deva dedios

golden state of mind.

[dailydeva]

You may be settling.

Why do we settle for shitty jobs, friends, relationships, experiences, etc? Here are some common reasons why people settle,

1.    Loneliness

2.    Fear

3.    Comfortability

Let’s talk about the first reason, loneliness. People tend to settle for half-assed friendships and relationships because they’re scared of being “alone.” It’s not that you’re lonely, you’re just not whole in yourself. Let me explain. Loneliness doesn’t mean not having a companion or a group of friends. Have you ever been in a room full of people or in a relationship but still felt alone or empty inside? If yes, that’s my point. Loneliness is internal. The people you surround yourself with doesn’t fix the underlying issue of WHY you feel alone. You can’t be dependent on others for your happiness or emotional stability. Allow yourself to be alone so that you can learn about yourself, grow, and start to love and appreciate who you are. Solitude is necessary. Once you’ve established that inner peace you will never feel alone, because no one can give you that fulfillment but you. It’s crazy to think that people will tolerate relationships that are toxic or add no fulfillment or value to their life. The thing is, we allow ourselves to put up with the bull shit. We would rather settle for these relationships than be whole with ourselves in solitude. We don’t want to go through the effort to build healthy, new relationships with those who can assist our self-growth, see the value in who we are, and support our dreams and goals. Think about the people you surround yourself with and ask yourself these questions,

1.    Does this person want to see me reach my full potential?

2.    Does this person reciprocate the effort I put forth in the relationship?

3.    Is this person open, honest, and transparent with me?

4.    Does this person accept me for who I am and what I value?

5.    Does this person add to my overall happiness?

6.    Can I go to this person in times of hardship and know they can provide that support, comfort, and love?

7.    Does this person push me to my limits to bring out the best in who I am and who I can be?

8.    Does this person respect me?

9.    Does this person inspire me?

10.  Does this person act on their words of love and support?

At the end of the day, as human beings, we all just want to be loved, cared for, and appreciated. That doesn’t mean settling for less than what you deserve. That means loving yourself and finding those relationships that add happiness and value to your life, not exhaustion or toxicity.

Now let’s talk about fear, specifically in careers. Often times we settle for the jobs that bring in the bucks but not the enjoyment. You’ll have bad days at work, but if you find yourself constantly complaining about how much you hate your job or how you wish you were doing something else then do something about it. You have 100% control of how your life is right now. Life is too short to stay in that job that has no fulfillment or purpose. A common mistake we make is thinking we have more time. We can always make more money, but we can never make more time than what we’re allotted on this earth. I get that we stay in jobs for financial stability, and yes, it is necessary to have a stream of income that supports our lifestyle, but at the end of the day, if this job is taxing on our mental well-being is it really worth it? Your job doesn’t have to be your passion, but it should be something you enjoy and serves a purpose for you. Don’t be afraid to look for another job or negotiate your worth at your current job. We spend years, decades working, so why not enjoy it?

Lastly, let’s talk about comfortability. Being comfortable is being safe. It’s being stagnant and content. This is a huge reason of why we settle. We’re afraid of being uncomfortable and straying from our comfort zone. Let me tell you that growth does not and will not happen in comfort zones. The short period of being uncomfortable is worth the rewards of freedom, self-respect, independence, new perspectives, new relationships, new adventures and experiences. I promise. Put yourself in situations that push your limits and tests your mental and physical abilities. Write more. Read more. Travel more. Learn a new language. Hang out with people you normally wouldn’t hang out with. Try a new workout. Shoot your shot and put yourself out there. Learn to embrace failure and accept rejection. Learn to forgive and move on. Get out of a routine and let loose for a second. You will get hurt. You will feel sad. You will want to give up. You will have every right to express anger, hurt, betrayal, and despair from the battles you’re put through. We can’t choose the cards we’re dealt, but we can choose how to play them. Life is a journey of self-exploration. Be proactive in this journey. Choose happiness. Choose love. Choose kindness. Choose YOU, over and over again. 

[dailydeva]

[dailydeva]

Stop seeking validation, b.

        Why do people seek validation from others in order to feel like they’re worthy? 

        Well, it all comes down to how we see ourselves and ultimately our self-esteem. I find that so many women and men seek attention to validate themselves as far as if they’re smart enough, good looking enough, or just enough period. What we have to remember is that our worth does not stem from strangers or our loved ones. As cliché as this sounds, our worth comes from within. It starts with you and how you view, respect, and love yourself as a person. When you know who you are and what you’re worth, outside sources won’t matter.

       I understand it’s not easy to acquire or gain high self-esteem due to society’s depiction of what is right and wrong, beautiful or not, but that’s when it becomes a mental battle. You have to train your mind to fight the ways of society. I say this all the time, but the greatest thing about you, is that no one is you, and you’re no one else, and that’s the most unique and powerful thing about you. Yes, it’s easy to get caught up in our appearance, social media follows, likes, and comments, but at the end of the day, does it really matter?

       Your purpose on this earth isn’t to prove to anyone anything. The only person you should prove is yourself. One of my favorite quotes is, “Make yourself a priority, at the end of the day, you’re your longest commitment.” There’s always room for self-growth and improvement. You’re going to exhaust yourself if you constantly seek validation from others, because the idea of “perfection” changes all the time. Focus on you and your goals. What can you do today that can benefit you right now or in the long run? Don’t waste your time trying to be something you’re not for the reason of impressing others.

       In case anyone needed to hear this, keep ya head up. You are beautiful and worth absolutely everything.

[makeuphall]

[itscaliforniafeelings]

Los Angeles, California 📸 @venice_6000

[folkcult]

[snsett]

remember to smile

[itscaliforniafeelings]

Griffith Observatory 📸 @artbyartla

[itscaliforniafeelings]

Los Angeles, California by @deb0

[brisasdverao-blog]

🌴 BRISASDVERAO 🌴

[hipindie]

[dailydeva]

Find your passion. Get out of your comfort zone.

“Purpose fuels passion.”

Life is too short to put forth your time and energy into people and experiences that aren’t benefitting you in any kind of way. Life is a journey of self-exploration and growth. If you find yourself in a slump about life, where you’re not feeling fulfilled in what you’re doing, be proactive and ask yourself, “What am I passionate about? What do I enjoy doing? What exactly do I want?” Finding your passion can either be very easy or very difficult. Because, yes, we have things we enjoy doing, but that does not necessarily mean we are passionate about it. Ask yourself this, “What is something I would love to do for years without getting paid?” For me, if you can’t imagine not doing it, then you have a passion for it. Your passion doesn’t necessarily have to be your job or make you money. Your passion is what gives you purpose. A purpose to get out of bed every day. Remember what you enjoyed doing as a child. What activities and hobbies did you love or enjoy doing before life started getting in the way? Use those memories to help guide you to your passion as an adult. Sometimes it even takes meeting new people, traveling to new places, taking on internships and jobs or a new skill to figure that out as well. Live your life to the fullest. If you’re not happy with something, change it. I understand we have to go through hard times to get by, but like I said, your passion does not have to be your job. As long as you’re living life doing the things you’re passionate about, regardless if you’re making a living from it or not, continue to do so. Life’s too short to spend it unsatisfied.

My biggest advice or tip is to get out of your comfort zone. Getting out of your comfort zone can open so many doors for you as far as self-growth and opportunities. It can be scary, but it’s worth it. The things we choose to experience in life don’t have to be permanent, but it never hurts to try. I would much rather try and fail than never try and wonder what if. Once you’ve tried, you move onto the next thing on your list. Keep being proactive. Don’t sit around wishing, do something about it. There is no reason you can’t achieve anything you set your mind to if you are consistent, passionate, and have the drive.

[motivatemycollegelife]

Why did you start? With what purpose you get out of bed every morning?

[iammrbillabong-deactivated20220]

I love you California

[dailydeva]

Let’s Talk: What I learned in college #GetWokeSeries

So, I’m graduating college in four weeks, and all I can wish for is more time. I can’t believe how fast four years has flown. It seems like just yesterday I was applying to colleges and shopping for dorm decor. College is an uphill battle, trying to balance your social life while trying to keep a solid GPA and be physically and mentally healthy. I’ve gained so much valuable knowledge about life in general through my college experiences. Here are some things I’ve learned:

1. It’s okay to not be okay: We’re college students, we’re all stressed trying to find balance in our lives, we’re bound to have a few mental breakdowns here and there. Just remember that you’re not alone. It’s okay to express that you’re struggling. Sometimes letting it out with a good scream or cry is something that helps.

2. You can’t please everyone and not everyone will like you: Being the people pleaser I am and being overly nice, I sometimes get quite offended when people don’t like me, especially for no reason. I’ve learned that it’s impossible to please everyone you meet, and it’s not worth the exhaustion if it’s putting your own happiness at risk. People will also not like you for no reason, and that’s okay. If you think about, people aren’t made or have an obligation to like you if that makes sense. My tip is to stop worrying about what people think, because if they add no benefit to your life, they’re not worth your time. Focus on yourself, because at the end of the day, you’re your longest commitment. 

3. Keep your circle small: I’ve dealt with many users and fakes throughout college and it’s very disappointing. Be careful who you open yourself up to, because people can switch and turn on you very quickly. Once you realize who your ride or dies are, don’t take them for granted. They’re hard to find nowadays. I always tell myself to treat others how you would want to be treated. Keep it straight forward and to the point when you meet people. Trying to put up a face will just tire you in the long run.

4. It’s okay to be “selfish”: Self love is so important. I’ve grown so much personally, and I couldn’t be grateful for the experiences I’ve encountered that have shaped me to be the self-confident individual I am today. Practice self care everyday. Don’t put yourself last on your list. Take a day off where you pamper yourself, read a book, journal, pick up a new hobby, learn a new skill, do something that will benefit YOU. Yes, we can get caught up with the strenuous schedule college has for us, but we can’t forget to take care of ourselves.

5. Don’t take your parents for granted: College made me realize how much of a child I still was and kind of still am. In high school, I never made much of an effort to bond with my parents, which is quite strange because I lived under their roof. Once I moved off to college, I definitely felt homesick for a while. You realize that you don’t have your mom cooking for you, doing your laundry (sometimes), keeping the house smelling good and clean. Instead you’re trying to eat one meal a day in a messy apartment with a broken AC. So, it’s very refreshing to visit home. Cherish the moments you have with your parents and siblings. 

Those are just a few things I’ve learned and realized in college. I’ll probably do a part two to this! I hope this was insightful. 

Side note: The life lessons you gain in college are just as valuable as that degree!

[makeuphall]

[different-landscapes]

[fueledbyramen]

Catch All Time Low, Basement & nothing,nowhere. on this year’s Lollapalooza Festival this August in Chicago! Get your tickets HERE.