Basics: My name is Niko. I'm bi, boyflux, aroaceflux, ambiamorous, and I use he/him pronouns. I'm 16 years old. (I'm only willing to date people at least 15 years old, by the way. And if you treat me like shit, I'll probably love you for the rest of my foolish life.)
Darlings: I'm currently lamenting over a likely forever lost (romantic) darling after having gotten over him months ago... Yes, I'm pathetic. Posts about him will use ❤️🩹 in the tags. Additionally, there's 🌹... my abuser (she/her). ☀️ is my favorite <3
Yandere Types: ODIAF, DSMT, RDHS (this one fits me the best), OSWI
Warnings: I'm diagnosed with bipolar, generalized anxiety disorder, and maybe PTSD (they don't tell me shit!); I am very mentally unstable. I will discuss a lot of dark topics, including abuse, pedophilia, suicidal ideation, self harm, eating disorders, etc... Also, I might discuss NSFW topics, but I'll tag it as such.
Taken Anons: 💖, 🐬, 🔪, 💘. ☀️, 🐾(Everyone, pleaaaaaaase give me attention. Begging so pathetically right now; I apologize for the embarrassing behavior.)
Interests: Drawing, writing, poetry, typology, subliminals, music, and most importantly, my darlings.
IRLs: Nagito Komaeda and Shin Tsukimi. Those are the only characters people know, so that's all I'm saying. (Midori/Sou Hiyori I miss you I love you come back to m- *gets stabbed*)
i am alone. truly alone. i have no one and nothing. everyone still in my life is only there because they have to be or have nothing better to do. isolating myself finally worked. i'm alone. the voices in my head aren't even real. i don't know why i've been pretending like they matter. they're not real. none of the people i make up conversations with are real. they give me no purpose to live. i have no reason to care. i tell myself i have her and she'll always be there and i can rely on her but she's not even real. i just made her up. she's been a figment of my imagination for the past 5, 6, 7 years. not fucking real. all my trauma isn't fucking real. i made that up too. i'm so overdramatic that it had an effect on me and now i desperately want to recreate that in real life and hell i've gotten close but it's never enough to satisfy the itch. it's worse than a mosquito bite i don't know wwhat to compare it to there's nothing thbat can fix it. i can't do anything right i'm failing at everything i'm wasting all of my time i'm wasting my life. i have no purpose to live and i'm too cowardly to die. right now i'm thinking of downing a bottle of pills but i know it won't do anything but give me a stomach ache if i can even manage to swallow any without gagging them back up. i have no talent left i was lying i was lying it was fake i don't know how i made any of that all of my work is trash anyway there's no heart in it because i have no heart i'm just a stupid attention seeking bitch. i'm human and i hate being fucking human i'm constantly trying to tell myself and lie to myself that i'm not human and that' s why i'm like this but deep down i'm just human. a fucked up broken human. one t hat lied to itself oover and over until it became an amalgamation of lies and horrors and the worst things it saw. i have no purposoe to live. i should just go jump off a fucking bridge but i know i'm too cowardly to do that too. because i'm human after all i'm too human it's not even human to not want to die it's just a byproduct of being alive. and i fucking hate being alive why did i have to do this to myself??? i should've just settled with what i had 4 years ago i was so lucky i have been so lucky every second of every day before this month. ihad someone i had someone i could've even settled for her she was better than being alone and i was just a fuckingbitch i don't deserve any better and i will never get anything better because that doesn't exist. there's no one out there for someone like me. either i settle for the fucking voices in my head or i kill myself. that's where i'm at at this point. i have no one and no one will ever love me again. people will love me but they will not LOVE me like i want them to. no one will ever make me feel that way again. god i just need to fucking kill myself that would fix everything. i'm just a stupid failure of a human being. i should've beeen a girl i never should've convinced myself i was a boy it was a mistake it woulld've been so much easier to be a girl. i would have made a much better girl than a boy. i make a terrible boy. i'm so girly it's embarrassing. i'm too weak to change. i'll never change i'll never get better i'll never recover. i need to just fuckign kill myself. that's the only thing that'll fix all of this. it won't matter anyway after i'm dead. it only matters right now while i'm alive. what the fuck ami doing with my life this is all just a stupid fucking waste of time. i hate everything the only things that make life worth living will never be within my reach. i am cursed i have lived enough i'm tired of living i'll never live the life i want to live it's just a waste of time. everything i want will never come to me. wy am i wasting my tiem i don't know i just need to die oh my god
Eek, just saw this! Been awfully inactive on here, oops...
I want someone who really loves me. Ideally... I'll talk about my ideal darling. My ideal is someone who adores every part of me.
I don't care if they're more dominant or submissive (not exclusively in a sexual way - just in general), either.
I want someone... who's obsessed with me, as well. So I tend to want yan x yan relationships.
I also like when they're clingy... someone who can't stand being apart from me. I don't like it when they can disappear on me and feel fine with it. I guess I can handle it if I know they hate being apart from me but it's necessary but, agh... my need for attention!!
Also we really need to have some interests in common... Most important to me is poetry, to be honest, but that's a little rare to find. It's nice when someone also likes to draw, for example. It makes it easier to talk with them.
And I like when they have a good sense of humor and are intelligent. I'll probably get bored otherwise... sorry!
Hmm... I think that's everything :3 Wow, big rant... ehehe.
Yeah i have a dark past (being 13). Just an absolutely horrible backstory (being 13). It would keep you up at night if i told you about it (i was 13 one time)
Q - Jealousy: How jealous or possessive do you get?
A - I can get quite jealous and possessive. I tend to keep it to myself, though. Like... at the mention of anyone else existing in their lives, I usually get jealous LMFAO. I'd like to have them all to myself, but I know that can't be good... so I usually try to ignore those thoughts. Sometimes, I'm justified, though! Like with 🌹... I think she agrees with me. That I'm the only one she needs. Hehe. ^_^ But, yeah... I get pretty jealous and possessive at times, I just don't act on it as much.
Affection, Blood, Darling, Exposed, Feeling, Give, Kisses, and Unique !!! (You don't have to do them all if you dont wanna :])
HI ^_^!!!
YAYY I'll do all of them. Uhh. Kinda NSFW (sexual) warning for some of the parts about 🌹. Not extremely into detail or anything. You can just skip over her parts if you don't wanna see anything NSFW lol.
Q - Affection: How do you show your feelings to your darling, if you do? How intense does it get?
A - Hmm... This is a little hard to answer, because I'm kind of bad at it... I like writing poetry for them, though!! Or just about them!! I can get pretty intense at times, though. And often my love turns violent (...like... wanting to hurt them or myself. Mostly physically. Looks at ❤️🩹...).
Q - Blood: What is the most extreme thing you think you’re capable of doing in real life for your darling? What’s the worst thing you have already done?
A - I don't think I could actually kill someone for them, but I could definitely hurt someone. Or them. I could hurt them almost without hesitation (especially fucking ❤️🩹). Sorry. That's evil. HAHA. But I used to be really manipulative... sorry I'm being evil right now. Ahh, sometimes it's necessary to keep people close to you...! I don't really want to act like that as much now, but I kind of do it unconsciously... So, you know, definitely will do and have done manipulative things.
Q - Darling: What makes your darling special compared to everyone else? Why them?
A - I'll answer individually. I'm not going to do ❤️🩹 because I hate him again right now. I'm not sure if I'll start liking him again anytime soon... maybe if he ever sends me an ask on my other account again. Rolls eyes.
☀️: I just really like them...! They're great and fun to talk to, and they're really smart, which is something I value in others (and myself) highly. It's hard for me to explain this kind of thing, though.
🌹: I've thought about this one a lot, so it's easier to explain. Simply said... She's meant for me. Like... we're soulmates or something like that. I can't really escape from her, so that's partially why, but I also simply love her. She's thrilling to be around and there are so many things I like about her. She's funny, intelligent, exciting, individual... I just really love her.
Q - Exposed: Are you honest with your darling about your feelings or the true extent of them? Does anyone else know?
A - Mostly yes to both questions and for both people, but it depends a bit...
☀️: I try to be as honest as possible, but my anxiety makes it difficult for me to be entirely transparent. And also my morals. Because I worry about intimidating them. I get really jealous... which I feel is wrong of me. And I don't mention that. Ever. Otherwise I make a point to be honest. Does anyone else know? Well, I've literally told all my friends that I like (understatement, much?) them a lot. But I guess I haven't explained how obsessive and stereotypically "yandere" I get to most of them. (Definitely not to my mom HAHA)
🌹: She knows everything about me. So yes. I am forced to be completely honest with her, against my will. I can attempt to lie to her, but it never works. And does anyone else know? I don't think anyone can ever truly understand the extent of my feelings for her, considering they're so complex and... vast. I can't even properly explain my relationship with her. I can attempt to (ahem... pseudo-familial caretaker sexual relationship...! That's fucked up.) but it... doesn't really capture it. I can write 1,000 poems about her, but I'll never write enough... sigh. I don't think my IRL friends even understand that I love her, haha.
Q - Feeling: How does your darling make you feel? Where are you at emotionally right now?
A - I'll answer individually for the first question.
☀️: Very giddy. Sometimes ecstatic. Also comforted. Mmm... not sure how else to explain it besides just that. Like the sun... fitting.
🌹: God. Okay. Um. Horny- sorry. Coughs loudly. I didn't say that. Anyway. LMFAOOO. Definitely excited, a thrill/high kind of feeling. It's like a rollercoaster. She puts me in danger, but I love it.
Second question now. In general? I'm not doing the greatest...! I'm very sensitive. And I cried earlier today. (The exchange student left to go home... It was really sad. We're both sad.) I've always been pretty unstable. I guess I'm not doing as bad as I have been, but it's still not great.
Q - Give: Imagine you are getting interviewed by your darling or potential darling to be their beloved. How would your “application” be like, what can you offer them?
A - HEHE I love this question. First of all, I'm the cutest boy ever /silly. I'll write love poems about you. And I'll write you a 10 page love letter if you ask (<- he has done this before). I'll give you lots of attention, and I'm really clingy and needy, but maybe that can be a good thing. I'll make a Spotify playlist for us and a Pinterest board (<- he does this every time he falls in love) (no matter the kind of love lol). I'll make you subliminals for you, if you're interested. And buy you things you want. And I'll love you more than anyone else can ^_^ Also I'm the most special boy in the world /silly. And I'm talented. I can serenade you (<- has done this one time). And and and. I'm the best. ^_^ Genius! Now... Who wants me? /silly
Q - Kisses: How do you act around or with your darling? Is it different from the way you act around everyone else?
A - Hehe, it depends.
☀️: I get kind of nervous (in a... homo way... LMFAOO HOW DO I EXPLAIN THAT WHAT'S THE WORD um. in a. in a teen-girl-in-a-romance-movie-with-a-crush-esque way) and that affects how I act I think. So I probably act a little different. I think I'm pretty much myself, though. Like... I don't mask on purpose. Well. I type like this, so that's a little different. sometimes i talk like this with other people or on my other blog and then i decided to talk like with grammar on here LMFAO IDK WHY . i guess i didnt wanna seem like the same person ?!?!. i guess . so now i just have 2 different typing styles for no reason . Ok awesome. Anyway. That's different... I guess. And I proofread my texts more.
🌹: I act a lot different HAHA. I have, like, two different ways I behave around her. Either like... deep in subspace uwu smol bean (kill me) or a complete bitch in a teasing way. I don't know why! I feel really comfortable around her, I guess. And it's funny to annoy her. ^_^
Q - Unique: What kind of yandere tendencies do you have?
A - ... You know, thinking about it, I guess I do kind of fit the very typical yandere description - appears cute and sweet but is actually insane, violent, and obsessive. I'm obviously obsessive (looks at my blog), but maybe my possessiveness isn't that bad. Well. Okay. It's actually quite bad. But I don't act on it as much. I think I would act on it more with 🌹 if I were with her in person, like... IRL. I'd probably be so fucking crazy if I were. Haha. I wish...
Affection: How do you show your feelings to your darling, if you do? How intense does it get?
Blood: What is the most extreme thing you think you’re capable of doing in real life for your darling? What’s the worst thing you have already done?
Cope: How do you handle your more unhealthy intrusive thoughts or urges?
Darling: What makes your darling special compared to everyone else? Why them?
Exposed: Are you honest with your darling about your feelings or the true extent of them? Does anyone else know?
Feeling: How does your darling make you feel? Where are you at emotionally right now?
Give: Imagine you are getting interviewed by your darling or potential darling to be their beloved. How would your “application” be like, what can you offer them?
Happy: Have you ever given up something important to you to make your darling happy? How important is their happiness to you?
Ideals: What would your ideal future or end game with your darling be like?
Jealousy: How jealous or possessive do you get?
Kisses: How do you act around or with your darling? Is it different from the way you act around everyone else?
Love Language: What are your giving and receiving love languages? How does this apply to your darling?
Manipulate: Have you ever lied to or manipulated your darling? Would you?
Note: Imagine you’re sending a love letter or message to your darling. What would it say?
Obsession: How obsessed are you with your darling? Have you ever stalked them?
Personality: How would you describe yourself in general?
Quit: How long do you think it would take for you to “move on” from your darling if necessary? Would you be capable of moving on?
Regret: Do you ever feel guilty about being a yandere or loving differently from other people?
Stigma: What do you think brought about this side of you (childhood, mental illness, personality traits etc)?
Type: What type(s) of yandere are you?
Unique: What kind of yandere tendencies do you have?
Vent: Gush, rant, or vent about your darling or anything in general.
Wit’s End: Would you ever hurt your darling?
Xoanon: How much do you revere or worship your darling?
Yearn: Any recent thoughts or daydreams you had?
Zenith: What would break you? What do you think would break your darling?
npd culture is when I say I don't know how to handle compliments, I don't mean I'm uwu shy 👉👈. No, I mean, I don't know how to react in a way I look so condescending and self centered because you're giving me supply
