No, you donāt understand. People with BPD notice everything. We notice when you donāt smile as wide at us one morning. We notice when you donāt hug as tight. When you donāt sound quite as happy when speaking to us. When you look the slightest bit uninterested in what weāre saying.
And when you talk to someone else. When you talk to someone else and look like youāre enjoying yourself, we assume that youād rather be with them all of the time. So we leave before you can confirm or deny that.
And if you start telling us about a fun time you had with someone else it will not end well. We might be too shy to speak up about it, but itāll still eat away at us. Weāll feel abandoned.Ā
AndĀ āYou should have been there!ā is the absolute worst thing to say. We know we should have been there. We want to have been there. We know you had fun and weāre happy that you did, but the sadness of feeling abandoned completely obliterates that. So donāt rub it in.
Instead, say,Ā āYeah, we had fun, but Iām glad Iām here nowā or, āā¦ that youāre here nowā. It really makes us feel loved and appreciated.Ā
I know this barely scratches the surface of what we feel on a daily basis, but I hope this can help those who donāt know.
Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.
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