@diamondlashes - Tumblr Blog

my 75 years old aunt spoiling my 70 years old mom because it's her little sister <3

having insane neighbors that yell at each other 24/7 is lowkey chill because i can do my laundry and vacuum at 3 am and blast youtube millennial optimism playlists and nobody can say shi to me because they know theyre worse and im a saint for having never brought that up

ballet flats alignment chart that is like camino de santiago, middle school spanish teacher, absentee literature teacher with a mystery illness (high school), art director originally from milan but living in berlin

i wish i could taste a gros michel banana so bad

cant wrap my mind about ppl being on apps seeking out dates on purpose whenever i think someone is cute i start to avoid them like they have a prion disease

americans in movies be like let's go for a car ride

very specific culinary ick i have but i hate that all plumcake or pound cake recipes have started suggesting a thin line of butter down the center part on top of the raw batter before baking so that it will crack evenly. like what is going on with these new beauty standards why would i even care about it having a perfectly symmetrical rift in the center. you are trying to give my plumcake body dysmorphia

when its almost dinner time and the magnitude 9 situation presents itself (ran out of olive oil) (italian)

i feel like the death of critique and rise of fascism are deeply connected in the measure critique requires someone to take full responsibility for their own opinion even when that might appear harsh and paint them as mean and socially undesirable but the diffuse refusal to do so does not foster a more positive environment nor exorcise negative takes just means they reappear under the guise of trying to make things look like theyre problematic or a threat to public health/ morality or something so that you can hide your personal feelings behind it which is something fascist regimes do making it look like whatever opposes them has to be rightfully annihilated because of their moral bankrupcy etc. which is why for example i would never say that someone's neopronouns are "invalid" but i feel free to think the way this person does gender is stupid and theyre two completely different things. probably explained this way better a long time ago but cannot be arsed. anyways im thinking of a time where my friends and i were looking at the artists selected to take part in this supposedly highly politicized diy queer art festival and everything was so bad we were crying looking at it and discussed the fact in a lot of queer art circles the bar is so low because theres this idea anything queer is inherently revolutionary and important and how never challenging these assumptions produced an artistic environment largely devoid of any interest etc and then we showed one of these really botched anatomically incoherent erotic panels to our meekest kindest friend and he was like "ohh...it looks like mussolini's brutalized corpse" and i guess critique as a genre survived another day

i have basically zero self preservation instincts as in leaning towards whats best for you but i've always had an enormous pride so while it might look like im always taking sensible choices from afar im merely being commanded by a childish refusal of being humiliated. the difference lays in the fact that all the decisions ive taken that looked admirably detached and born out of self respect ive never fully had my heart in it and can never move on as a consequence

is it because being with other people = attending the world of the living that spending a lot of time on your own becomes frequenting the world of the dead, and produces as a natural consequence a preoccupation with death and its matter that is not proportioned to the persons age or circumstances. ? my thoughts have been very confused as of late and i smoke a lot of cigarettes and i run in circles chasing the next solace. i feel i understand why people sleep around except im like asexual .last time i had something that made me want to wake up in the morning and went crazy white knuckling it even though it was kicking me in the face i was fearing exactly the reality i live right now and i was so right because it is truly intolerable. not just this time and not that there were different endings available. i just have this misplaced sense of betrayal like whoever told me you should not be afraid because you have survived everything before and will survive again. fuck you i dont want to survive it anymore just put me down.

been hitting my head concussion style because texting the veterinarian makes me nervous #lutealphase

moms and their special intuition for saying the only thing that could make you feel so much worse when youre down

putting things into the right words can actually lift all the pain of the world from your shoulders but putting them in the wrong ones has a diametrically opposite effect . that is why more often than not i choose not to say anything

btw my friend is a sweetie and im so glad we hung out and she's making so much space in her life for me despite being the busiest person ever and acting seriously concerned about my wellbeing but at the same time i get this knee jerk reaction of repugnance towards myself any time i feel her leaning onto me with such attentive disposition like she's pitying me and/or im manipulating her into looking at me by carrying around such a deep desperation that cannot be contained despite my efforts lol the fact she's a therapist in training

the telephone bag and miu miu heels we had to leave there bc they were too expensive 💔

hold on i figured what is going on : luteal phase

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