I don't even remember how to leave a read more break. Why did I choose to taste my fermented failure. Did I need to see how far I've fallen? These logs are just circles, and I am so far from true hell but I want it to end. "I have nothing to complain about" it's true. But why, why do I torment myself and the ones who wish me happiness with pain. I just want joy again. I want to be pure. I never was but I was able to kid myself with promise. The withering will set in and my bitterness overtakes me. It has driven me this far. What's stopping it? I miss the moon on a cloudy night. The face if the moon, it's innocence, the vulnerability. No jackals jealous at my heels, pretending to be my brothers, just my own innocent blunders. And then the price to be paid. THIS IS NOT FOR YOU. THIS IS FOR ME. YOU CAN NEVER TELL ME WHAT I FEEL. YOU READ THIS BECAUSE I REQUIRE A RECORD. BECAUSE I CANNOT TRUST MY MEMORY. THINK ME WEAK. I WILL ONLY THINK OF ONE. AND THEY WERE WRONG. JUST ONCE. I JUST WANT TO TELL THEM THEM WERE WRONG. HOW DARE THEY. YOU CAN NEVER TELL ME WHAT I FEEL. I TOLD YOU DAMMIT. I TOLD YOU AND YOU NEVER BELIEVED ME.
I would kill, to speak with you again. Even if you had nothing but venom. I would die to be flayed by your words, or your hands. I'm pleading with my future self. To see my own pathetic whimpers. To know, This will gain nothing. Time will pass. But I will shoot the moon. Every time I feel this way I must hope. Maybe. Maybe you feel me. I just want to know your light again. If you're reading this far, it's true. I'm that pathetic, I'd tell you everything that I've been through since you. But you will not have it. You do not deserve to have to hear it. I will never know you again it seems. And my nights will be ever darker, and I now hate the light of day, waiting for its reflection.
I keep losing my past and I used to think it a gift. Again, this is for me. This is for me. This is for me.
