Sometimes, it’s less about what you think you need to do - and more just doing the thing. Like, Rue’s been turning, churning, all the possible things she could say to her but… nothing comes. A blank slate that shivers with a sense of embarrassment and humiliation, and she’s had to reckon out in the last few months whether it was Jules that upset her, or the fact that she was there to listen to her AT HER WORST, or was it a combination of the two? It sits and it rots and it aches within her stomach, a feeling of discontent, which was why when she saw her there, within the pouring rain, Rue felt something clench within her ; and as Jules ran, so did she, the both of them wrapped up tight as she kissed her, like, really kissed her, the way that she always said she wanted and needed and -
- she kinda gets it now, how it bruises, it warms, it bends them to one another and leaves her weak, that, yeah it’s MESSY OF THEM, but when were they not? Half panting with the sudden rush to the head that has her trying to breathe, and, she laughs, despite the crying, the rain, it all fucking blends together. Ugly, messy, truthful. That neither of them have the sort of stickied grace that she thinks might have better leant itself to storybook reunions, or the kind she made up in her head, but, fuck that, holding her so close she barely thought to breathe, as if it might now break whatever spell they’re under.
“I-it’s okay, I get it. I fucking missed you too.” even though her sleeve is soaked, she’s wiping at her face, and Jules’ too, hopeless and hapless at once, but just, fucking so glad that she could have her near to her now, when she needed her, it felt, more than ever. Being clean was always the goal ; and everyone had made it clear that JULES WAS A DISTRACTION, for if she really wanted it, but now that she had it, why was everyone so lacking in colour? Jules had taken all of that, with her. “I’m…. I’m still sober, and…. I… d-do you wanna come in? Like, to my place?”
How was any of this real?
Jules was someone who lived in her own imagination, the ideas of all the different ways she would come upon Rue had rattled through her mind. So much of her entire life had been a fabrication of what her mind had decided felt right, the small and significant moments that she continuously wrapped her head around as though they could change anything by just existing And while she had invites to parties or to seeing friends, Jules had hung around inside as she found the courage again to be able to look into anyone’s eyes. That took a lot of time for her to find that confidence, and yet, at the end of the day, she felt stronger than she had in the past. For once in her life she was following her own rules, gliding along the feelings that for once she finally knew what she wanted.
That breath led her to press her lips back against Rue’s, to continue to be lost in the moment she had thought about night and day. Since the day in the theater, a part of Jules was still yearning for some sort of answer. Her mind had speculated that she had needed the space, the air to grow and become who she always wanted to be. Yet, Jules was still trapped in it all, trying to find some explanation in it all that would bring Rue back to her in the way it did now. Perhaps art and everything else TRULY had nothing to do with it.
“Oh... Okay-” she replied almost instantly, a part of her still so unsure on how she would take it. “You’re sober?” the words weren’t meant to be a question, but a sense of pride filled into her eyes. There was always a fear that on her own, Rue wouldn’t stick to sobriety. And when they hadn’t found a mutual ground, Jules had worried about where her mind had landed. “Yeah, I mean... of course. I don’t just-” she hesitated, press a kiss to her forehead. “Your place then?”
blakekathryn
annaxmalina
turnnoffyourmind
izzy806
2087
germansingergirl
