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@diangelo74
It is so, so hard to get to know someone fully. It’s not something that occurred to me until now. To know someone completely, all the good, all the ugly. It’s hard to digest and really intimate. I’ve always struggled with intimacy and romantic relationships because of my parents marriage and their expression of love (or the lack thereof). Loving is hard.
I feel like as I’m growing up, I’m witnessing people mess up more and more. It just makes me think about how no one really knows what they’re doing and they’re just winging it. It’s interesting, the lens you look at those older than you when you’re younger. It’s like all adults were gods. Especially my parents- and they’re the ones who bled through their bandaged wounds first.
Feeling the sister hole a lot lately. My friends are growing older and now so invested in friendships anymore because they see the value in family over friendships. I feel like I never grew in that department. I’m not close to my family even though there’s a lot of us. I guess the fact that I’m the oldest plays a factor in that as well. It’s lonely at the top, especially when you don’t have a sister. I’ve always tried to fill that gap with a designated best friend ever since I was little. Until now I’ve been complacent about the fact that I don’t have a sister but it’s really starting to hurt a lot now.
My fiancé doesn’t have a sister either. Or a sister in law. Makes me feel really, really alone.
I hate that I care so much about how I look. My face specifically. There is SOO much more to me than the superficial obsession of deeming myself “pretty” or beautiful”. Especially because it doesn’t reflect on the type of person I am AT ALL. Nothing about appearance is self made (inherently, anyway) and if societal standards are so pressured on people, what else will people indulge themselves into if not the million different kinds of surgery to change your appearance? And after knowing all this, I still give a shit. Waiting for the day I become so self actualized I stop caring about dumbass shit like this.
HI EVERYONE I MADE A BOJACK SERVER ON DISCORD I FELT WAS MUCH NEEDED PLEASE JOIN: https://discord.gg/k3BANUaB
Add tons of content to get this community going please!!!
Check out the BoJack Horseman community on Discord - hang out with 2 other members and enjoy free voice and text chat.
I hate when I’m told I should be used to a certain type of pain just because I have to feel it over and over. Does it hurt more or less when people pick at your wounds?
anxiety
i think so much that I feel like I’ll go insane but my thoughts have always kept me company and I’m afraid without them I’ll be lonely and needy as if I am not needy enough already
your presence feels familiar
i believe, we’ve met before?
There’s something about nursing wounds you’ve inflicted on yourself
cherry blossom trees remind me of a home I can only revisit in my memories now
I’ve been painting a lot lately
I wouldn’t give anything for where i am in my life rn
I don’t feel worthy of food
You were so scared of losing me you lost me in the process
I was going through an old journal I kept but hadn't made much use of. Ofc I only wrote a few things when I had just gotten it (2016). One of the things I wrote was, "And when I slowly lose my strength you began to breathe." I was a very emo and morbid teen but it's interesting to see how I expressed how I felt. I know I hadn't purposely written it with the intention of describing the relationship I had with my mother, but that is what it was about (frankly, it has yet to change? I'd say it's changing/evolving). I really felt my relationship with her was a negative feedback loop; when I was down, she was up and about, when I was happy she would be filled with anger, and so on. I was so exhausted that I felt that me being that way gave her strength somehow. Odd.
she didn’t choose you but you have to choose yourself every single time
again and again and again
All you truly have is yourself
I take myself for granted