Redemption

"Life is not what one lived, but rather what one remembers, and how it is remembered to tell the tale." - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

[diego--cruz]

[diego--cruz]

marinalisbon‌:

A lump formed in Marina’s throat that she had to swallow down as her eyes watered slightly because her answer to his simple question was “Not great.” It made Marina’s heart ache to have to admit that out loud, because she failed in taking care of one of her sisters. She shook her head, not letting the tears fall, “He said some dumb shit about her being vanilla and she care so fucking much about what he thinks of her that I don’t know she spiraled or something snapped, I can’t even be sure if she’s telling me the whole truth there. It just seems like everytime there’s something wrong with her his name isn’t far behind.” She shook her head, “I just need you to listen, I don’t know, that’s the part that makes me feel crazy because there’s nothing I can do but here’s the thing, being in this position, feeling responsible for all of them it makes me relate to our mom who was suffocating to the point of destruction. We had no agency growing up, Diego. None, and I promised myself I’d never dictate what they do but I feel the urge with Tessa and that’s not okay. All I know is my sister isn’t happy, that she hasn’t been for a long time and it hurts.” 

Diego nodded in understanding and swallowed thickly as he listened to her. He knew that helpless feeling especially when it came to his siblings. He had learned it with Scott the hard way, watching his parents push him away by forcing him to be something he wasn’t, not giving him space to figure things out. He wanted badly to get involved and fix things but knew that some things were beyond his control, and people had to learn and experience things on their own, even if it was something that was hurtful. “That’s, so fucking valid,” he said finally and stepped closer to pull her closer to him, wrapping her up in his arms. “You’ve been an amazing sister, Marina, and you listened to her and you’re right, it’s fucked up that there are things you can’t help or make better. I mean she didn’t actually relapse, right? There’s incredible strength in that. She could have but she didn’t, and that is a lot of her own strength and determination but that is also your impact, as a sister, what you taught her. How to be strong and keep going. And you can be there for her, you always are. Which means you’re doing more than fine. Because you’re letting her figure it out and I know you trust her enough to know she will.” He brushed his thumb across her cheek as he looked at her. “I’m sorry it hurts.”

[diego--cruz]

marinalisbon‌:

“Yeah, no to pancakes. And no I’m not really okay because I feel insane, Diego. Spinning around in some circle or something. I don’t think your brother is good for my sister. I mean cards on the table I never really did, but for your sake and hers I’ve been trying to give him some sort of benefit of the doubt but I can’t anymore. I found my sister in a trashed kitchen damn near in a daze clutching a pill bottle on the verge of relapse, triggered by some dumb shit Scott said to her apparently.” 

“Jesus.” Diego sighed as he took a seat and listened to what she was saying. Diego had been trying to give Scott space so he didn’t feel like he was suffocating him but after his conversation with Perrie he had been planning on trying to spend more time with him, to let him know how much he wanted to spend time with him over the holidays. And that was still true but hearing this he knew that the holidays weren’t exactly going to be how he and Perrie had dreamt up. And beyond that, he knew that what Marina was feeling was more than valid and he was trying to regulate his frustration with Scott. “You’re not insane,” he started and stepped towards her, his expression softened as he looked at her. “How is she doing? What did he say? Look, I’m not going to ask you to be a fan of Scott’s or of him dating Tessa, especially if the signs are there that things aren’t...healthy. I mean they can love each other and I think they do but...but maybe you’re right, maybe it’s not a good fit but I mean, what do you...what can we even do about that? Is there something you want me to do?” He swallowed thickly as he thought about it, “I mean I’m not going to go off on my brother, but if you want me to talk to him, reason with him the best I can, I will. I mean I probably will anyway cause seeing him is long overdue but,” he reached out to brush his thumb across Marina’s cheek. “I’m sorry.”

[diego--cruz]

marinalisbon‌:

“I have feelings and you’re probably not going to like them, but I don’t see the point in being in a relationship with you if I’m not confident enough in this to be honest with you, so you should brace yourself now to hear some uncomfortable shit. If you’re not up for that then tell me now.” 

@diego–cruz​

“So...no to pancakes?” Diego set the pancake mix down and came around the counter, concern already in his expression as he took a deep breath. “Okay, I’m bracing myself. Are you ok?”

[kbbey]

[diego--cruz]

@marinalisbon

[diego--cruz]

perriecruz‌:

“At least he’s smart and a good businessman. I’ve only heard stories of him from the Rosewood grapevine. So if you say he’s cool, I’ll take your word for it.” Perrie smiled, lightly blushing at his confession about Haven. Out of the three of them, he had been in a relationship the longest. He’s never admitted that sort of thing to his brother towards anyone he’s had an interest in. In fact, Perrie hadn’t gone to Diego at all for advice these past few years with Haven. To do so now felt right. “Hosting Thanksgiving? That means I’m obligated to help now, aren’t I? Thanks a lot. I guess I help cut down a tree. If Scott says no I’ll give him hell.” Perrie teased. The thought of being able to be with his brothers like old times making a smile appear on his features. He had missed these moments. He hadn’t exactly spent time with Scott recently so this would have been to perfect opportunity to do so. “Don’t expect me to always watch shit for you. I’m going to make you watch a horror movie with me. Plus…you don’t need to brave for me anymore.” The latter of his statement held more weight. For all of their lives, Diego had held each of his brother’s burdens. He put so much on his shoulders at such a young age that Perrie wanted Diego to know that he could exhale now. Sure, Perrie would always need his brother - his protection, of course, was always welcomed, but Perrie was older now. He could handle his own. Diego didn’t have to be so brave anymore when Perrie was braver now on his own thanks to his oldest brother. “You have? I thought we didn’t believe in therapy.” Perrie teased. The idea had crossed his mind after his spiraling a few years back. With all his baggage therapy would do Perrie some good. “I’m glad you’re going and getting help. Whatever helps you feel better I fully support. I’m glad you told me.” he paused, a cheeky smile appearing. “You should pay them the big bucks though. With all our shit I’m sure you’re making them work overtime.”

“Yeah, that means you have to help. But if Tessa and I do it, it’ll be a real team effort. And you’ll be on table setting duty.” Diego was caught off guard by Perrie’s words, mostly because he hadn’t expected to hear them. He had spent a lot of times hating himself for putting his hands on his brother that day, doing everything he could to make up for that terrible moment of weakness. Hearing Perrie’s words was a kind of forgiveness he felt undeserving of but wouldn’t shy away from. “When you’d become so wise, hm?” His expression softened and he had to silently scold himself to not be emotional as he reached out to give Perrie’s shoulder a squeeze. “How about we both try to be as brave as we can when we need to be. Help each other stay brave, you know? I’m proud of you,” he added softly before dropping his hand. “Yeah well I didn’t see any other way. I mean I’m...okay now but, leaving office was really fucking hard for me. And I still wake up in the mornings, ready to go to the office. And uh, some people still call me mayor which is..a lot.” Diego wanted to run again but he wasn’t sure he had it in him, terrified of something worse happening this time around. Working with Stefan in the community was great but it wasn’t what he had dreamed of, wasn’t what he had spent all his time pursing. He had always wanted to hold public office, always wanted to be a politician the people could trust. And now he saw no way back to that. He let out a laugh and shook his head as he started driving the tractor. “Yeah no shit, that’s why therapist have to have therapist.”

[diego--cruz]

havencurriere‌:

“So I take it I can’t catch a ride?,” Haven asked with a hopeful grin, then chuckled. “Not everywhere, just… Yeah, just about everywhere. You’ll probably want to do a good shake down before you’re done here.”

“You can in about five minutes once I get some apple cider. I will warn you that I barely go past like..ten miles an hour if that,” he replied with a growing smile, tipping up the cap on his head before he started leading them to the food truck nearby. “It’s good to see you, how’ve you been?”

[diego--cruz]

tessa-lisbon‌:

“I’ve always been interested in having my own vegetable garden so you’d have my full support.” As friendly as she and Diego were, Tessa wouldn’t say no to spending more time getting to know him for both Marina and Scott’s sake. “I would actually pay you money if you got Scott to be the lion,” she laughed at the thought. “Flu shots and hot cider, what more could a person want or need?” Sometimes she didn’t quite understand how Marina and Diego had come about, their attitudes on vastly differing ends of the spectrum, but then he went and slipped in a PSA about flu shots and one more puzzle piece fell into place. He was responsible, and that was something her sister valued. She bent her knees in a small curtsy at his compliment, “We’re coming into my favourite holiday season, obviously I’m pulling out all the stops. Scott’s having such a tough time being my taste tester,” she joked, “I’m just lucky that Magnolia’s lets me make suggestions for the menu. Gotta keep it constantly changing, you know? It keeps the instagram foodies on their toes.”

“Thank you, thank you. I could help you start a garden if you’d like, in the spring. I’ve been doing so much development work these days, I ended up helping with the community garden a few weeks back. Learned a hell of a lot about soil alone. And who knows? You could be like the next farm to table establishment in this town.” Diego let out a laugh as he slid his hat off. “If I can get Scott to be the lion, you don’t have to pay me at all. That right there is a gift in itself.” When it came to Scott, Diego had taken a hands off approach these days, not wanting his brother to feel smothered or like he was watching him. He knew that things would never be perfect but he hoped that as they got closer to the holiday season they could spend more time together and their time together would feel more natural and enjoyable and Scott wouldn’t look at him as just a reason to be angry or disappointed. “Ah so will you be my holiday partner in..cheer? I love the holidays and I’m trying to make them big and loving and wonderful this year. And that may be because I’ve been watching a lot of Hallmark and Lifetime movies. Did you know they started playing them in mid October? I’ve see like..15. It’s a problem. But a great one.” He laughed and moved away from the tractor so they could walk over to get some cider. “I was actually just talking to Perrie about it, he’s really looking forward to all of us coming together for the holidays. I mean I haven’t talked to Marina about it and I’m not sure what your traditions are but if there’s anything we could collaborate on/any way you’d let me in the kitchen to help out, I’d really like that. Plus I have some new recipes I wanted to try and I feel like if you’re helping they have a chance of actually turning out okay.”

[diego--cruz]

thestefmckibbon‌:

“Not what I was implying so thank you for taking the fun out of that.” Stefan leaned against his car door waiting for Diego to change, “We were taking my car anyway.” He said as he unlocked the doors and got into his car, peeling off almost immediately, “Diego, why would I pick apples for fun? And no, I don’t actually.  Thanksgiving is always a nightmare, Halloween was alright, but beyond that, not for me. I’m more of a fan of holidays that don’t require a loving family to enjoy. New Year’s eve? That’s a holiday I can get behind.” 

“I know what you were implying but I don’t really talk about my sex life with anyone but my girlfriend,” he replied with a shrug, laughing softly but nodding in understanding. “It’s not just about picking apples. It’s about the nature and the eating and the donuts and the cider. Granted you take the whole group of us to the orchard and the kids go wild. I once found Perrie and Javi hiding in the highest tree in the orchard. It’s amazing neither of them broke their arm. Well if you don’t have Thanksgiving or Christmas plans you want to attend you’re always welcome to come to our celebration, we’ve always got plenty of food and drink and jokes.” The holidays were hard for many reasons, mostly because it was a time when their parents absence was felt deeply but Diego was determined to make this year special to make it about the love all of them had found and would hopefully continue to give to each other. “New Years Eve is a good one though, you gonna throw a party or something?”

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

[diego--cruz]

@perriecruz

[diego--cruz]

perriecruz‌:

“That sounds awesome. I’m glad that you get to be part of it and make a difference. Yeah. Okay, now saying it out loud I don’t think Haven would be into it all that much either but I think it’ll be fun. If they don’t end up liking it they can blame me. But if they’re dating you two Tess and Marina are gonna see my face a lot and Haven’s since I think she’s it for me. Triple dates will be in our future regardless - Christmas and thanksgiving count as them right?” he shrugged with a smile. “Diego Cruz living in the moment? Holy shit, who are you and what have you done with my older brother?” Perrie asked, playfully grabbing his brother’s shoulders and jolting them lightly as if he was shaking diego out of it. The person standing in front of him was a far cry from the Diego a year ago, let alone the diego he knew a few years ago. It was good to see his brother so content and hopeful. “Our costumes were more of jokes. We went as Bella and Edward from Twilight to be shit heads. Also it was a last minute idea. A giant scaredy cat I see. Yes i’ll always watch them in your behalf.”

“Yeah it’s..different, believe me, I never thought I’d be working with a McKibbon but here we are and I mean, the guy isn’t exactly a saint but he’s smart and he’s a good business man. Plus on a good day, he might even consider me a friend,” he joked, his laughter growing as Perrie talked about Haven. “I mean you make a very good point. And I’m hopeful Marina and Tessa aren’t going anywhere so, yeah, holidays for sure. I’d really like to host Thanksgiving this year. I mean Jane and Damon are gonna be on baby duty so, I’m hoping to take some of that pressure off. I don’t know what kind of traditions the Lisbons or Haven has but everyone is welcome for Thanksgiving and Christmas. But only if you and Scott come with me to cut down a tree.” He let out a louder laugh and shrugged. “i know it’s shocking, isn’t it? But I’m..trying.” He cringed every time he thought about the past year, about the way he felt like he had almost lost his mind and sometimes he still did. But he knew that he was putting in the work to be better, to not just be a mess running around. “See I dont need to be brave or not a scaredy cat when I ave you to do the watching, it works out.” He nudged him lightly before starting up the tractor so they could go for a short ride. “I started going to therapy,” he admitted as the drive started. “Been a few months. Marina knows but I haven’t really told anyone else. Found a doctor through my insurance, that was a bust, then I found someone who’s charging me out of pocket and it..takes some balance but it’s worth it,” he admitted and glanced over at Perrie. “it’s part of why I’ve been doing better.”

[diego--cruz]

thestefmckibbon‌:

“A shirt that doesn’t double as a napkin isn’t impossible standards. Let’s go then, I don’t want to go home to Tinsley smelling like…nature. You’re in a good mood, your girlfriend must have stayed over last night, huh?” Stef asked, wasting no time walking towards their cars as Stef had parked next to Diego’s car. 

"She may have, yeah,” he replied with a shrug, though there was no denying his smile whenever he spoke or talked about Marina. “Slept like a baby,” he added and pulled open his back door to get his shirt, changing right there before locking his car. “Let’s take your car, I’ll come back later for mine, gotta come back to check in with the organizers anyway, I have another hay ride shift,” he told him, already pulling the passenger car door for Stefan’s car open. Plus he knew he’d rather pull up in that car then have Diego’s clunker of a car trailing behind him. “Do you actually like any..fall festivities? Ever been apple picking?”

[diego--cruz]

perriecruz‌:

“That doesn’t surprise me. You’re the one with the most spirit out of the three of us.” Perrie scrunched his nose as his brother messed with his hair. normally perrie would fight it but he allowed it to happen, mostly because he missed it. Being away from his brothers was hard now that they were all on good terms. “What are you and Stefan doing? I’m glad you two are still doing well. I think sometime we should go on a triple date with Scott and Tessa. I’d say don’t speak so soon because Cruz men being happy isn’t a thing that happens but i’m glad that you are. You deserve it.” And perrie meant that. all he wanted in life now was for his brothers to be happy and live the best lives they could. it’s what they all deserved after what life had given them. “I did. Haven andI went to a Halloween party that Emory was throwing then we spent the rest of the night watching scary movies.”

“Lots of development stuff, but shit that actually gives people jobs and helps build up a community as opposed to just kicking people out and bringing in new ones. That’s like the best way I can explain it. Triple date? I have a hard time seeing Scott being up for that, or Marina, but I think we could convince them. Think Haven would be into it?” He laughed softly and nodded, “I mean most things are temporary but I’m trying this whole thing where I live in the moment. Crazy, right?” He smiled softly at his younger brother, feeling less like a fuck up whenever he looked at him, consistently grateful for his forgiveness. “Sounds like a good one. What’d you dress up as? Anything good? Scary movies, no thank you. I’m glad you watched them on my behalf.”

[diego--cruz]

thestefmckibbon‌:

“I’m not one for dirty hands so I won’t be shaking yours. I was going to take you to the country club for lunch, but now I don’t want to be seen with you. Are you almost done driving your tractor or…whatever?” 

“Alright you can go drink by yourself,” Diego replied with a soft laugh and dusted himself off. “Yeah, someone else is taking the next shift. I got a different shirt in the car so I can be look slightly more decent and that much closer to your impossible standards.”

[diego--cruz]

tessa-lisbon‌:

“A tractor is quite the look for you, Diego.” Tessa approached, waiting until he had both feet back on the ground before offering him one of Magnolia’s famed pumpkin spice cupcakes. Technically it had been for Scott, but she hadn’t been able to find him, so Diego would have to do. “The hay has a very… Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz vibe,” she chuckled, reaching up to pluck a sprig of hay from his shoulder. “Nothing wrong with volunteering if you enjoy it. You’ve always been a community man. It’s cold though, maybe you should take a break and have something warm to drink. You don’t want to get sick and let down the children.”

“Thank you, I guess if all else fails I can be a farmer,” he joked and tipped the hat he was wearing down a bit before smiling at her. “Oh, thank you very much,” he mumbled and happily took the cupcake. “That would have been a Halloween costume. Maybe next year. I’ll wrangle Perrie into being the tin man,” he joked and took a healthy bite of his cupcake before smiling. “You make a very good point. Hot cider sounds exactly what I need right now and the last thing I need is to get sick. That’s why we all gotta make sure to get our flu shots,” he added, wiping a bit of frosting from his lips. “This is..so freakin good Tessa. Honestly, you’re magic.”

[jncoes]

*checks my email at the club*

[diego--cruz]

perriecruz‌:

“You said that the last time as well.” Perrie smiled, watching the kids as they left the tractor, even helping a few. “Oh, yeah you do. You’ll be finding hay for weeks.” He said as he climbed up the tractor to sit next to his older brother. “Long time no talk old man. what’s new?”

“What can I say? I’m full of the holiday spirit.” Diego laughed softly and ruffled the front of Perrie’s hair. “Keep calling me old man, still bet I could beat you in a race. Put money on it, too,” he added and nudged him lightly. “Been busy man, working my ass off with Stefan, spending time with Marina, settling into the sweetest routine. Kind of..dare I say..happy?” He looked around them suspiciously before smirking. “You have a good Halloween?”