dessa

a sad fat dragon with no friends

[dessless]

Would really appreciate it if someone gave it a name (don’t want to assume its gender that’s up to you)

[dessless]

heartbeat

part five/ the end: Besides that it is the only true and pure moment of our lives. The only thing that really matters. Our lives have no deeper meaning we do not live to make or create anything, no matter what anyone might believe or think whats happening once we die. Because even if there was something to reach it would not matter because we don’t know that goal during this lifetime so we can’t live to reach it. It does not change anything . As an example think of a celebrity, no matter who or rather they are still alive or not. This human has achieved so much, everyone knows them and they are mentioned in every historical book. So what ? Seriously what does it change when people know you? We are insignificant because in the end everything in this current live or in this current state of begin is insignificant. It doesn’t matter if a human is known by other humans or has success if there is no bigger goal which we get closer to through that. Neither is there definitely a goal, nor do we know it. So how should we possibly get closer to it before death ? In the end we are stardust. We are creatures who do not have their own body under control. Creatures who desperately try to be unable to perceive their environment. We try to kill bad smells, we risk our health so that our food tastes like a perfect version of its self rather than appreciating the way that it really is. Same with our bodies .We get rid of all our natural protection like body hair because it is “not beautiful” or looking to “animalistic “. 

The thing is that this is just how we are. In the end we are animals and what we have is there for s reason so why can’t we accept that?

But the worst part is that we are incapable to actually be aware of all of our surroundings. We are part if an infinite universe, jet we are incapable to imagine infinity as we are told we were limited to small spaces even though we are, as we all know, living in infinity itself. How sad is a creature teaching itself to think limited while it could live with out limit in terms of thoughts and mindset.  We do not believe in magic or a life after death at least not all of us do. But how should something like that not exist in infinity? Allow your self to dream, think beyond the borders we set our selves.   We need creativity and free thinking, but we only have school degrees and trainings. What is the use of life as part of an infinite universe, if we can not even imagine it, if we are not even able to perceive this?

[dessless]

heartbeat

part four: There is so much that every one of us regrets, there is no one without sins and vices. We realize that what we had is over  and we recognize what we missed out on, so we desperately wish to be able to use  all that wasted time. But at this point our time is gone. We had our chance and we wasted it. The smoker who thinks back to every cigarette he smoked, each of them costing him about five minutes of his life, but it seemed to be worth it. The temporary high was more important than the lifetime it took. And in the pain of death, possibly caused by that smoking, there is no more desire to feel this passing and not even genuine enjoyment. You think about what you could now do with another half of a year or even just two  months, you could do what ever you always wished to and more importantly you could have given your loved ones and friends a proper good bye. And facing that you couldn’t even comprehend why you even smoked. But we can not turn back  time and all knowledge at that point is too late. But why would you even aspire to have that knowledge then? it does not change anything . It makes us desperate. But to me that knowledge is the purpose of our lives.

[dessless]

heartbeat

part three: But if our last moment is the only meaningful thing, are people committing suicide,people who intentionally end their lives, the most intelligent then? Are those the only people that actually get the point of what I am saying ? And what about those who die from an accident or similar? Are they simply blessed? Are these people chosen to recognize and be allowed to leave earlier? Are diseases saviors? how about deadly illness? people slowly disappearing with the knowledge that it will end. Even through pain they value every day as if it was their last one because it could be eventually. Was the plague causing over 25 million deaths a blessing of a god? If so , How stupid are we people then? We try to stop  illness so desperately and try to prevent aging. But what if we are moving into the wrong way? What if what we think is right actually just keeps us away from salvation or is even leading us into the opposite direction ? Our species is so convinced of itself of being correct. But what if we are actually wrong? We all consider ourselves so incredibly smart. So smart and progressive. The human race thinks its beautiful, intelligent and most importantly we think we are doing great. But what if the opposite is the case? Beautiful? Truly not, much more a genetic mutant. And we are certainly not intelligent either. We destroy our own planet, knowing that its the only one we have, and our own lives, not really smart right? But above all we are not progressive. We are not good, we are stupid. We are far, but far into the wrong direction. And at some point it will be over. No matter how far we research the end will come inevitably. We have already cursed ourselves so far that in comparison to a few hundred years ago we have delayed this realization by about 30 years already. We hope that we could one day even prevent it, or to say it in your words to prevent to die. To defeat death. But in today's situation, we die and that's good. It is perhaps one of the only good things we have left.

[dessless]

heartbeat

part two: And in order to make us aware of the beauty of our existence, mankind must experience far worse than what they have ever felt. All things, all their thoughts, their dreams, their bodies. everyone  would have to work out everything, every little bit, only then we would perceive every wonderful detail. Sadly we humans only live in a state like that right  before death, a man who wants nothing more than to have all that he will never have again. All that he had his entire life and never has appreciated quite enough. Just like a heartbeat. But that realization will never happen early enough  because death is the end and not the beginning. And so we shall remain blind and unhappy. We will destroy ourselves and those around us, believing that it will be better for us, and only if we are lucky will we be able to recognize how wonderful it could have been, during  the last few seconds of our lives. What we could have done and what we could have achieved.

We live to die. Not for death, but for the moment immediately before our death, the only true and good moment. probably the only moment in which we can realize what our lives are about and in which we can truly appreciate. Appreciate everything,just for once.

[dessless]

heartbeat

part one: Is it about the beating itself, the deep reverberation of a muscle that keeps us alive? A small muscle with such a force. Is it that power that makes it so special ? Or is it about the breaks? beat, beat, pause beat, beat, pause Is it that moment of perfect silence , the most complete relaxation? While at the same time you are eagerly waiting for another beat to follow? When over 100 thousand times each day our heart finds the power to make another beat pound and so deciding whether we will live on or not. I personally prefer the quiet, the hits are too predictable, but the silence is not. As morbid as that may sound I want to hear the moment in which the silence becomes eternally

the moment in which one waits and waits for the next pound to follow but it doesn’t . I want to feel the relaxation of this muscle, I want to feel the absence of sound. I want to feel this pure empty silence and absorb its knowledge. Knowledge about the end. No eternal waiting for things to become any better. Clarity, freedom. To know all this is over. Because that is the moment in which we can understand. The first moment and yet the last one. 100 thousand times each and every day we are so close to face that abyss, so far we didn’t have to and so we never value it, we never value the pause and we never value the tension returning . Always searching for relaxation in everything. And yet once we have what we want, once we have that eternal relaxation we realize that we can never feel tension ever again, we want to get rid of what we have always tried to get and we want to feel what we always hated. We only appreciate things once we don’t have them anymore. The tragedy is, however, that this is exactly how it is supposed to be . If we would appreciate things as they are and when they are we would have no pain over loss or mistakes or others. And if we had no pain, no “negative” and no “evil”, we would be the most pitiful beings that could ever exist. We would live in a perfect world. However, we could not perceive this. Everything would be gray, blurry, and always the same. We need the evil to recognize the good. We need the pain to appreciate being painless . We need a cold to appreciate breathing freely. Without the “bad” life would not be worth living.