Navajo Bima Hadisuwarno

[navajobima]

Bandung

Entah harus memulai dari mana

Yang jelas, ada haru, bahagia, nostalgia, jika aku ingat Bandung 

Ada ibu dan adikku, yang masih terjaga dan bertahan 

Dan mimpi-mimpi yang pernah kurajut dan kusampaikan pada Tuhan 

Entah sudah berapa purnama 

Yang jelas, udara Bandung selalu menembus sukma 

Ada rasa sesak di dada ketika aku sadar udara yang kuhirup sekarang 

Dan gunung-gunung hijau yang digantikan gedung tinggi menjulang 

Ibu..adik.. kadang air mata terjatuh saat mengingatmu 

Akhir-akhir ini aku hanya berdo’a agar Tuhan menjadikan Bandung aman untukmu

menjagamu, melindungimu, memenuhi kebutuhanmu 

seperti dulu Ia padaku. 

[navajobima]

Surprisingly, it’s not my first time being underestimated. It happened many many times before and I survived. This time, I will too. 

[navajobima]

Aku rela hidup dengan anjing-anjing.

Asalkan aku tidak pernah mengenalmu, 

menyentuhmu, mencium bau tubuhmu. 

Aku rela mati ditelan sunyi.

Asalkan kamu pun begitu, 

kandas, musnah, tidak dimiliki. 

Aku rela jadi bengis. 

Asalkan kamu jadi jagal, 

jauh lebih keji daripada teroris

sampai dunia berpikir kamu iblis. 

Sayang aku terlalu peduli. 

sedikit-sedikit, peduli. 

untung ada takdir. 

kamu aku jadikan istri. 

[navajobima]

Percayalah, hanya waktu yang akan menjawab. Bahkan ketika tangismu tumpah di sepertiga malam, hanya waktu yang akan menjawab. Maka mintalah padaNya kesabaran. Sabar akan hari-hari baik yang akan datang. Mintalah sekencang-kencangnya bahwa sabar di dalamnya ada kuat, tangguh, dan ikhlas, dan yakin. 

Kamu boleh diam-diam menginginkan sesuatu. Tapi Dia Maha Tahu. Maka mengemislah dalam diammu dan yakini bahwa itu baik untukmu. 

[navajobima]

Sometimes when you’re sad, you’re just sad. Sometimes you will cry because of it. You will be angry because of it. You will want to hurt others or even yourself for having to feel it. I’ve been sad. Really sad many times in my life. Sometimes I don’t know what’s gotten me through this point. Sometimes I think it’s just pure luck or temporary happiness for even the beauty in life can hurt you too. I’m sad and sometimes I just can’t tell. 

[navajobima]

Katakanlah, tidak ada yang lebih hebat dariku dalam urusan mencintai

Karena bagiku, mencintaimu adalah hal terhebat dalam hidupku

dan yang terbaik yang pernah aku alami, kau pun tahu itu

Tak perlu jah-jauh dalam lubuk hati,

aku ada dalam setiap ujung jarimu.

Aku ada dalam setiap pejaman matamu.

Aku mengisi hatimu lebih penuh dari lelaki manapun yang pernah mengisinya.

Kamu tahu? seribu tahun aku dilahirkan lagi pun aku akan tetap memilihmu. 

dan kujanjikan pula padamu, dalam seribu bulan yang kau lewati dan seribu dunia yang kau jalani

kamu akan tetap mencariku,

karena hanya aku yang mampu memberimu cinta begitu hebat melebihi lautan samudera luasnya

melebihi dunia

cintaku padamu adalah untaian janjiku pada Tuhan bahwa aku lebih baik mati sendiri 

daripada tidak bersamamu

[navajobima]

Kamu siapa? Datang dan tidak mau pergi padahal kamu bukan penghuni. Sejak awal mematri senyum di pintu rumahku seraya mengingatkanku bahwa kamu akan tetap disitu. Ya, disitu. Di pelupuk mata dan di luasnya samudera hati. 

Kamu siapa? Berani-beraninya diam dan tak mau pergi. Padahal halaman rumahku hanya tanah gersang dan tak lebih dari satu petak saja luasnya. Untuk mencintai diriku sendiri saja susah, apalagi orang lain. 

[navajobima]

I used to build walls Blocking any side anyone sees through Tall enough to let everyone believes that I'm incapable of love No tears, no affection, no drama Just a selfishly brokern and lonely human being Who struggles to open up and swallows his pride.

[navajobima]

I almost died last night. I thought I wouldn't wake up this morning. I seriously thought I was gonna die. Alone.

[navajobima]

My kind of after seminar-mandatory post. Pacar saya, pendukung setia-nomor satu, nemenin di ruang sidang via video call, alhamdulillah hidup di zaman teknologi mendekatkan yang jauh, lol. Insyaallah ketemu di Grha Sanusi Hardjadinata Mei 2017, see u there! #feelingblessed (at Universitas Padjadjaran)

[navajobima]

She looked away and started crying. Telling me how afraid she is of losing. And I cried too. Feeling the same. We're both crying in silence. She fell into my arms. There, we kissed. It felt right. We only have each other now. Stay.

[navajobima]

Day 1 - Your Best Friend

I remember when I was in first grade I always stayed up late waiting for that one TV series you just can’t miss - Friends. I remember also the first time I watched, it was season 9 in one of those episodes when Monica and Chandler had an argument. Come on, for a first grader, the series was pretty much what I dig on the weekend when everyone else would be asleep or busy preparing for the school in the morning. Looking back, I think the reason why I loved the series so much is because I like seeing people talk in English and I can learn from them (as my dad already talked to me in English when I was in elementary school) , as a child, I also had this dream of seeing the other parts of the world, and maybe also because the series pretty much portray the kind of ideal friendship that also turns out great in reality.I mean, the love was real, the hate was real, damn God knows they had some intense fights and they always found way back to love each other again. So, maybe one thing I can learn about a great friendship is that no matter how bad you’ve grown apart, you’ll get back together in the end. 

I have lived for 23 years, soon to reach 24. Yes, I’m young but not that young anymore. As I experienced friendships in every stage of my life, I realized that growing up is never complete without losing (some) friends. That sometimes no matter how you kept em close, they will choose to go anyway, and you have no control over it. You could only gaze to the days in the past when things were so damn fine. Or, maybe, we’re the one who chose to go. 

I am not a good friend. To some, I am considered as someone who leaves after he’s pleased. I won’t say anything. I had my own reasons and so did some. Not that I have any intention of leaving anyone, but sometimes in life, you gotta choose to care about yourselves more than the others. And these people may know no shit about how I have given and dedicated my life to others far more than what they realized in the past. So basically, judging me based on this time only is not a very wise move. But, I chose not to care so much about it. The most important thing is, at some points of your life, people are moving on, including you, and the choice may result in you losing (some) friends). 

But, thanks to very few people whose existence I cherish a lot, who is not trying so hard to change who I am, and who is more accepting than many other people are. Thank you for choosing not to leave and stay instead. I know I can be such a pain in the ass, but you’re not afraid of telling it damn straight to my face. You guys are not afraid of hurting my feelings or getting hurt by me. We accepted that as part of a friendship that we hope could last for long. Maybe good friends are those who will still be there for you even when they’ve seen the not-so beautiful part of you. Good friends are those who you still wanna keep even also they can be such a trouble to you too. Good friends are those who you’re willing to see even when they don’t wanna see you. Good friends are those who you’re gonna run to when life’s not so fair to you. 

Best friends are those who matter to you more than any other friends are.

I am not gonna reveal who, my best friends will know when they read it.

Here’s to the many years ahead spent with you misfit toys! 

[navajobima]

30 Days Letter Challenge

Here’s what’s new. I am currently waiting for my job interview result while also finalizing my study. So, I just thought that maybe in my free time I could give this list a go. Cheers! 

30 Day Letter Challenge

WRITE A LETTER TO THESE PEOPLE :

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

[navajobima]

I’m reaching 24 this year. Can’t believe it’s been this long that I live in this planet, in this place I call home, Indonesia. Many many years I have had high hopes for this country, but not so long ago, I thought that no matter what I (we) do, nothing seems to be going better than before. The politics still pretty much becomes a joke to the majority of Indonesian people as some political actors abuse the power they have in their hands and seek to maintain it for their own interest. Now we’re also  seeing such a sad reality. I am sad to be a part of a country whose people don’t respect each other, conflicts over religions that seems to be headline news everywhere but what really happens is far more threatening than that. We’re seeing how media can shift people’s opinion, let alone move it toward a particular interest of a particular party. What or who can we hold on to in a world full of uncertainty and hypocrisy like this? 

[navajobima]

Dan nyatanya, penantian tidak ada yang sia-sia. Setidaknya untuk sekarang. Yang sedang manis-manisnya dibuai kasih sayang.

Mencintaimu kadang bikin aku gigit jari. Karena tak tahu harus senang atau sedih. Ujung-ujungnya bingung sendiri. Mau tetap disitu, atau pergi. 

Kalau sekarang aku lihat lagi ke belakang, setidaknya aku sadar sedang menatapnya tersenyum. Bukan karena aku sekarang denganmu, tapi karena aku bangga aku tidak menyerah pada rasa-rasa semu yang datang dari paras, kata, ataupun perbuatan wanita lain. 

Untuk wanita yang namanya selalu kusebut dalam do’a, semoga kamu tahu bahwa indahnya dunia sekarang ataupun nanti tidak akan kubiarkan berkompromi dengan mimpi yang telah lama kuperjuangkan. Buktinya, yang sudah-sudah pun aku tak peduli. 

Jadi jangan takut, bermimpilah denganku.  

[navajobima]

O God..please let me be nice without any intention to seek for attention. Let me love without any limitation. For I know that God will treat everyone with kindness, with love, and with patience; that no ego or selfishness shall stand in the way of doing something good, caring about the well-being of others, or simply treat others right. I hope He will also guide me to those qualities, slowly but sure, as I grow day by day..

[navajobima]

Here's to one of the most beautiful things in my life. The one who lets me fall in love when doing so is never easy. The one who successfully made me realize that I want to be fully involved in a system bigger than myself, and that's you and me. Thank you Annisa for everything you've done in my life. I'm so happy that I have you. (Since 2009, huh? #poking) 😛🙏