Depressing days @depressing - Tumblr Blog

Escape Button

How do I escape this nightmare?

#escape #nightmare

Optipessim

My optimism has caused me to become pessimistic

#optimism #pessimist

Giving

I'll give you what you want But you've lost me forever

#giving

Anyone to Talk To

No one to talk to And don’t want to talk to anyone

#anyone #talk

A meaningful Life?

I keep contemplating about what it is that makes me happy, what do I want out of life. People have suggested that friends and family are important. Going out and hanging with people will make me happy. Surrounding myself with family makes life more meaningful. Honestly, although I periodically do enjoy everyone's company, I find most of these things exactly as they are, a temporary amusement. Doing charity work didn't make me feel good or bad about myself. I simply just did it. I felt better putting cardboard boxes in a recycling bin. I would love to hear your thoughts too if you're willing to share them with me.

U-turn

How did I end up in this dead end?

Loveless

Maybe I don't want anyone to love me, so that I don't have to love anyone either.

#love #loveless #alone

The Brakes (story alert)

Whenever the feeling of committing the “deed”, the non-returnable deed (unless we’re in an episode of The Walking Dead), urge appears. I always think of the people who will be sad and hurt. I don’t want my death to be the reason they feel lonely or sad, as I have often felt since I can remember.

The person that often surfaced first would be my mother. We live about 8000 thousand miles apart since I was quite young. she used to visit me often and took me out on trips due to the nature of her job. So though far, I’ve never felt unloved by her.

Recently, I took a trip out to see her and I discovered that the feeling of unconditional love was all an illusion. I’m sure in her way, she does somewhat love me. Now that I’ve learned the truth by paying attention to her actions, I realized that I really wasn’t as important to her as I previously thought. Most things were just a matter of convenience. But this wasn’t the reason that pushed the thought in my head today.

A conversation with my older sibling really aggravated me. Being misunderstood, being misheard, being verbally snapped at, being told my “logic was wrong”, all very interesting arguments but oh so tiresome. I’m not saying I played no part in the previous list of items, we all have our faults. The difference is that I try to listen and be considerate of their feelings, and they “say” they try to listen and be considerate.

I’m trying to accept people for who they are, just as you’ve accepted me by following me here. I really am tired though, and I’m running out of people to surface during those weak moments.

#siblings #death

Symphony

Melody Symphony in my head won't stop swhirling. Loved you, Uncountable Touching music notes in my life. Loved you, Learned to cherish after I've lost you.

Blue Tags

Your uncertainty is crippling me

Feathers

Somewhere along the lines I lost my feathers Leaving me vulnerable and cold

Like Spring

I don't wanna do this anymore,

I don't know how to end it

Or if I want to end it

Just want things to be easy and comfortable like before

Like spring, mild but so warm.

I'm not taking your shit this year!

I'm about to be forced to do something I really don't want to do.

2016 Minus Toxicity

January 1st, I’m throwing away some toxic, so called, “friends”.

Happy new year everyone

Mother's Bad Advice

My mother told me to just let it go. Remembering the days that I took it easy And forgave everyone and everything I was not happier Or in a better place I was just constantly forgotten And neglected It only made it easy on the conscience of those that hurt me And encouraged further torture

Toxic Particles

Through the fog and debris I found that which was pure and untouched I may only gaze upon it through the shadows In fears that a single touch Might taint its innocence

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