beneath the cracked and crumbling walls.

namaste. my name is ambrosia. 29. exmuslim.. this is my diary/blog of my day to day life and my struggles with my depression, anxiety disorder and EDNOS.

[bluerenaissance]

It genuinely shocks me how people are able to eat whatever they want without even thinking abt the amount of calories their taking in. Like how the hell are you doing that?

[saddi3grl]

[sunshineefl0wers]

just a girl and her eating disorder that consumes her entire life every second of the day❤️

[onceonyourlips]

Binge Triggers I need to avoid

"Just one handful"

Friends offering it to me

"I'll take a bite"

"I'll eat all my calories right now"

"I've already lost a lot of calories”

anything over 150 calories

Boredom

Being up too late

"I already binged, why not keep binging"

Tv and youtube videos

“I can give myself a break.”

"We can share."

"It's only ... calories."

Going downstairs without a plan

[sharkbit3r]

literally dropped the john price fanart i was working on so i could draw this man, he’s stolen my heart and im not complaining

[demigoddessqueens]

Pssst hey

Do you have any fluffy Astarion headconons? 👀

Also, i love you and i hope you're having a wonderful day. ❤️ 💗

I will now nonnie 😉😌

a/n - sidebar: I will also write for the rest of the party too 👀

Astarion is such a cuddle bug! Actually, that’s an understatement, he’s a whole attention hog with you

Always wants to be near you, some sort of gentle touch to you, constant lingering

Like the gif above, he likes to sneak (or not!) behind you for surprise hugs, arms around your waist

DANCING

Or rather I should say, it’s more like waltzing

Has a habit to always stare at you, just gazing lovingly and longingly

Always checks up on you, it’s the most random thing and it’s always the most random conversation but when you realize what he’s doing, it’s endearing

Pinkies linked together

He’s the cheetah touch-starved meme

Getting used to touch more so CUDDLES GALORE!!

Last but not least, I feel like he’s a light sleeper so if he’s awake before you, he just admires you

[demigoddessqueens]

Astarion invented romance, he said so himself

[passionesolja]

Still can’t get over how beautiful Astarion is. Like goddamn

[descending-lotus]

Hot goddamn, im smiling for a character in a game!

[descending-lotus]

I want to cry soooo FUCKING MUCH.

My boss said I look good, did I fill out? And then I said what do you mean and he said I look healthy , pointing to my face. I wanted to scream and tell him to STFU! I’m literally dying inside. That word HEALTHY IS EQUIVALENT TO THE WORD OBESE! I can’t believe I’m like this. This sick person who gets triggered by the word healthy.

I feel soooooo fucking fat and hideous and feel like I’m

In the messy middle. I don’t look bone thin for everyone to know I have an ED but I also have and ED!

I was just dx with anorexia last month! Me, a 30 year old!

[quotemadness]

Don’t think about what can happen in a month. Don’t think about what can happen in a year. Just focus on the 24 hours in front of you and do what you can to get closer to where you want to be.

Eric Thomas

[nickbones55]

[melanie-lqrv]

I cant stop of waiting my own appartement so I will starve myself without anybodyes notice

[rotten-pancake]

gotta say having an eating disorder and still being bad at it is really pathetic

[were-starving-for-control]

I hate how much I DON’T look like someone who is starving.

[were-starving-for-control]

How competitive do you guys get? Because I hate how competitive my brain gets. Like how hearing how long it’s been since someone has eaten/how little someone eat makes me want to “outdo” them. Or how I’m constantly thinking about how my friends look and how much I want to look like them. Things like that.

[descending-lotus]

Yes this with my sister, i secretly observe what when how much she eats. And if she went to the gym and I get soo ducking pissed when she does better than me

[bling-ting-bitch2-deactivated20]

When your Ed is so deeply ingrained into your personality that you don't even know who you'd be without it

[bling-ting-bitch2-deactivated20]

Each day you must choose the pain of discipline or the pain of regret