unholy. unholy. unholy.

𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐞. 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐞. 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐠𝐮𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐦𝐞 .

[tantrcm]

jesus, he's fucked up hasn't he. "i mean here." he states carefully. maybe she didn't get it. he didn't belong to himself here. he was a item. a TOY. but then he thinks of her. she was holy. she shouldn't be in that situation. "you're not going back in there." he reaches for her to pull her closer to him.

"you're misunderstanding me, magda, in there? i don't get a say in this. i have to be on at all times. that's what i am. to them i'm nothing? don't worry?"

[devilsympcthy]

"you invited me here," she mutters as he pulls her closer. magda has to make a conscious effort not to meet his eyes, she knew she'd only get lost in them. she always fell harder, didn't she?

she keeps looking past him, talking more to the door than to him. the singer didn't want him to see how much this hurt her, to see how much she cared. "why wouldn't i worry? i--- that's not a good place for you to be. i---" love you. "like you. i thought we could... talk? or something? not that i'd be watching you make out with everyone but me."

[tantrcm]

god she was pretty when she was angry at him? or maybe he was just a little too fucked up for this conversation. "it's a party!" he laughs out loud at her tantrum. maybe he was a little flippant with who was hitting on him. but then again, he was apollo deo. he was used to being the sluttiest one at the event. "everyone is all over me, baby? i'm free real estate down here? it's okay? it's just what happens?"

[devilsympcthy]

"you're free real estate. right." FUCK HIM. fucking fine. her expression drops as her arms do. she flips her hair behind her shoulder and resettles herself into a bubbly sexpot. if that was what he wanted then she would show him? "fine, let's go back in then. i'll be free real estate too. i just thought that. whatever. it's fine. let's just go back in."

[tantrcm]

"oh c'mon, princess?" apollo laughed as they exit the club. he thought she would have a good time? it was just a party after all? it didn't matter if it was for hinge or not? "let's just have fun? okay? we don't need to get all up in arms about it, love?"

@devilsympcthy

[devilsympcthy]

magda rounds on him, her hands crossed tight over her chest. she was PISSED, for as long as that would last. "that guy was all over you!" she accuses, clearly upset. it--- she thought it was a date. "and then you kissed that girl back? everyone at this club is trying to get in your pants and it seems like you want them to!"

[tantrcm]

he gives her a tight smile and a little chuckle. “you do always look badass, princess.” he just brushes back the fallen hair in her face and nods. he could hear naomi in the background throwing a fit. glasses being broken as she storms out. but he didn’t care. maybe this was it? maybe it was the end?

“i fear for anyone who loves me, love.” he just holds her hands in his. but this could be good. couldn’t it? it could last? even if his drug use always came first. he wasn’t someone anyone should love. was he? “i won’t forgive her for hurting you. and i. after the tour. i mean, would you want to. just. can i take you out?”

[devilsympcthy]

they really were just in their own little world, weren't they? there really isn't anything that could tear honey hues from hazel ones. magda always loved the way apollo's hands felt against her skin, every callous proof of how much he did for his talent. she laces their fingers when he takes her hand, always doing anything to get closer to him. "nothing's going to hurt me, apollo. i promise."

does he mean it? she beams up at him, smile practically giddy. "i--- more than anything. i want to do that more than anything, pollo." finally! "i--- i promise. you won't regret it. you won't regret picking me."

[tantrcm]

“what the fuck, nomi!” he yells back behind him as he cups the singers face kneeling down on the floor in front of her. a server returned with a cup of ice and he reaches for a piece to press to her face. the water dripping down her cheek. he wipes it away with his finger. “you’re gonna look so badass, mags?” he smiles at her to lighten the mood.

and it breaks his heart. that she’d do anything for him. because he didn’t deserve that did he? didn’t deserve the love in her eyes when she says that. “i know, princess. but i think you deserve better than little ol’ me. if anything, i should be laying down my life for you. and i will?”

[devilsympcthy]

she mirrors his smile, despite the shiver that ran down her spine at the feeling of the ice against her cheek. she loves when he takes care of her, when she has his whole attention. "i always look badass," she hums back, batting big doe eyes up at him.

and then she sees the way hazel hues flicker. holly can't help the words that tumble out. "why do you always look so sad when i tell you how i feel, pollo?" she murmurs, reaching to hold his where its at her jaw. "i don't want you to lay down your life. i just want you to show me."

[tantrcm]

he moves his hands to her waist to lead her back to the booth. giving her a place to sit down while he calls over his shoulder. "ICE! now!" he waves a sever away quickly. now he was only focused on magda.

"don't worry, princess, you wont bruise too badly." and his fingers worked back her hair and tilted her jaw. she did this for him? she really cared that much about him? he knew he had fucked up with her, but the feeling of her care. he never wanted to let that go. "well, you put up a really good fight? i'm really lucky i have a heavy hitter on my team, love?"

[devilsympcthy]

maybe it's pathetic, but letting apollo guide her, letting him take care of her? she's wanted this so long. naomi's already forgotten behind her as she lets him check up on her. his fingers brush a sore spot and she can't help a low hiss of pain. "i. i hope not. does it look bad, pollo?"

there's hope blooming in her chest and she's caught too off guard to stop them. maybe--- maybe this will make him see. "thank you, baby," she murmurs, meeting his eyes again. "i'd do anything for you, you know?" i. maybe she'd drank too much. said too much.

[liquorize]

by tayanayarkaya

[misdcmeanours]

"don't tell me what i can and can not call my boyfriend, maggie." she laughs in a threatening way. she didn't like her. didn't care for the singer who has her claws in her boyfriend. but she also hated it more than this bitch liking apollo, it's that she's standing up for apollo. the man who very personally fucked her life up.

she rolls her eyes as she sips on her drink. "i don't hate you for fuckin' him, love? i'm sure he was extremely pathetic and needy about it. but you could do so much better? theon is the artist?"

[devilsympcthy]

"i don't care that he's your boyfriend." naomi could try to scare her off, but magda wasn't that girl. if this was going to end in hair pulling then naomi was going to be the one to regret it. "don't call him that, naomi."

her fingers clench into fists under the table. THIS FUCKING BITCH. this is who apollo would always pick first? "he's not pathetic or fucking needy. he's been more of a gentleman towards me than anyone else i've met on tour."

"theon seems more your type. you two deserve each other."

[misdcmeanours]

sure she wasn't fucking apollo? sure she wasn't a whore parading around as apollo's newest side piece? wasn't she as CUTE as she was stupid. she drops her martini glass on the table and hisses out a laugh. "i'm sure you aren't? but then again? why wouldn't you? look at him? everyone wants the hollywood whore?"

she knew what apollo did? and he only did it for her attention, right? so maybe now that she was back, she'd show magda just who he belongs to. "have you met theon? he has a beautiful body?"

[devilsympcthy]

"don't call him that." the smile is gone from magda's face. she fucking hated this bitch, and any guilt she felt about trying to steal her boyfriend disappeared. she and apollo understood each other, understood what it was like to be seen as nothing but a sex object, as someone to use, as someone to profit from. and as much as apollo judged himself for naomi being the way that she was, magda knew she was using him just as much as his manager was.

"i've fucked him, but there wasn't much going on beyond the body," she admits, trying to at least keep the vibe a little less hostile. "i like artists."

[tantrcm]

and now all he wanted was to join her in using whatever powder she had cut on that pretty little mirror. what the fuck was wrong with him. he pointed to the mirror with a half raised brow. he wanted in on whatever fun she was having. fun being mostly just his normal, but it was better than nothing.

she was right. about everything. about naomi, about her. he LOVES her. he loves the stunning girl in front of him more than anything he’s ever felt? why couldn’t he just get down on his knees and beg for her forgiveness?

he knew why. he knew that she was nothing but a fucking jinx.

everyone who loves him would end up just like him. naomi wasn’t evil. she wasn’t some bitch who he put up with. they loved each other at one point. they were the wholesome couple happily cuddling at album parties? and what was she now? a jagged bitter bitch with a need to ruin his life? apollo did that. and he would do the same to magda.

“because when people are withe me i drive them away. i hurt them and i walk all over them and i … i can’t do that with you. i can’t break you or destroy your kindness. or just … i don’t want to lose you forever because you’re the most beautiful thing that i have had in years. i’ll leave naomi. i’ll do that but i … when you leave me. i wont have anything. and i know that’s a fucking stupid thing to say to you, because you’re being venerable and i have the power here. but FUCK, magda. i love you and this is so scary.”

[devilsympcthy]

she sees him motion to her stash, and fuck. she loved him. but he was never going to put her first. or even close to the top. hadn't he just been trying to "save" her seconds before? and he broke the second he saw his favorite vice. "i thought you didn't want me to become you, pollo? and now you want me to share?"

she shakes her head and stands, approaching him as she listens to all the reasons he can't be with her. she could say something about not being naomi may bailey, or that she was stronger than that, but he wouldn't listen. she brings the compact up and sticks it in chest, taking his hand to put it over hers on his heart. "i want you to think that i'm worth fighting for, pollo. that's all i want. that's what LOVE is. but you're too scared, pollito."

the singer lingers a moment, her eyes searching his. just kiss her. just reach for her. just do something. show her that you won't let her go, apollo. prove her wrong? finally she walks past him, slowly, always giving him time just in case.

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FOR THE HOPELESS ROMANTIC *  assorted dialogue for the one who aches for love, adjust as necessary

i dream of the love i deserve.

one day, i'll find my person.

everything happens for a reason.

i went on another date last night.

you were destined for love.

when will it be my turn?

do you believe in fate?

all of my friends are getting married and having kids.

i'm a romantic. sue me.

i just think there's someone out there meant for me.

if it's not earth-shattering love, i don't want it.

i have the irresistable desire to be desired.

when i find the right person, everything will make sense.

do you ever think you were made for more?

you changed my life in so many ways.

the world stopped when you looked at me.

i could see us falling in love.

i do not fall in love with everyone that's nice to me!

i will always be here for you, no matter what.

the most beautiful thing in the world is love.

do you believe in true love?

i don't want casual. i want passionate.

i think i deserve true love. don't you?

you say the most beautiful things.

were you flirting with me?

i can't stand this culture of casual dating.

no more dating apps for me.

i want to meet someone organically.

when our eyes meet, i'll know.

it has to be true love.

i fall in love with everyone.

if you bat your eyes at me, i'll fall in love with you.

there's a love out there that's waiting for me.

one day, i'll prove you wrong about love.

true love does exist.

love is the most important thing in the universe.

when i find my true love, i'll know.

our souls were meant to be together.

i believe in fate.

i think destiny brought us together.

we were made for each other.

could you be the one for me?

my dream partner is out there!

i believe in love.

love will find a way.

love will save us.

i think i was made for you.

you've changed my whole world.

do you think we were meant to be?

i've never loved anyone as deeply as i love you.

this isn't casual. this is everything to me.

you are the one i've searched for all my life.

[misdcmeanours]

wasn't she CUTE. this little ditsy singer girl that apollo had so much to say about . . . and absolutely nothing to say about at the same time? they were obviously fucking. not that naomi cared? they were open? and besides, she had her FLINGS. theon didn't tell, and why should she? what apollo didn't know wouldn't hurt him?

she eyed the girl as she slipped in, her dress was . . . okay. not naomi's style. she wasn't apollo's type, obviously. "thank you, love. you look stunning? as always? apollo tells me you're in the market for a new boyfriend? i can help? keep you from fuckin' mine?"

[devilsympcthy]

"thank you so much!" magda's smile practically glitters it's so bright. who couldn't lover her? oh. well. did apollo tell her that? the singer stutters in her place, finally spitting out "i. i'm not fucking apollo?" flirting with, tempting, practically begging on her knees, though? that she was doing.

"but i-- i am in the market, i guess? do you know anyone?"

[misdcmeanours]

"magda lourdes?" he calls out over the table of half finished glasses and a plate of fries. there wasn't much that made the british bitch stumble. but watching apollo deo fawn over and please his little SLUT from his tour? that was like looking into the end of her run. "i didn't think you'd make it? don't worry, the boys are in the bathroom. we should talk?"

closed open for @devilsympcthy because we need them.

[devilsympcthy]

she’s only ever heard that voice from the speaker of apollo’s phone, but the singer would still recognize it anywhere. FUCK. it was the girl whose life she was actively trying to ruin by stealing her boyfriend. ( not that magda believed that naomi deserved apollo, but even she knew she was biased. ) “is that naomi may bailey?” mags calls to the posh bitch seated next to a jacket she recognizes as apollo’s. She keeps her expression friendly, just the epitome of fun, ditsy girl as she slides into the booth across from naomi. "i wouln't miss it? i wanted to meet apollo's girl! love your dress, very rockstar girlfriend!"

[tantrcm]

“don’t do that.” he mutters under his breath watching her walk away from him. he’s done this before a hundred times. he’s watched people who love him give up. it was a daily occurrence. even fans? how many fans has he disappointed. imagine a world where he didn’t push away everyone who shows care toward him?

“don’t hate me. please?” he didn’t realize she’d walk away. it was stupid? wasn’t it? to assume she wouldn’t. but then again. what else could she do? “i know what i did … it wasn’t that i don’t care about you i just–”

what was he saying? what did he want to say? he was hurting her? he hurt her everyday. he should let her go.

he should let her live her life without him. but will he?

he pushes his fingers through his hair and stares her down. broken hearted eyes following his already low tone. “loving you was the first time i’ve felt good in years. i’m not allowed to be happy anymore. it goes against what everyone wants from me. but not you. i just. i want us to be GOOD.”

[devilsympcthy]

she scoffs at his words. don’t do what? survive this? she wasn't strong enough to do that sober. instead she does finally dip her head to where that sweet relief from reality sat in two pretty lines on her compact. FUCK, fuck she needed that to help. NOW. she sniffs demurely after, brushing at her nose gently. 

honey eyes raise to meet his, holding his gaze. wouldn’t it have been just so much easier if he had just fucked her and left like every other guy? “i can’t hate you. I’ve tried, but i can’t,” she admits, with a shake of her head. holly can’t keep looking at him, can’t watch the emotion taint his expression any longer. she closes the compact and instead just lays back on the bed for a moment. her tears wouldn’t disturb her mascara as much if they could just flow back, and the coke would be kicking in any second now. she’d feel better soon. 

“if you feel good with me. if i make you happy. if i’m the only one who makes you feel like that. then why, apollo?” her voice cracks, and she hates that. she should have known better. saul was going to fix everything. he was going to give her someone who would love her, and apollo was too good to come from saul. she knew that. she always knew better and she always got hurt. “then why am i the one that’s on the side, pollo?”

[tantrcm]

again he’s stumbling back on his heels. she wasn’t very strong, but why not move with her to help her ego. he didn’t want to be having this conversation. he didn’t want to have to think about any of this right now. “i am not gaslighting you? jesus, magda.” he just huffs pushing back his hair.

they didn’t have much more time together, he knew that. but he was still working on what he was going to do to get her back. it was wrong. he was a terrible person and he knew that. he could leave noami. he knew he could. but what would magda do when he puts himself in an early grave? what if he ODs again. fuck. he really wasn’t good enough for her.

“i wont let her keep me away from you.” he mumbled trying to speak up, but finding it too hard to really express whatever this feeling was. “you never need anything to keep you kind. you’re kind all by yourself, love. you treat me so fuckin’ well, mags. i adore everything about you. just–” he wasn’t even sure what he wanted to say.

“i don’t know what to i’ll do when i hurt you.”

[devilsympcthy]

magda turns her back away from him as he tries to disagree, walking to the bed and the lines she had already cut before he walked in on her. she knew better, but it wasn't like apollo really knew himself anyway. "sure you won't, pollito," she mutters with a sigh as she sits and reaches for her phone.

"you're always so nice to me when you're placating me." but she knew everything he said was true. she was good to him. she loved to be good to him. she loved the way his face brightened when he looked up at her after she'd brought him some advil and a water after a hard night out. he was beautiful when he was happy. but...

"then stop hurting me .?"

[tantrcm]

and she was yelling again. how did they get here? he was the one who was supposed to be angry? he was the one fighting for her to get better? how did this become a problem around naomi? FUCK.

maybe elijah is right? maybe he was a stupid bitch?

“i’m a fuckin’ asshole? LOVE, how am i the asshole here?” he just wants her to get better. he just wants her to be happy and like LIVING. he was tired of seeing good people fall for this SHIT life he had? “i have never put naomi above you? if anything, i chose you over her every time. EVERY TIME, MAGS!” and now he was yelling was he? he stumbles back slightly when she shoves him, but maybe he was the problem? because the show of aggression just made him laugh in a humorless mean way.

“naomi gets high. she get’s high with me and that’s why we stop fighting. with drugs we actually get along. it isn’t healthy and it’s actually incredibly toxic, love. it isn’t that i’m okay with her getting high. it’s that she is only kind to me high. but you?” he stops, giving her a charming smile. “you mean more to me that some high fuck ever three months or so.”

[devilsympcthy]

his laughter really just eggs magda on, and she shoves at him again, though this time much weaker. "don't pretend, apollo. don't fucking gaslite me?" because it had to be obvious, didn't it? APOLLO--- he. he made life worth living again. she hadn't ever felt like this with someone, hadn't felt this understood, hadn't felt like maybe. maybe it could get better.

but tour was ending in a few weeks, and what if he only was interested in her because she was close. what if he drifted away from her. what if she lost him? she needed something in case she didn't have his eyes to look forward to seeing. "you're NEVER going to leave her, and she's NEVER going to let us stay close when tour ends! you keep saying you put me first, but when it comes down to it--- you'll do what you have to to keep her, apollo!"

fuck. she needed a cigarette. or another line. or maybe she needed saul to remind her that at least he wanted her. sad eyes peer up at apollo as her chest heaves with emotion. his fucking smile always stopped her in her tracks. "i don't need it to make me kind. i just need it to make me want to keep going, apollo. i'm not going to have anything else."

[tantrcm]

he only holds her closer to him as caine insults him. what did he say to this dick that had him all up in arms? but then again. with magda on the line, he understood why caine was so testy. no one would want to lose the beautiful girl he's come to fond of. so he just glares.

"hanson isn't my daddy." he doesn't find the question outright offensive. everyone knew that hanson and he were FUCKING or whatever it was they call it. but he didn't like anyone thinking that hanson was in anyway controlling him. "and besides, he don't care what i do. no one should rely on a labelman. they're only in for themselves."

he leans his head into her and sighs. seeing the little plastic bag of his sin on the table made his eyes light up. he felt better. knowing it was closer to him helps. he was fucked up wasn't he? maybe he didn't deserve such a perfect girl? WHATEVER. he wants her. that's what matters.

CUNT.

what the fuck? he barely even thought about naomi anymore. why was everyone so big into his relationship. "we're open." he states matter-of-factly. "and she wont be joining us. we haven't been speaking."

[devilsympcthy]

caine doesn't even mean to laugh. he can't help it. "no, no. it wasn't up for debate, Ywhat hanson is to you. he's your DADDY." of course apollo would need to lie to himself. no junkie wanted to admit that their habit made them a puppet for whoever supplied their vice. caine's about to rile him up further, but magda's voice cuts him off. "caine, please. stop."

she takes the baggie from caine and wordlessly tugs one of apollo's hands from her waist to her lap, where she passed it from her palm to his. it isn't her intention, but as their hands linger in her lap, she can't hide a shiver, and it isn't just because of how thin her nightie is. maybe it's because she's woken up from a dream with her in this exact position with apollo many, many times.

but then, the singer has to be reminded of fucking naomi. he could just leave her? magda was just as pretty? she'd never leave the frontman alone this long, never let someone else get this close to him. "apollo and i are just friends. he isn't interested." mags laughs, just tipsy enough to air some dirty laundry. "look at what i'm wearing. he hasn't even noticed." is she bitter? is she jealous? is she hurt? maybe all three.