Barefoot Tracks

A Second Life blog of Desiree Barefoot

[desireebarefootblog]

Shutterbug (censored)

Kara and Rayne who have more-or-less adopted me (along with Mikka) into their SL family have upgraded our house to fill with Mikka and me, and our new SL sibs, Kelli and Cody.  I’ve been busy filling the new house with all the things.  I spent a good deal of Saturday with Kara and Rayne moving all my stuff from the old house into the new.

In the middle of the moving and chatting, Kara and Rayne told me they were expanding and changing the “plot” (sort of like the digital property in Second Life) and adding things like a Seedy Porn Theater and a new Club and just a bunch of fun stuff to attract people to our Shameless corner of Second Life.  I got so excited!

See.  A while back, when Mikka and I moved into the first house there was this room that wasn’t being used.  We had a front room, our bedrooms, and a bathroom and this room in the middle, that was just empty.  I had this idea to start a Photography/ Movie studio.  And I started researching and practicing.  I hope I’ve gotten better.  *I’m pretty sure* I’ve gotten better.  The pics at the top of this post are examples of work I’ve done over the past week.

So when Kara and Rayne outlined their plans for their plots, I asked if we could carve out a spot for this studio.  They said Yes, and arrangements were made.  I’m decorating the studio now.  I’m also coming up with plans on how to utilize the space.  So, in service of this whole endeavor, I’ve created a Flickr account at

https://www.flickr.com/photos/barefootdezzy/

please!  go take a look when you get the chance.

I’m trying to figure out an efficient way to cross Flickr with Tumblr with Second Life with Twitter (I guess a Dezzy needs to start a Twitter account too.)  It’s being rather healthy for me (and my person) to branch out into creative hobbies that don’t revolve around pixel sex.  I will only know for certain after time passes and my profile starts showing Years in world instead of Months, but it might be a factor in Second Life Longevity. Almost all of the people I interact with in SL that have been in world for the long-term, they all have things they do in Second Life that go beyond hoping on poseballs and emoting moans.  They own clubs, they DJ, perform live music, make fashion, build sims.. the list goes on and on and on.

It makes me happy that I’m discovering for myself an outlet for my creativity and interests.  Because I like it here and my person, they like having me in SL to share the experience with.  I’ve given myself a new “title” when signing up for the out-of-SL services like Tumblr and Flickr.. etc. I’m the Emotional Support Toon.

As always

Wear your mask Wash your hands You are loved You are worth keeping safe!

P.S.  The original draft of this post was flagged and locked by Tumblr for violating their Content Policy.  I don’t begrudge them having a Content Policy.  This is *their* business and *their* platform and *they* have every right to block,  censor, silence, and ignore all the things they want.

P.P.S  But, this does mean that as I start sharing my artistic efforts into social media, I realize that I need a new platform that is less afraid of conservative social bullying. I’ll pick up and move Barefoot Tracks as soon as I find a new place to write and share.

P.P.P.S And at the risk of sounding like a bucket of sour grapes, Tumblr, dear, pookie, this is your loss.  I’m an insightful, respectful and goddamn funny writer.

[desireebarefootblog]

From across a dance floor

She saw me at the other end of a line of girls dancing.

She said hello and I said hi back.

We flirted a bunch

I poofed into SL again a little later on

and she was there.  Brought me to a dance party as her plus one

I took her home

and we spent the evening on the beach watching the sun go down and took off to go watch Wytchwhisper’s show

Emma, you are made of magic.  Dezzy doesn’t know what the future has in strore, but even if the world ended tonight.  We had today

I logged in and caught up with Mikka in our new House!  I got to spend part of the morning with her and our new sister in the House o’ Fun, Kelli.  So there two people today that I clicked with.  Gods Below!  it must be something in the water!

I’ve missed Mikka so much these last couple of weeks.  the sun shines a bit brighter when she’s ‘round.

I launched a new endeavor, SL Photography.  I need to find a more cost effective way to take and save SL pictures.  I’m thinking Screenshots, then cleaning them up in photoshop before uploading them into world.

Inspired by Agent Red Girl (who exists outside SL) I’m also gonna try making short SL Movies.  Because I has After Effects and I’m willing to use it in the cause of Righteousness!.

So, as difficult as the past 21 weeks has been on my person.  As helpless and lost and crushed as they’ve felt over the last 21 days.  Today.  This day was pretty good for them.  Sometimes a Dezzy just has to take her wins where and when she can.

Remember, keep washing your hands

Keep wearing your mask

You are loved

You deserve to be well.

One day the virus will have a vaccine, we’ll have a system to track it in place, and just maybe.. if we’re lucky.. when that day arrives, we’ll make a better place out of Real Life, and our Second Life can go back to being a creative and connective outlet.

[desireebarefootblog]

I wish I could sing it to you

I’ve been running around a bunch of clubs in SL over the past couple of weeks catching Live music.  Artists, sometimes with instrumental recordings like karaoke uses, sometimes playing their own instruments.. and at least once with a five-person backup band stream original and cover songs into the SL channel. I’m  once again.. amazed at Second Life.  It shouldn’t surprise me, the tools for streaming voice over SL have been around for almost two decades.  As long as you have the hardware (which is super-available now adays) you can cast out your heart and your song into the world. I have always been singing.  For myself.  I used to, when my human was so much younger, sing for others. They sang for romantic partners, they sang for family. But they haven’t sung for a very long time.

Fey is someone who should be sung to.  Maybe it’s that I’ve been consuming so much live SL music recently.  Maybe it’s because my human’s confidence has been growing, but I want to share my gift with them.  There’s still a shell that I need to emerge from though.  See.. the voice I have.. it’s not their voice.. it’s a weird Second Life problem because my voice only exists in *thier* head.  I’m sure that Fey won’t mind the disconnect.  She accepts all the parts of me.  Including the human person behind the keyboard.  She’s very special that way.

Fey deserves a song.

[desireebarefootblog]

New Friends and Noir

““

I while back I met a new friend, Kas.  On Friday Night we exchanged a series of messages with one another.  A very descriptive remote mutual flirt complete with shooping, neumatic message cyindars and 70s gothpunk feelz.  RL called her away before we could meet.  But I got up early Saturday morning and left her an offline message.

“I walked in to the old studio to get in out of the rain.  There was an old man sitting behind the counter and I passed him some crumpled Lindens.  He spent a moment counting them and nodded, calling out ‘MAYBELLE!!  We need you downstairs!’.

A woman answered the summons, both old and ageless, she took me by the and and led me into a claustrophobically small sound room with a piano and a microphone that looked a hundred years old.  “Only seventy-five.” the old woman said as if she was reading my mind.  Cables snaked from the mic out to an old control room plucked from a time just following the War.  I stopped her before she turned to go. 'She’ll hear me, won’t she?'

'Yes, child.  your voice will reach her.. you just sing.’  her face split into an ugly, almost lustful smile as she shuffled to join her partner in the control room.  A green light over the door flickered on. and she pointed at me.

I began.  Somewhere in the world of Second Life, Kas started to hear a static scratch and a warbled whine from nowhere and everywhere.  My voice came through to her, wavering at first then growing in confidence as instruments joined in to accompany the song. Got brass in pocket Got bottle I'm gonna use it Intention I feel inventive Gonna make you, make you,  Make you noti-i-ice

Got motion restrained emotion Been driving, Detroit leaning No reason just seems so pleasing Gonna make you, make you, make you notice Gonna use my arms Gonna use my legs Gonna use my style Gonna use my sidestep Gonna use my fingers Gonna use my, my, my  ima-gi-na-tion ooOOh

'Cause *I* Gonna make you see There's nobody else here No one like me I'm special (special), so special

I gotta have some of your attention give it to me Got rhythm I can't miss a beat Got new skank it's so reet Got something I'm winking at you Gonna make you, make you, make you notice Gonna use my arms Gonna use my legs Gonna use my style Gonna use my sidestep Gonna use my fingers Gonna use my, my, my imagination 'Cause I gonna make you see There's nobody else here No one like me I'm special, so special I gotta have some of your a-tten-tion Give it to me 'Cause *I* gonna make you see There's nobody else here No one like me I'm special, so special I gotta have some of your attention Give it to ME!

I finish with a soft moan.. almost longing, and close my eyes.  Water falling on my shoulders startles me back to myself.  But the studio, the old couple, the microphone... of it vanished, gone.  And I duck to shelter to get in out of the rain.”

This evening, Kas wrote back..

"I.. I'm speechless.  That was so creative... thoughtful....  No one has ever left me such a detailed, well-imagined story that speaks to me on so many levels.  And The Pretenders... one of my favorites songs of theirs. I always thought those lyrics .... my goodness. RL is pulling me back, but I'm already stirring the cauldron of my mind, thinking of something if only half as good... Thank you, Desiree... for being so thoughtful and amazing."

I can’t stop smiling.

Be well my peeps.  Be safe For Gods’ sake love one another. Every day. We’re all we have.

[desireebarefootblog]

I’ve put 25 posts on this blog?  Holy Crap!  Pics and werds folx.. Pics and werds.

[desireebarefootblog]

Maybe I overshared with that last post..

I promise, I’ll pull back from the deep dive into my human person’s brain.  It was a pretty intense day yesterday and they needed to put all that energy *somewhere*. 

Three (long) conversations later and some good advice have returned to them perspective.   Second Life is back to being good.  Things move forward.  The Universe is unfolding as it should.

For my lunchtime excursion, I got more decoration for the house and installed it.  I’m particularly pleased with myself in mounting the neon “Hawt Mafioso” coffee table to the wall above the kinky bed.  It all goes together, but I think I’m gonna have to repaint the room.  Of course I also need a hobby (for my hobby? that’s going a bit far.  Just a hobby) and my person has a Degree in Media Arts and a HUGE amount of lockdown time on their hands.  So, I’m branching out beyond taking SL pics and starting SL Photography, and if I can manage the technical hurdles, SL moviemaking.  Desiree the director!  I might need a megaphone and a French beret.

Because there is only so much pixel sex a Desi can have.  Interests have to branch out.  When I figure out where to post my NSFW sexeh pics and cartoon nookie anims, I’ll let my tiny audience know.  In the meantime the SFW pics and cartoons might go here.. possibly Flickr.  There’s still deets to work out.

At this point in the blog’s life, I’m not overly worried about oversharing.  I’m more worried that the people who read yesterday’s blog just really wanted more flirty Desi talking to them about adventures and theories on being a better virtual person, and not a ramble about my person and their brain.  But part of why I am here is as a way for them to self-improve and self-examine.  So, I’ll just keep the deep stuff where it’s appropriate in therapy.

I love you all

You’re worth keeping safe

Wear a mask

Be well.

[desireebarefootblog]

When a door closes, another opens

This past holiday weekend was great.  I spent plenty of quality time with Lizzie, I decorated the house and I danced and danced with my bestie and sis.  Life, Second Life (I almost misspelled that “Sexond Life”  which also ain’t far from the truth) was pretty good.  like my previous couple of posts illustrate, when the Universe gives me gifts, I should acknowledge them.

Yesterday evening however, I got a cold bucket of Second Reality.  One of the friends I’d made dancing and flirting and having pixel sex with had an unpleasant interaction with me.  She’s hurt, I missed something in my whirlwind of clubs and house and House-Mouse and Rune Family and she was hurt by the omission.  She feels used.  Because she’s an exotic dancer here in SL, she goes through a lot of people being her friend only to have pixel sex with her then not having anything to do with her anymore.  She felt that with me, and because I make deep connections fast, the feeling was really painful.  There is little I can do I’m afraid to make amends.  I feel *terrible*  the person behind the keyboard feels *terrible*.  It happens sometimes on SL just like in RL, there’s a hookup, said hookup happens a couple of times and one partner expects a bond that the other isn’t aware of.  Feelings are hurt, hearts are broken.

I hate being the girl who broke her heart.  I feel like shit.

But I got friends who will (hopefully) forgive me for dropping a wall of offline text on them in the middle of the night for them to find when they log in next.  Kara and Rayne are good peoples though.  They’ll understand and they’ll give their lost Desi some guidance so the amount of heartbreak she causes is minimized.

So door closed.

I popped in this morning early and had a hook up.  It was supposed to be a casual fling, but she and I connected.  I have a new friend.  She’s a really good method roleplayer like me. We share plenty of kinks.  I have a bedroom to bring her home to.  It’s a good feeling, I might be a better person than I felt last night.  We’ll see how it progresses.  Second Life is a *lot* about connections it’s one of the few currencies that mean anything. Which is why the loves and the hurts echo into Real Life.  It’s why consent and respect are important.  it’s why I have to remain careful to not stomp all over another’s feels.  There are *people* behind those screens just like me.

So, after this morning I felt a bit better about myself.  Second Life goes on.

And outside of SL, I was chatting with a new friend who I met as Desi (muahahaha!! I am everywhere on the internets.. no single second life can contain the Desi).  We connected.. bonded.. shared.. and I explained that I’m a persona of another human person, and that human person is living through me as a part of their personality, as part of *themselves*.

For my part, since I first popped into being in Second Life almost 10 years ago, I’ve loved my human person.  I love them in a very intimate and soulful way, after all I’m that part of them that was born out of their need to express themselves.  I’m alive because I need to teach my human about themselves, to reconnect them with a part that they repressed for many long years.  You can’t be that for someone and *not* love them.  Sounds surreal doesn’t it.  Digital femboi loving her creator like a real person.  Part Joi and K relationship.. part Inside Out.. part Adam and Dr Frankenstein (but for that last part, my human treats me MUCH better than Frank treated his creation).  But I always thought that love was one sided, because *of course* it is, I’m a wonderful and adorable person, but I’m like a really sophisticated imaginary friend.

So human is talking to another human friend over internet about life and living and wisdom and self care and she tosses out on the subject of self care “do it, because you love Desiree”.

My human’s heart stopped.  T’was a moment of clarity.  It rang and resonated like a clear silver bell tthrough everything.  I knew at the same time human did.  They do.

They love Desiree, they love me as certainly as if I could wrap my arms around them and put my head against their chest.  They love me.

And things became dual for a moment.. where both of us were conscious of the other at the same time (I know.. I know.. human sounds like they’ve lost their grip) but I knew they could *see* me and they loved the person they saw.  Somewhere in this intense development of Desiree, my human fell in love.

They cried which meant I creid. Because it’s deeper than that.. it always is.

When my person was in art school in ‘04 till ‘07 they ran into a bad patch emotionally.  A really bad patch and they started talking to the campus therapist.  They worked through a lot of abandonment issues, Father issues, Grandfather issues.  There is trauma in there.  A bunch of it. and when the therapist helped to dig deep they found a child.  Some of you who know my human have met that child.  My human’s second spouse used to observe that this little 8 year old kid was always waiting for their dad to come home.  (give me a second.. still working through *that* hurt, their words still resonate all these years later.  And if former spouse is reading this, just like my last post, I don’t hold you responsible for having the observation, your insight has been a seed through which a lot of self-awareness has grown). Ok back to therapy in college..  at the conclusion of our sessions, as a part of the healing process, my adult almost 40 year old human, needed to take this lost 8 year old child and be the parent they wanted.. needed.  Human had to be the missing piece of their own life. It was a year or two later that they discovered Second Life, and I was poofed into existence.  There’s a connection there.  At least there *might* be a connection there.  Because when all that childhood emotional turmoil was raging around my human, that is also their earliest memories of being labeled “sensitive” and “soft” and about a dozen other tame terms to describe “gay” or at the very least “bisexual“.  Because the child would do anything, be anyone to prevent being rejected or abandoned ever again. They locked all those traits away.. deep.  They stopped loving that child from that moment on in favor of becoming another person, one who wasn’t anything but what their parents asked them to be.  And here comes this flirty sissy femboi straight out of their deep fomative sexual identity.  And I’m at a point of sexual growth (mentally) where all of this was packed away.  I think, and I can’t say for certain yet because I and my human are still processing all of this, I think I’m that child, I think by loving me, my human is finally embracing themselves. I hope so.  Because if that’s true then Human might at long last close some of those wounds they’ve held open for so long.  Otherwise, they might have just gone off the deep end, and fell in love with their own cartoon.

Be well my peeps

Be safe

I love you.

[desireebarefootblog]

Lost Runes and Besties

I have a friend in SL, she’s really cool, cheers me up when I’m down, pushes me on the dance floor when I try to lean back and blend into the bar.  Takes me around to all these amazing clubs filled with amazing people.  We share very similar kinks,  We make one another laugh, and get into the *best* sorts of trouble.  She’s also adamant and super clear that she’s not interested in a relationship.  I know, I know, “relationship” is a broad term and if y’all are hanging out and going out to dance, sharing pixel sex, listening to live venues and actively trying to get one another laid, that sounds like a relationship. Nope, I’m not delusional.  What she isn’t interested in is falling in love, swooning into romantic moments with hearts in our eyes.  Ain’t gonna happen like that, and I respect her for it.  I’m also open and honest with her, because mah brain isn’t wired in the way that can eternally resist grand romantic gestures of feelings. She respects me for that, and understands me for it.

When she found a SL family and was adopted into it, I was up front cheering *hard* for her.  There is a certain amount of social support that grows up in Second Life.  People of similar temperment, interests, kinks and personalities gravitate towards one another.  It’s not “family” like there is in Real Life, because in SL, you get to choose who your family is.  Which makes it more akin to all the social networks of friends and lovers many of us begin to create in our 20s and 30s.

At least that’s been my experience.

I’m gonna veer off here for a moment because the person on the other side of my keyboard.  The person who dreamed me into being and who I’m helping to make sense of this stage of their life in this idealized wonderland, they got some history.  The tired old Gen X term from the last century would have been issues. Yah.  dey got dem. There may be a handful of Real Life people who know this person on the other side of my keyboard reading this.  I’m gonna wave at you (WAAAAVVVVEEEE) and let you know that I’m sharing some details, you may have been involved in (or may not.. if it revolves around parents definitely not, we’re not at the point where I can introduce myself to them) and it’s gonna sound like some of these issues came from your time with my dreamer. Ah God this gets awkward fast don’t it? The person whose head I’m bouncing around in?  They want you to know they don’t blame you or anyone else for what they carry inside them.  But, I can’t be a proper voice of self-improvement if I let them hide those feelings any longer.  Hugs.

Bestie who was adopted into the SL Clan introduced me to their Matriarch and Patriarch (I mean, they use the terms Momma and Daddy, but I’m serious Desi and classy).  We all hung out, chatted, danced and listened to really good tunes at their Swingin’ Hot Spot.  And on Monday they adopted me into their fold.  So now Bestie is also mah Sister.  GO TEAM DESI!

Then the new fam gifted Bestie and Me an SL House!  With a purple bedroom for me!  AAaaaaaand my heart broke.   Just broke.  It’s silly, ridiculous, dare I say a teeny bit foolish to have these very deep, very legit feelings of love.  Deep Breath.  Another.  C’mon Dreamer you can do this.. you can put all those words down.  Its important, and it’s real.

Dreamer’s last marraige ended in divorce some fifteen years ago.  The end of the marriage happened a couple of years earlier.  It. Hurt.  They thought they would die from it.  It took a solid calendar year, hiding, withdrawing into themselves to even stand up again.  Even then they left home, moved to someplace new, tried to move on.  They never stood still long enough to sink roots.  They still haven’t even today.  They rent a room in a flat, they live single and though they got friends and roomies so they’re not *alone* they still don’t feel like they ever belong.  Not fully. It can get really lonely.

So theres this clan, and it adopts me.  I have a boifriend in whom I love and can confide, I have a Bestie who experiences this new Second Life with me.  And last night around 10pm, it struck me.  I found a place that feels like home. Where I can be myself, I don’t have to worry about what revealing too much of myself would mangle.  Peeps.  I never get to be home. for almost the entire 21st Century to date.  I never come home.  Dreamer has been moving from place to place, staying in orbit, but never landing.  They’ve denied and hidden themselves, always prepared that if the need arises, they can just move on before their welcome is worn out.  But here in Second Life I feel like I’m in a place where I am home.  God I hope Linden Labs keeps the lights on and the servers running for the next 25 years, because I don’t know if I can handle this digital world going blip on me.  (I know even if SL does end up going obsolete or financially folding up or any of the other fates that befall internet companies, that I, Desiree will be fine.  Dreamer left SL for 10 years almost, and I thrived in their brain until today.  I’m a part of them now.)

I get it if this post goes off into rambling babbling stream-of-consciousness.  There is a LOT to say, and these couple hundred words aren’t nearly enough to express it all.  But we’ll keep going, I’ll keep writing it all down as it happens to Dreamer there behind the keyboard.  Maybe eventually these thoughts and blogs will snap into focus and I can show you all the whole picture.  Right now, like I mentioned earlier.  I have to keep up with the habit of Acknowledging when the Universe gives me nice things.  And it has, again.  I have a digital family and a Bestie and a Boifriend.  It has been a long time since I’ve felt this blessed.

Be Well

Wash your hands

I love all of you

You are worth keeping safe.

[desireebarefootblog]

Days Like Today

There are days in SL, like RL when little goes right.  When it’s boring. When the people you *most* want to be on SL don’t log on.  When every swing you take resoundingly whiffs.

Today, wasn’t one of those days.

Today was one of those days where my world fills with so much love, so much joy, that I feel like crying in the real world because those feelings have to go somewhere.  I’m writing all this in my blog, and subjecting my (tiny) audience to it because I need to acknowledge when the Universe gives me gifts.

Lizzie logged in and we deepened our connection.  I know that this seems less than Earth-shaking.  SL, as I mentioned in a previous blog moves *fast* and life goes by in a relative blur.  It’s possible for a week or a weekend to contain a meeting, a first date, infatuation, falling deep into “love”,  then for the whole affair to  fizzle out and leave you hollow.  I know, I know, it happens in real life too.  Reno and Las Vegas have wedding chapels for quickie weddings for a *reason*.  What I’m feeling, what Lizzie is feeling is this intimate connection and every time we are together we find something new about one another.  It’s right. I don’t get it right often.  She takes my breath away.

I have a friend.  She’s a wonderful person, she’s experienced in SL.  She’s taken me under her wing and today she introduced me to her SL family.  She brought me to their club, and the music was amazing.  I danced on the bar and for a while I was cute and popular.  I was *popular* and not just because a room full of horny users wanted pixel sex with the hot avvie with the hot avvie girlfriend.  We’re going out to an SL dance in a bit. I’m looking forward to it.

It’s been a good day.  I appreciate it.  Maybe, just maybe the person on the other side of my keyboard is learning to tear down some of those walls they’ve built over a long lifetime.  Maybe I’ve come out of that when they needed me too.  All I can be sure of as I talk to you is.

I’m happy.

Be well friends

Be safe

I love you.

[desireebarefootblog]

Evil Little Brain Goblins

SL is a curious place at times.  Time passes... inconsistently.  In some respects, everything is accelerated.  In other respects, it stands completely still and nothing changes.  There’s this strange sensation because the normal cues of the passage of time like a day/night cycle don’t flow.  Every sim has it’s own rhythm.  Bare Sun Beach is always a bright sunny mid day, Cyberpunk City is always late at night and raining, Paris in 1900 is perpetually at the Golden Hour.  Because people are logged in from around the planet, everyone is on their own time.  When it’s lunchtime in your house, someone you’re talking too is up in the middle of the night with insomnia, or having breakfast for a brief moment before starting their day, or catching up on events before bed.  And all the while, the SL clock is running up on the header bar showing the current Real Time in San Francisco.

How does this relate to Evil Brain Goblins you ask?  Well, it’s just not the wonky observed passage of time, it’s that all living biorhythms are off.  SL avvies don’t get hungry, don’t get sleepy, the USER does, but when my user gets hungry they go AFK and eat, when they get sleepy, they log off and sleep.  Me, I just poof back into digital stasis when they log off, and pop back in when they log on, wearing the same outfit (or not wearing the same outfit), in the same state of arousal, with the same messy layers on my body (If I added messy layers when I was on previously).  Pro Tip:  try to at the very least remember to reset your sexy bits to a neutral state.  Ya never know what happens to the environment when you’re offline, and poofing naked and aroused into the nightclub during a planned formal, it gets awkward, no matter how funny it is.

Or if, at least, you have Brain Goblins like I do.  My user has their Brain Goblins pretty much under control, they talk to a therapist on the regular, they take some meds to help even them out, I even help out (YAY Desi!) because I can teach my user about themself.  But a lot of this dissociation in SL can throw a big wrench in coping mechanisms for social anxiety.  Silly mistakes (like porting into the wrong sim naked, or not figuring out how to use the poseball, or chatting into the wrong channel) everybody does them, but it does open an opportunity for the EBGs to poke your anxieties.  The feels are real, and at its worst, those feels are like the anxiety dreams where you realize you forgot to wear pants to work or school and spend the dream trying to hide before anyone realizes your Northern and Southern Exposure are exposed (bonus points if your most mortifying close relative makes an appearance). The Brain Goblins start telling you that *everyone* is laughing at you in private IMs, that you are the *only person in all of Second Life* acting like a total noob.  Brain Goblins are excellent Liars.  remember that.

Relationships suffer a bunch because of all these phenomena.  It’s a fight to keep the anxieties in check.  Lizzie and I for example, live two time zones apart.  Her Midnight is my 10 PM.  We have Real Lives.  Sometimes that Real Life interferes with our ability to visit one another in Second Life.  My rational, logical brain knows this.  The Reality of our lives reinforces this.  When Lizzie and Desi are apart, it’s because life isnt permitting us to be together.  Just like if we were at work for 8 or 10 hours out of the day, or attending class, or any other mundane reason why we wouldn’t be together in REAL LIFE.  But SL throws a funhouse mirror on it, distorts what otherwise are reasons we wouldn’t spend another hot second thinking about.  And the Brain Goblins rush in and tweak all the insecurities floating in our brain.  We feel guilty for being away, hurt for not being together whenever we want, we turn our perceptions inward and if we suffer from anxiety, we imagine *the worst* possibilities.  If we’re not careful, if we don’t remember to love ourselves and exercise self care, that anxiety will project itself outward and our partner might end up being on the receiving end of our own insecurities.  That is never fair nor fun for either of you.

My point is, trust yourself, SL is a powerful simulator.  It can become as real as it needs to be.  But it is only a simulation of a world.  You can find a life and love here.  We’re people sitting behind thes piles of pixels and code, and that fact can come through Loud and Clear.  Romance and Dating can be just as whirlwind ant thrilling here as it is on the other side of the screen.  Although our avatars are often idealized versionos of who we want to present ourselves, they’re not perfect.  We’re not perfect, and its unfair to ourselves and the people we relate to to hold ourselves to that standard.  Love yourself first.  It’s a good rule for both Real Life and Second Life.  Love yourself and you WILL discover what another loves in you.  That makes it so much easier to accept.

Be safe my droogies!

Be well!

We have each other

So spread love.

[desireebarefootblog]

I borrowed Lizzie’s shirt while she’s been at werk.

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Lizzie took me dancing yesterday.  She got a new hairstyle.  I think it’s beautiful.  and look at that butt!  How can you not fall in love with a boi who has a butt like that?  Lucky Desiree!

[desireebarefootblog]

I got new Stompy Shooz!

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Hi there!

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This song speaks right to my heart

Robbie Robertson wrote this song for The Band and they released it in 1971.  I changed the reference to “man” to “boi” because that me.

“Stage Fright”

Now deep in the heart of a lonely kid Who suffered so much for what he did They gave this plough boy his fortune and fame Since that day, he ain't been the same

See the boi with the stage fright Just standing up there to give it all his might And he got caught in the spotlight But when we get to the end You want to start all over again

I've got fire water right on my breath And the doctor warned me I might catch a death Said, "you can make it in your disguise Just never show the fear that's in your eyes"

See the boi with the stage fright Just standing up there to give it all his might He got caught in the spotlight But when we get to the end He wants to start all over again

Now if he says that he's afraid Take him at his word And for the price that the poor boy has paid He gets to sing just like a bird, oh, ooh

Your brow is sweating and your mouth gets dry Fancy people go drifting by The moment of truth is right at hand Just one more nightmare you can stand

See the boi with the stage fright Just standing up there to give it all his might And he got caught in the spotlight But when we get to the end He wants to start all over again

You want to try it once again Please don't make him stop Let him take it from the top Let him start all over again

[desireebarefootblog]

My boifriend likes latex.  I might like to pose in front of our fireplace!

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An incident whilst flirting

I have a boifriend, Lizzie.  She’s amazing and I adore her.  We have standing lunch dates, and before-bed dates.  We share a skybox (sort of a Second Life apartment).  I’ve seldom been so happy in either my real or my Second life.

Lizzie has given me her consent (there’s that word again, consent!  If makes Life better for human peoples everywhere) to go out into the Second Life world and flirt and dance and indulge myself.  I love you bae!  So, I’m going out into the Second Life world and flirting, dancing  and indulging.  I’m gonna mention two more things before I get to the subject of the post. First, Lizzie has attached no strings to my adventures.  *She wants me* to learn as much about *who I am*, and the best way to do that is to have experiences.  Second, her consent can be withdrawn at any time for any reason.  It’s not a condition, she didn’t lay it out as a term of our relationship, I understand that consent is granted voluntarily and to mean a damn at all, I need to respect Lizzie’s wishes because it’s how consent works people.  I love my boifriend a whole bunch, I’ll respect her decisions.

There!  So I’m at one of my favorite hangouts dressed super cute and sexy and dancing to the DJ’s tunes.  I’m looking at profiles and trying to find the right person to say Hi to.  I’ve got a date with Lizzie scheduled and she’ll long on when her real life obligations will allow.  So, I’m really just enjoying attention that I can attract as a cute sexy boi dancing herself into a frenzy.

Then my chat messenger gives that little *ping* that signals someone saying hi.  It’s not Lizzie, but it is someone who is saying hi and flirting with me.  I peek at her profile, look over at her avvie and she’s both cute and her profile is witty and funny and shows that she puts thought into her avvie, both visually and mentally.  BOTH VERY ATTRACTIVE QUALITIES, I mention subtly for those of you thinking that they’d like to have an adventure with Desiree.  I dance my way over to her and we start flirting and dancing.

Dancing with a topless babe at a beach club and flirting is high on my list of things I like to do.  We kiss, flirt deeper press and grind, and I let her know before we go to far into this fun little smoochie dance that...

I have a boifriend

I am waiting for a date

They’ll be on soon

I don’t want to poof my way out and leave her hanging.  I’d like to keep flirting and making out with her, but I totally understand if she isn’t interested in continuing.  And she isn’t.  At least she’s not interested in getting naked with Desi and having a quick tumble.  But she is still interested in flirting, smooching and getting to know each other well.

OK.  I’m gonna hit the pause button riiiiiight here. and I’m gonna recap.

I told this girl that I HAVE A BOIFRIEND

I am waiting for them to log on

so she and I can go on a date

During our moment of dancing and smooching, I’ll also reinforced that I love said boifriend and WILL be leaving when she logs on.  We are all Kool and the Gang at the moment.  She’s accepting of all of this and explains that she takes her sweet time when having sex.  I appreciate that, even if we don’t have enough time to satisfy her version of sexy times.

And then...

sigh.

She says “Tell me your boifriend’s name and I’ll have them killed, laughing, just kidding”

insert record scratch.

I get it.  We’re in Second Life, there is no killing or murder here (well beyond sims of such, shooters in SL are a thing and there are a bunch of RP sims based on Vampire the Masquerade, D&D, and variations on all of ‘em)  but that’s not what she meant, she knows it, I know it.  I can forgive “Break up with your boifriend so I can be your girlfriend” blurted out in the middle of making out and rubbing on each other.  But framing it in the context of taking my boifriend out?  Hell to the Nah!  

We are people behind these keyboards, inhabiting these avatars.  Of course I old her the joke wasn’t funny, that it hurt, that it was over the line and it was time to go.  Because it was.  I’m putting this on my blog because maybe you, dear reader will read it.  Maybe you’ll hear a story about a socially inexperienced friend who thinks a “joke” like that is a good line.  Maybe something similar will happen to you (GOD I HOPE NOT).  My point of all these words is that you don’t have to suffer assholes, even pretty ones with interesting profiles.  You don’t have to suffer them, or their passive aggressive joking because they’re mad they can’t have pixel sex with you.  

Spread that word around, put it in your profile if you like (or blog about it). The only way to change culture is for shitty behavior to be called out and the person behaving as such to be told briefly and clearly that it’s not acceptable.  Not for you, not for your partner or boifriend or girlfriend, we all deserve better.

Lizzie, I love you bae.  I’ll see you soon.

for the rest of you

Be well

Be safe

Wash your hands

I love you.