atelophobia

haven curriere. twenty-four. "how much of what you liked about me was because I was a ballet dancer, and how much because I was me?"

[sersh]

CAILEE SPAENY Makeup by Loren Canby, hair styled by Kiley Fitzgerald, styling by Nicky Yates for Wake Up Dead Man: A Knives Out Mystery press, November 19th 2025

for @roxxintoxxin!

[kieran-parsons]

Kieran nodded and laughed in recognition of her comment. As much as he lived for the applause it was refreshing to be able to move outside the lines, push the boundaries of skill and redefine 'good' and 'bad' dance. It was all just movement anyway and he was like a shark, just had to keep moving.

No notes from Haven of all people was unimaginable, not with her eye, but it was evidence of growth he supposed. She wasn't so eager to point out perceived flaws and he wasn't suspicious of her biting her tongue now just to save it for later to put him off his game. Crazy, he thought, how they'd all once been tooth and nail to rise above each other on some invisible ladder of perfection, now he was just happy to see her.

"Shower?" he suggested, using her close proximity to flick her with the towel she'd given him. "I'm starving and I'm not gonna take my girl out to celebrate all sweaty. You, obviously," he clarified, joking about her being the sweaty one. And before she could ask, "I don't know what we're celebrating. Just life. Success. Bein' sexy as hell and everyone being jealous about it."

[havencurriere]

Her whole life she was taught not to see her peers as potential friends, or people who shared her interests, but competition. They dedicated all their time to the same thing and yet she remained convinced they'd have nothing in common, that her and someone like Kieran could carry a pas de deux but not a conversation. They all had their baggage though, and if she were less self-involved, not as laser focused on perfection, she might've noticed she wasn't the only one struggling. She didn't have to suffer alone.

"Planning to," she quipped back and swatted at the towel. "At least I don't smell," she countered, with a pointed look in his direction, then snatched the towel from his hands. Since he didn't seem to be using it and the sweat literally dripping off him was going to bother her. "People are always jealous of us." She dabbed at the side of his face, wiping down towards his neck. "You really want to go out? We can, I just don't have nicer clothes with me."

[kieran-parsons]

They'd both gone through the motions when it came to their feelings toward dancing. Back in high school when he'd broken his ankle and taken the Chicago Ballet for everything they had he'd been relieved to have been forced to stop. Then the dust had settled and he'd come back more determined to prove himself than ever. His company was thriving and he'd made a real name for himself... and then dancing was just business all over again. This time he was less self destructive about the feeling though, choosing to find his joy in these rare moments where no one was expecting anything from him. Haven could understand better than anyone, he was certain, which was probably why she never tried to stop him.

"Mm," he hummed happily at the second kiss, not shying away from making it known how he wanted her. She deserved it, to be chosen and wanted exactly how she was, and for once he was happy to lay his ego to the side and prove it quietly. What he appreciated was that her presence wasn't a distraction as he danced. He could feel her eyes on him but his focus wasn't pulled. It didn't feel like a performance, it still felt like the same freedom as he'd had when no one had been there at all. Well, maybe he'd added a few flourishes because he was by nature a show off, but he swore it was all in the name of Haven's entertainment.

"Probably a bit much for the kids, huh?" he joked as he caught his breath, rising from his final position. As the track started over again he made a few languid steps toward her, fishing his water bottle off the floor next to her. He let the music play, if only because it made the room feel warmer. "Why are you still here, anyway? You miss me that bad?"

[havencurriere]

Dance, for Haven, had never been a choice, not hers anyway. Her peers all had their stories, of when and why they chose dance, when it clicked, and when the question fell back on her she just shrugged, said she’d always known. It was the truth, sort of; she danced because it was what she was brought into this world to do, to achieve all her mother couldn’t. Sometimes she caught herself hoping her ankle would give out from under her, just as Kieran’s did— and then she shoved the thought away, panicked at the prospect of not dancing, even after all the pain it’d caused her. Who was she without it? She cheated her way through school and so she had no other skills or interests to fall back on, she’d given her all to dance. Panic could’ve been her out but instead it gave her perspective, as near death experiences did. She slowed down, determined to make ballet something she enjoyed and not just the thing she did. 

It was Kieran who’d helped her the most, giving her space when she needed it but also challenging her to set boundaries with herself, to strive for something other than perfection. She was embarrassed to admit she stayed at the studio so late not to fine-tune her technique but to step outside her comfort zone, playing and experimenting in a way that still felt totally unfamiliar to her. Even as she watched Kieran she wasn’t focused on technical prowess as much as overall feeling – she had a few notes, but it was late and she figured it was nothing he wouldn’t work out himself. 

She clapped as he finished and walked towards her, the polite and silent kind usually reserved for tennis. “Maybe. Is that allowed?," she teased, brows raised, then shrugged. “Lost track of time.” Watching the sweat pool off of him, she grabbed a towel from her bag and tossed it to him. “I like when it’s quiet like this too. Like I have the freedom to embarrass myself.” It was strange to admit out loud, that she was even capable of such a thing, but she knew he’d understand. She hesitated a moment then stood up, and stepped closer to him, “No notes.”

[kieran-parsons]

Kieran hadn't even meant to be in the studio that evening but once inspiration struck he was unstoppable. Hours later and he was slick with sweat, completely in his element as he studied his every move in the mirrors, correcting and correcting until the foundations he'd laid were perfect. Almost magnetically he came out of a turn facing his audience, expression of focus loosening into his ever-charming smile toward Haven. "Now's the only time I get to dance without being interrupted," he said, though he did scoff a laugh to himself when he picked up his phone and noticed the time. "One more," he promised, changing the music connection from his headphones to the sound system in the studio so she could hear it as well. "Opinions are welcome," he noted, knowing full well he was opening himself up to what some considered Haven's harsh truths. "However, if you're going to watch you have to pay the entry fee," he hooked a finger under her chin gently, clearly expecting a kiss.

[havencurriere]

"Okay, " she said, unconvinced his one more actually meant just that. At least her's rarely did, which he'd seen time and time again, when she insisted on running something to perfection or until she wore herself out, whichever came first. It was late though and Kieran had a little more restraint than her. "I have a few," she offered tentatively, as though asking if he really wanted her criticism. Her eyes narrowed as he hooked a finger under her chin, a challenging look on her face which barely concealed the smirk she was fighting back. She kissed him quickly, and then again, in case he had any qualms about the first. "Good?," she asked as she pulled back, teasing, and nudged him away. "You can keep the change on that too." Even when they danced together it was a different experience, she didn't get to appreciate Kieran's talent the same as if she were a spectator. He was a treat to watch, the effortlessness with which he moved always something she'd quietly envied. Haven dropped her bag to the floor then slid down next to it, back against the mirrored wall, and looked to Kieran expectantly. "Ready when you are."

[havencurriere]

Haven didn't insist on being last to leave the studio like she once did but there were moments, like today, where time just got away from her. The lights were off, practice rooms all but empty besides one, at the end of the hall, which she poked her head in to. She lingered in the door frame while Kieran, headphones on, briefly oblivious to her presence, blocked choreo. They kept it professional at work (or tried to, at least) but that hardly stopped any gossip from circulating, jealous whispers of what she'd done to get a role. As if she hadn't danced lead long before they started sleeping together too. Like a sixth sense, Kieran always knew when he was being watched and she smiled as he caught her. "How long is this going to take?" She wagged a finger in his general direction, recognizing that same bit of tenacious perfectionism they shared. "Before I say I'll wait up, I don't want to be here all night either."

@kieran-parsons

[emoryjeffers]

"Well I highly disagree. I assigned you to be my wingwoman for a reason and that is because you always push me." Emory peeked over their heart shapes glasses, a smirk working on their lips as they looked at Haven. Self wallowing was no longer allowed. It was a new year and the best time of the month. Emory had made a promise to themselves that they would live life to the fullest from now on. "Ah, yes the description of every man in every romance novel ever made. Bit of a cliche don't you think?" They laughed. Though, they did enjoy a good cliche now and then. "Oh but I was so excited to introduce him to my best friend, Haven, who will kick his ass if he tries anything."

[havencurriere]

"Oh I can push you if you want. Physically," she joked back with a warning glance. It'd been over a year since the break up and while they both knew healing wasn't linear or whatever, she did think that was a perfectly appropriate amount of time to start moving on. "Got the point across though, didn't it." And what was she, a poet? "Mhm, okay. We can say hi. To that guy, or anyone else really. Let's see how many cliches I can think of."

[havencurriere]

"I feel like I'm holding you back here," Haven said from behind her sunglasses, drink in hand. Her and Emory were at the first Pride event of many that season, and while they were past their sad divorcee era, she sensed her being there was doing more harm than good. "What about tall dark and gorgeous?" She nodded to a potential suitor. "You should go talk to him. Without me." @emoryjeffers

[themarielaalves]

Mariela nodded as Haven spoke, not knowing what the universe had in store for her when it came to romance but she surely hopped that whomever it was, brought nothing but peace to her life. She was a bit too past the typical antics that attached themselves to the men of Rosewood, that's for sure. "Wait, what?" Mariela asked her, as it'd sounded as if Haven had just let her know she was dating Kieran. "Which Kieran? Like... the Kieran we know?" She asked her, before stopping a cocktail server who'd just walked by. "Can I get like two more of these, please?" Mariela told them, before her attention turned to Haven. "From the very beginning, go."

[havencurriere]

"The Kieran we know," she confirmed with a slow nod. She assumed their friends all had some idea by now but maybe it was just Emory who'd sensed a shift in the balance, always clocking things before she'd even figured them out herself. "It's recent, or.. kind of recent. We kissed a couple years ago, just once, drunk at some New Year's party." She shrugged, "Bad timing I guess. And now, I don't know. We're seeing where it goes."

[themarielaalves]

Mariela found herself laughing as Haven spoke of Phoenix and his lack of rhythm. "He might have been a bit stiff." She nodded, as she couldn't say that Haven was entirely wrong. But also who wasn't stiff in her eyes? She was one of the best dancers Mariela knew, she wasn't shocked if Haven thought most people weren't up to par when it came to what they did. "You got me there." She playfully rolled her eyes, before taking a small sip from her cocktail in an attempt to wipe her mind of her ex boyfriend. This wasn't the time or place to wax poetics of what once was. "Like so long." Mariela found herself groaning as she brought up her relationship again. "I should have known. I was always a firm believer if you don't get a ring by year three, then what are we doing? Turns out, wasting each others time was what we were doing."

[havencurriere]

Haven still had a lot of growth to do back when Mariela was with her ex, and she knew how judgmental she was, but she'd stand by the fact that he brought the group average down. Her last relationship was so long ago now that she could only think of it in past tense, if she thought of it at all. Perrie and her were friendly at least too, but actually being with him, that felt like lifetimes ago, like she may as well have been a different person. "Oh I wasted a lot of time then," she joked, though marriage was never a priority of her's. "People have different timelines. You just have to make sure your's line up." She shrugged, taking a sip of her drink, as she was hardly one to be dishing out advice. "You know I've been seeing Kieran, right. It's not a secret or anything, I just don't think I've told you."

[themarielaalves]

"No, definitely not that." Mariela laughed, agreeing with her friend. As Haven listed off the traits Mariela liked in a partner, she had to agree. That was actually every much what she looked for. "Wow, you actually nailed that down perfectly." She nodded. "Which makes it even crazier that I can't find someone with those simple traits." She rolled her eyes, the smile on her face only growing. "Actually, he wasn't so bad on his feet. But then again, Phoenix is Dominican so you can't possibly not have rhythm and be Dominican. I think it's a law of theirs." Mariela smiled, finding herself sighing as she thought of her ex. "It really fucking sucks to have lost him. And I know you're not suppose to say that, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss him a lot."

[havencurriere]

"I pay attention sometimes." Even when they weren't particularly friendly, she spent enough time around Mariela to get where her priorities were. "Right, and yet." With a raise of her brows Haven glanced over at her. "I never saw it," she laughed. "He was so stiff the couple times we went out." Not that they went out a ton as a group but there were a few times they did and she'd brought Phoenix, to which she remembers Kieran explicitly saying he couldn't hang. "You just said you didn't want to dwell over what was," she pointed out, teasing, though she couldn't actually fault her for it. "I think that's fine. Obviously I don't know the whole story, but you were together so long, it'd be weird to not miss some of that, right."

[themarielaalves]

"Especially if most of the single guys now a days are anything like that." Mariela let Haven know, as she was more than okay with being single than dealing with that. She just knew she was too old to deal with that, or any sort of bullshit. Was asking for someone with their shit kind of sort of together that much of an ask? "Oh, do you?" She asked her, actually curious to know what that might be. "What is it? My type." Mariela nodded, urging her to spill it.

[havencurriere]

Maybe it was more of a she knew it she saw it sort of thing, but she definitely knew what kinds of guys Mariela wasn't into. "Well not that." She nodded back to the finance bro from earlier, then shrugged, "Nice, normal, intellectual even. Should have some rhythm too, I can't say that much for the last one."

[themarielaalves]

"Ha," Mariela deadpanned, as she was sure people on Mars could see that the guy she'd just been talking to and herself had no chemistry what so ever. "You know if you ever get sick of dance, I'm sure there's a career in comedy waiting for you." She playfully rolled her eyes, before taking another sip from her cocktail. "I'm not not looking." She shrugged as she didn't know if dating was even something she wanted. "But, my last relationship was two years ago and then, I threw myself into my work entirely, my choice and I'm glad I did but I can't just live in the memories of what I had. That's even more depressing than not trying to at least see what's out here."

[havencurriere]

"I'll keep that in mind," Haven replied with a chuckle, fully aware of just how unfunny she was. Diving headfirst into work was definitely something she could relate to but it was more of a general given for her than it was a coping mechanism. "So not looking, but, testing the waters maybe. Okay." She didn't usually play wingwoman, she wasn't all that good at all, but she sipped at her drink as she surveyed their surroundings. "I think I know your type by now."

[themarielaalves]

"Is it me or did someone piss in the dating pool?" Mariela asked Haven as she found herself back at the table they'd occupied, after having given a guy who'd bought her a drunk a shot. Which was saying something, given that she hadn't really given many people even that since her break up with Phoenix. And for a reason, as she'd been stuck with a finance bro for the last thirty minutes. One, who didn't shy from letting her know how much he loved ballerinas quite explicitly. "Like, these can't be the only options left, right?" ( @havencurriere )

[havencurriere]

"Why, I thought you were hitting it off," she joked, moving to make room for Mariela. She couldn't speak much to Rosewood's most eligible bachelors but if the guys that'd approached her just that night were anything to go by... woof. Dating wasn't something she did anyway, not actively at least, as her two relationships weren't things she'd pursued but happened naturally. "Maybe the good ones are somewhere else tonight, knitting or moisturizing or something. I didn't realize you were looking."

[havencurriere]

–  🎃 👻 🌙

haven as sue, the substance.

[themarielaalves]

"Ha, ha. No, I'm pretty sure I do not want that." Mariela said, finding herself actually laughing in Haven's company. A far cry from the relationship they'd once shared. But that was time, something that helped heal all. "Then why aren't you getting you in the red Britney get up?" She suggested, with a raise of her eyebrow. "Come on, you have to be my sister in latex. If only because I don't know if I want to take on this heat all on my own." Mariela said, with a pout.

[havencurriere]

She was just as surprised to be laughing with Mariela, but then again she liked to think the days of high school and even college dance drama were far behind them. Haven threw her a side glance then picked up the red latex suit that'd sparked the idea in the first place. "I'll think about it," she told her, tapping the package in her hand. "What are you big plans anyway, I've heard about parties both weekends. Is that what we're doing now?"

[emoryjeffers]

This Halloween Emory decided to go back to their roots when it came to their costume. In their youth, they had spent many hours making their dance outfits unique. from bedazzling to meticulously placed rips, their sewing skills were always put to the test. This year, they had convinced Haven to do a dup costume. The pair would be Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog. Of course, Emory was going to be the diva herself. They were waist-deep in pink feathered boas as they looked at Haven. "I'm amazed Kieran didn't snatch you up yet for a couple costumes before I did." They teased with a knowing smirk. @havencurriere

[havencurriere]

Haven wasn't all that crafty but she could knew enough to fix one of her costumes in a pinch, whether it be a quick stitch or breaking out the hot glue gun. Total DIY she'd leave to Emory though, who certainly had their work cut out for them in a sea of pink feathers and sequins. "That's a stretch," she said with narrowed eyes, smirking once she drew her attention back to the green fabric in front of her. "Mariela's not going to be upset I'm your Kermit, is she? I mean, I don't think so, she showed me her Catwoman suit."

[themarielaalves]

"Please do not buy that wig." Mariela's face contorted in disgust as she took in the synthetic mess in Haven's hand. "You buy that, you're going to most definitely look like that chick from the Ring. You know which one," She held her arms out, looking more like the Samara parody in Scary Movie 3. "We can surely find something better in the wardrobe department." Mariela said, as she took in the options in front of her. "I'm kind of feeling this Catwoman moment."

[havencurriere]

"Definitely not" she assured Mariela with a chuckle. "Oh that's good. You sure you don't want this?" She held the wig package up teasingly, dangling it between her fingers, then put it back where she'd found it. Joining her by the costumes, Haven nodded at the one she pointed out. " Me too. For you obviously, I don't really do latex- well, unless it's Britney. Then maybe."