falling into orbit with the satellites

fall into a sea when i am done

[oldinterneticons]

[fangirlshenaniganrex-deactivate]

REBLOG if you are old enough to remember what a VCR is.

[youcanstillwhistle]

I think the "pre" and "post" parts in "preposterous" should cancel each other out but everyone else seems to find my idea completely erous

[destructionx7]

just had my teeth x-rayed and they had music playing faintly from the overhead speakers. I immediately recognized the song but couldn't believe I was actually hearing Joywave at the dentist. no way the dental clinic is playing Joywave and I just happen to be wearing a Joywave shirt to point at!!

OKAY, LET'S GET THESE IMAGES!

[kishibe-rohansbf]

date idea: i lay down on ur lap and you pet my head and tell me im not too much

[yesornopolls]

I’ve seen a lot of “Are you scared of the dentists?” Asks, but im not so,

Do you love going to the dentist?

Do you love going to the dentist?

Yes

No

Remaining time: 4 days 10 hours

[burr-ell]

YOU ARE A REGULAR GUY. YOU CAN HANDLE CRITIQUE. YOU ARE A REGULAR GUY. YOU CAN EMBRACE BEING TOLD YOU WERE WRONG. YOU ARE A REGULAR GUY. YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH UNPLEASANT TASKS. YOU ARE A REGULAR GUY. YOU CAN DELIVER DISAPPOINTING NEWS. YOU ARE A REGULAR GUY. YOU KNOW HOW TO BE DISAGREED WITH. YOU ARE A REGULAR GUY. YOU CAN BE CORRECTED. YOU ARE A REGULAR GUY. YOU CAN BE TOLD YOU MESSED UP. YOU ARE A REGULAR GUY. YOU ARE ABLE TO DO HARD THINGS.

[digitalmyyth]

Hanging out with people will make you remember you're the crazy woke friend for like. not wanting to shop at shien

[apatheticfluorescence]

some hyper famous artists like Van Gogh transcend overratedness and become underrated because they're so normalized. Like I'll look at a van Gogh and I'm like wait this really is amazing you guys don't get it

[headspace-hotel]

Shakespeare is like this

[insufferablepirate]

Every time I see a Van Gogh that’s not one of his better known pieces it absolutely blows me away

Have you seen this shit my liege? smh unreal

[seat-safety-switch]

When you think about it, it's sort of scary how dependent we are on wires. Now, hold on. I know that sounds like crackpipe talk from your least-favourite college dorm roommate, but there's something to all of this. If you look inside any new car, there's thousands of miles of wires. Your house? Lots of thicker, fatter wires that are buried inside walls. Even your central nervous system is a whole bunch of weird leaky wires that we don't really know how to fix. All it takes is for one of those conductors to get a little frayed or otherwise worn out, and you're in for a complete shitshow.

If you think about it this way, it's sort of remarkable everything works as well as it does. Only some thin plastic keeps an extruded length of copper from becoming A Major Problem, and it does so for billions upon billions of those extruded lengths of copper, every day. Now, don't have a panic attack thinking about that too hard. After all, the people who put all those delicate wires really close to salty roads sure didn't.

Every time I'm crawling under a car in order to replace some greened-up thinkin' rope, or cutting into a bunch of sticky electrical tape to find out which previous owner installed a stereo into the wire that used to make my speedometer work, I get a little grumpy about electricity. Maybe we would be better off without it.

That's why all those survivalists insist on having fully-mechanical diesels, so that they never have to worry about wiring ever again. All they have to fear in the event of an apocalyptic breakdown of society is getting a little bit of dirt or air inside one of the injectors. On second thought, I'll still take the wiring. If only because I hope that spending our waking hours hunting each other for food in a nuclear-blasted wasteland means that at least the city will stop salting the damn roads.

[seat-safety-switch]

Investigator Horsepenis finishes his tea before speaking. It's very hot tea, so he takes a few pensive sips to avoid burning his aristocratic lips. He hasn't even started by the time I'm done gulping mine. Realizing I am probably not paying the bill, I immediately follow this up by flagging down a waitress for a screaming-hot mug of the bleakest crankcase coffee they got. Finally, the words come out, but I am too busy chewing on an egg tart to hear all of them.

Later, I am pretty sure I agreed to freelance for the police. This horrifies me, but I cannot be blamed for any actions I may have subconsciously undertaken in order to get more free cafe food. Without having retained any instruction, I decide to do what comes naturally to me: shop for shitty cars. There's always crimes there, usually sellers asking more than $1000 for a good beater.

With the imagined force of the law on my side, I quickly become drunk with power. I head to the fancy part of town and start shaking down a pair of terrified suburbanites who refuse to move a cent on their 240,000km Mitsubishi Debonair. Before I pull out the hard approach, though, I remember something the Inspector said about financial crimes. I ask the couple if they work in banking, and upon receiving a stammered confirmation, I have everything that I'll need.

A week later, I'm getting a big-ass medal from the Mayor for having cracked the biggest white-collar criminal conspiracy in history. They make the error of putting me on the microphone to say a few words to the assembled press gallery. I ask them if anyone else is willing to buy me some food in exchange for largely undirected justice. The crowd laughs, which irritates me. Perhaps I am not being clear enough. I ask them if they know anyone who is selling a shitbox car with a stick shift for under $1000. More laughter. I will have my revenge on this town, right after I head back to that cafe for some more egg tarts.

[gummybearattacktheworldofdespair]

[alarmist-nonsense]

[0v9]

this is what upstairs neighbors have

[that-house]

[butchfagminotaur]

[segamascot]

not feeling very hundred emoji flame emoji today

[palmer]

well I am so 💯🔥💯🔥

[segamascot]

🧯💨

[palmer]

0️⃣🌫0️⃣🌫

[wuggen]

Everyone say thank you sanitation workers we owe you our lives sanitation workers

[pocketdogs]

a customer returned a drink because a fly flew into it and said: “one of your flies flew into my drink” and my coworker was so confused that they just said: “…my fly?”

[moth-moth-the-magic-moth]

#MyFly

[frothlad]

It's been too long since I've seen this in circulation, so let's kick it off again. One of the all-time greats.

[pvrrhadve]

you've met me at a very wild animal caught in a bear trap gnawing off its own leg time in my life