I was thinking about the difference between how Spock has been treated all his life ( TOS Spock) by others including his mother and then there’s Jim.
In the following scene, Amanda tries to elicit emotions out of Spock.
The thing is, Spock doesn’t need to be reminded that he has a human part. Every single moment of his childhood he struggles with it. By this age, in this scene above, he has displayed incredible personal courage to handle it. He has dived deep to realize who is he is. Neither human nor Vulcan but choosing to be more Vulcan because he is drawn to those values.
She then goes on to remind him why he was in anguish.
Yes, the other boys tormented him. The point is he understands that. He is a grown man now. He is extremely intelligent and is respected throughout the quadrant. She though shows no respect for him. She tries to revert him back to the helpless and struggling five year old he was. Because that for her is when she can connect with him. Even as a five year old he had stopped opening up to her. Because - while the other boys tormented him, they were still strangers. It was still possible to process non-acceptance from others. But own mother?
So, after the “other boys” had tormented him. what does she think she has done just now? Has been doing?
Contrast that with following scene.
Notice Jim, having known Spock for a long time, still doesn’t assume anything. He asks. He asks if Spock feels insulted. They both know the previous scene was insulting. This is the critical difference. He shows respect for Spock. Gives Spock an opportunity to express his emotions as Spock wants to - not how he is supposed to. Something Amanda never does. Or Sarek. Spock responds in his own unique way. He doesn’t say “No, Jim, I am fine”. He conveys how he does feel insulted but he is also wise enough to realize how emotions work. That simply acknowleding emtoions is child’s play. To be wiser beyond that, one has to understand that emotions come and go. And that it’s in our control. We can choose to let go of an emotion and no longer feel insulted. This is what Spock has been striving for. This is something he tried to tell Amanda when he says “how can you live on Vulcan and not understand Vulcan”.
So, Jim, who is NOT Vulcan, nor tries to be, and is a very emotional man, how does he respond to this moment?
Good. Why, good? Because Jim is saying, “I am glad you’re in touch with your values. It’s good because I want you to be exactly who you are.”
Jim doesn’t lecture Spock about his human side nor does he insult Spock by mocking his Vulcan ethics, which are in constrast to all the humans onboard the ship. He accepst Spock and supports Spock for what Spock has chosen to be. And he does what Spock’s parents or family never did.
“We’ll tackle him together.” He says “WE”. The unspoken message is - You and me, we are equal, I “see” you. I feel seen by you. (You have put up with my kind of insanity). I respect you. I respect your struggles and admire what you have become and continue to become. With you by my side, I feel stronger. You don’t have to rescue me. I don’t have to rescue you. We can tackle this TOGETHER.”
And this is why Jim and Spock are what they are to each other.
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