Hogan

Devlin Hogan.

[emmypaxton]

It won’t be long | emmy––devlin

“Fuck,” she huffed, she was late. Late for the only shift at the only job she had, she was shocked Dev let her sleep in in the first place. The cold New York wind hit her and made her skin burn slightly, taking the warmth right out of her body. The past couple months had been perfect, as perfect as she could manage. She was still shocked that Devlin took her back after everything that had happened. Through her insecurities and jealous fits even though they were both working on calming her down when it comes through her anger issues, in which, she had a lot to work on. But god it felt good to be with him again, to be with him and not have to worry about being alone because as typical as it sounds, she truly believed they were meant for each other. It’s who they were and what they were destined to be together. But it wasn’t always perfect, they still fought but it wasn’t as bad as it used to be, it was perfect and of course it scared her to know how good it was going, but he calmed her down daily just by being there. 

Shaking her head, her short hair stuck to her face as the cold surrounded her, she noticed someone standing next to the back entrance, one that was only meant for employees and new shipments. Her brow furrowed and she slowly stepped aside as she looked at the black-hooded man. “Uh,” she breathed, rolling her lips into a flat line. “Can I help you?” She asked loud enough so hopefully he heard and someone around could possibly hear that as well. “Emmy Paxton?” The man faced her, his face barely visible as he she heard a click in his pocket. She knew that sound all too well, it was one that made her shudder just to hear. She heard it all the time with Devlin and his men, but that she became accustomed to, she knew it was never directed towards her but she could feel the hair on the back of her neck rise as she took a step back. “What the fuck are you doing and what do you want,” she said backing against a brick wall, the man keeping his ground. “Tell your boss that we have business to discuss… That is, if you see him again,” he spoke slowly, his horrible deep voice ringing through her ears but her stare held strong. “What the fu––” and before she could finish her sentence, he pulled out his gun and she heard a loud boom that echoed through the alley way. At first she remained still, a sharp pain shooting through her body, the adrenaline pumping through her blood. The dark clothed man took off and that’s when she felt her knees buckle and her eyes starting to fall down. Her body collapsed against the icy floor, warm blood pooling around her before her eyes fixed against the cloud sky. “Devlin,” she winced, knowing no one could hear her, waiting for something, someone to come help her.

[devlinofnyc]

Paperwork. There was nothing he truly hated more. Hunched over his desk Devlin’s eyes grew heavier and heavier as he went over everything from new employee contracts to inventory to shipment details. He had a habit of printing out all his emails and liking to have the paperwork on actual paper, not a screen. He knew too well how a decent hacker could infiltrate his system and steal it all in one swipe. Besides he had a safe for it all, making sure that all his illegal activities especially were locked safely away from prying eyes. Gazing absentmindedly towards the clock, he frowned a bit. Emmy was late. As often with his girlfriend, Dev didn’t know whether to be annoyed or amused. He knew Emmy well enough to understand that she functioned on her own clock, one that wasn’t always in sync with everyone else. He usually gave her a pass, because she didn’t work the bar alone. And he didn’t really care to create friction between them based on something so small and insignificant. Actually they had been really good lately, which either was a cause for major relief and happiness, or for some serious worry, given that things always seemed to be very good and calm before a possible storm. Devlin was still working on not expecting the worst from their relationship. With the amount of hurdles they had been trough, he tried to get himself into a mindset where he wasn’t doubting them or himself or her for that matter, the second things didn’t go as planned or thought.

He had just turned back to the page he was reading when a gunshot pierced the air. Dev had both heard and been subjected to the feeling of a bullet too many times not to recognize the sound. Turning around he opened the window of his office wider, eyes searching the area, spotting a hooded figure leaving around the building. What was going on? Abruptly closing the window the male strode out of his office and to the back entrance, meaning to exit and inspect the back and surrounding area, when the door would not open all the way. Something or someone was blocking it. Trying to force the door open, he grunted a bit, eventually able to fit trough the door. The sight that met him caused the club owner to drop to his knees immediately. Blood. There was so much blood. Wordlessly he pulled off his shirt, ignoring the cold that bit into his skin, pressing the fabric against her bullet wound. Emmy was shot. What the hell was going on?! “Em can you hear me?” He asked, voice husky and raw with emotion. “Please don’t die on me.. oh god..” Phone, where was his phone!?

[devlinofnyc]

You’re my girl | Emmy&Devlin

[devlinofnyc]

emmypaxton:

Her body was burning, partially from anger from that fake blonde who thought she could take him from her and part from the urge that was fueled by the thought of him taking her right in this very room. The whole situation out of a dirty movie they both didn’t need to watch because of how they both were satisfied with the dirty games they played in their apartment or at work. His lips were addictive and his body was something she urned for constantly. It was a necessary debate whether if it was at the right place at the right time, neither described this situation but it felt so good to have her body grinding against his. His strong body casting a protective shield against them. She knew no one could make her feel like he made her feel and she hoped it was the same for him. Her body was racing, Emmy couldn’t figure out where the strong urge was coming from but she wasn’t going to let up now. She quickly unbuttoned his shit, her hand sliding down his bear chest before pushing off his cut and shirt, her whole body glued to his, pushing through the burning temptation to just rip her clothes off now, valuing the struggle of waiting even if it is for a second. As his hands slid into the fabric of her jeans her body rose with anticipation, her mind clouded with only thoughts of him. His groans encouraged her further, making her lips suck even harder, going to her teeth grazing against his collar bone. But her lips didn’t stop, she couldn’t, it was impossible to do so. She felt heat rise between her legs with a loud groan from his perfect lips. As his skillful hands unbuttoned and palmed her sex, a breath ghosted along his wet skin as his fingers roughly entered her. The action left her weak at the knees and light headed. Em leaned against his muscular body, his words raking down her core so easily. She pressed her lips to the base of his jaw as she let out a deep moan, she couldn’t be losing at this little game that they both were experts at playing. Her hand on his chest painfully pressed against his burning skin shifted down towards the hem of his loose jeans, trying to keep her composure as his hands massaged her warmth. Teasingly, her hand traveled further south as she palmed him over his rough jeans. “I am,” she breathed against his skin, pulling him closer to her lips. “Only me.” 

His frustration was ebbing away, being eaten up by the fierce lust and desire, the need to have her, feel her, hear her. It was the kind of need which overruled all others. Which made you forget time and place entirely as long as you got to stay where you were with the person you loved. Sure he wanted to remind her that her fears were never going to come true, that they were just that, fears. He’d decided a long time ago to never stop showing her just how deeply and how irrevocably he loved her. Not to be too hurt or frustrated over the fact that she needed that validation and confirmation more often than he himself did. He slipped up though. Sometimes, it was a struggle not to take her fears personally. To not see them as a lack of trust and faith in him. But he couldn’t deny that situations like these were damn sexy. Ones he wouldn’t totally without. The addictive attraction, the overwhelming urgency, being overruled by your instinct and your cravings for one another. He always craved her. Her touch was a drug he could not go without. That was where the madness in this lay, knowing just how hopeless and pointless life became without being this close to her. Her skin was so soft under his touch, instantly responsive, urging him to cut corners and forget all about lingering. At times that could be good too. Cherishing every inch of her. Though she was too good at teasing. More often than not he would break long before she did. As the clothes on his upper body went, Devlin reluctantly, but quickly, had to take his hand away from her sex for the briefest of seconds. He could smell her arousal on his fingers, and placing them back inside, he could feel how wet she had become. His touch still rough and dominating, his other hand was quietly working on removing her jeans and panties, sliding them down far enough that the clothing would slip off her and slide to the floor on their own, hand gliding back up her left thigh, caressing as it went. Each time her teeth came out to play, they sent a red hot burn right down to his groin, demanding he make some serious noise, and Devlin didn’t hold back, didn’t fight that urge. The sounds of her only drove his finger motions further, ignoring the fact that his own joints were protesting. But hearing her moan like that was the absolute best. He could listen to a song of her moans all day every day, incredibly satisfied and aroused by the sound. But she was sure to try and match him soon, never one to give in first. His heart rate picked up speed as he felt her hand move down, a deep sigh escaping by the mere feeling of her hand pressed against his member. “What was that? Who’s my girl?” He breathed back, lips ghosting over hers, nibbling on her lower lip. He wanted her to yell it out, scream as loud as she could. “Can’t hear you.”  

[devlinofnyc]

You’re my girl | Emmy&Devlin

[devlinofnyc]

emmypaxton:

She was angry, that was evident, anyone could tell that. If there was one thing she was known for, especially around the club, it would be her anger. People made it a habit of not talking to her, just for that, that small yet detrimental reason. Her body had a raging temper like a fire, her hands blowing like boulders and her words creating a storm around her, almost like magic. An easy situation could be made into a difficult one, or a difficult one into one of lust and power. Something they both battled for constantly. Which one alluded dominance more, their tongues often the soul soldiers. She knew that sometimes she was too much. Perhaps it was their age difference that made her act out, knowing she was too immature for him, but that wouldn’t stop her from taking her claws out. Toxic as it may be, they both needed each other like a narcotic they couldn’t by or replicate the high from. Her eyes didn’t let up the glare that was pinned against him, she couldn’t; she wasn’t sure if it was something she wanted to prove or a point that this room wasn’t his and someone else’s. The only person he was going to fuck in here would be her. And while she could do it softly, his anger, his rough hands. It made her body heat up with excitement, wanting her hips to surge forward. As he responded almost instantly, a wave of pleasure hit her, her anger transforming into something else. Something far more useful and productive. As his hands found her ass, she moaned onto his wet lips, making her push this game even further. Taking her lips off of his, the traveled down easily to his jaw, leaving a series of wet, hot kisses along his strong jaw, going down to the base of his neck, sucking along harshly– leaving small marks against his hot skin. Her her lips worked against his neck, wanting to feel him, wanting to express her anger in this outlet, her hips slowly rocked against his, a small inaudible moan leaving her busy lips.  

Devlin didn’t know if it was his mounting age or his many years of explosiveness that had left him a shade mellower than he used to be. His rages weren’t as potent, didn’t last as long, his willingness to understand and listen were greater than in the past. Maybe it wasn’t about age at all, but about loving this one girl more than life itself. Loving her and needing her with equal measure, aware that the combination of them could be a deadly and destructive one, that there were countless parts of this relationship which could be considered unhealthy, yet what he was always left with when she was not around was the constant and breathtaking feeling of being incomplete. She was a beautiful hurricane, and he was the heavy rocked mountain that kept withstanding, no matter the strength of her howling winds. Glaring right back at her, not about to back down or give in on his front either, Devlin somehow wanted to prove, even if for the millionth time, that she was his girl. That she was the only one he had any desire to fuck. As his heart rate rose and this familiar urgency rouse within, he didn’t fight the desire, he went with it. Further encouraged and aroused by the sounds of her, Devlin slipped his fingers in between the hem of her jeans, ignoring the fact that the fabric strained tight over his hands. Each touch of her lips left searing burns of pleasure, small starburst with a direct line to his groin, causing him to groan out loud, his breathing hitching. Bringing his hands around, still beneath the tight fabric, they easily found the button and zipper of her jeans, unlocking both before expertly palming her sex, his fingers quick and lacking warning as they roughly slid inside her, kneading and massaging as they went. “Who’s my girl?” he asked, huskily but determined to have a decent answer before moving on to fulfill what they both were after. 

[devlinofnyc]

You’re my girl | Emmy&Devlin

[devlinofnyc]

emmypaxton:

She looked over her shoulder, gritting her teeth, fully unable to calm herself down. She felt like yelling at him, punching him, but she couldn’t. He didn’t deserve that, he didn’t deserve her rage but she couldn’t contain it. She wasn’t going to lie, his strong arms holding her against his warm chest, she felt safe, but she didn’t want to feel that way right now. He was so good at confusing her, it was all too much when all she wanted to do was be filled with rage. Him yelling in her ear, sent a surge through her body, a familiar one, an angry passionate one. “Bullshit,” she yelled back, turning her face towards his. This was far too close to be yelling, she knew only one outcome would come and she wasn’t too against it. Actually hearing that he fucked a whore, that he fucked two, her body tensed up in his arms, his screaming something that fueled her body, something that made her glare into him. “You’re unfucking-believable,” she said softly back to him, her whole body ready to break out into some sort of fighting mode. As he spun her around, her face was too close, too close that she might do something, something that she shouldn’t do. She felt like a dog wanting to mark her territory. But he looked so fucking good, his jaw clenched, his strong hands wrapped around her wrists. “I fucking hate you,” she said pushing her body against his, her lips pressing hard against his. Her body clung to his, pushing his body towards the door, hands quick to tangle his hair between her fingers. 

At that very moment Devlin couldn’t entirely decide who he was angry with. Emmy for being territorial and insecure, Carmen for being a grade A bitch, himself for making the wrong choices.. It was all a mix of raging emotions and he was sorely tempted to let her go so he could step away and calm the fuck down in another, not so closely confined space. Yet her skin was warm and soft, and hiding behind that rage were all this fierce and seemingly constant love that Devlin time and again didn’t think he deserved. He still couldn’t fathom how he had found her, how she had come to accept so much that others before her had refused to. Turned all his vile actions and chosen work into something acceptable and decent. As if anything about him had ever been decent or good or reliable. As he had previously and numerous times discovered in the past, a raging Emmy was such a magnificent sight. A sight that had him go all hard below the belt and put very indecent thoughts into his mind, thoughts of doing things to her and with her that did not fit the situation one bit. Eyes smoldering towards hers, he didn’t answer her accusations nor exclamations. He was all too focused on behaving himself, and then she did the unexpected. But rather than being shocked or taken by surprise, his fingers released her wrists, snaring around her waist instead, holding her flush against his own body lips all too eager and all too willing to meet hers, though greedily. His hands simmered down her backside, grabbing her ass none too gently, groaning roughly against her lips. 

[devlinofnyc]

You’re my girl | Emmy&Devlin

[devlinofnyc]

emmypaxton:

She didn’t know how to describe her rage, the only one she knew who could was standing before her, and often times he had trouble himself. She was at a loss for words, she didn’t want to be mad anymore, she was tired of it, at least in that moment. It didn’t take much for the short girl to go off, and he knew that. Her dark blue eyes narrowed at him, and then back to the girl that was standing in the doorway. She’d love to rip her fake plastic head off. She was prideful in her looks, but she wasn’t content with how open they were to openly go after her guy, her man. Her’s. She wasn’t a fan of property owning when it came to people, but she went through hell and back to just understand how much Devlin meant to her. “I want to kill you,” she shouted after the girl, getting halfway towards the door before she felt his strong arms wrap her waist, pulling her back, the door closing on it’s own. “No, no! Fuck you, you fucked her,” she said flailing her arms, distributing her weight to try and break free but it wasn’t any use. He’s held off men twice her size. Emmy groaned loudly, pressing against his arms, doing her best, doing anything to get free. “I fucking can’t stand you,” she said out of rage, knowing it wasn’t true. “Now do you fucking see, now to you get it? Now are my feelings fucking validated? You fucked her, you fucked a whore,” she pressed her lips together shrugging sarcastically. “Was she the only one? I bet she fucking wasn’t,” she wanted to swing at him for him to let her go, but there wasn’t any use. But every second she was held against his chest, the more her anger rose. “You fucked her,” she shouted again, still lunging for the door. “I don’t give a shit about firing her, I want to kill her,” she said honestly. She wouldn’t mind that at all. “You FUCKED her.”

And all bets were off again. Just like that, Carmen had screwed him over, in a quite different yet very literal way. The chances of him getting trough to Emmy now, of her hearing a word that was to come out of his mouth were incredibly slim. Still.. Devlin knew he would try. He’d never planned on any of this, never intended for her to learn about it like this. Actually he had figured that after a few weeks, maybe three or four, they’d probably have that conversation on their own time. It would come up naturally or he would grow weary of her not knowing and he would tell her the truth. But in some ways he also felt as if it shouldn’t matter.. as if it wasn’t all that relevant. She had broken up with him. Heh ad been convinced this love, his only love, was lost forever. Of course he would drink himself stupid and fuck some narcissistic whore. He’d been fucked up and lonely, and unlike Emmy he wasn’t all that big on drugs anymore. Alcohol and sex were his prime vices, they always had been. Feeling her struggle he only made sure his grip was tight enough that she couldn’t squirm free, keeping ahold of her without much effort. She was small and slim, half his weight, a third of the weight of the guys he fought in the ring or went up against on the streets. “Yeah after you broke up with me. After you left me! You wanna blame someone, you blame me for the choices I made when we were broken up.” He insisted, voice loud and fierce. They both knew that she was lying, how they wouldn’t be here if those words were true. “Yes, okay yes! I fucked a bloody whore! Actually, I fucked two of them. I was messed up, drunk and alone. I was damned lonely and you know what? I am not going to apologize for the things I did while we weren’t together! Screw that.” He exploded, yelling into her ear, having had enough of restraining her, so instead he used his grip to not so gently spin her around, so they were face to face, quick to grab for both her wrists, knowing full well that he might land himself a shiner if he didn’t. “Like hell they are. You do not get to use what I did when we were apart to justify those insecurities or your lack of trust in me. Neither do you get to commit homicide and end up in prison for killing some ignorant, bigmouthed bitch! Newsflash Emmy, there are two of us in this relationship, and every damn thing isn’t supposed to be about your damn emotions, mine fucking count to!” 

[devlinofnyc]

You’re my girl | Emmy&Devlin

[devlinofnyc]

emmypaxton:

She was tired of arguing, her fists were burning and her tendencies to be the absolute worst were shining through with all their glory.  She was positive that one day, he would have enough of her shit and admit her or seriously sit her down, making her change. But she knew to avoid that she was going to have to keep herself, her anger, way down. Way down inside, dealing with it somehow. But she also knew that Devlin would have a say in it, he would help. That’s who she was dating. That’s who she was in love with. She was certain that he wouldn’t let her do this alone. It was far too risky to have a recluse in charge of her own life in such a way. She was right though too, as soon as a dirt bag came onto her, the story would be different, but the only difference, she wouldn’t mind him taking his anger out on a low life. Her morals, how she viewed lives had changed. And it scared her, especially considering that he wasn’t aware of it either. “I love you too,” she mumbled, letting his rough hands soothe her tender ones. She loved his touch, and this close space making her body urge for something sick dark and twisted. “I need you,” she repeated looking up to him, about to press her lips to his when a woman walked through the door. One with platinum hair, fake tan and nails longer than rivers she had grown up next to in Maine. She scrunched her forehead when the blonde didn’t move when she saw Emmy. “Great,” she huffed, stepping aside from her boyfriend, the sluts boss. She had no respect for girls that danced for money. She didn’t even have respect for herself, but less so for them, especially ones like hers. “Devlin there you are. Shannon was wondering where you went. Wanted to make sure your guard dog wasn’t going to hurt her anymore,” she cleared, her head tilting to the side, cascading down her curvy body in the satin robe. “But looks like you guys found our old spot, huh Devvy?” Emmy almost cringed at the nickname but more at the fact that she said their old spot. Her head flinched to devlins. She ripped her hands from devlins and balled them back into the previous wounds that were digging in her skin. “Oh she didn’t know, that’s cute,” she snickered, looking over at Emmy, her height making her feel insignificant in this moment. “But don’t worry, we’ll find a better fucking spot babe,” and with that she closed the door. “You better run bitch,” she shouted, taking one step –– preparing to charge the girl.

He was silently hoping that he’d be able to calm her down, that they could both calm down and have a more rational conversation, or forget this mess altogether. Emmy’s emotions were a mix of highs and lows, she was volatile and irrational, stubborn and sometimes she came off as being self-righteous. But Devlin knew what a master she was at masking her true emotions, her doubts and fears with her anger and hostility. And he had known this firecracker of a girl, whom he could not stop loving, for long enough to see trough most of those defense mechanisms by now. Where he’d before taken it all pretty personally, been unable to distance himself from her hurtful words, the accusations and sometimes ludicrous allegations, he was now fairly serene. When she got to that point, the point where she no longer made sense, he knew not to take it personally, not to put weight on her words. Once or twice he slipped, often he let his own anger be the answer to hers. After all he was only human, and he wasn’t perfect either. But time, especially spent with her, had a ton of benefits on top of the obvious and immobile love. He exhaled some, deeply with relief, pulling her closer to him, their hands in between them. It seemed the most natural thing in the world, as they gravitated towards each other, as his lips were ready to meet hers. The sound of the door creaking open though was a majorly annoying interruption, and as he moved his gaze to the person coming inside, his eyes held and cultivated that annoyance, especially as he noticed the blonde. And just like that the moment was ruined, Emmy stepping away, leaving him tempted to yell at the stupid bitch of a stripper to get the hell out. “If you value your damn job you won’t refer to my girlfriend like that again. The hell do you want Carmen?” His tone court and cold, though he might have guarded his tongue better had he known she would continue on, not only fucking him over, but fucking herself over as well. His entire face hardening with disgust and dislike. Tasting bile in his mouth, while also feeling like an idiot for spending a second with this witch of a woman. Though his eyes quickly went to Emmy, painfully aware that the way this was going, he would either have to let her loose on Carmen’s ass, or he would have to take those blows himself. Considering that the bitch had already signed her fate, he went with the latter, sending her a deadly stare before ensnaring his arms around Emmys waist, holding on tight. “Don’t, just don’t.” He cautioned, prepared to be met with a wall of fire as well as a row of new accusations to stand trial for. Fuck this day.. it was so not his day.. “I’ll fire her stupid ass later..” 

[devlinofnyc]

You’re my girl | Emmy&Devlin

[devlinofnyc]

emmypaxton:

She clenched her fists, taking a step closer, not wanting to be able to actually fight with him, to somehow leave this behind her, but she was the one that always gave the fire air, to feed it, to let it grown. It hurt her chest, her heart suffered, she knew it did. It was visible in her eyes, it was something that she wasn’t all too happy with, how well he could see through her, her small body being able to yell through valleys and knock down mountains but when it came to her spirit, it was just a scared little girl inside. But every so often, this angry thunder storm came out, ready to take down everything in her path. “I don’t fucking know,” she yelled, not backing down when it came to him yelling at her, her body trying hard to stay away but she wasn’t able to actually do so. She was addicted to him and everything he did, even when he was angry at her. Her head tweaked. “Did you just threaten me? Are you fucking kidding me, Devlin? We just got back together I have a right to be cautious of a bitch who tries to come onto you, I just got you back, I’m not fucking losing you!” Her hands were squeezed so tight that her nails drew a bit of blood from her palm. She wasn’t capable of not self destructing. “If they talk to you, then no I can’t but if they fucking touch you, then why fucking can’t I? If some guy, some slutty fucking asshole came up and pulled my body against his and wanted to shove his tongue down my throat, are you gonna tell me that you won’t get mad? That you won’t personally see that he’s in the hospital for internal bleeding?” She scoffed looking over at him, wanting to slam his body, kiss him and scream at him at the same time. “Because I’m fucking damaged, Devlin,” she shouted, finally she admitted it. “Because out of the one fucking good thing in my life, I don’t want to lose you to a fucking whore,” she screamed, her eyes raging, no sign of sadness at all in her eyes. She knew that he was right, but something was off, something so dirty about it and she knew she shouldn’t listen to it so she pressed it down deep deep down. “I didn’t call you that, I just get fucking mad, I don’t have a fucking outlet like you, I don’t have a business. I have me, my anger and you. No outlet nothing,” she yelled back. “I didn’t fucking call you that,” she shoved him once more, trying her best to find something to press. “Because it’s never happened with me asshole. Because I will break their jaw before they even get to me.”

This, yelling and fighting and screaming at each other, felt all too familiar. Making it impossible not to notice how they had slipped right into old and familiar, even toxic patterns. He didn’t know how to feel about that. On one side, this had always been the best way for them to communicate. They both had an easier time admitting to their shortcomings and issues while yelling them out than they had talking calmly. At the same time, he couldn’t help but wonder if they weren’t capable of more. Their reunion had been borderline mature, both being able to talk calmly and rationally about their emotions. Which meant there was hope for better ways than this to communicate.. He however could not help but roll his eyes a little. Threatening her.. now that should be a stellar tactic. Not so much. “No Emmy I’m not threatening you, I’m trying to make you see that there is a bigger picture here, another perspective than your own, if you’d just take a breath and take a step back. But don’t think that I won’t give you an ultimatum if this keeps happening.” Giving a heavy sigh he ran a hand trough his hair, at a loss for words for a moment. “Would you please listen to me. Babe, you’re not loosing me. I love you, I don’t want anyone else..” His words heavy and serious, capturing her gaze as he spoke. “It was one finger Em. And I was stepping back, I was turning her down and warning her off as you were bounding over to kick her ass. If it was the same guy over and over, yes I’d put his fucking ass in the hospital. But I wouldn’t come over guns blazing every damn time a guy flirted with you at the bar, because I trust you. I know you won’t cheat on me and ruin us.” He had to grit his teeth to keep his voice at that same normal level, frustration still boiling despite the fact that he couldn’t deny her logic. He understood being afraid of fucking this up a second time. Being protective of what they had. Watching her scream and rage, fighting for what they had, was sexy as hell. He was so easily hit with that familiar mixed urge to both shake her and kiss her at the same time. But he also wanted to sort this out, sooner rather than later. Reaching out, he caught both her hands in his, forcing those nails of hers away from her tender skin, replacing them with his own palms. “You’re not going to loose me, okay? I’m here aren’t I? I’m not out there with anyone else. Em I just gave my heart back to you one week ago, do you really think I would do that, agree to get back together, unless I wanted to be all in?” He was doing his best to make her see that there was nothing for her to be afraid of, that he wouldn’t cheat or run or break her heart at any turn. As for an outlet.. she had that, she just refused to use it for some reason. But he knew bringing it up wouldn’t do either of them any good. “Then why don’t we find you one? It doesn’t have to be a business or work, it can be a hobby of some kind.” He still spoke calmly, eyes on hers. Even when she shoved at him again, he chose not to react. What was the point? It would only make things worse. “I know. But just because I’m not mowing down strippers does not mean that I’m allowing them anywhere near me. I don’t need them Em, I need you.” 

[devlinofnyc]

You’re my girl | Emmy&Devlin

[devlinofnyc]

emmypaxton:

Em listened to him, her whole being about seconds away from bursting. She fucking hated this, she fucking hated that these insignificant pieces of shit came in her mind, and gave her a reason to be afraid, to let her alter-ego come out. She tried so long to keep her hidden, to not let the hurricane of a person that she had deep down to ruin her last chance with devlin. “It was her fucking fault, she fucking came onto. She knew I was watching, she full on knew that it was mine. That you were mine, and she fucking tested me,” she huffed, pulling at her short hair. It wasn’t something she liked to be reminded of. HE was just the same as her, he knew how to use her, he knew how to get in her head, and thats when the anger would prevail no matter what. She didn’t like giving him, half the time she was ashamed but she was far too stubborn and conceited to give up so easily, to let him talk down to her. “You fucking should and I do,” she yelled back at him, getting closer, showing how strong she could actually be. SHe rolled her eyes as he kicked a cardboard box, holding back a sarcastic phrase. “Because I don’t want them fucking touching you, I want to show them how if they fucking try, I will be there to break their fucking nose, kill their work for a couple months while they actually try and look fuckable again,” she said, her eyes burning like a storm. “Are you sure? Because if you’re not interested and that’s a known fucking fact, then why do you possibly think that they keep coming back to you, huh? Why?” She looked up at my head. “Then I’m fucking delusional,” she practically shouted, her voice dripping with a distant venomous tone. “That won’t stop them from trying.”

Devlin tried to put himself in her shoes, imagining what he would feel or how he would react if it were some male stripper coming onto her. He wouldn’t like it.. he wouldn’t stand by and watch if the same person came onto her again and again. But that was different because he had no need to resort to violence. One beating should be enough, which was what she’d managed to give the first girl. He couldn’t understand how, when she knew it was all a game, a tease, a rouse, that she would play into their hands every time. And he definitely didn’t appreciate the feeling of not being trusted. As if he would choose any of them over her.. as if they even mattered to him. In a business sense, yes, but personally? Fuck no. “So what? If you’re so convinced that this is a ploy between them then why would you play their game? Yes, for christ sake I am yours.. what the hell would you have me do? I can’t fire them all and I can’t not talk to my employees while you’re at work. I can slavically direct the conversations to my office.” He said it, but he didn’t believe doing so would improve the situation. Even if this wasn’t about trust but about her sense of ownership and her pride, moving the conversations out of her line of sight would only make her more suspicious and paranoid. “Do you like this job? Being back, seeing each other every day, all of it? Yes? Cause if you keep this up then there won’t be a place left to work. And if you can’t refrain from causing drama every damn time one of the girls is talking to me then I don’t know how much longer I can keep protecting you. Do not make me choose between this place and saving your job here.” his voice was steelier than before, trying to make her think about what she was actually doing, how it wasn’t all about her or the strippers. This was bigger.. in the long run, anything like this would affect the bigger picture. “You can’t beat up every damn woman who gets a little touchy feely. I was handling it for fucks sake! I was brushing her off and reminding her of her place. Why the hell can’t your trust me?” As angry as he was right then it was impossible to hide the hurt. He’d had his heart broken by her and still agreed to get back together. If that wasn’t proof of how much he loved her, how disinterested he was in other women, then what would be? Her next accusation did throw him off a little though, as he was reminded of the couple of girls from here he had slept with while they were broken up. Drunk and lonely as he had been, fucking them into the next century while the only face he saw in their places had been Emmy’s. So that had probably not been.. the best way to send a firm message that he was not available. He didn’t want to throw fuel on the fire though, so he just shrugged without replying. Not lying, but not admitting to anything either. It wasn’t relevant. “You are when you make me pay for your insecurities and trust issues. When you make me out to be the fucking dirtbag suggesting I’m both a cheater and a liar.” His words were cold and harsh void of the sympathy he had been feeling earlier. “There will always be some stupid slut trying to get in my pants, or some iddiot trying to get into yours! You don’t see me breaking jaws or vetting all the guys you come into contact with!” 

[devlinofnyc]

You’re my girl | Emmy&Devlin

[devlinofnyc]

emmypaxton:

There was no drug or substance that could calm her anger. She needed to find an outlet soon otherwise this was all a lost cause. She could see it in his eyes. And everything in her body told her to fight that off, but his disappointment, that mattered to her. But her body surged through it, eating his expressions and words like fuel, only recharging her anger. “Then be fucking done with,” she said, her words coming out before her analytical mind had a chance to double check them. When she was picked up, her body froze as heat went through her delicate body. “Put me the fuck down, now,” she told him, narrowing her eyes as she was just used like a rag. She fucking hated that. This is why she ran. Small and quick –– easy to get away, that’s what she was good at. But it wasn’t like she could do that in this situation. When he let her down, she shoved him away from her, her forehead crinkled into a thousand lines, each expressed on a different level of anger. “Why can’t I?! You know it’s just a fucking game between them, see how many of them can get to you before I completely snap. They fucking hate me back there ever since I broke sugar face or whatever her fucking name was. It’s a fucking game and you’re too thick to see it,” she yelled, rolling her eyes at him. “Oh I’ve noticed. And I’ve also noticed how they all try and fuck you like you’ve just given them a thousand dollars. That money could go a long ass way right? I’ve noticed what this fucking place is, but I don’t have to be okay with them trying to fuck you. That’s not their fucking job. I wouldn’t be surprised though if that was written into their contract.”

It was not that these games women tended to play between each other was incomprehensible to him. He understood manipulation and deviance, why one would push someone else’s buttons for revenge, for satisfaction. While it had been a long good while since he had operated like that, not since his teens if he remembered correctly, modern women still did. And despite the fact that he had paid for the other girl’s medical bills and raised her pay, kept her on though with her broken nose and cuts she had not been able to pull her usual weight on the floor, she had still been fairly upset. And all the girls here were seemingly pretty close. They looked out for one another in the spaces where his guards couldn’t always be. They hated on behalf of their friend.. and they knew that Devlin couldn’t fire all of them at once. He needed them to work the floor, or this establishment wouldn’t go round. He couldn’t quite decide if Emmy’s jealousy really was this uncontrollable, or if she just was as easily sucked into the girl drama as eighty percent of the female population were. Or if she thought about what damage she was doing, how it affected him when she came down on his employees screaming bloody murder. Shaking his head, he felt the shove but the force of it wasn’t much, only making him take a step or two backward, landing him flush up against the door for a moment. “I don’t care! And you shouldn’t either!” He all but roared back in her face, kicking out at a random cardboard box, dissatisfied when the box didn’t go flying. Breathing deeply, forced, an attempt to calm down, he continued. “I do see it, but if you’re that aware of what they’re doing, then why on earth are you giving them what they want? Reacting as if world war three is about to erupt on the fucking floor! How many damn times do I have to tell you they don’t matter? How many times do I have to assure you I’m not interested in any of them? Do you even care that this is fucking with this business?” He had to ask. If he didn’t ask, then he’d just be left wondering. “Oh my god with this shit again. You’re delusional if you think thats in their contract. Or that I am giving them a dime more than what their given rate is. Em would you listen to yourself right now? No one is fucking me but you!” 

[devlinofnyc]

You’re my girl | Emmy&Devlin

[devlinofnyc]

emmypaxton:

Her body was pumping blood faster than it could handle. Her chest felt like it was going to go through her mouth, not expecting nor wanting to stay down. It wasn’t the good kind either. It wasn’t like it was when he took her back, or they slept together for the first time, it was harsh, brutal and unforgiving. A strong urge ran through the slim girl as she saw the frightened feature in the girl, yet Shannon, the bitch herself, only had a smile as she turned away, knowing that the game between the other dancers, the ones without boundaries only grew as she got angrier. It was a huge flaw, her jealousy and anger never really leaving, it was always there, in a chest deep in her stomach. “Yeah, run away,” she called out after her, the dancer doing a little twirl before she ended back stage. The commotion she had caused was already drawn so much attention. Several men looking at her with a disgusted look against her face, and others extremely liking how feisty she was. As the bouncer dropped her hand, her boyfriend was quick to pull her. “What the fuck,” she said, tugging on his wrist, it being no use at all. Of course he was stronger than her, the difference in size says it all. “Let me fucking go, or so help me..” 

Devlin was trying to rationalize this shit. How incredibly jealous she was, how the smallest of interactions would set her of, how she’d happily make a scene without a second thought, how no matter how frequently he told her he wanted no one else, she’d still go off like a fucking bomb each time one of the dancers came to close. He had no idea what else he could do to ease her feelings, but he knew that this could not continue. He couldn’t allow it to continue. Turning back to her, expression thunderous, Devlin felt his own hands shake with the frustration he was feeling. Not surprisingly she wasn’t about to cooperate. “So fucking done with this shit.” He muttered, more to himself than her, ignoring her threat as he simply picked her up and swung her over his shoulder, walking briskly from the main room to the nearest storage closet off the side of the bar, only then letting her down and pulling the door closed behind them. “What the hell Emmy! You can’t keep doing this every damn time one of the girls come on to me! This is a fucking strip club or have you not noticed!?” He yelled, staring at her with exasperation. 

[devlinofnyc]

You’re my girl | Emmy&Devlin

[devlinofnyc]

emmypaxton:

It had been about a week since she had gotten her old job back, one that she didn’t mind having at all. While she loved to make drinks, listen to pathetic men pour out their hearts to a stranger, it kept her interested. But also for a very selfish and unhealthy reason, she was always scared, threatened by their bodies, how they lack respect for anyone in a relationship, it was just a game to them and Emmy was very adamant about winning. Pouring a double whiskey, one malt for the man in front of her, she saw Devlin dip out of his office and instantly her face lit up. It was so unusual for her to react like that to anyone, ever. But for the hundredth time, this wan’t like anything else. As she watched him, she saw one of the clubs dancers, his dancers waddle up to him. She waited for a moment but she couldn’t help feel the blood boil inside of her. Her anger hadn’t gotten any better during their time apart, it just got to the point where she had no control over it. But it snapped when her finger came in contact with his chest. The chest that she owned, he was hers. That was that. She clenched her jaw, throwing the rag down on the table and walked towards the hatch. “Cover me,” she said to her coworker. She slammed the metal hatch, going towards the two. “You,” she practically yelled towards the bimbo, “Get your fucking hands off of him.” She trapped the girl by the arm, spun her around and lifted her own arm, prepared to strike. “Fuck you,” she said and as her fist was about to connect to her face, she felt strong features wrap around her wrist. “What the fuck,” she shouted as she herself was turned around to face with one of Devlin’s security guards. “Are you fucking joking me? Let me fucking go,” she spat in the man who was double her size. “Devlin, what the fuck.” 

Work was becoming more of a routine than before, though having Emmy back hard reignited some of the excitement to his days. Just knowing he’d be able to see her there, take a drink by the bar, whisk her away for lunch breaks or ‘private conversations’ in his office. Some days those moments were the only ones he looked forward to. Dev felt as if life, however routine, was finally back to normal, to a more stable foundation, to expectancies being met. So he didn’t mind as much that his job wasn’t as fulfilling or invigorating as it had been when he started it. The work paid the bills, had him close to his girl, allowed for a great deal of breathing room. He chose how to set up his days. Who to hire or not, who to have meetings with or not. Now the working girls here were proving to be his biggest problem. Most, unlike Shannon, were clever, resourceful and professional girls. The type who even though they danced and sometimes sold their bodies, had either a man at home or a kid or two to feed. They worked hard because they needed to, and they didn’t bring their work home with them. But some, a select few, did. And they were the ones lacking boundaries. He was stepping away from the girl, so that her hand had to fall, making good on his words. But a second later, not fully unexpectedly but still frustratingly enough, Emmy was there, all fury. Dev could hardly contain his relief as Dave stepped in, a lot quicker than he himself had even thought to be. “Move your fucking ass to where you are supposed to be!” He told Shannon, with force, and she obeyed without a word, spinning fast on her heels. Turning back to Emmy and Dave, Devlin grimaced a bit as the guard was spit on.. honestly, this was going to far, again. Nodding for the male to let her go Dev stepped in himself, his hand quick to replace Dave’s, forcibly tugging at Emmy’s arm, to make her move as well, though without a word. He was not about to have this conversation here. 

[devlinofnyc]

You’re my girl | Emmy&Devlin

Leaving some paperwork on his desk, Devlin stepped out of his office, aware that the girls were about to come on stage, as the club was about to open for the afternoon. They had started extending opening hours from earlier in the day after some added interest from the customers. And the girls didn’t mind starting earlier, earning more money for working longer hours. Neither did the bartender, or bartenders, plural now that Emmy was back to work her section of the bar. Outside the music was already on, some of the girls having entered their podiums. Though just as he started making his way across the floor, Shannon slid into his path, twirling her fake raven black hair, hand on her hip. Devlin slowed to a stop, keeping a professional and normal distance between them. “Yes Shannon? Whats up?” he asked, not surprised as she asked how his day was going, continuing with suggestive questions. “Aren’t you lonely boss? Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone to warm that big cold bed?” She stepped closer as she spoke, reaching out to run her index finger down his chest, quickly standing too close for comfort. Glancing instinctively towards the bar, where he expected Emmy would be, Dev spoke firmly but calmly. “I’m not interested love. And you know better than to push it. Now why don’t you get backstage to prepare for your number huh?” 

@emmypaxton

[emmypaxton]

I Need You || Emlin

[devlinofnyc]

It was so easy to fall back into old patterns, to forget about their past troubles and just slide back into what they’d had for so long. Along that journey Devlin had given this relationship his all, and he would never be sorry about that. He’d always keep fighting for Emmy as long as she let him know she wanted him in return. Staring back at her he was choosing to remember the good, and that alone. There would always be something to antagoinize over, to complain about or fight over. They would never cease to be the couple with all kinds of drama but at least they would stick with each other. He wouldn’t stop loving her even if he could. He’d had that opportunity for months and not taken it. “You really want me to? If that’s what you want then you have your job back.” He said, trying not to make any assumptions on wether or not working at the bar really was what made her happy. In his eyes she was far too good for that place and he did wonder if working somewhere playing the piano wouldn’t make her happier but.. it wasn’t his call. “You’re making me out to be one of those inappropriate bosses who’s office needs to be locked all hours Paxton. I can’t decide if that earns you a raise or something else entirely.” Mischief entered his gaze, just imagining all the sounds of pleasure he’d like to entice out of her. Those dark urges well set in motion by her talk and feeling her body. Just nodding in return he was more and happy to move onto less serious subjects. “I’ve been loving crazy one way or another my whole life babe. No use fighting it.” Devlin could bare let keep the laughter down, though her lisp were doing a god job of shutting him up. He didn’t bother with a verbal response, instead he rocked his hips against her teasingly, leaving all restraint behind as one hand slid in underneath her shirt, the other stroking the inside of her thigh. The chances of either of them slamming down on the breaks right now were slim to none.  

[emmypaxton]

I Need You || Emlin

[devlinofnyc]

emmypaxton:

She knew she was a handful but it was so much simpler, just him being here. For the first time in months, it was like she could breathe again. No more dreaming or wishing he would be here. For some god forsaken reason, he was finally back with her. He was hers again and by god, she was his. Only theirs. It didn’t matter what the space between was filled with. It was the beginning of a romantic comedy. One’s that made Emmy sick to watch, but it was just the perfect explanation of how it could start. Or the end of the film right before the sequel. 

She wasn’t going to ask for her old job back, not unless he decided that would be right. But it would be easier, working with him again. Her boss, her boyfriend. It was so much better than anything she had fucked up in her head. “I just fucking,” she moved closer, now that the glass was out of her arm, she sighed heavily. “I’m just so happy you’re here.” Taking measures into her own hand. She got the bandages and wrapped her own arm so she could be fully mobile again, just to reach out and touch him with the arm that she fucked up. “It’s not my place to ask, but fuck it –– right?” 

“No I can’t,” she said, looking up to him, scooting closer, her legs brushing up against his. “I did the most awful thing, and I’ve never regretted it so much,” she said shaking off the argument that was about to happen in her head. “I’m a little crazy,” she said, laughing –– something she hadn’t done in a long time. “That’s why you love me,” she said/asked. Looking for more confirmation than she already received. As he mentioned the drugs she was on, she looked over at her spare bedroom that was the beacon of the shoe box that held all her handy substances. “None, right now. I’m completely sober. But I did a lot of shit while you were gone. Stuff, I don’t want to mention. I clean it out tomorrow,” she said, a small ashamed shrug controlling her body. She wasn’t proud of all the drugs she had running through her body. But the past few days have been uncontrollably and unbearably sober. All she wanted now was him, in her bed, with a drink. His lips against hers was a wave of relief in and of itself. It was like waking up again, just realizing what she was missing. “God I’ve missed you,” she mumbled against his lips, her body moving so practically she was on his lap, all the first aid stuff pushed to the side. “Really you will? Fuck I’m so lucky,” she said kissing him again before laughing. “Did you just tell me to shut up?” 

He still thought it a miracle, that he had survived so long without her. In solitude and silent terror. They were such a coiled mess, all wrapped up in each other, fastened to the same cords, bound so tightly it was impressive how either of them had managed to distance themselves from the other. It was almost to good to be true. Devlin was waiting for his alarm clock to go off, or his phone to buzz and stir him awake, to remind him that this was but a desperate dream. But neither of those things happened. Instead he kept staring into those clear green eyes of hers, loving every minute, holding on to her and any time he was allowed to spend with her. It was such a damned movie moment that Dev wanted to laugh out loud or scoff at the ridiculousness of it all.

He didn’t know how they would balance their life out once more. His work was everlasting, and he had no idea of knowing wether or not she had gotten herself another job. A part of him still wondered if he shouldn’t urge her to play the piano. To pursue her skills as a pianist instead of offering to give her the boring bartender job back. Would she really want that? “You can’t take all the blame. Its not as if I fought you very hard this time.. I could have. I should have.” This wasn’t the first time she had snapped and told him to get lost. The difference was that those other times he had refused. He had fought with her, he had not given in. “It is why I love you. I love all of your crazy. Most of the time.” He replied in a firm tone, his chin moving slowly up and down in a small nod. He’d never ask her to change. Never expect her to be anyone but herself. His gaze followed hers, guessing that her famous shoe box was still in use, being reminded of how badly he had wanted to chuck the entire thing out of the apartment several times. Though in truth it was not his battle. She had to decide for herself. “Okay. Really you will?” he couldn’t help the surprise that colored his voice, eyebrows shooting up, waiting for her to either confirm it or take it back. When she only shrugged he didn’t know what to believe or think. Maybe she really did mean it this time around. Kissing her again was like opening a vein, a part of him that had been lost for weeks and weeks. This was why he didn’t need any drugs, not when he had her. Because simply a kiss was better than any high or ecstasy. Nothing could compare. His arms slid around her small midriff, pulling her closer, fingers carrying a slight tremor as he held himself back, held them back from freely roaming this addictive body of hers. He still had, the slightest bit, of self control. “I will. Later. After.” he murmured back, far too preoccupied to think past this moment right here. At her laugh he could do nothing but smile, playfully rolling his eyes. “Liking the role reversal are you? Cause its usually you telling me to shut my trap while making out.”

[emmypaxton]

I Need You || Emlin

[devlinofnyc]

emmypaxton:

Her mind was a giant vortex of things that didn’t add up. Every little thing just jumbled up into a reality that didn’t make sense. She pushed away people who loved her, destroyed things that were perfect to begin with and ruined her whole relationship with someone who she loved more than anyone, more than she loved herself. She knew she hurt him, but her mind was turning into a shit show of everything that had happened. There were times where she dreamt of waking up next to him, sleeping with him, kissing him. But when she woke up –– it was all gone. Everything was just turning into a dark hole that made her cry almost daily. She’d never been as weak. 

Looking over to him, a wave of relief crashed upon her features as he said that he was alone. It made her feel so much better, kept her feelings at bay knowing that he hasn’t moved on. She hasn’t even tried. She didn’t fuck anyone else, and for Em, that was a fucking big deal, but she didn’t count on his story being the same. She didn’t even want to hear him say it. She would just rather have it left out. Not wanting to add another thing to her fucked up mind. “It doesn’t fucking matter. I hurt you, and you shouldn’t even want to get back together with me after I hurt you but I’m selfish enough to ask for you back because I fucking miss you so much.” 

It was like looking in a mirror, every look she gave him, he amplified it onto his own perfect reflection ten times worse. It ate her up, but it was nothing compared to what she did to him. She’s been left, broken up with and everything under the sun, but she ended them, and that was the worse breakup by far. “I know, Devlin. I’m a fucking idiot, there’s something wrong with me and I know I’m crazy but I can’t live here without you anymore,” she rasped, her body scooting closer to his. “I thought it would be easier, be better. I don’t know what the fuck I was doing –– Ever since I broke up with you, things have been missing. I’ve been forgetting whole days,” she said continuing to whine, the old, frustrating Emmy being lost in translation somewhere along this rambling. She shook her head, she wasn’t going to change her mind. She was at his fingertips, all she needed to do was throw away her foolish thoughts and she wrapped her hands around his neck, ignoring the searing pain from her arm and crashing her lips onto his, pushing her body to his, lusting for more. Pulling away after a few moments, she could hardly contain herself. “I’m sorry I had to. Please come back. I’m so fucking sorry, I love you.”

A part of Devlin felt as if he could finally let his shoulders down, as if they had been tight and wound up all this time being exiled and alone, without her, left out in the old, but were now allowed to stretch and relax, as the world seemed to snap back into focus. Because it had been painfully out of focus for these long weeks. He had not been able to see clearly, think straight or properly rest because such a vital part of him still rested with her. She would always own his heart and while he was not ashamed to admit to that fact, he wasn’t sure how to describe this either.

He could read from her face that she had feared he had found someone else, inwardly scoffing at the mere idea. While he suspected that his hook ups would probably come back to haunt them at some point, because those kinds of things never stayed buried, they had all been meaningless. He had fucked some girls. But he had not made love to a single one. No one but Emmy. While he’d rather be honest than come across as if he was trying to hide something from her at a later date, Devlin realized that now was not the best time to come clean. He could find another time to have that conversation with her, and only hope that she would be half as understanding as she was being at them moment. He nodded, a slow motion, running a hand trough his hair, wanting to let it all go, just leave it and embrace what they had, what they should have had all along. “Its nice.. that you’re asking. I miss you too.” More than words can say.

He didn’t know where the anger started or where it ended. He didn’t know how to let it go and just move on. But for her he was going to try. Pressing his lips together as she kept apologizing, kept making herself the villain, the crazy girl. “Stop saying that. You are not crazy. There’s nothing wrong with you. And lastly, you don’t have to apologize for who you are. Yeah your choices in this particular situation really was fucked up, but that doesn’t mean that you are.” Despite himself he was still arguing on her behalf, still championing her. It came all too natural. He believed in Emmy. Believed she had good in her as well as bad. That she had spent far too much time with an ass of an ex boyfriend telling her she was sick or fucked up, with a mother that didn’t love her, with frosty stepsisters, which had twisted her up to lack belief in herself. Which was fine, he would believe for the both of them. “Just how many different drugs are you on at the moment?” He calmly inquired, chalking her 'missing days' up to her taking too much and loosing track of her own mind and body in the process. Though it did in no way diminish the fact that her pain was real, possibly all to great for her to handle sober. Dev was about to reassure her, opening his mouth to speak, when her lips descended on his, her upper body pressed flush against his, consuming his entire line of sight. For just a brief moment his mind disconnected, blissfully, as he kissed her back, a wild urgency to it all. He wanted to groan out in protest when she pulled back, blinking, using a good minute to relocate his brain and thus make himself speak. “Done. You don’t have to ask. I’ll move back in. So just.. shut up. I love you Em. I need you too.”

[emmypaxton]

I Need You || Emlin

[devlinofnyc]

emmypaxton:

There was no one Emmy hated more than herself and there’s no one she loved more than him. She loved him in a way that she didn’t know what was possible. But the clouded judgement of someone who was selfish and greedy came in the way of that. She didn’t want him to be unhappy and always fighting for a person who couldn’t be enough for him. It made her body ache and go into a spiraling state of affairs that left her even more empty than before. And it wasn’t his mess to clean up, but being the selfish person she is, she brought him over anyway, knowing just what to say to get him to come. But it was just to manipulate him into coming over. She really did need him. 

She felt like she was drowning without him. He always was the best for her, and they weren’t saints. No where near. The closest thing they’ll ever get to godliness is hell. She didn’t feel the same when she wasn’t with him. Every day got darker and harder to deal with as her body just inevitably gave into the abuse she was forcing upon herself. Her eyes and nose red, the signs of drinking too much were all there. She didn’t even know the pain she caused him and she wasn’t even sure she knew him well anymore at this point. “You probably had someone over, I’m so sorry,” she said, putting her head in her good hand, sighing completely in vain of herself. She couldn’t live without him honestly. It was awful of her to admit she was co-dependent on him. But she was as independent as everyone thought. Functioning wasn’t possible. Sleeping wasn’t attainable and being happy was certainly out of the question. 

As his eyes bore into hers, she looked up at him, ashamed as ever. Like a puppy that had just been kicked. Feeling like utter crap, she couldn’t help but notice the pain wasn’t in her arm or the glass stuck in her arm, it was struck in her heart, her chest burning with a rage of feeling empty. The space in her apartment collecting unholy amounts of dust since he’d been gone. This wasn’t just her place. It was his too. She watched him pause in the middle of her living room. The whole stalling of the situation making it so much more apparent that he didn’t need her like she needed him. Or so she thought. “And I’m so sorry,” she told him, wincing not only at the oozing of blood from her arm, but from his words. As he wiped her arm clean, there wasn’t a feeling in her that could compare to what she broke herself inside her. “Nothing ever changed. I just did it because I thought you’d be happier than fighting all the time, I didn’t want you to feel like I didn’t care, I was just, digging myself a hole and ignoring everything,” she rasped.”I hate myself that I kicked you out. This was your home and I fucking ruined it. I ruin everything, and I’m so fucking sorry. And I know it’s selfish but ––” she hesitated, not knowing what could come of her words because the time it had been since she’d seen him, touched him.. kissed him had been so fucking long it felt like years. But she needed to muster up the courage. The wounds on her arms weren’t the only things that she ripped open.  “I’d rather be dead than without you. I love you. And I’m sorry it took me getting this fucked up to realize.” She shook her head, wanting to pull her arm back from his reach, not sure if he’d let her. “But I know it’s selfish of me to say those things. But it’s true. I need you. I love you and I fucking need you, Devlin.”

He was aware that in her mind he was painted as sort of a lesser evil than she painted herself. While that might be natural, might not be a cause of your own self worth or rather lack there of, he didn’t much agree with it. He made mistakes just as often as she did. He said and did things that he could rarely manage to take back. Not to mention he had chosen a profession that brought death and destruction to every single part of his life. That had jeopardized her life more than once, that might be profitable but also dirty. For the longest time he remembered thinking she would disapprove. That she’d learn about all the awful things he had done, or been apart of, and realize what a horrible human being, as well as male, she had been with. Though oddly that never happened. What moral compass she had possessed when they met seemed to not apply to him somehow. That was still a mystery to Devlin. She was still a mystery to him most days. How her mind worked. Which was why he had maybe too easily accepted it when she said they were over. He hadn’t understood it, but he hadn’t not understood it either. He was bad for her. He brought shit into her life that she didn’t need, that she would be better off without.

In her absence Devlin had returned to old habits to keep his sanity. Drinking heavily, having sex with whoever, not remembering the women names or faces, because somehow when he was deep inside someone the only face he saw was Emmy’s. At first he had buried himself in work, thinking that would work as a distraction. But after only half a week he had realized that being at the club in general just feed into his despair. Only reminded him of what was missing, or rather who. So he did the opposite. Stayed home, only went out to visit his mother or hang with the select few who didn’t pry and respected his privacy, drove his car or his bike for hours outside and around the city, listening to music, smoking and drinking to excess. There were nothing that could make him forget or take away the pain however. No matter where he was or who he was with, the heartbreak came along and the longing for her continued. “Actually I was alone, been spending lots of time alone lately.. so you’re fine.” He said, trying to sound casual and nonchalant and failing. Mainly wanting to assure her that there was nothing to be sorry for.  

That expression she wore sent a punch to his gut, resulted in another teeth clench because he had to physically bite back his own reaction. Ignore how much he wanted to reach out and touch her face, to comfort her and apologize for whatever shitty thing he had just said to make her look like this. Quickly he strode over, seating himself and diverted his stare to her arm, finding a pair of tweezers to pick the shards stuck in her cuts out with, one by one, as carefully as he could, methodically working his way from hand to elbow and further up. “You thought I was miserable with you? So instead of telling me you care, you did the least logical thing that did in fact make me believe you did not care at all..” he shook his head, knowing he would never understand her reasoning. While it was somewhat chivalrous or sweet that she’d give them up thinking his happiness would be elsewhere, it still didn’t make sense. “Not that that is the worst part. Why do you think I fight with you? Why do you think I’ve stayed all this time? Its like you just decided that I didn’t love you anymore, without fucking asking me. I at least thought that if you believed anything I’ve told you, you’d believe I love you, that I’ll keep loving you no matter what. All those insecurities you have, those are the ones that fuck things up, those are the ones ruining things.” He had to stop what he was doing, his hands shaking with an influx of emotions, eyes flitting back to hers. Did she really want him back? Had all this been a huge mistake she was now trying to fix? His heart wanted to soar, to believe all that she was saying. To cross and kill the distance between them, give in to the extreme and overwhelming love he had for her. But he hesitated. Remembering all these weeks alone. Wondering what would happen the next time she convinced herself he didn’t love her or would be better off without her. “And you won’t change your mind? You won’t wake up two weeks from now thinking I’d be better off or don’t love you anymore?” He questioned, scared to believe in it. Scared to be hurt a second time. “I don’t think its selfish.. I need you too.” His voice deep and low, itching to throw all pride away, to kiss her and embrace their love for a second time.

[emmypaxton]

I Need You || Emlin

[devlinofnyc]

emmypaxton:

She shook her head, burying her head in her hands. Somehow, she thought that if she blinked hard enough, cried long enough and kept enduring great lengths of pain, it’ll reverse time. So it could go back to when she didn’t fuck them up. Because he didn’t; he never did. It was only what she did. Constant conflict that could deflect the front that she put up. And the worst part was. After a year, she felt that she still wasn’t okay to be trusting, that she couldn’t give him what he wanted. And it wasn’t selfless. It was selfish, it always was of her, because she stripped away everything they had. And she did it because she thought it was best. Even though she loved him. So fucking much. 

As some of the blood dried from her arms, she could see that it wasn’t that bad. Maybe it was a self destruct button that needed to be pressed. Maybe it was an excuse to call him. She could easily take care of them herself but the scars add up and the amount of pain that surged through her body, while she was so close to him hurled her into another side of pain. She missed him. He looked worse than she thought. She thought he’d look better, after not having to deal with a baby like herself. The small pool of dark red to the side of her, only screamed for attention as she looked back to him, her grey eyes not leaving his. “I fucked up,” she repeated. Not clearing that up enough, but when did she ever? 

His sigh ghosted around in her brain, knowing that she shouldn’t of called. He was probably doing something important, with someone with a greater impact than her. The image of herself only tumbling into another whirlwind of self loathing that only is recognizable with she’s sober. She had so many questions and somehow, she though the answer was at the bottom of a bottle. When he called her babe, her eyes squeezed shut, her fist balling as more blood oozed out of the cut. It was only more painful knowing it didn’t mean anything. And she didn’t have a choice but to accept it, because he moved on. But she couldn’t come to do it. His hand made her skin burn, want more instantly. Leaning her head against his large hand, her eyes still shut, she quickly wiped away her tears, knowing she wasn’t supposed to cry. Not here at least. Looking down, away from him, staring at the scuffs in his jeans, she knew that she had to be more specific. But that was the hard part in all of this. Just untangling her own mind. There was a reason she called him. Not Ryan or her other friends that she used for a high. Her old habits became regular, but she missed him. She needed him. Emmy didn’t want to move, but she knew he was growing frustrated, she could read him so easily. Either that or he wanted her to know that she was pissing him off. “Fine,” she said shortly, getting up herself, letting the blood drip off her fingers as she walked over to her couch, collapsing with a huff. As he went to the kitchen, she shook her head. “I called you because I missed you. I shouldn’t of broken up with you.”

A huge part of him really detested being this weak. Running over here at the first opportunity, being the nice fucking helping hand when she had shattered his heart into pieces and trampled all over them. And the worst part was that their break up still did not make any sense to him. One day they had been fine, the next she had all but thrown him out of the apartment. In a blink of an eye it had all crumbled. Dev knew he might never understand it, but of course the impulse to ask was there. To get some fucking closure, if that was even possible. It didn’t seem possible though, it all seemed like one long hell. Not only being here or seeing her again but life itself. Somehow she had become the flame that ignited all. The one light in a life spent in the shadows, on the wrong side of the law, breaking said law countless times over, murdering for various reasons. Most were other shady men, succumbing to their chosen path. But there were innocents. 

He remembered lying in bed at night, weeks upon weeks after she ended them, wondering how he was going to stay sane without her. Without that one person to openly confide in. Laying his soul bare knowing there would be no judgement when he did. Loosing Emmy had meant loosing that. At this point in time Devlin was sure that his days were numbered. He wouldn’t survive the life he had chosen for himself, the life he was trapped in by himself. As she could not be replaced, that was a truth he currently tried to accept. “Why did you?” He asked, his deep blue orbs resting on her clear green. Maybe she would be compelled to answer. Maybe she was allowing her guard down. 

The same two questions kept repeating themselves inside his mind. ‘Why am I here’ and ‘what does she want from me?’. He was loath to believe that this was all a rational, well thought out decision. Her impulsivity was one of the many traits he loved about her. On top of how purely stubborn and independent she was. While Emmy could be ruled by her impulses and was at times her own worst enemy, she did seem to always make the choices that were best for her. Regardless of who she was with. Which was why he hadn’t questioned her breaking up with him. That was what she had needed, what she had wanted, and no matter how much he disagreed, Devlin was tired of fighting for them alone. Out of all the fighting they had done, she always seemed to be fighting against him, not with him. Nodding his head slightly he felt a rush of relief as her body hit the pillows of the couch, moving out to the kitchen in a slow space, very sure that the torment would be over in just a short while. Or maybe not.. He came to a halt, in the middle of the living room floor, eyes widening in response to her words That pause lasted for about half a minute, then he forced his legs over to the couch, popping open the medicine kit, purposefully making himself busy, not entirely sure he would manage to stay calm if he was meeting her gaze. “This might sound a little off to you, given how you tend to see yourself in relation to others, but you were the one person I relied on for sanity. You grounded me despite all the shit that has been my life. And I’m betting you think I’m only here out of obligation, that I’ve moved on somehow..” he shook his head a little, using a cotton ball to start wiping the blood off her arm, his touch very gentle in he face of all this confusion, anger, lust and longing. “Whats changed?” Dev slowly raised his gaze confusion coloring his features, grabbing ahold of him. “You seemed so bloody sure. Sending me packing, deciding that we weren’t worth fighting for. I’ll love you until the day I die, I haven’t moved on and life without you is excruciating. But I won’t come crawling back, won’t lay myself bare with you to be dumped or fucked over in three weeks Em. If you want us back, you better mean it.” He was trying to sound more logical and calculative than emotional. Tightly holding on to everything else, prepared to attempt burying it all once more if she backed out.