I figured I would share the story in all it's embarrassing glory, it's a long one. So, let's start with some backstory. It's 2009 and I am in middle school. I was nowhere near popular, my hair was always frizzy and messy in the Florida humidity, my lips always agape with my huge overbite. I got bullied a bunch, but for the most part I got along with the class clowns. In 6th grade the middle school I went to had a very strict uniform policy. I promise these details matter haha. I had a best friend in school, her name was Kayla. Kayla went through puberty stuff way earlier than me, she was shaving her legs and sharing the stories with me and my classmates like a pirate sharing their first adventures at sea. My mother bought me my first "teen spirit" deodorant and packed me a "just in case" care package for my first period. Kayla and a couple of my other friends talked about pads and tampons and as a middle schooler, waiting for the day you started needing feminine products was exciting. More exciting than the blossoming of womanhood or whatever the fuck that was. With the period came secrecy of course. The embarrassment of thinking everyone can see your pad or hear the crinkle of the stickiness shifting on your panties. But I had absolutely no idea what I had coming from me when my time came. None of my friends ever told me about the debilitating pain of cramping, the crying, the vomiting. My mom tried to help me as much as she could, but my period was just not normal. With concern she took me to the doctor about it and I left with a birth control prescription and a PMDD diagnosis. I don't mean to get too graphic here, but let's just say reqular pads and tampons weren't cutting it. At wits end my mother apparently reaches out to a family friend. One day I came home from school, defeated about my constant bathroom trips and my mom called me to her room. I sat on the edge of her bed as she tugged on a CVS bag. She told me she had an idea for my period, but I had to keep an open mind. She slips the white bag off and reveals a pack of Goodnites. My face turns beet red and I already open my mouth to protest, but she cuts me off and reassures me that nobody would be able to tell. She ripped open the pack and once I saw the adorable butterflies and owls, I felt better about it all. I mean yeah, it's a diaper, but look how cute it is! My biggest concern was my classmates knowing. A pad is already so crinkly, everyone will be able to hear me walk by! I already wanted to just simply fit in with the peers I looked up to. I took the bag of pullups to my room and tried on my school uniform. My khaki shorts gave me a bulge I've never experienced before, and my polo shirt was definitely not long enough to cover the padding in between my legs. I remember feeling this comfort though. The pullups were soft and didn't have any sticky tape on them. I tried on different outfits, trying to see what hides the padding the most. I did find something! This one black skirt with shorts built in, that was proper school length. This skirt became THE skirt. If you saw me in it, it definitely was my period week, and I definitely was hiding a pullup under it. I never even told my best friend Kayla about it. I never had a secret like that before and the whole experience felt so sneaky! Nobody ever found out and made fun of me directly except one time, but that's a story for another day ♡
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