Untitled

[dsxsbx]

Untitled by Jakob Owens

[teapalm]

(Tasha Marie) | Vermillion prints | instagram

[devotionandgrace-blog]

“I remember what these photos remind me of now. They remind me of love, of the vast peace and unconditionality I experienced that day. I was reminded of it during christmas, the open air just let me relax - like a serenity dawning on me once again. Sometimes, life, with all of it’s concordant responsibilities create a tension that I don’t really realize until it lets go.

It’s as if existence has no judgments. No opinions. It just is. And if it’s beautiful. It’s just beautiful. It needs to comment, no hyped up promo - self evident in a peace and serenity that’s beyond all vanity and therefore all stress.”

[delta-breezes]

@carsonreneau

[devotionandgrace-blog]

Mortality and the Givens of Corporeal Existence

“My grandma is getting weaker. I find myself unable to be open and loving. I have fear around the idea of her death as well as the seemingly loss of support she gives towards my higher education.”

“I find myself becoming more insecure as I gradually spend time with friends who do not necessarily share my spiritual alignment or even philosophical/moral alignment. The compromises I make in exchange for companionship and inclusion feel as if they weaken me. I don’t wish to compromise the principles and practices on which the foundation of this life depends.”

[lvndscpe]

Lago di Braies, Italy | by Luca Bravo

[devotionandgrace-blog]

Dreams of taking Lobster/Crawfish out of outside swimming pool with other people by the beach.

And we were using tongs.

[lvndscpe]

Pregasina, Italy | by Cristina Gottardi

[lsleofskye]

Lake Tahoe’s Bonsai Rock & Milky Way

[prettystuff]

[scout-joy]

Jenni Kayne

[devotionandgrace-blog]

Repression as a form of dishonesty.

This is an idea that came from Dr. Jordan Peterson.

At this point I thought of repression as a form of emotion,

but the conception of repression as a form lie

makes more sense to me

-

last night before the dreams

I asked to be more honest with how I really felt

[devotionandgrace-blog]

Envy and Independence from Crowds

Perhaps there’s a view that spiritual nourishment or any type of resource is scarce which leads to a viewpoint of competition.

Are the resources truly scarce?

Does the roar and clamour of crowds mean anything at all?

-

It’s as if I can’t control who choose to engage with me,

but ‘no one is unemployable absolutely’

but for those small pool of partners I have

to care for them supremely as I would in a so called ‘ideal client’.

Is wanting what I have the same as loving what I have.

Does envy make me blind to my present blessings and responsibilities?

[devotionandgrace-blog]

Dreams of the Green Female

Two words that Google helped me find that seem pertinent.

Jealousy.

and Rivalry.

Definitely rivalry, competition and looking for superiority in the same field definitely gives greater accurate representation to the first dream.

In a certain sense, this gives me insight into how I feel about various women in my life. That rather than feeling a sense of trust, harmony, and respect with these women. I feel hostility and a sort of one upmanship.

Yesterday, I remember feeling insecurity about my own status and stature about the possibility of dating a friend I haven’t seen in awhile.

I can only feel less than if I see the world in terms of status, rank, and competition.

The competition of Broccoli can either be absurd or make alot of sense,

if it’s just Broccoli it’s absurd. If it’s spiritual nourishment - how come it’s viewed as a zero sum game?

Do I view spiritual nourishment as a zero sum game?

I like dreams, I feel like they give me access to insight into my unconscious - which perhaps is less capable of denial and rationalization.  

From the google,

‘Green represents prosperity and growth, but also represents negative emotions like envy and pride.’

This is also useful.

I do experience envy and pride and  but I also am focused on prosperity and personal growth.

Pride, competition, and rivalry is putting me at odds with green females?

In a certain sense,

I’m grateful for the insight that I’m dealing with pride, envy, and competition within myself. And that this specific worldview is creating a feeling of loss, insecurity, and resentment. Based on what I’ve read - there is/are solutions.

It indicates a need to change my conception/perception or rather to correct my misconception and misperception.

-

This dream came up after a day of self restraint and meditation: 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes at night. 

[devotionandgrace-blog]

Dreams of Broccoli

It was a competition. A competition with a woman to see who could get the Broccoli. If one person won, the other person wouldn’t get the Broccoli. But it was in a setting where there was an audience. So the person who won would also get the approval of the crowd. I tried to get the Broccoli, but then when I had, a large part of it was ripped away and I only a part of it left. Since she had the majority of the Broccoli, I felt upset. I thought the rules were unfair. I needed to let everyone know that she can’t win because she didn’t have all of the Broccoli, but I felt that people didn’t believe me or that my yelling was futile. Eventually I began to drop some of Broccoli and I only had a little left. She continued to try to get all of the Broccoli from me but I felt her intentions. It was as if she didn’t care about me, about my feelings, she only cared about winning and getting all of the Broccoli. It felt I couldn’t win no matter I did. I eventually sat at a bench with some people, maybe even my friends. And they were talking about a relationship. And there were photos, photos of a happy couple.

I woke up,

was supremely confused about why the heck I would dream about being upset over some Broccoli - went back to sleep.

Dreamed about being upset over some green female.

Woke up,

google what Broccoli could symbolize,

and it said spiritual nourishment.

[devotionandgrace-blog]

What is art but a reflection of one's interior life?

[devotionandgrace-blog]

The Requirements of Integrity

I want to write. After contemplating Byron Katie’s for questions in the car with a particular incident with my sister I found myself more comfortable expressing how I felt - I felt more honest.

It was easier for me to admit to myself ‘I am hungry, I want to eat’. And rather than being upset - I accepted the situation at hand and acted accordingly. It felt rational and practical.

Anyhow, 

the new year is almost hear and I have the intention to set goals. To reflect and such.

And yet. I feel tired at the moment. It’s as if inspiration is a fickle thing. It comes in spurts and then I feel like I don’t want to do anything. Perhaps it’s my thinking that’s been stifled.

I want to put a rack.

Where?

The garage is presently unavailable.

And so I feel stuck.

Clean up the garage?

What authority do I have to make enough space?

And so it feels like another block.

But it’s most definitely feasible, I believe.

It’s like admitting a desire and then going through the necessary preconditions for it’s happening.

I can be honest with my feelings because I can accept how people respond. If they say yes or no - it’s merely a matter of considering my options and acting accordingly.

The main lesson seeming/being - there’s no point in being angry if things don’t turn out the way I want or if people do behave in a way that I would like. But I can choose among various options after fully accepting the situation as it is.

Sounds reasonable to me.

It’s different than my previously idealistic thinking.

It presumed that the prevailing set of conditions were perfect or that I was perfect or that there would be no ‘previous set of conditions’. 

But it doesn’t match the way things are.

It’s like reasoning from an ideal set of conditions that actually aren’t present. Yes, if those prevailing conditions were present then things might happen the way you would expect under those conditions - but the reality is that those conditions aren’t the ones we have.

I can’t expect to miraculously have incredible motivation and inspiration

or expect to instantly have a clean room 

when in fact

it’s not clean.

I have to consider present conditions in my reasoning.

Or else it becomes somewhat meaningless.

I need to take into consideration my present strengths and weaknesses. I need to have the courage to face conditions as they are and not reason from hypothetical conditions or from a hypothetical identity of presumed character traits.

So yes.

The garage is crowded.

The rack is not set up.

It is highly unlikely that I would be able to bench press with the new rack within the next hour.

So on and so forth.

But this realization from hypotheticals to present conditions, I believe, is growth from magic thinking to a sort of realistic practicality.

It makes achievement much more likely.

So I’d like to set up goals, which is another way of my saying

‘I want/need to clean up my thinking.’

‘I want/need to face facts and then make plans for their resolution and correction.’

What gives me the courage to face facts is faith that looking at them squarely will allow to resolve them - and that whatever effort is required of me is feasible.

And I do believe this comes from my experience and earnings from working at wholefoods. It’s as if the worse possible scenario happened but it turned out to be a viable avenue to clean up whatever mess I made.

So in a certain sense, 

gratitude.

And school has taught me that when I face the facts of my character. I may find strengths that I may have overlooked in spite of the pain of also looking at my shortcomings and is therefore worth the honest introspection and inventory.

Even if the I/it/things look/feel like a mixed bag. I can correct and grow. 

[devotionandgrace-blog]

[devotionandgrace-blog]

You can’t control the market

you just let them be what they are and buy and sell accordingly.