What are you doing here? || Rabdromeda
She stiffened without meaning to, without thinking about it, without wanting to. But his words had run through her like a shock, and her body protested against the unexpected without much help from her mind. Still, she did not step back. Her arms did not loosen. There was something in her that knew he needed this, just as another part whispered that this was a bad idea. There was nothing she could give him, except more false hope. More pain. More thoughts to torment him.Ā
There were so many lost children in their old circle, she thought sadly, willing herself to relax. And she had once been one of them. More than anything, she still cared for him. And there was so much pain inside of him, lurking inside of his words, that she couldnāt bring herself to step away.Ā
Had he always felt this way about her? Had she always known? Would she have believed it, if she had known?Ā More important than all of these was the question hanging over her head: had she used him? Had she simply cast him aside when the cover he provided was no longer needed? When her lie had reached its tipping point, and Tedās ring was on her finger?Ā
"Il y a dāautres etoiles dans le ciel, mon cher," she whispered. "LĆ¢chez-moi, et vous trouve une meilleure." It wasnāt until she had to use her voice that she realized she would have to speak past a lump of unshed tears - tears of guilt, mostly, but also of sympathy. She flinched away from the kiss, and when he pulled back, she looked up at him with a single tear escaping from her hold on them. Her hands had fallen to her sides when he stepped back, and now they rose to close gently about his wrists.Ā
"I do not hate you, Rabastan," she said, shaking her head. "I never have." Never will, she wanted to say. But could she? Her eyes sought his, trying to see past the familiar face to the intentions that lay beneath.Ā "Youāre better than all of this, Rab," she whispered earnestly. "And you deserve happiness, even if Iām not the one to give it to you."Ā
He had surprised her, no doubt. The slight tensing of her warm body could not avoid his detection, not when he held her so tightly, but he did not feel revulsion. Rabastan felt nothing besides her earnest embrace, theĀ long-restrained childhood affection that they'd forgotten somewhere along the way. When she'd run off, if he supposed. But Andromeda was here now, even if she was toĀ leave him for good in a few moments, and he had to relish this as much as possible.
How familiar she felt against him.
The scent of her hair, her skin being almost exactly the same.
Her voice, even as it told him that there were other stars in the sky. Of course there were, the Blacks were named after the majority of them, but none were as magnificent as her. Even her sisters paled but just barelyĀ when Rabastan thought of them in comparison, and he was supposed to feel guilty about even thinking of them for a second anyway because one was his sister-in-law and the other was his best friend as well as the wife of his close friend. The three sisters had created such high standards for the boys they'd known during their school years.Ā They'd ruined him for anyone else, how couldn't she see this?
Because the ruiners relished their prizes, ignoring theĀ losers after they were done with them and robed them of their pride.
Of course, Andromeda was no typical heartbreaker. Her voice was as emotional as his own when she whispered her response to him, close to tears in the way he'd heard when she was arguing with her sister after right and wrong, when she'd first been caught with Ted Tonks and told to stop her foolishness. Staring, Rabastan felt himself mirror her actions, unable to stop the tears that were finally allowed to flow freely down his cheeks. HisĀ large hands continued to cradle her face though, warm andĀ loose in their grip even as she reached up to hold his wrists.
You're better than all of this, Rab. And you deserve happiness, even if I'm not the one to give it to you.
How he wished he could shut himself to her penetrating eyes. That her words could provide the comfort he so desperately needed. Why? Why were her reassurances so dead to his ears? Why could they not work when they finally came from the one person that mattered the most? Cissa had told him, Bellatrix had mocked him for thinking Andromeda was still someone to mourn over, Rod had simultaneously mocked and coddled Rab towards forgetting all about the brunette in front of him, Lucius couldn't bear the conversation without holding in a sighĀ anymore.Ā Rabastan surely did not feel better than this fleeting stolen dangerousmuchtoodangerousĀ moment. He felt undeserving of happiness when he was unable to provide anyone with the same.Ā
"I... It is difficult," Rabastan croaked, closing his eyes as he swallowed, attempting to calm himself. HeĀ loved her. She cared for him butĀ loved another man. She felt as guilty as he did pathetic. He took in a deep breath, bringing up one of his hands to wipe the back of it across his cheeks before replacing it on her face, his thumbs wiping her tear tracks as well. "I know you hated our betrothal, atĀ least the... not having a say part, but I enjoyed it. I never... It was always ever you, even before our parents' decision. It has been you for so much of my life that I...." He stopped himself short, knowing he'd already said so much, too much, and that her head was probably spinning from his words.
He had no right to throw this on her. Especially not when she was a married woman deadĀ toĀ pureblood society, to their world, their families and friends.
Rabastan scoffed at himself, his face deprecating despite his best efforts to mold it into something other, and he impulsively kissed her forehead as he used to, when they were still able toĀ laugh and chat freely, when they would travel to class together and he used to think that their engagement could really work. And then he released her, his hands hovering in the space between them unsure before he hid them in his pockets. An utterly plebian motion, his mother would have a fit, but his fingers grazed upon the pocket watch in his possession since sixth year and he steadied himself.
"...I was muchĀ less sensitive when we were younger, I feel," Rabastan murmured, downcast eyes flicking up to her face as he tried to joke. He had never been one to cry and she knew that, even though it did nothing to take away how damp his face still was. The death eater pressed hisĀ lips together, unsure what she would do now. Andromeda had every right to hex him andĀ leave him right where he stood as far as he was concerned and he wouldn't stop anything she did.Ā
