I’ve been living alone for the first time in my life for about 5 months now and i wanted to share some things i learned as well as what im going to start trying to do to help myself
Like, yeah duh, as a system ig it’s a no brainer. But i also don’t have a job right now, and i knew time blended together but it’s increasingly difficult to manage my time, be aware of time, and plan what i do with my time. i wake up, ???????????????, and then it’s night time.
This as been incredibly frustrating for me and lately i’ve been feeling pings of shame that i can’t function. I’ve tried buying a planner, i lose my planner or forget to write in it if i ever do find it. i’ve tried reminders on my phone, i read them and they don’t spark any sort of intention to complete….
-Using a whiteboard on my fridge where i put down important things i MUST do
-Setting timers throughout the day to grab my attention. I’ll be starting with one every 2 hours and see how it works for me
I cannot tell you the last time i’ve gone outside. I suspect this is connected to my childhood, as for years i was never allowed to leave my room unless it was time to eat or go to school. So now as an adult it’s difficult to even THINK about outside, what’s that?, my brain sees my house as the world and i can spent weeks without leaving the property. some days i feel proud to just go into the backyard
-get into a routine of going into the backyard at the same time everyday, for me in the mornings to start. and as time goes on, trying to take more walks, then grow from there and take a drive to the park or something?
This has been the bane of my existence since it’s directly connected to my trauma. i find it difficult to complete household tasks without external pressure or threats, so it’s common for my space to get messy and i’ll have blindness to it all. i hate it.
-I used to plan a day to clean every week, but quickly learned that my planner was not going to work for me. so i’ll be trying to clean as i go and not put so much pressure on myself to complete everything in day like i was doing before. Leaving my room? what can i take with me or put away before i go. Leaving the kitchen? what can i put away or wash before i go. i’m hoping this will help facilitate small accomplishments versus thinking i have to clean the whole house in a single day
i’ve lost an alarming amount of weight due to dissociating through hunger pings or overall not noticing when i should eat. this has started to affect my energy levels and sleep quality and i also suspect stems from my trauma
-I’ve been battling this consistently to no avail so i’m finally scheduled to see a nutritionist next month bc with all the other struggles im facing, this particular issue has fell thru the cracks and i couldn’t manage it on my own.
-But i suppose the best thing i’ve tried is actually recognizing it as a problem instead of talking myself out of it by saying “i’m only fasting” when i knew in my heart it was deeper than that
Overall Update: it’s been a tough couple months, but i’m finally getting the ball rolling and the referrals scheduled. im still waiting to hear back for my mental health referrals but im feeling more hopeful about my journey and working on accepting my struggles instead of trying to pass as healthy.
