not interested

vent blog. watch me fluctuate between a misanthrope and an empath somehow lol They call me Dickie but I'm really more of a dick.

[dickieisadick]

Yeah, whatever. Here's a vent blog.

I'm Dickie. More than legally an adult, and in treatment (is it working? lol)

Please consider fucking off with your sound advice and encouragement. I don't want to hear it when I vent. Hell, I'm not particularly interested in any of this "community" aspect bullshit. Not to be harsh, I just don't care for it.

I won't be disclosing much of my personal information here, I think. I want to keep this separate from the people who associate with me.

Using Wrath Boy himself, from Seven, as a display for me... because with my many, many thoughts about him I might as well kin the version of that fucker I have in my head. Aside that, I don't actually kin but there's something fucky with my head and my identity. IDK.

DNI if you're a minor. For your own good, mostly, I guess. Also I do not like k/ds at all. Really can't stand them actually. Don't care if that makes me a bad person, I actually hate them! lmao

[dickieisadick]

The cool (lame) thing about my diagnosis is that it doesn't exist outside a few countries, so if I moved to...idk theoretically, almost anywhere... I wouldn't be treated is soooo fun!!!!

Not that it matters. I don't take antidepressants anymore because I can't be bothered. Plus, they all make me feel worse and after my multitude of OD attempts I feel sick about swallowing pills. Especially if more than once in a while. Cool. I only get a monthly shot of neuroleptics even though I only experience those not-worth-noting negative effects only.

It's not that I'm lamenting that I probably can't post on #actuallyschizoid without risking being bullied or laughed out... No, I don't give a shit about that. It's that I have an invalid fucking diagnosis that's bothering me. DSM-5 AND ICD-11said fuck you very much, but because I live in an ass backwards country (that might as well be villages and no electricity as majority of fucking moronic westerners think), well, I'm stuck with it and I will most likely never know what the fuck is actually wrong with my shit brain.

Grandma was schizoid though. Not that it means I am, too. Obviously. All I've got is probably just glorified depression. I honestly would not fucking know. But the desire to die has been back, which might be for the better.

[dickieisadick]

Me: I don't know how you put up with me, when I'm such a fucking misanthropic piece of shit. Partner: I am too.

Meanwhile, Partner: experiences empathy, sympathizes with people, can't stand violence and arguments. Meanwhile, Me: Feels little remorse for people suffering, does not care for people in general, enjoys violence and runs through various scenarios of arguing with people in my head almost every night.

Right, you as well.

The World is so shit and I'm not even certain there's more than lonely problem solving here... Aside the random good moods. Then I care.