First time dom/mummy/daddy guide
If you’re not a natural dom, mummy, or daddy you’ve likely been introduced to DD by your partner’s diaper interest. You’re probably worried about the impact of DD on your relationship if you’ll ever grow to enjoy it (it might even be a complete turn-off) and feel out of your depth in how to engage with DD. If this sounds right please read on.
First please don’t feel like you’re alone in this, we’d say that about half of all now active DD dom partners started by being introduced to DD by their partner and grew into their position slowly.
The key thing you need to decide on is if you’re fully committed to your partner. Getting into DD can be hard at first and will require work. If you’re not confident in your relationship this might prove to be too much. If however you really do want to try to make it work, it’s very much possible to go from someone uninterested in DD to actively enjoying playing your part in it. The benefits section of this website goes into more details but you can expect to build an extremely strong relationship once DD is introduced.
If they’re ABDL you need to remember their interest in diapers is not going to go away. They probably feel a lot of shame about it (completely unwarranted as there is nothing bad about ABDL) and DD will provide you a framework to include it positivity into your relationship. It will help them accept who they are, improve their lives, and provide them with fulfillment without shame. Doing this for a partner is an incredible gift and definitely something you can use to your advantage to ask for other changes to improve your life together (more chores, your own kinks, more relationship commitment, etc).
For yourself taking it slowly, but with a commitment to building up your involvement is the path we’d recommend and have seen work time and again. Because of this, you’ll probably not want to start your partner on the stricter levels of DD but we recommend starting at about regular DD level.
It’s likely your partner wants DD so initially, your only involvement can be to enforce their wearing and hold them to account. Decide what days they will be wearing and then make sure they are, if they’re not tell them they need to go put one on. Don’t discuss it, just tell them, your authority will be enough. This is an area some people struggle with as they think “how can I force them to wear and use diapers” but remember they want or have agreed to wear and just need that push when sometimes it feels inconvenient or they feel ashamed.
Once you’re enforcing their wearing and use of diapers, try to get more involved in checking and changing. First, start with easy diaper changes such as a morning/evening one after a shower which is just putting them in a new fresh diaper. Then move up to doing some wet diaper changes. Our biggest advice here is to take your time, be loving and make sure to wipe thoroughly.
Checking diapers can feel like a big responsibility so ask them to come to you when they think they need a change. You don’t need to do the change yourself but this does two things; first, it increases their dependence on you, and second, you get to learn about the signs of a diaper wet enough to warrant a change. Unlike baby diapers which you may have experience with, high-quality adult diapers can and should be worn until significantly used so you’ll want to see that diaper sagging and wet across a large area.
Try to normalize their diaper wearing in your conversations and interactions. Tease them about needing diapers when you see they’re wet, call them your baby boy/girl, and touch their diaper when hugging them. You and they should be aware they're in diapers and have to use them, try not to hide it from yourself. Around the house have them wear clothing that doesn’t hide their diapered state; onesies, pj’s, or just a t-shirt are great for this.
You should also take a more active role in buying their diapers, and make them shop for them with you online. Pick out some of your favorite designs for them or get them to buy other elements such as an adult baby bottle and pacifier.
You’re now enforcing diaper wearing, doing some checks and changes, and acknowledging it as part of your life together which is a great start! It’s now time to get used to another key part of DD which is messing. Messy changes are something you’ll probably want to avoid for a while and although we don’t encourage it, it can be something you always make your partner take care of.
But you do need to get used to your partner in a messy diaper and get over any disgusted feelings you might have from this. For partners new to DD we highly recommend you start your partner on internal deodorant tablets as this will massively reduce the smell and make it much easier for you (and them). Then comes crossing the mental block you might have, to which the cure normally is just a matter of exposure and getting used to it. Some good ways to do this are:
make your partner mess their diaper in the morning (either naturally or forced with a suppository) and don’t let them change for at least an hour. In this time cuddle or spoon them as normal or watch a show in bed, anything normal really.
check their messy diapers by patting the back of it, and get used to the idea that they need to use their diapers for everything.
don’t allow them to change out of messy diapers straight away, maybe start a rule that they must stay in it for at least 1 or 2 hours before you’ll permit a change. This will help you and them get used to it and don’t worry about rashes as long as you’re using powder and rash prevention cream.
tease them about their messy diapers and try to find the humor in a fully grown adult pooing themselves.
Soon the idea of them messing themselves and being around you while in a messy diaper will move from disgusting to normal. A good majority actually end up enjoying seeing their partner like this.
The other key part of DD is that it extends beyond your house, they should be wearing and using diapers in public. The biggest worry you’ll both have is being discovered but this is extremely unlikely. Most long-term DD couples in diapers 24/7 have managed to avoid even friends/family realizing one of them is in diapers, so a member of the public detecting it is near zero. Even if they do, they’ll assume it’s medical and no questions will be asked. In the exceptionally rare event, someone did mention it just say it’s a short-term medical problem and leave it at that.
In public wearing a plain onesie is recommended as this prevents the diaper from ever being exposed and gives confidence to your partner wearing diapers. Then like messing you both just need to get used to it. Make sure some wearing days you spend the majority of the time out of the house, do day trips, and eat out as normal. Initially, it’s fine for the diaper to just be used for wetting as most people can hold a bm until they get home anyway.
Make sure you subtly mention their diapers while out in public. Discrete questions can include “Will you need to change when we get home”, “how full are you”, “how’s my baby holding up”, etc. An occasional bum squeeze or tap won't raise any eyebrows but will remind the both of you they’re diapered.
At this stage, you might be a few months in DD but you should now be forcing them to wear and use diapers, checking and changing them more often, and used to being with them in messy diapers and in public.
This might be enough but you should try to take a few more steps to become more involved in DD and hopefully also enjoy it more. Try to discover the areas you enjoy, maybe you like teasing them, or how dotting they become when wearing or needing a change, or the new control you have.
Start adding some more DD elements:
Get involved in picking out their clothes and dress them in ABDL style onesies etc
Give them their evening drink in a baby bottle. Cuddling while you hold a bottle for them can be a very intimate and loving experience.
On days where you’re both not working (e.g. a Saturday) don’t let them ask for a diaper change and instead check and change them yourself.
Try a 24/7 week where the toilet is completely out of bounds. Alternatively have a 24/7 diapered vacation.
Baby them more, hold their hand when crossing roads, sweat talk to them, and ask embarrassing questions at home if they’ve used their diaper, etc
Use punishments more regularly and push both of your comfort zones.
You’ll now have an extremely happy partner and hopefully, you’ll be enjoying many aspects of DD if not all of it. Time will make this better and be assured by the fact that many people have been in your shoes and come out the other side advocates for DD.
