romantic, last to get jokes, sunflowers, practical presents, misty weather
𝚁𝙰𝙽𝙶𝙴𝚁 » herbal tea, smell of rain, blinking away tears, camping trips, collecting bones, swiss army knives, first impressions, anxious thoughts, bobby pins, burnt marshmallows, too competitive, clothes lines, messenger bags, holding grudges, gets along better with animals than people
𝚁𝙾𝙶𝚄𝙴 » flirtatious sarcasm, candid photos, lost phone chargers, adrenaline rush, picking dirt out from beneath their nails, social chameleon, clashing clothes, self-deprecating jokes, claw machines, sits in chairs wrong, smudged eyeliner, has too many sunglasses, eats nothing or everything
𝚂𝙾𝚁𝙲𝙴𝚁𝙴𝚁 » infectious laugh, family trees, shivers down their spine, lipstick and roses, mood swings, clumsy, believing in destiny, high expectations, sleeping in darkness, collection of nail polish, passionate, good grades but never studies, poetry books, blowing kisses, not knowing their own strength
𝚆𝙰𝚁𝙻𝙾𝙲𝙺 » knowing everyone’s secrets, backpack covered in pins, envy, being in Walmart late at night, earl grey, selective memory, conspiracy theories and cryptids, keysmashing, need to know basis, can’t cook, bags under eyes, experimental art, flickering bulbs, black clothing all year long
𝚆𝙸𝚉𝙰𝚁𝙳 » piles of textbooks, cat in lap, keeping a diary, indecision, scented candles, studying alone in a café, lingering touches, museum dates, unanswered questions, taking on too much responsibility, collections, chalk dust, comfy robes, unnecessary apologies, coming home after a long day
tagged by: @callovs
tagging: you. yeah, you there. the cutie pie
howdy y'all. sooo idk what's up with my laptop but every time i try to do drafts it decides to freeze up and the only way to get it to unfreeze is, apparently, restarting it. which is fINE i have ways to get around it but it's been frustrating to keep restarting drafts..... and not being able to save them....... and so... yeah! fun times.
[kill bill sirens]
You ever just... yell about #darkenedhearts??
@darkenedhearts constantly
𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐁𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄?
❛ how can you treat me this way? ❜ you know what to do ;)
DARK HUES TILT TOWARDS THE NIGHT SKY. lit up with street lights and iridescent colors from scanty hotel rooms. bright billboards on every corner. strangers walked down the sidewalk, stuffed away in their winter jackets; nurses and the skimpily dressed, businessmen clutching their briefcases close. booze wafted to where hiromu stood on the small hotel balcony. forearms resting on the ice cold rails as snow stuck to his jacket, toes cold even through cozy socks. he could stand there all night, simply watching. thinking about the truth behind every dark hood and jacket, behind the parties across the street. thousands of secrets to be shared, stories untold. It fascinated him unlike much else.
but tonight, the only thing that fascinated him stood behind him.
once trent finally addresses him, heartfelt words making hiromu’s stomach twist, he finally turns. eyes lock with trent’s own as hiromu departs from his perch. “and how exactly do i treat you? hm?” slow movements bring him back into his hotel room, shedding his jacket on the bed. “with respect? with kindness? trying to protect you from the cruelty from the people around you?” nevermind the fact that he was, at one point, one of the people that despised the foreigner when he joined chaos. a rival faction who hated los ingobernables just as equally, snatching the junior tag belts like the bucks like it was nothing. like it was easy. a feat hiromu has clawed and scrapped for, but still could not achieve. letting bushi down time and time again.
hiromu hadn’t liked him, at first. but attempted mindgames turned into something more. and now hiromu found his civil gestures turning sincere, just wanting to see trent smile. It frightened him. “i’ve always been kind to you, trent-san, yet you still think i don’t like you. why is that?”
𝑾𝑨𝑻𝑪𝑯 𝒀𝑶𝑼𝑹 𝑩𝑨𝑪𝑲 𝑾𝑯𝑬𝑵 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑪𝑨𝑵'𝑻 𝑾𝑨𝑻𝑪𝑯 𝑴𝑰𝑵𝑬
“All I ever wanted was to make people feel the way I felt”.
You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.