Lately I’ve done a lot of self-reflecting and its been emotional, eye opening, and therapeutic. I’ve overwhelmed myself with work, something I said I would never do, but as a middle class person living in the US I guess I never really had a choice on whether or not I’d sell myself as a slave to make ends meet. Not that I’m complaining about my job, I fucking love my job. However its not what I do that tires and stresses me out, its the fact that even though I’m doing something I love for a living and I work long hours, its never enough. I continue to stress about money, not spending time with my family, and giving up organizing in San Jose. I look back at my college years and how complete i felt back then, I had a purpose. I had the privilege of meeting gente that was down to fight for our every day struggles, getting the best education from mi gente. I was able to go home on the weekends and spend time with my familia, I spent every friday at my ama’s (grandmother) casa with my tios, tias, and primos. Shit changed so quickly and before I knew it, I had to say goodbye to my comrades and I stopped going to my Ama’s house on Fridays because I would get home around 9pm. That shit just bums me out. Now don’t get me wrong, Im not in need of anyone’s pitty and I acknowledge that I live a pretty privileged life. I have a dope husband, we own our house (as long as we pay for it HA!), my family is happy and healthy, and I got a chill ass job that I love. I guess what I’ve began to discover throughout my self reflection is that my choice to wok in a different city to where my family lives is similar to the sacrifice that my papi and mami made when they left their country. Although the sacrifice my parents is so much greater than mine (and I mean WAAAAAAY greater), I cant help but notice some similarities. Living away from home, working long hours, not really spending time with familia, trying to save up money only to have random shit come up and clean out your bank account. I’ve learned so much from my parents struggles and I know that the small sacrifices I’m making are temporary. I guess what I’m going through is the first generation struggles. Its that pressure to be successful, to make sure that our parents sacrifices were worth it and to continue to uphold our cultura meanwhile assimilating into the American culture just enough to be accepted. As I continue to reflect, I want to keep in mind and heart that I need to continue my self growth so that I am able to maintain a balance of happiness and fulfillment.
romaincrisis
ellievsbear
gamechangershow
gracieabrams
