uncharted

wording out the heart

[navajobima]

Percayalah, hanya waktu yang akan menjawab. Bahkan ketika tangismu tumpah di sepertiga malam, hanya waktu yang akan menjawab. Maka mintalah padaNya kesabaran. Sabar akan hari-hari baik yang akan datang. Mintalah sekencang-kencangnya bahwa sabar di dalamnya ada kuat, tangguh, dan ikhlas, dan yakin. 

Kamu boleh diam-diam menginginkan sesuatu. Tapi Dia Maha Tahu. Maka mengemislah dalam diammu dan yakini bahwa itu baik untukmu. 

[dewritings]

For hundred times I asked, "How can I have chance to leave and pursue my dreams, if it's so messy here?"

For hundred times, I tried to convince myself that leaving to avoid such mess is not the right intention.

For hundred times, I failed to get the answer, failed to get myself conviced.

For hundred times, instead of getting things better, I got to swallow bad words and cry, having none to understand the pain to grow up with him making problems all the time.

Things will get better. I will get better.

[dewritings]

First Facial Treatment and Skincare Discovery

Tidak seperti biasanya, kali ini pengen nulis soal hal-hal berbau perawatan dan kecantikan, yaitu skincare! Sebetulnya, ga ada permasalahan besar dari wajahku yang darurat untuk diperbaiki atau ditingkatkan, selain hyperpigmentasi. Sejak kecil, aku selalu menolak untuk memakai bedak ataupun kosmetik lainnya karena merasa risih. Pakai sabun muka pun aku trauma karena beberapa kali ga cocok dan ga kepikiran untuk coba lainnya. Cuci mukaku hanya pakai air, sampai aku masuk kuliah di tahun 2014.

Long story short, di akhir tahun 2019 kemarin, untuk pertama kalinya aku melakukan facial treatment! Karena dulu pernah trauma dengan produk-produk kecantikan, aku selalu takut untuk facial, tapi aku pengen banget coba dan akhirnya kesampaian. 

Di salah satu klinik kecantikan syar’i di kotaku, serum dan masker termasuk ke dalam paket perawatan setelah membersihkan pori-pori wajahku. Tidak kusangka, ternyata mereka memberikan tambahan serum yang harus digunakan setiap malam sampai tiga hari ke depan tanpa memberi tahu bahwa itu artinya menambah lima puluh ribu lagi. Ternyata facial memang seenak itu!!! Pulang-pulang muka kelihatan cerah dan bersih banget. Ada bintik-bintik merah di beberapa bagian wajah tapi mukaku memang cenderung mudah bereaksi begitu. Wajar.

Malamnya ku pakai serum yang diberikan dari klinik, besoknya muncul bruntus yang cenderung akan jadi jerawat. Malam kedua pakai serum, keesokannya tidak ada perubahan dan akhirnya kuputuskan untuk tidak melanjutkan penggunaan serum, fix ga cocok :(

Setelah kondisi ini, kebetulan, aku punya stok skincare baru yang memang baru akan ku pakai setelah skincare sebelumnya habis. Mungkin bukan timing yang tepat untuk coba produk baru di saat breakout, but surprisingly they do not disappoint me!

Dua kali dikecewakan oleh exfoliating toner cukup membuatku trauma. But I cannot not try Skin1004 Madagascar Cantella Asiatica Toning Toner. Aku coba punya kakak dan thankfully nothing bad happened. Aku tekan-tekan ke wajah pakai kapas, bukan diusap karena muka saya gampang iritasi dan rasanya emang sakit kalau harus digosok-gosok pakai kapas. Ga tau sih efeknya apa tapi kalau lihat ada kotoran di kapas, aku selalu mikir berarti muka aku udah lebih bersih. Hehe.

Sebelumnya aku memang selalu pakai Hadalabo Gokujyun Moisturizing Lotion sebagai toner and it works perfectly well on my dehydrated skin. Karena cocok, aku jadi ingin upgrade ke Gokujyun Premium Lotion atas review dari influencers terkemuka. Akhirnya, waktu kakak ke Jepang aku berhasil mendapatkannya karena kalau di toko-toko online dijual dengan harga tidak terjangkau. Sekilas, tonernya kelihatan thick dan berat, tapi ternyata waktu diusap langsung lumer dan licin dan enak banget! Setetes pun udah cukup untuk cover satu wajah. Setelah pakai, muka kelihatan rata dan bersinar, kaya ada satu layer bening but it’s your skin! Kenyal enak parah!

The Ordinary Nicinamide + Zinc ini udah aku pakai sejak November, tidak seperti orang lain yang mungkin udah coba dari 2017 akhir waktu lagi in banget. Aku pun ga tau apa produknya asli atau engga. Aku ga punya pembanding dan tokonya memang claim semua produknya 100% original walau ga ada buktinya. Banyak yang bilang teksturnya ga seperti yang dulu dan bau lem banget, kemudian ada yang mengklaim itu karena reformulasi dari Deciem. Memang bau dan teksturnya kaya lem, tapi TO yang aku punya beneran bisa ngontrol minyak di kulit aku. 

I used these three at once the third night after treatment, paginya semua beruntus dan merah-merah sudah hilang! Wajahku bener-bener halus mulus dan bersih!!! It amazed me how all those bumps and redness are gone within a night that I feel like I owe them a post on my blog wkwkwkwkw

Walau tidak ada foto before afternya dan tidak terlalu jelas juga reviewnya dan tujuannya apa, tapi aku sangat ingin mengapresiasi skincare-skincare ini atas kerja kerasnya terhadap wajahku yang sensitif ini. Kalau post-treatment efeknya seperti ini, rasanya sayang ngeluarin uang buat facial di sana lagi. Atau mungkin kalau ada rezeki aku akan coba lagi, tapi akan menolak tawaran serumnya dan melihat apa yang terjadi pada kulitku. Kalau di antara yang baca (emang ada?) punya cerita lain tentang produk di atas atau solusi lain dari permasalahan serupa, bisa banget dibagi di sini. 

[dewritings]

Achievement of The Year

It's the end of the year and the decade already and I come to realization of how little I wrote this year. Nowadays, many people share their lessons, quotes, and achievement of the year that made me reflect on what grows me this year and how. So why don't we write ours and see how far we have come, to appreciate every little progress we made, and to be grateful of surviving the tough life of 2019.

In 2019, there were major events that gave me unexpected big lessons that pretty much shaped how I live my life today and the future.

1. I experienced going through the whole recruitment process for a position that I once imagined would give me a lot of privileges.

It was my first time to be an employee candidate until the very end of the process, because I mostly failed on the first round but not this one. But when I thought I would nail the final interview and in fact I did pretty good, I still did not make it. It's like when you think that your life finally gets better but then it brings you down, even worse, unexpectedly. Sometimes, I blamed my parents for not keeping it low when I was not officially an employee yet. Sometimes, I blamed myself for preparing such answer that is less make sense. Sometimes, I blamed myself for forgetting the key answer. Sometimes, I felt like I am not yet worth that position. It's in past tense. Now, I am just grateful because there are literally so many things I have learned throughout the process that I never thought I would earn anywhere else: about fashion retail industry, business, managing capital, even how to fold clothes and clean up fast. I learned to be a humble human being that should not think highly and to never feel satisfied yet. I learned that even though I did my best, someone else could do even better, which means that everything is possible that I should be open and ready for anything. You did your best, Arini, it is just that it was not yours yet. You did good, but let's do even better, let's keep it low.

2. I finally got my first job, but....

I resigned in less the 2 months. I actually still cant make myself believe that it was the right decision. From the beginning, I know it was not an easy job. It's a total gamble because even if I tried so hard, spent a lot of money for transportation (which cost more than a million for a month) and consume my full-time, I still have the possibility of not being paid. Seeing how hard the job and the situation for me, how demanding the job is, and knowing damn well I couldn't sacrifice more than the normal working hours, I decided to give it up. So, I resigned. Without having any back-up. I am back being unemployed, until now. But I believe Allah will open other doors for me to keep learning, to gain something bigger, something more valuable.

3. Be a volunteer and participant of Rumah Bahasa Surabaya

I was an intern there in 2018 and never came back until after I resigned from my job. I was initially planning to be a participant for Korean Basic 1 fix class that was open, but the staffs who remember me offered me to be a volunteer —to teach English. As I have nothing to do and I saw opportunity to learn and improve myself, I'm in to the challenge! I always think that I could not explain and teach well, that makes me avoid that kind of opportunity. This time, I decided to let myself jump into a thing I always avoid, to see how far can I go, to discover new potential in me. 3 months passed, I think I could say I enjoy being a volunteer here. Unexpected things keep coming in a fun way. I meet good people and fellow volunteers I can discuss anything with, I get the opportunity to sit in any class I want, I get the opportunity to develop and test myself. I did not forget my initial plan ofc, because only the last meeting left until I finished Korean Basic 2 class. I am confident to take TOPIK 1 test now.

4. Asian Sound Syndicate Vol. 1

It was beyond words. From knowing only few songs to be a fan of all artists featured. The first concert I watched and I would never regret having to come all the to Jakarta from Sidoarjo for this festival. Would definitely looking forward to the next one.

5. A week trip with dad

To hear and witness Ustad Adi Hidayat lecture in Halal Expo Indonesia in ICE BSD and Al-Ihsan Mosque in Bekasi. To meet family and relatives. To try MRT. To fulfill every dad wish in Greater Jakarta Area.

2019 have given me unlimited chance to be more and more patient, to be stronger on my own, to be able handling emotions, to be a decent daughter and woman. As for the missed opportunities, I believe 2020 would offer more and better. Let's get prepared and rock the years ahead.

[dewritings]

Life Update?

Banyak orang yang mengaku merasa bahwa media sosial memberikan pengaruh buruk bagi kehidupan mereka. Toxic. Insecurities. Sebenarnya, aku sendiri ga pernah merasa begitu, atau mungkin belum ngerasain aja. Kalau ternyata aku yang memberikan pengaruh buruk itu, maafin ya :(

Banyak sisi negatif dari sosial media yang aku dengar dari teman-teman. Ada yang merasa iri lihat update temannya sedang bekerja atau seru-seruan bareng temen kantor atau perjalanan dinas, sedang dia masih berusaha mendapat pekerjaan. Ada yang merasa iri lihat temannya liburan terus tapi dia cuma bisa hidup di kantor dan memenuhi kebutuhan. Ada yang merasa orang lain pamer dan seakan-akan menertawakan keadaannya.

Di sisi lain, aku melihat banyak sisi positif dari keberadaan sosial media, walau sering membosankan, aku masih menggunakannya karena beberapa alasan.

1. Melihat update kehidupan dari teman-teman, khususnya yang hidupnya berjauhan dengan aku. Mungkin, alasan mereka menggunakan sosial media juga untuk menunjukkan bahwa mereka ada dan baik-baik saja. To reach out to bigger audience (not personal).

2. Banyak konten positif yang bisa jadi motivasi dan insprasi. Ada mereka yang menceritakan pengalamannya. Ada mereka yang membagikan pengetahuannya. Ada mereka yang memberikan dukungan moral bagi siapapun yang butuh dikuatkan. Ada doa dan pengharapan yang bisa kita bantu aamiin-kan.

3. Untuk membagikan apa yang menurutku perlu untuk kubagikan.

4. To see my faves update. Hehe kalo ini seputar kekoreaan, seringnya lewat second accout.

Tapi, kenapa akhir-akhir ini Arini jarang update social media, terutama instagram?

Sebetulnya ga ada sih yang tanya aku begitu HAHA, tapi kadang aku merasa memang kurang membuka hidupku dibandingkan dulu, apalagi kalau ada yang tiba-tiba tanya kabar tanpa tujuan tertentu. Rasanya kaya, "Ah iya aku jarang hubungin mereka/ngasih kabar ya ternyata".

Frekuensi bermain sosial media memang sudah dikurangi karena banyak hal lain yang bisa dan harus aku lakukan. Aku masih merasa perlu membuka sosial media, untuk alasan pertama terutama. Senang melihat teman-temanku berbagi cerita. Setelah itu, seringnya, aku tutup kembali karena tidak banyak bisa aku temukan.

I share more on whatsapp story than any other platform, because the closest people of mine tend to reach me more here dan audience yang kuharapkan memang sebatas keluarga dan teman-teman di whatsapp aja. Tidak banyak yang bisa aku bagikan untuk khalayak umum. Aku juga lebih sering update atau cerita ke ning, lebih daripada sebelum-sebelumnya. Untuk ucapan-ucapan personal yang dulu sering aku buat postingan di instagram, sekarang aku lebih sering kirim secara personal, lebih intimate, dan membiasakan diriku untuk terbuka ke orang tersebut aja.

If you are wondering whether I am good, I am all good. If you see me update less, it is basically I have nothing to update, nothing new, not that I isolate myself. If you want to reach me out, feel free to chat me through WA/instagram/twitter. If you need someone to listen to your story, I am all ears (eyes sebetulnya karena agak susah terima telpon/vidcall di rumah karena mic headset tidak berfungsi dan hp terlalu panas ditempel di pipi).

Was it a life update? I don't know. I just feel like maybe someone wondering about my take outs on social media and my current conditions. Thanks for coming to my TED Talks, anyway.

[dewritings]

11.11 Sambat

"...they dont even provide me with motorcycle back then, terus sekarang aku bisa beli sendiri, BPKB digadai sampe plat nomer abis disuruh sabar terus."

Here's an important rant that I wish could be a reminder for me in the future.

3 anak pertama, semua laki-laki, diberikan sepeda motor saat mereka kuliah, bahkan anak ketiga udah punya pas SMA. 2 anak terakhir, perempuan, sampai mereka lulus kuliah tidak pernah mendapat jatah alat transportasi apapun, bahkan sepeda kayuh.

Banyak hal dilalui dan diusahakan sendiri sama 2 anak perempuan ini. Saling berkeluh-kesah, saling menopang, saling berusaha menguatkan. Karena di saat mereka tidak disokong secarai materi sebanyak 3 kakaknya, faktanya, mereka dibebani ekspektasi dan pengharapan yang luar bisa tinggi, melebihi 3 kakaknya. Oleh kedua orang tuanya dan tentu saja tiga kakaknya.

24 y.o and almost 22 y.o girls. They are still doing their best, not to meet their family expectation, but to lead a life they know they deserve.

Do not expect a lot if you cannot provide much of their needs.

P.S. Ditulis di saat anaknya abis dimarahin krn ngeluh ga bisa ngirim paket pesenan orang krn ga ada motor (lokasi ekspedisi terlalu jauh utk dicapai dg jalan kaki, tapi tidak memungkinkan dicapai dg transportasi umum). Terus setengah jam kemudian disuruh ke ATM buat transfer, pdhl udah berrrrrrkali-kali dibilang kalo ATM yg deket rumah cuma bisa dipake numpang narik tunai, ga bisa transfer krn bukan ATM banknya. They dont even listen to me huft.

[dewritings]

Yowes nek gak gelem ngerungokno

From someone who never even try to hear.

[dewritings]

What I Want My Child(ren) To Be

I write this at the most emotional time of mine during taking care of my nephew. Phew.

Aku masih 21 tahun, belum pernah pacaran, dan masih ga ada bayangan kapan jodoh akan datang. Kedepannya jelas tidak bisa diprediksi. Kelahiran, jodoh, kematian itu di tangan Tuhan.

Setelah lulus kuliah, aku tinggal bersama kakakku yang sudah berkeluarga dan punya satu anak laki-laki. Saat ini usianya 3,5 tahun. Tingkahnya gimana? Astaghfirullah! Tapi bukan salah anaknya, karena dia dilahirkan suci tanpa tahu apa-apa.

Banyak hal yang tidak mengenakkan terjadi di sini dan banyak hal yang ku temukan salah dari cara orang tuanya mendidik. I do not want to further my explanation, but I want to take note for my future self, if I were lucky enough to be a mother.

1. Parenting is purely the responsibility of the parents (mom and dad)

Anak kamu boleh, Rin, diasuh siapa aja dan dimana aja —kalo misalnya you choose to be a career woman— tapi kamu dan pasangan yang harus menentukan bagaimana anakmu harus diasuh, jangan asal ada yg ngasih makan dan nemenin main. Make a guideline and choose the right nanny that will meet your standards of parenting. Orang tua akan diminta pertanggungjawaban atas caranya membesarkan anaknya, apa yang telah diajarkan, dan kelak menjadi amalan yang tak putus ketika kita sudah di akhirat. Bagaimana kamu mendidik anakmu saat kecil akan berpengaruh besar terhadap masa depannya. Dan kamu, sebagai orang tua tempat pendidikan pertama berlangsung, harus paham betul tanggung jawabmu. Kalo kamu diem aja, ngebiarin anakmu diasuh dengan cara apapun oleh siapapun, kalo tumbuh jadi anak yang tidak sesuai keinginanmu, yang salah dan harus bertanggung jawab tetap kamu —orang tuanya, bukan pengasuhnya.

2. Teach Iman and Islam before anything else

You have to let them know, kalau mereka dilahirkan atas kuasa Allah. Ada kekuatan supranatural yang Maha Agung yang menciptakan alam semesta beserta isinya. Ajarkan untuk berdoa dan bersyukur. Ajak mereka untuk sholat dan mengaji bersama. Ajarkan mereka untuk saling berbagai dan tidak menyia-nyiakan rezeki. Ceritakan kepada mereka kisah-kisah nabi dan rasul. Jadikanlah dirimu sebaik-baiknya contoh dengan taat beribadah dan rajin melakukan amalan-amalan baik. Jangan cuma nyuruh, tapi contohin! When they know nothing, they tend to copy their surroundings. Pastikan kamu adalah sebaik-baiknya contoh bagi mereka.

Aku sedang dalam tahap memperbaiki diri, menjadi sebaik-baiknya hamba Allah, karena aku ingin menyelamatkan kedua orang tuaku dari siksa neraka, dan kelak Inshaa Allah berkumpul bersama di surga. Aku ingin anak-anakku untuk bisa menjadi syafaat bagiku dan bertemu kembali di surga bersama-sama. How you raise your children will pretty much form their characters. Untuk itu, kamu harus pastikan karakter dan tingkah laku anakmu sesuai dengan syariat Islam.

3. Let them know the consequences of the things they do and get them choose for themselves

Jangan memanjakan anakmu dengan menuruti apapun yang mereka mau. Jadilah orang tua yang tegas, disiplin, dan penyayang. Berikanlah mereka pilihan-pilihan untuk bertindak, tapi beri tahu juga konsekuensi apa yang didapat dari masing-masing pilihan itu. Jangan jadikan konsekuensi hanya sebagai gertakan, tapi lakukan. Biarkan anakmu menangis menanggung akibat dari tindakannya tapi jangan tinggalkan dia sendiri. Temani dan ajak untuk tidak mengulangi. Berikan hukuman kalau mereka salah, berikan hadiah kalau mereka melakukan dengan baik.

Aku ingin anakku menjadi anak sholeh, taat beragama, anak yang berkarakter baik, mandiri, berpendirian dan bertanggung jawab.

Jika ketika menjadi ibu kamu mengalami penurunan iman, aku harap kamu kembali ke sini dan baca apa yang kamu tulis. Anak itu titipin Allah, Rin, jaga baik-baik dan ajarkan hal-hal terbaik.

Ayo, Pak, Bu, Cak, Ning, Mas, Nak, kita kumpul di surga :'')

[dewritings]

2018 in Words

Nothing is really special about year-end nor new year for me, except the realization that time does fly faster than I expected it to be.

People began to reflect what they have done during the year and write the resolution for the next. What I really love from the year-end celebration is looking at the positive acts people brought: share their achievements, see how far they have been coming, learning and be grateful of everything. This kind of sharing is heart-warming for their experiences could be a good way of learning for us, too, and even a motivation. Remember that how people tell could be different so does how people see.

Now that tumblr is not blocked anymore in Indonesia, I should be writing again, not to be main stream, but to remind myself that, "You, too, are doing great this year and should never stop pursuing what you have been dreaming for."

So, yeah! 2018 has been a really tough year for my introvert self. Lol how I start off with a rant but it really was. By 2017, I managed to participate in several events that pretty much affected the way I make decisions about myself. I met people who opened my eyes that the thing you feared the most could be the thing that grows you the most. I promised myself to never hesitate doing what's good for me and to overcome my weaknesses at all cost. 2017 gave me the theory and time to gather up the courage, 2018 was time to practice and experience.

I started off 2018 by volunteering in Invitation Tournament of Asian Games (ITAG) in February, being an intern in Cooperation Division of Surabaya City Government in April continued by writing my thesis, volunteering again for Asian Games in August, Asian Para Games in October, and ended by post-graduation struggles until today.

Volunteering in Asian Games and Asian Para Games was incredible. This might sound so big for those who never have the privilege to get the information nor know anything about how it worked. This might also sound small for those who do not understand what I have earned from these multi-sport events. Again, how people sees is not ours to worry.

Opportunities come with sacrifices. Decisions come with consequences. 

To be able to experience all of the events I mentioned above, I have to postpone pursuing my academic goals. Before meeting my own promise to finish my thesis proposal, ITAG came to take my time. In the middle of ITAG, without me knowing, I missed the KGSP registration. 2 weeks after my thesis defense, I had be back in Jakarta for Asian Games, before I had the chance to revise my thesis. Less than a month after, a sudden info came and I have to start working in Asian Para Games in two days. I was being a VIP LO who had to be stand by 24/7 as long as the guest stay in Jakarta for APG. During that time, CPNS registration was opened and I could not apply because my diploma and academic transcript were still being hold by university and there are some procedures I have to go through by myself to take them. I have to wait for more year(s) to join Kemlu, while it is actually my dream working place. Not to forget the money and time I had to spend to travel either from Sidoarjo or Jatinangor to Jakarta and vice versa.

That was not an easy period of the year. It was rather stressful and tearful to give up on things you have been waiting the most. But who said I am regretting the series of events that I will cherished my lifetime?

Pleasures and contentment will come within once you chose to keep moving on.

I found myself relieved after the tearful nights of deep thinking. I let myself believe that I did the best and if I am not, I would regret it more. I let myself have faith that further opportunities will come. I kept telling myself: this one is once in a lifetime experience, not everyone have the chance to be in your place right now, this is a good opportunity to train your English and communication skill that you need before going even further, this is the time to be happy while learning and I should not worry about anything else.

You know, I got a lot of take out from these series of events that I had never expected it to be. One of them is getting to know new people which turns to be one of my closest who will always open their door for me, pray for my good, and do anything to help me. I met so many good people who did not even hesitate to listen, tell, and learn together for the good. It made me believe that going out there and meeting new people is never frightening. I came to realize that socializing is not that hard. As long as you want nothing than learning, through observing, listening, and understanding, you will absorb all the good take outs from the thing you feared at the beginning.

Maybe, I could say that, in 2018, I have unlocked a new personality: an ambivert.

[dewritings]

Story of Volunteering in Asian Games 2018 (Part 1)

Here I am bringing up the whole story because some people asked me how I become a part of Asian Games 2018!

So...

Being a volunteer for international multi-sport event has become one of my goals since 2015 when I saw a friend of mine being one in Youth Olympic Games in Norway. Her story was so amazing that I really wanted to experience it, too. By that time, the only information I heard was volunteer recruitment for World Cup 2018 in Russia. I remembered that I really want to apply, but missed the chance because of reasons I already forgot. I didn’t look up for other opportunities anymore for my focus has changed for some moment.

In August 2017, I got the information that Indonesia would host Asian Games in 2018 and INASGOC was looking for volunteers. I decided to apply without knowing that the recruitment opened at that time was only for the invitation tournament. I did not even understand what Invitation Tournament means until I finally went through the training. I got accepted and placed in a department I never thought of before: Sport Department. I know nothing about sport and I had no idea what my job would be. But this department turned out to be that one I want to be in the most!

Volunteering in this kind of event would require you to fill the application online. So easy. What’s in the form? Pretty much your personal information, education background, language skill, organisation/volunteer experience, and essays on why you want to be volunteer or why they have to choose you. The first selection stage is data screening from the online application and I passed it.

Then I have to go to the next stage: psycho test, FGD, and interview. This test require you to attend the test as scheduled, it was held in LPPI Kemang, Jakarta. All the volunteer candidates from all over Indonesia had to come to the designated place in certain time. I am glad that I studied in Jatinangor which only took 3 hours ride by bus and cost only IDR 40k. The test was pretty easy, you just need to answer the sheet, draw as asked, speak and contribute in the discussion, and answer honestly to the interviewer. I passed it, of course (not bragging, but because I am here, as volunteer). Then, THAT IS. A week after, I got a mail stating that I was accepted as a volunteer, no placement yet. All the selected volunteers had to attend 2 kind of General Training, in the same place as the psycho test. Those who cannot attend will automatically being cut -- y’all no longer volunteer if you missed the training. 

A month after the second general training, another training invitation came up. It was Job Specification Training (JST), so the mail came up with placement. I have to attend the JST for Sport Department which means I was placed in Sport Department. Again, the training should be attended and this one was the most crucial because here you will choose your team, the sport you’re working in, and your specific job. So, after a hard battle with other volunteers, I teamed up for Volleyball with other 25 volunteers. Several days after, my team met up with the Competition Manager (CM) of Volleyball to talk about how we divide the order. After a long talk, I was assigned to be LO for Medias, which in charge of handling the press conference. I just need to ask the journalists about who they wanted to have in the prescon, write it down on a prescon form, ask for approval to Technical Delegate (TD), then hand the form to the designated team. When the game ends, I need to make sure that the athletes are ready for prescon and must follow the order. The winner would have the prescon later. During the prescon, I need to take notes then give the notes to Competition Media Supervisor. And that’s it. Why didn’t I assist/liaise the team? Because there were only 4 teams, and my friends took the position as their LO first. Handling the media wasn’t that bad tho. I can still talk and get close with the athletes.

In the middle of the Invitation Tournament, the volunteer recruitment for the main event was opened. I still hesitate to apply because in August, I have another plan. But because I did not want to regret anything, I decided to apply anyway, with the thought of, “If in the middle of the process I have to stop, then I will just stop.” Allah has better plans than me, so I got the chance to be a volunteer again, in the (main event) Asian Games 2018!

...to be continued.

[dewritings]

Allah Maha Adil

It's just undeniably right. Walau kadang kalau lagi sulit kita suka ngerasa kenapa hidup orang lain ga semenyedihkan punya kita. Tapi, kata siapa hidup kita lebih menderita? Kata siapa hidup orang lain lebih enak? Kita yang jalanin hidup kita, keadaan kita cuma kita sendiri yang paling tahu, selain Allah. Begitu juga orang lain. Hidup mereka ya mereka sendiri yang paling paham. Mungkin lebih sulit dari kita atau enaknya kebangetan.

Mungkin, kamu punya keterbatasan finansial di saat teman-temanmu bisa foya-foya. Mungkin, kamu punya keluarga suportif di saat teman-temanmu serba dituntut. Mungkin, kamu pinter dari lahir di saat teman-temanmu harus berusaha keras buat sekedar ngerjain satu butir soal UN. Dan segala "mungkin" lainnya yang bisa muncul di kepala masing-masing individu.

Seneng sedihnya, mudah sulitnya, kaya miskinnya, rajin malasnya, taat ingkarnya, yang tahu ya cuma mereka yang menjalani. Apa yang mereka tunjukkan ke orang lain itu pilihan mereka. Bisa aja, mereka lagi punya masalah berat tapi mereka tetep keliatan menikmati hidup seakan dia orang paling bahagia sedunia. What you see isn't always what it is. That's what they chose to show, not what they really feel.

"Some people seem to live comfortably having forgotten everything. It's not fair" "Hey, how would you know if that person feels at ease? It doesn't mean someone is in pain just because he cries louder."

-- Just Between Lovers (2017).

We all have the right to choose how we express ourselves. You can hide anything or show what you really are as it is. You can be pretentious by being happy all the time while in fact you are dying, or acting that you are miserable, while actually you own the world. It is all choice. And you are responsible for everything you choose to do and to show, even what you feel.

You know, people could be mistakenly think that you live a very comfortable life on your own when your family struggling, while in fact, you yourself are facing a really hard situation. Coy, bahkan kerabat yang masih punya hubungan darah, deket banget sama kita, bisa salah paham, apalagi orang lain. That's not the case anyway.

Yang penting, jangan gampang menyalahkan keadaan, apalagi sampe marah sama Tuhan gegara hidup kita susah terus. Mungkin, masalahnya ada di kita yang ga bisa mensyukuri nikmat atau ga bisa jaga amanah Tuhan. Jangan juga suka menilai keadaan orang, jangan sok tahu, karena we never know their real situations and their struggles to keep alive.

Satu lagi, dari pengalaman pribadi, berusalah mengerti keadaan diri sendiri dan orang lain, apalagi orang-orang terdekat kita, utamanya keluarga inti. Ketika orang lain judging your family member to be bad, jangan sampe kita ikutan salah paham. It makes everything worse.

Be who you chose to be. Live your life the way you want to. Because no matter what you did, no one really understands who you are but yourself. Be responsible for whatever decision you made, by accepting all the loves and hates.

Ingat, Allah Maha Adil.

[dewritings]

Wisest Word Anyone Could Advice

Ada satu kata yang mungkin sering banget kita denger sampe eneg dari orang-orang sekitar di setiap kita dapet musibah. Kata yang, kadang, orang ga paham arti sebenarnya apa. Kata yang terlalu sulit untuk diwujudkan. Tapi percayalah, seindah itu dampaknya kalo kita bisa melakukannya.

Ikhlas.

Ada kalanya, apa yang sudah kita usahakan mati-matian berujung tidak menjadi milik kita. Seperti nilai ujian, perguruan tinggi tertentu, IP/IPK, beasiswa, pekerjaan, atau bahkan orang yang kita gebet. Ada kalanya, apa yang sudah kita jaga benar-benar, malah hancur, rusak, atau bahkan hilang. Mungkin saja handphone, laptop, kesehatan, kepercayaan, atau hubungan. Ada kalanya, orang-orang yang sangat kita sayangi pergi. Entah untuk melanjutkan hidup mereka yang kebetulan tidak lagi berbenturan dengan kita, atau untuk menghadap Tuhan lebih dulu.

"Ya iya ikhlas.... Tapi gimana??? Gue udah blablabla selama ini"

Ikhlas itu artinya merelakan. Yaudah-in aja apapun yang udah lewat di hidup kita. Orang-orang yang udah ngelewatin masa-masa sulit menerima pasti tahu indahnya hal-hal yang datang setelah itu. Ikhlas itu bukan sekedar merelakan segala sesuatu yang gagal kita dapatkan atau miliki untuk selamanya. Ikhlas itu bukan sekedar perlu diusahakan ketika kita dilanda musibah. Karena hal-hal inilah yang membuat rela terlalu sulit untuk hadir.

You know what makes "ikhlas" way easier? Tawakkal.

Kerelaan itu seharusnya dihadirkan sesegera mungkin, dari setiap keputusan yang kita ambil, bahkan sebelum kita mulai untuk bertindak. Tapi bukan berarti ga berusaha sama sekali ya. Kalau niatnya betul, sekeras apapun kita berusaha, apapun hasilnya bukan masalah. When you ask help from Allah, mintalah ridho Allah atas apa yang kamu lakukan dan agar diberi hasil terbaik. The worst think you can get adalah kegagalan yang diridhoi Allah. Karena itulah keputusan Allah atas apa yang kamu usahakan, keputusan terbaik yang Allah pilih untukmu, yang mungkin membawa kamu ke kesempatan yang lebih besar.

Ketika kamu berusaha keras dan menyerahkan semuanya hanya kepada Allah, percayalah, ketenangan hati akan menyertai. Karena ikhlas sudah dihadirkan sebelumnya.

[dewritings]

Let’s just focus on what we are doing, now, shall we? Let whatever happens after be the mystery of tomorrow’s problem, be the distraction of tomorrow’s mind, too. Not, now.

[dewritings]

Bromo, 19 Juni 2018

Berdiri di atas dua kaki, membawa mimpi dari enam pendaki lain yang mendorongnya tiada henti, ia berjalan sendiri. Tidak. Langkahnya lebar dan cepat, ia hampir berlari. Dia lelah. Mereka semua lelah. Tapi puncak masih sangat jauh dan berhenti tidak pernah boleh menjadi opsi.

“Kami sudah di puncak. Ayo, sebentar lagi kamu juga! Ayo, kami percaya kamu bisa menuntun 3 orang lainnya di belakangmu. Kami percaya,” tutur tiga orang pendaki yang sudah terlebih dahulu, secara berkala, membangunkan rumah untuk mereka semua tinggal di puncak untuk bersama-sama menikmati indahnya pancaran bimasakti di langit malam, mendengar gemuruh angin yang menegangkan, saling menghangatkan di antara dingin dan sesaknya udara.

Sungguh, mencapai puncak terlalu berat. Sungguh, dua kakinya seakan ingin dipatahkan dan menyerah begitu saja. Tetapi raganya masih tegak, kakinya tidak sanggup untuk sekedar menghentikan langkah seakan berkata, “ini bukan saatnya berhenti. Nanti, rumahmu akan sangat nyaman untuk kau singgahi.”

Hembusan napas panjang tidak pernah meninggalkan dirinya. Sebentar lagi. Sebentar lagi!

.

.

.

. Ia ingin dengan mudah berkata dengan riang, seperti keponakannya setiap kali berdiri di atas kursi, “Athallah di atas gunung!”

[islamicrays]

[islamicrays]

[dewritings]

Ada hal yang memang butuh dikejar untuk didapat. Tapi Allah juga menjanjikan urusan tertentu untukmu, tanpa perlu kau usahakan.

[dewritings]

What 2018 Will Bring

Keadaan semakin sulit. Rumah terus manggil nyuruh pulang. It is a mess with the three of us there, apalagi kalo cuma bapak ibu berdua aja. Trade off-nya gila. Antara kewajiban materi dan moral. Antara uang, skripsi, dan rasa bakti. Antara aku, tuntutan semua orang, dan kondisi keluarga. Antara kebahagiaan dan pengorbanan. Antara mimpi dan segala sesuatu yang membatasi. Dengan semua ini, bisa dipastikan bahwa 2018 akan menjadi tahun terdinamis dalam 20 tahun hidup Arini. Dan, bisa dipastikan juga, 2018 akan memberi pelajaran berharga yang, semoga, semakin mendewasakan.