Desultory Thoughts

[desultory-thoughts]

"My soul is on edge

Electricity thrumming under my skin

A bottomless void in my stomach"

-AN

[desultory-thoughts]

"Oh, won't you kiss me on the mouth and love me like a [cigarette]?"

Misheard lyrics from Love me like a sailor by Gigi Perez

[desultory-thoughts]

Decided that not kissing you is just bad for my health.

Misheard lyrics from A Little While by Yellow Days

[desultory-thoughts]

Why the fuck am I always getting hung up on guys who're interested in me....but not that much ? Am I cursed ? Is that it ? The moment I'm interested in someone we still kind of talk, but meh…..why the hell can't I get my person !?

[desultory-thoughts]

and if only you knew how much I'm trying to be a functional human being, to understand how to interact with people. I'm sorry, I'm awful at it, I'm never chosen, always a stepping stone...never a first choice

[desultory-thoughts]

Maybe in the black light, I could tell a sick joke

Twinkle twinkle little star

Alcoholics don't get far

Unless they drink and drive

Let's go for a ride

And I hope I crash and die tonight

I hope I crash and die tonight

Alligator Skin Boots -McCafferty

[desultory-thoughts]

I spend all of my days reading, gaming, watching tv, getting lost in my head...just so I can forget I'm alive.

-A.N.

[desultory-thoughts]

Thank God it's Friday

'Cause Fridays will always

Be better than Sundays

'Cause Sundays are my suicide days

-Migraine, Twenty One Pilots

[desultory-thoughts]

Not sure if this is a good or bad sign... these days I actually go to bed on time, even before time sometimes, all of my own accord which has never happened before in my life. I'm not sure if it's my brain and body finally valuing my sleep, or if it's a sign that I care less and less about my hobbies and being awake...

-A.N.

[desultory-thoughts]

It's okay, I know someday I'm gonna be with you.

It's OK -Tom Rosenthal

[desultory-thoughts]

I'm really tired of hearing people tell me I'm pretty. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to be, but am I anything else ? Do I have anything going on for me personality-wise ? Is there a piece of me that makes me people glad to have me in their life or makes me useful ?

-A.N.

[desultory-thoughts]

For some reason unknown to me, I really like the idea of a romantic partner touching, playing, squeezing my hips. Like doing the dishes and they come up behind me and put their hands on my hips and kiss my neck. Or laying in bed together, spooning, and they squeeze the skin of my hip.

-A.N.

[desultory-thoughts]

[desultory-thoughts]

I been dreaming of a reason not to paint the fucking ceiling with my brains and my pain

That's just how the fuck I'm feeling

Tired of hurting

Feeling worthless

Is this God thing really working?

Pointless searching for a purpose

Meet me at my service

Meet me at my service

Meet me at my service

In Constant Sorrow - $uicideBoy$

[desultory-thoughts]

My "real" personality, how I am most of the time if you will, feels like the empty shell of a human being. . .which is not too far off from the truth I guess.

A.N.

[desultory-thoughts]

I know you like to hide away

Keep your head down, sleep the day away

You're left in such a state

Turn Your Love -Half Moon Run

[desultory-thoughts]

I'm just a would've been, could've been, should've been, never was and never ever will be.

And the Snakes Start to Sing -Bring Me The Horizon