things are lame

[depressionposting]

haha I hate being alive sometimes

[depressionposting]

>Be told that I can share a room with my boyfriend at competition

Okay, cool!

>The very next day they backtrack and stick me in a room with someone I am mostly comfortable with and a parent

>May get in trouble if I just spend the night in boyfriend's room

#I'm an adult, I promise.

[kurt-cocainne]

Visit Original Link

Well I try to tell you jokes I’m afraid to cry  And if you need a little sunshine you can borrow some of mine It's okay if you're unhappy I would say before I leave her Just take a look around there's no one here that's happy either

[depressionposting]

I do not like finals week, Sam I am.

I feel sick. I wish I was better at things. I wish I was good at math.

I wish that I never had to interact with people in positions of power.

I always feel tired. Still. And I can't think straight. And the people that are important don't understand.

[depressionposting]

I wish that I would stop forgetting where I put shit

[depressionposting]

The longer time goes on, the more I realize that I really want to be away from my family.

It always makes me feel vaguely not like a person. It's pretty shitty that I don't want much to do with my family. They support me with a place to live and food and money, but I really can't handle them on an emotional level.

I have to walk on eggshells around my mom pretty much always, because if I say the wrong thing I have accidentally initiated a several day long anger-period. 'Anger period' can mean anything from total silence to tears and rage, and anything in between/any combo of.

I've known for a long time that I can't deal with it, but yesterday night I realized that leaving from my boyfriend's dorm to go home was actually painful.

It didn't help that there was a lot of bad vibes going around (His car had been towed, and our other friend was saying that he was semisuicidal), but I just really didn't want to be apart from him.

This is compounded with the way my best friend has been acting. Basically me being happy with D makes him unhappy.

So overall, when I (and D) are happy:

My family's unhappy, my best friend is unhappy, and some number of my friends are just in general reminded of their loneliness now that I have someone.

Why this.

[depressionposting]

There have been a lot of things in my life lately that to a person who does not have context, may seem abusivey, but are not.

That bruise? What, no. No that's fine. I'm fine. We good.

Oh why yes, my best friend did dislocate his pinkie after punching a wall in front of me because of something I said.

I swear to god no one I know is abusive towards me.

[depressionposting]

What is Future?

Positive: I got the boy! And I have been feeling pretty good about life.

Negative: I actually really don't like the fact that my happiness was caused by a boy. I should be a lot more independent than that... Like how pathetic is it that I get super sad, then I get the boy and I am not quite that anymore? He shouldn't feel responsible for keeping me happy, and I don't want him to feel bad if we break up and I get sad again. It's not his fault.

Also I find that I actually have to face the fact that I may live to see the end of college. This is an event I did not foresee occurring.

[depressionposting]

So, in pretty much no situation ever have I ever been a very physical person. Like with J I would hold his hand and be with him a lot, but not particularly needy or anything.

But.

Yesterday I spent the day with the boy I like and my robotics team and pretty much the entire day I was in contact with him physically. I never even initiated it really, it just sort of happened. And then he slept with his head on my lap on the way back.

Now I just really want to see him and hold hands and junk.

But I can't get over the idea that I am just ugly or otherwise not attractive. Especially not to someone who is actually in decent shape.

[gestured]

[depressionposting]

BALLS.

[depressionposting]

So. This is getting bad again.

I like this guy a lot. He's a big weaboo who plays a lot of VNs and various other video games. He took a class in Japanese because he's a huge dork.

He always smiles and is really nice and funny and cute and I just

can't.

This always happens. My friends encourage me to pursue the person, but then I do and it's bad. Like I don't think it caused the decline of the friendship I had with M, but it did cause a very unpleasant half of a year with B.

I'm not super friends with him like I was with M and B. But I've been talking to him more lately, and he seems to accept my friendship-presence. He talks to me randomly on Steam sometimes and accepts my invitations to parties and stuff. There's a thing this weekend and everyone is telling me that I should invite him, but aaaa. I asked 'what if he says no? What if I make him feel bad because he's busy or doesn't have the money?', but they just told me that if I wasn't careful I would fail 'the first act'. Ughhaifjklwaojsdkl

(he's really cute augh)

[depressionposting]

But no seriously this trip has been really really awful.

My friends that are with me are all paired up (That's what I get for going to a convention with a set of twins and a dating couple), and I'm sort of just. There.

Combine with my bag getting stolen, my friends sort of ditching me on my birthday and me crying in the bathroom for a while, losing a gift a friend got me, finding out that somehow I had forgotten to cancel a thing, and the only friend of mine that hasn't come in a prepackaged pair constantly makes me feel like shit about myself. But he's all that's left so I end up being grouped with him a lot in one way or another.

Basically I feel really alone and really scared that there is something wrong with my brain.

[krudman]

missed my flight yesterday. car has a busted radiator. phone is broken. Such a good weekend. I don’t even really want to go to PAX anymore.

[depressionposting]

Not Again

I've already had a crush before. Twice in fact. I don't want this again. It sucks and makes me feel like shit.

[vertere-deactivated20150530]

A Good Day by Kait Rokowski

[depressionposting]

Things That Really Bother Me #29013

When people decide that actually putting effort into something isn’t worth the trouble, so they start to do things badly ‘on purpose’. The intent to do things with irony will be the death of many great potential artists.