[diamondslion]

I had a really nice day with the family. Went out and had fun but I realized I hyper focuse on wanting people to find me attractive.

[diamondslion]

Today was a terrible day but also really great I felt fine for the first half but when the sun went down I got all sad and in my head again. Still not over the resentment isssues with my mother constantly upset over her. Feel so much anger and disdain. Wish I didn’t but our personalities just don’t work well with each other in the long run I believe. I also believe that I’m too stuck on the past but for good reason so much of it has shaped who I am today. Much of it for the worst and I have yet to heal from it.

[diamondslion]

[diamondslion]

[diamondslion]

Intentions

Getting a car and license

Moving out of my mothers house

Getting a stable job

Financial stability lots of it

Getting my degree

Happiness ( lots of it )

Moving on from the past

Friendship

Romance

Self confidence

Self understanding

[diamondslion]

Moving entry 1

Honestly I don’t see myself living in Detroit for too long. My heart says London or some place in Europe, certainly not America. I feel like im not supposed to be living in this country for too long but London is a leap. We shall see. Maybe moving to Louisiana will be good for me. The culture there is vibrant. We shall see

I’m setting my intentions to move to London or Louisiana whichever is best for me.

I see myself in London or Louisiana in the future near or far.

[diamondslion]

I honestly feel terrible. I hate my body. My life. My self esteem. Everything just feels so hopeless and lost. Although this certainly isn’t my lowest point I feel as if I’m getting there again. Honestly this all feels like one big joke. I want to get out of this mental slump but I reallly don’t know how. I’m trying to fight for my mental health but I don’t really feel as though I am deserving of the self pity that I feel. I feel... scattered ... like little peices of me threw themselves all over my body. My happiness in one place, fear in another, anxiety in the center and everything other negative emotion clinging onto me. Truly am I deserving of happiness am I deserving of love? I’ll continue my day hoping this feeling of anxiety will go away.

[diamondslion]

Feeling like I’m lost in a forest sometimes trapped in a birdcage.

[diamondslion]

Currently feeling mixed emotions. I’m a bit irritated and exhausted but I’m trying to push through. Actually at this moment I’m feeling a bit confused. How am I supposed to feel what am I supposed to do. Life feels quite empty. I know I need to start manifesting... I will. In fact I will get everything I need and everything I’m looking for. I need my creative juices flowing again. Feeling kind of pessimistic and lazy about life lol. But it will get better I know it. Dealing with my anxiety. I know I’ve got this learning to take it one day at a time. This quarantine is exhausting but I’ll get through it stronger. Feeling butterflies right now lol. Need them to go away.

[diamondslion]

I know I’m weak and useless what have I truly done for humanity but god I speak heavily when I say I’m tired

[diamondslion]

If my angels can see this if any god who is looking can see this please tell me CLEARLY who I am who I really am not just in this life I know I’m young and I know nothing but I’m tired soooooooo tired i want to live but in happiness not in grief please give my answers I’m tired of waiting I’m tired of the suffering bring this earth to greatness it has to change not tomorrow not next month or year or lifetime but NOW I’m voicing myself now this is how I communicate this is how I show my intentions

[diamondslion]

I fail to understand the depth of life and the purpose of the universe the whole we exist to feel pain and suffer seems pointless to me especially since there are so many ways to learn and grow without constant discomfort and pain regardless of the intent of the universe I feel like the pain of millions of people is more important to me than the plan of the universe especially if that plan does not include a better life for all I’m tired of pain and suffering I’m tired of being small and unimportant having no depth and loneliness it’s so easy to say I’m glad I went through that when you’re in a good place but Im not in a good place and earth is not in a good place knowing I don’t matter and that my existence will have little to no impact is not comforting and makes me want to end it all

[diamondslion]

What is the stupid fucking meaning of life

[paintingorsomething]

Tunji Adeniyi-Jones

Blue Dancer, 2017

Oil on canvas, 68 x 54 inches

[modelsof-color]

Jessica Canje by Kristin-Lee Moolman

[godsorphans]

[yebbi-gongju]

transparent