[claudiadpdl]

so you can shoot a black child in the back as he's running away and get away with it with zero consequences, but god forbid a black child defend himself, because that'll land him thirty-five fucking years in jail—which is basically a life sentence. half of his life will be over when his sentence is up. all the fake talk of progress in this country has just been a way to silence black people for speaking out against the countless horrific injustices we're forced to experience, from microagressions to outright murder. you literally cannot go a day without hearing about another black person falling victim to systemic racism and then having to listen to people justify why they deserved it. and we're supposed to hold no animosity whatsoever as we grin and bear it.

[passionesolja]

Deleted like 600+ drafts damn i was on one for years. Why tf yall been put up w me for years js beyond me Im irritating as fuck in then drafts

[passionesolja]

[passionesolja]

Star Wars be like:

"Count Freaku and Darth Fuckious"

[passionesolja]

Some lil stupid mf on ao3 gon tell me my super niche Star Wars AU fanfic is boring bc the main character is a Sith Pureblood from a House thats so low status the Order dont want them in it.

You put a scene in chapter 1 where somebody gotta get mercy killed bc half their face was ripped off and bugs are crawling into their body through their mouth and a mf will still bitch bc Darth Malgus and Darth Marr aint fucking and sucking dick. Mfs unappeasable

Mf mad bc chapter 2 is still establishing shit

Yall wasnt lying these Ao3 new gen is rude as tf

[passionesolja]

Ovulation in your late 20s is the nightmare realm.

Tell me why I got out the shower, I had a towel on instead of a new pair of clothes, and my brain was like "damn I wish we had a fine sexy man in our bedroom" and I was I like "damn i need that shit so bad it's painful".

Word to my two cats, never had shit this debilitating before in my life. Like I don't know if I need to just find some dick somewhere or get a dildo or do something but I can't mentally handle being a virgin anymore. My issues surrounding intimacy are fucking my life up.

It's not like I wanna be a virgin. I haven't done it bc im scared of getting pregnant and I don't want to have a romantic relationship with a man. A mf just wants sex and maybe some companionship every know and then.

But dawg for most of my 20s, it's been like "lol wow Im a bit more horny tha usual" but it's like I've been dreading ovulation all throughout this 28th year of my life bc this shit is bad.

Like I've never felt like I was fighting a war after going through ovulation. I've never been this horny in my life. It feels longer than it ever has.

Im craving men in ways I never have before Im like a dehydrated bitch in the mf desert.

[passionesolja]

Im not even lying like this shit is painful. Im in pain mentally. My body is like "we need dick right now" and it's like mf i cant. I've never really gave a fuck about being desirable to men, but now my brain is like "we have to make a man want us rn"

And it's not on some fundie Christian gender roles shit, it's like on some "we' a grown woman and we want to be on some grown woman shit and get what we want from a man".

It's like some boss bitch shit where my brain is like "we need a man to handle business with and get what we want out of. Like we need a man to make us feel good and worship us". I have this real sense of knowing what I want and yeah it's like I want to use my sexuality to empower myself. Idgaf about the man as a person, or what he wants I just want what I want.

Thats the only way I can describe it. Im not like this at all until that mf ovulation phase comes around and it just turns me into this new person.

Now, on some sociology shit i do think this is why Fundie Christians want women to get married super young bc I really do bc I want a man but not in the submissive way but in the dominant way.

I cant describe it I dunno if this is normal or not

[passionesolja]

Ovulation in your late 20s is the nightmare realm.

Tell me why I got out the shower, I had a towel on instead of a new pair of clothes, and my brain was like "damn I wish we had a fine sexy man in our bedroom" and I was I like "damn i need that shit so bad it's painful".

Word to my two cats, never had shit this debilitating before in my life. Like I don't know if I need to just find some dick somewhere or get a dildo or do something but I can't mentally handle being a virgin anymore. My issues surrounding intimacy are fucking my life up.

It's not like I wanna be a virgin. I haven't done it bc im scared of getting pregnant and I don't want to have a romantic relationship with a man. A mf just wants sex and maybe some companionship every know and then.

But dawg for most of my 20s, it's been like "lol wow Im a bit more horny tha usual" but it's like I've been dreading ovulation all throughout this 28th year of my life bc this shit is bad.

Like I've never felt like I was fighting a war after going through ovulation. I've never been this horny in my life. It feels longer than it ever has.

Im craving men in ways I never have before Im like a dehydrated bitch in the mf desert.

[passionesolja]

I love checking the doors for 5 minutes before leaving for work and still having ocd ass anxiety about them being open or not

[passionesolja]

wicked whims got a mf playing sims 4 like a mf idgaf this shit gas

[passionesolja]

atp in my sims 4 modding where im like "should I get WickedWhims?"

[passionesolja]

So as most yall know, Im staying with my parents as I stack bread to move out and finally heal. Theyre pastors, not the rich kind either a mf was barely middle class.

Tell me why there this fuckass bitch named Justin who was apparently told by a judge to leave some girl alone, and they letting this bitch in my mf house.

This shit has me so mf on edge and stressed out. I hate that they around piece of shit dangerous mfs and bring them into my vicinity for some tithe money

Bitch get a real mf job. It was bad enough they let an obvious secret pedophile (like the mf was 40 marrying a 18 year old) and then the psycho stalker who apparently beat a murder charge, into my life growing up. There're more obvious pieces of shit.

Who knows what other fuckass evil mfs they let in our lives bc they didn't wanna work a mf 9 to 5.

Like was your children's safety really worth having the medieval version of a streamer's job?

My parents really don't give a fuck about anybody but them, and it's sad that it's taken me to 28 to understand that my parents put me in unsafe environments. I think subconsciously I knew this, it's why I've never trusted them.

But I really need to remove myself from this house sometime this year or the next. I have some money saved but I feel like I need more to uproot my whole life.

This is why I'm so anxiety ridden and antisocial bc ofc Im not gonna find people enjoyable when my parents played minefield with my life. Maybe if my fuckass adoptive parents got off their mf ass and got a 9-to-5, theyd have actually been able to do their job

Seriously, I cant imagine being as much of a spineless bitch as they are. Like theyll be like "oh this person is fucked up in the head" then welcome the mf into their life for some change.

BITCH GET A FUCKING JOB I DONT HAVE TO KISS ASS OR BE NICE TO ANYBODY OFF THE CLOCK

I cant live like this much longer gang Im fr flipping between detached from my body and emotionally flat to trapped in my body and emotionally volatile so quick now.

I know it's not healthy, thats why im going to therapy bc Im at the end of my rope

[passionesolja]

Mind you, my adoptive father has the nerve to be like "youre just aloof a lot". Yeah bc I spent a lifetime around shit that I either don't want any part in or around people who I hated/made me feel unsafe.

Ofc ima be detached. I have to detach. The only reason why Im not on drugs or drunk is bc Ive disconnected myself from my body so much to get through the day.

Maybe, If mfs had a fucking real job instead of relying on the scumbags bitches of the earth to give them a $20 dollar tithe check every week. I'd never have developed this coping mechanism.

Maybe if y'all didnt use my extremely traumatic birth and adoption as your personal branding to advance your career, I'd not be so checked out.

Ive spent the last 3-4 years tryna not implode and just snap and destroy everything in my life but it's difficult.

Im not some well adjusted person. The minute I let myself exist in my body, it's like millions of fuckass issues I have just crush me.

All I want is to be free of this shit dawg. Thats all I've ever wanted. I deserve happiness and I hate that I've become so misanthropic bc I used to not be.

[passionesolja]

So as most yall know, Im staying with my parents as I stack bread to move out and finally heal. Theyre pastors, not the rich kind either a mf was barely middle class.

Tell me why there this fuckass bitch named Justin who was apparently told by a judge to leave some girl alone, and they letting this bitch in my mf house.

This shit has me so mf on edge and stressed out. I hate that they around piece of shit dangerous mfs and bring them into my vicinity for some tithe money

Bitch get a real mf job. It was bad enough they let an obvious secret pedophile (like the mf was 40 marrying a 18 year old) and then the psycho stalker who apparently beat a murder charge, into my life growing up. There're more obvious pieces of shit.

Who knows what other fuckass evil mfs they let in our lives bc they didn't wanna work a mf 9 to 5.

Like was your children's safety really worth having the medieval version of a streamer's job?

My parents really don't give a fuck about anybody but them, and it's sad that it's taken me to 28 to understand that my parents put me in unsafe environments. I think subconsciously I knew this, it's why I've never trusted them.

But I really need to remove myself from this house sometime this year or the next. I have some money saved but I feel like I need more to uproot my whole life.

This is why I'm so anxiety ridden and antisocial bc ofc Im not gonna find people enjoyable when my parents played minefield with my life. Maybe if my fuckass adoptive parents got off their mf ass and got a 9-to-5, theyd have actually been able to do their job

Seriously, I cant imagine being as much of a spineless bitch as they are. Like theyll be like "oh this person is fucked up in the head" then welcome the mf into their life for some change.

BITCH GET A FUCKING JOB I DONT HAVE TO KISS ASS OR BE NICE TO ANYBODY OFF THE CLOCK

I cant live like this much longer gang Im fr flipping between detached from my body and emotionally flat to trapped in my body and emotionally volatile so quick now.

I know it's not healthy, thats why im going to therapy bc Im at the end of my rope

[passionesolja]

I been drinking a double shot energy and Coke Zero at once without thinking throughout the DSY. I hope I don't have a heart attack rn. It's only like 180mg of caffeine but I've been on a higher vyvanse dose this month. Only 10mg more so like 60mg. I don't think I'm dying. Although it dont help i been pressing on my chest tryna check my heart beat

[passionesolja]

I've drank way more caffeine than this before so I should be fine. Im not skinny so my body should metabolize it

[passionesolja]

I been drinking a double shot energy and Coke Zero at once without thinking throughout the DSY. I hope I don't have a heart attack rn. It's only like 180mg of caffeine but I've been on a higher vyvanse dose this month. Only 10mg more so like 60mg. I don't think I'm dying. Although it dont help i been pressing on my chest tryna check my heart beat

[passionesolja]

I used to have longer periods of "emotionally numb and detached" time but now it's like every few weeks, I start to emotionally spiral and just feel really overwhelmed about my life. My adoption really has fucked my life up

[passionesolja]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 2/? Fandom: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Original Sith Pureblood Character(s), Original Sith Character(s), Original Jedi Character(s) (Star Wars), Yoda (Star Wars), Darth Zannah, Dessel of Apatros | Darth Bane, Sheev Palpatine | Darth Sidious, Anakin Skywalker, Ahsoka Tano, Asajj Ventress, Original Clone Trooper Character(s) (Star Wars), Obi-Wan Kenobi, Mace Windu, Savage Opress, Jedi Characters (Star Wars), Plo Koon, Dooku | Darth Tyranus, Original Alien Character(s) Additional Tags: Sith Pureblood (Star Wars), Sith Politics (Star Wars), Sith Magic & Rituals (Star Wars), Sith Culture & Customs (Star Wars), Imperialism, Colonialism, Horror, Body Horror, Alien/Human Relationships, Alien Biology, Alien Culture, Sith Artifacts (Star Wars), Family Drama, Political Intrigue, Trauma, War, Jedi Culture & Customs (Star Wars), Character Study, Blood and Gore, Gore, Sith Culture Treated Neutrally, POV First Person, Unreliable Narrator Summary:

2,000 years before the Battle of Yavin, the Sith Purebloods migrated deep into to Wild Space to repopulate their dwindling numbers and established the Auxiliary Sith Empire on Jen'Asha Kaas and it's three moons.

However, what was supposed to be temporary turned permanent after the Purebloods experienced a few centuries of solitude and freedom from looming extinction. But, on 24BBY, the Auxiliary Sith Empire once again returned to their Imperialistic roots in a effort to expand past their overcrowded city planet.

At 17, Ludo Sadowarigrotthu was one of those conscripted into the Occupation of Ihlathi. After four years of service and now 22 years old, he was finally able to return to his home in the Yun'Dreshdae Undercity and continue life—yet the past sins committed on that remote rain forest planet refuse to rest in its shallow grave. Nothing is as it was, nor will it ever be.

In an attempt to regain normalcy, Ludo Sadowarigrotthu and his wife, Kehlani Taralok, decide to use their newfound freedom and Starship to have their first honeymoon in the Republic. Because, surely, no one over there even remembers the Sith anymore.

[passionesolja]

i think a lot of my emotional issues are rooted in the fact that my adoptive parents have never really loved me past what my backstory does for their marketing.

And that's why I'm 28 and my two moods are "no emotions, completely numb" and "so overwhelmed by my brain and heart that I'm a walking emotional frenzy".

It's so difficult for me to have to cope with this. Because I just quit trying to find love where I never have and it hurts. Like the weirdest shit triggers me into these feelings of being overwhelmed and crushed by my life circumstances.

I'm starting to go to therapy for this, and this next session ima just explain the real shit ive been dealing with.

But what do you do when you physically feel the void in your soul that was left by never bonding with your birth mother?

what do you when you can't maladaptive daydream your way into a loving and caring family anymore? like thats the only way I learned how to cope with this shit as a child and im 28 so it hardly works anymore.

it dont matter how many fuckass stories I write tryna switch myself into that state that used to emotionally ground me as a kid.

I feel like a part of me is missing and I used to be able to ignore it but I can't