[deviantxsadistic]

I would love to feel something other than despair for once. I’d love to even have one fucking crumb of self confidence and love for myself. Unfortunately I just can’t do it.

[deviantxsadistic]

Still thinking about dumb shit in 2025.

[deviantxsadistic]

I feel trapped and alone. I don’t want to be alive anymore. Don’t take it personally.

[deviantxsadistic]

Mercury retrograde is over you can stop thinking about that now.

[deviantxsadistic]

Blink182 brought up so many repressed memories and feelings. Feel sick now.

[deviantxsadistic]

Yeah that shit makes me feel like fucking crying. I wish I was still close with your family and you. I wish we could be close but it’s weird. Too much time has passed. Too much has happened.

[deviantxsadistic]

Wish my brain would stop torturing me with meaningless thoughts.

[deviantxsadistic]

I feel so fucking alone.

[deviantxsadistic]

Walking alone in the rainforest is cathartic. I enjoy my own company very much.

[deviantxsadistic]

Miss the way you’d fuck me like you loved me.

And I honestly did. It doesn’t matter anymore. I treated you badly, I refused to let you ruin me, that was my choice. People change as much as you don’t want them to, they learn and they grow and they become different. There’s nothing in the world that can prevent that. I changed. I became bitter, I had my heart broken so badly it took me two years to recover from it, and im stronger for it, but I’m also harder. Don’t want to fuel your already huge ego either but I am anyway.

[deviantxsadistic]

Honestly I know it doesn’t matter. It’s irrelevant. So long ago that it shouldn’t even be a thought in my mind. But I am so fucking sorry that I hurt them, I am so sorry that I didn’t have the capacity to think of anyone but myself and was wallowing in my own self-pity and heartbreak. I know what you were thinking and you were thinking why are you still crying over him when I’m right here in front of you? Why am I the one picking up the pieces, why am I the one whose arms you’re crying in every other night? And you were so right to feel that way. You tried so hard to get me to understand. And of course it took me way too long to realise it.

[deviantxsadistic]

Sad boys just hit different for me. When he’s got that little hint of depression. Damn I’m down.

[deviantxsadistic]

I just don’t feel good enough anymore. Going back to hating myself. Going back to just feeling like my only option is to disappear and that I’m never going to feel truly happy.

[deviantxsadistic]

You’re not the person I fell in love with anymore and after all, why would you be? But god I loved him with my whole fucking heart.

[deviantxsadistic]

I’m not going to pretend that doesn’t hurt. I’m not going to pretend that doesn’t crush me. Fair enough but fuck.

[deviantxsadistic]

In my feelings Lil Peep or in my feelings Summer Walker?

[deviantxsadistic]

Bish you don’t grow up Southside and not like Oz hip hop. It’s like our national anthem.