āi never see you at the clubā ok well i never see you on ao3 at 2am reading about the same two bitches falling in love for the 1000th time in the 500th way
I just think Shang Qinghua should get so angry one time that he unconsciously overrides the System and unlocks Admin privileges and just deletes entire clans out of existance in the blink of an eye while going "writing you in was a mistake".
And I also think everyone who saw that refuses to ever talk about it, but they're all scared shitless of the tiny human by Mobei-jun's side now because they realize he's not just really smart and an amazing strategist, he's also a god and can kill them all in 0.5 seconds. And now they all think that Shang Qinghua is actually the one running the show and Mobei-jun is just, like, the face of the Northern kingdom only.
Shang Qinghua is utterly horrified when he snaps out of it and realizes what he's done (somehow??? He doesn't know wtf just happened) and how now everyone is terrified of him except for Mobei-jun who is just looking at him with heart in his eyes lmao
nothing on this god's green earth can convince me that peter parker doesn't have an ao3 account where he is elbows deep in a 'rise of skywalker' fix-it fic. like, fully invested in it, been writing it pre-spider bite with ned, who is just as enthusiastic about it. but the thing is, it's really hard to do updates when you are literally spider-man.
every three months he'll post and in the author's note there's some shit like "sorry this took a while, i got shot seven times :/" or "i know it's been a minute, i literally got hit by a bus and then stabbed in the leg, but i'm all good!" or sometimes ned would log in and post with a note "hey i'm a friend posting on the author's behalf, they're healing from severe hypothermia but promised an update, so here it is!"
and the fic just gets increasingly more popular for the author notes alone. a good handful of the comments are something along the lines of "i'm not even in the star wars fandom, i'm just here to see if the author is good" or "every update i cheer for another day the author gets to live at this point"
and any reader who is a native new yorker kind of pieces together that holy shit the author might be spider-man because the timeline adds up, and they just fully embrace it. spider-man will stop a robbery and the guy behind the counter will ask when the next chapter will be up. spider-man returns a stolen backpack to a girl and she'll tell him that he "really got poe's voice down so well, it's really impressive."
ned thinks it is hilarious. mj finds out about the fic from twitter, to peter's absolute horror, and changes peter's contact name to "friendly neighborhood ao3 author". but the worst thing to happen is after an avengers battle where peter took a pretty big hit and ends up in med-bay. and during a press conference, when someone asks how spider-man is healing, tony just drops "spidey won't be down for too long. the star wars fic will be updated within the week, probably."
When Lucifer finally gets found familied and excepts the hotel as his friends there are still times where he pretends he doesn't remember who they are. Specifically he does this when they irritate him.
For example Angel eats the last of his cookies and suddenly that's not Angel Dust that's Andrew, that's The Pink Guy, that's Spider Twink, that's Cocaine and Angel knows that Lucifer is fucking with him like he personally invited Angel to family game night last week everyone knows Lucifer knows his name. This goes on until Charlie is begging Angel to please just replace the cookies but Angel refuses because "He's the king of hell he can buy his own damn cookies!"
This goes on for a month. Angel replaces the cookies.
Shen Yuan stared up at the man, disbelief clear on his face.
The man before him huffed a laugh, brown eyes becoming crescent shaped with amusement. He was a little taller than Shen Yuan, a little broader, with a sleeve tattoo covering his right arm to his wrist. His dark brown hair was softly curled, more wavy, and a little shaggy, falling to his shoulders. His face reminding Shen Yuan of Binghe. Not a lot, but just enough if he were to tilt his head and squint.
āYouāre just a kid.ā When the man finally spoke his voice was as smooth as velvet. āHow old are you?ā
āNineteen.ā Shen Yuan automatically responded as he gawked.
The man had round wire glasses, a piercing on the left side of his lower lip, both ears were pierced, and he had cheekbones that belonged on a magazine cover. He was a little older than Shen Yuan expected. Somewhere in his late-twenties compared to Shen Yuans late teens.
āCucumber-Bro, come on, Iām not that different.ā Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky offered a smile, showing off dimples underneath a days worth of scruff.
āHow old are you?ā Shen Yuan demanded, still blocking the doorway into the dorm.
āThirty.ā
What the fuck?
āWhat the fuck?ā Shen Yuan asked aloud.
Seriously, this was the caffeine addicted crack-writer?!
When Shen Yuan had woken up back in his dorm room instead of in bed with his husband in the bamboo house, he immediately contacted Airplaneāit was a gamble, but it paid off. The relief Shen Yuan felt when Airplane responded was like a weight lifted off his shoulders. He gave the other man his phone number and address, then waited an excruciating five days until the two could meet. (Because Shen Yuan lived in Beijing, but Airplane apparently lived in Chengdu, and last minute flights werenāt cheap.)
Shen Yuan knew that his friend would look different. Hell, Shen Yuan looked different! A little shorter, a little rounder, way younger. With pitch black eyes, short inky black hair, and an ear piercing. He was pretty rather than handsome, softer than Shen Qingqiu.
And it wasnāt that Shang Qinghua wasnāt handsomeāhe was! Like everyone else in PIDW. But Airplane?
āCan I come in?ā Airplane asked while shoving his hands into his back pockets. He wasnāt dressed fashionably. His beat up backpack was slung carelessly over a shoulder, jeans were ripped due to wear and tear, his faded band shirt was due to too many washes, his sneakers were scuffed. And yetā¦
Shen Yuan dressed in the latest fashion. He tried his best to look good, he had standards for himself! He looked like a C-Pop star.
Airplane wasnāt even trying to be hot. (WHY WAS HE SO HOT?!)
It shook something inside of Shen Yuan. All of his past theories of Airplane being a troll flew out the window.
āWell?ā Airplane looked like he wasnāt above shoving past his friend to get in.
Shen Yuan allowed his friend inside, still shook.
āShang Qinghua.ā
āWhat?ā
āMy name, bro.ā
āWaitā¦you used your actual name for the character closest to Mobei!? Fucking Mary-Sue!ā
āAh, there we go, thereās the Peerless Cucumber I know. Although itās weird to hear such vitriol from a face so cute.ā
Shen Yuan felt the blood rush to his face and wished he had a fan in his hands to use as a weapon when Airplane chuckled.
āCome on, letās try to figure out how to get back home,ā Shang Qinghua said as he moseyed to the desk in the room.
Shen Yuan sighed as he closed and locked the door.
BONUS:
SY: I thought you said you were a broke university student who wrote to make sure food was on the table.
SQH: Yeah, dude. Iām working on my dissertation. Writing pays the bills.
SY: YOUāRE GETTING YOUR DOCTORATES?????
SQH: Yeah, in Topology.
SY: YOUāRE GETTING YOUR DOCTORATES IN MATHS?????
I wonder if Shang Qinghua and Mobei-Jun ever have a sense of solidarity as The Ones The Main Characters Delegate Tasks (wife plots) To.
Like, they both get home and flop on the bed and it's like
SQH: How was your day my king? Mine was awful.
SQH: I was at a peak lord meeting and YQY was asking SQQ about some deal with the demon realm for a special artifact SQQ wants. But like it was a very delicate operation and would take a lot of careful maneuvers or maybe a marriage and since the LITERAL DEMON EMPEROR is his husband and HE wants the artifact,
SQH: And SQQ just looked me dead in the eyes and said "Have Shang-Shidi deal with it."
MBJ: Mnn. Junshang showed up on my hunt, told me to get him an artifact.
MBJ: I had to do six trials of power for the six tailed axolotl clan. They tried to get me to marry a princess. I killed her.
SQH: ...Please tell me it wasn't for the Snowfire Opal.
MBJ: ... Then I shall not say.
SQH, who just finished negotiating for said Snowfire Opal: FUCK.
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