Different Bread Basement

I'm random and awkweird and just asdfghjkl

[differentbreadbasement]

Ang sensitive masyado amputa

[differentbreadbasement]

Sometimes, I don't like being home

because it doesn't feel like home

because when i am

i feel like a failure

i feel useless

because no one is ever home

and when they are

it's all talking & stress & more stress

when i'm not home, i'm working my ass off staying up all night, panicking that my grades aren't enough

i stay up so dang late that i have been relying on coffee to keep me up all day, and then all night

i'm so worried that i'm not enough, that i will never be enough

i'm not smart or talented or strong or useful

i can't handle social interactions, i can't even talk to people

i can't speak my native tongue, i don't even know how to cook

i'm just a mess of a being

i suck at communication

i can't do what i'm told

i can't even open up about the problems i have

the things i'm worried about

the hateful thoughts of myself that just won't go away

that i'm anxious about everything

that i think i'm depressed

that there are times I just want to end it all

why am i like this?

Dear Mom and Dad,

if you somehow get to read this

if i somehow end up dead from all of my self hate

i just want you to know

that i, too, do not know the answer to the questions

"was it me?" "what happened to me?" "why didn't i say anything?" etc.

but i do know that if that does happen

at least i'll know

i'm home

.

..

..

.

.

[differentbreadbasement]

Uhm I'm actually hearing things that's how stressed and anxious I am rn

[differentbreadbasement]

Look

I'm not okay

I don't know how to tell you

So I'll say it here

I don't think I'm going to make it

You put so much pressure on me

That it gets harder and harder to breathe each day

If not for pgc I would be crying myself to sleep every night

Wondering why I can't be who you want me to be

I wish you'd understand

That I'm doing my best

Every single day

But that's not what you see on the report card

What you see

Is what you believe

Even if

That's not what really happens

What happens during the tests

When it "matters most"

Is that I start to panic

And second guess myself

And I change my answers

Or not put them at all

And it turns out

That I was right the first time

But you don't know that

You don't believe that

What you think

Is that I don't try hard enough

That I don't study well enough

But you don't know

That whether I'm part of pgc or not

I would stay up all damn night

Just to study

I don't even sleep

And you scold me for my excessive coffee intake

And for drinking red bull

Even though

That's all that's keeping me moving these days

I wish I could tell you

How much I'm hurting right now

I wish I could tell you

That I can do this

You just make me believe that I can't

[differentbreadbasement]

Look

I'm not okay

I don't know how to tell you

So I'll say it here

I don't think I'm going to make it

You put so much pressure on me

That it gets harder and harder to breathe each day

If not for pgc I would be crying myself to sleep every night

Wondering why I can't be who you want me to be

I wish you'd understand

That I'm doing my best

Every single day

But that's not what you see on the report card

What you see

Is what you believe

Even if

That's not what really happens

What happens during the tests

When it "matters most"

Is that I start to panic

And second guess myself

And I change my answers

Or not put them at all

And it turns out

That I was right the first time

But you don't know that

You don't believe that

What you think

Is that I don't try hard enough

That I don't study well enough

But you don't know

That whether I'm part of pgc or not

I would stay up all damn night

Just to study

I don't even sleep

And you scold me for my excessive coffee intake

And for drinking red bull

Even though

That's all that's keeping me moving these days

I wish I could tell you

How much I'm hurting right now

I wish I could tell you

That I can do this

You just make me believe that I can't

[differentbreadbasement]

Beeech

My grade went up

Beeeeech

[differentbreadbasement]

I went home today after the longest of time, only to go back in a few hours -_- I’ve missed everyone dearly, oh when can I come back?

[littleminyard]

I like to think Kevin Day owns a lot of small dogs and brings them to every practice and got them lil jerseys.

[maybealex]

It’s okay, you can say Neil and Andrew.

[littleminyard]

OH MY GOD

[differentbreadbasement]

I'm so fluffing tired

But I can't sleep yet

Fluff all of these requirements

Fluff me for procrastinating ughh

[differentbreadbasement]

Why is my laptop always fluffing hanging when I need to do school work

I hate it so effin much

I am dead ass gonna toss this shippy thing out the dang window wtaf

But I'm also at a point where I can't really ask for a new one

This one was actually terrible to begin with

Ughh I hate it sooo soo much

[differentbreadbasement]

Uuuuggggghhhhh

~part 2 out of n of my stressfull college student life ~i have so many other things to do rn ~but nooooo ~my laptop just decided to be a little bitch

[differentbreadbasement]

Why does my laptop hate me?

~was supposed to be done by 11:00 PM, it is currently 1:42 AM

[differentbreadbasement]

Aaahhh send helpp

[differentbreadbasement]

Always me

This always happens to me

[literastudy-deactivated20241017]

Hello friends!

This is the time… the time to host my first ever giveaway on Tumblr! I am giving away a fruit-themed bundle of stationery items as well as some personal favourites. Here’s the information:

T H E  P R I Z E

There will be two (2) winners total.

First place:

A Wing Sung 659 fountain pen with a pack of 5 compatible black Pilot cartridges + 4 fruit gel pens + 3 plain black gel pens + a pack of 6 highlighters

A Rhodia Rhodiarama dot grid sewn-spine A5 notebook (perfect for a bullet journal or just notes!)

4 colourful grid rolls of washi tape + 1 roll of sakura washi tape + 1 roll of peach washi tape + 1 roll of lotus flower washi tape

A random fruit pack of post-its + a pack of strawberry page marker and round post-its + a pack of decorative fruit stickers

A watermelon pencil case

A handwritten letter from me!

Second place:

A Platinum Preppy fountain pen with 2 packs of 2 black Platinum cartridges

1 roll of watermelon washi tape

A Rhodia No. 16 orange dotpad (A5) (perfect for summaries, mindmaps and to-do lists!)

A handwritten letter from me!

H O W  T O  E N T E R

You must follow me on Tumblr (I’ll check!).

You need to reblog this post (likes don’t count). Please reblog from your main blog.

You need to be over 18 years of age or have the consent of a legal guardian.

You must be willing to communicate your full name and address if you win.

The giveaway ends on July 31st, 2018! The winners will have 72 hours to claim their prize when contacted (please make sure your askbox is open and/or chat is possible from non-followers!).

I M P O R T A N T  N O T E S

This giveaway is not affiliated with or sponsored by Tumblr or any of the shops the goods will come from. I am spending my own hard-earned money for this.

Since a majority of the items are shipping from China, there could be a delay between the end of the giveaway and the time at which I am able to ship out the prize. Thanks in advance for your understanding.

You can block the tag litera2kga if you don’t want to see this post anymore!

Good luck, thank you for entering and thank you so much for following me!

[differentbreadbasement]

Seriously!?

Katamaran??

After everything I do, all the sleepless nights, skipping meals, panic attacks, and mental breakdowns??

After working my ass off just to make it through one day?? One. Freaking. Day.

Thanks a lot, mom, you're the best, seriously

Thanks for bringing me down like this even though I thought you to be the only one who believed in me

At least now I know what you think of me

At least now I know how you see me

[dstarstories]

Being rude & then trying to justify it by saying “that’s just how I am” does not mean that you aren’t rude… It means you are rude & you refuse to re-evaluate how you treat people.