⇢ word count: 8.4k
⇢ pairing: svt's choi seungcheol / s.coups x yoon jeonghan
⇢ tags&warnings: exes to lovers!au, non-idol!au, fluff, some angst, one kind of dubcon kiss
⇢ synopsis: choi seungcheol spots yoon jeonghan first across the room in a basement bar. it's been 3 years and seungcheol's words and thoughts are all tied up.
⇢ notes: i am jeongcheol trash!! i really didn't know how to end this but i was desperate to send this out into the world!! maybe one day i'll re-do the ending, but for now, i hope you enjoy everything else :) as always, likes and comments are appreciated<3
i. it's my birthday
Seungcheol spots him first, one arm leaning on the bar top and the other swirling a whiskey gently as he talked animatedly to another taller, older man. Since when did Jeonghan drink whiskey? Seungcheol thinks to himself before scoffing; it's been 3 long and arduous years and everything he knew about the still-blonde boy had probably changed.
The lighting in the bar is dim for the moody ambience, but it seems like Jeonghan is glowing amongst the dark surfaces clad in a cream shirt and a cream blazer. Seungcheol's throat feels like its closing in on itself as he swallows deeply, eyes still trained on the man. How could this have happened?
"Seungcheol?" his coworker tries to catch his attention beside him when he noticed that Seungcheol had stopped listening to his rambles, "Seungcheol!"
Snapping out of his trance, Seungcheol reluctantly tore his eyes from the men at the bar as if he was scared they'd disappear the next time he looked back. Seungcheol looked across apologetically at his coworker, "Sorry Hyun."
"Who's that at the bar? Are you interested in one of them?" Minhyun inquires cheekily, nudging him lightly, "You should go up to them."
Seungcheol debates in his mind for a quick second whether to spill his secrets to his friend before deciding quickly against it. No need to trauma dump on a guy on his 5th shot of the night.
"It's no one," Seungcheol mumbles, "You know, we should get going. It's getting late and your wife is expecting you home."
Minhyun grumbles, but agrees, "I hate how responsible you are. It's a Friday night, but you're right. How are you getting home? I'm calling a taxi!"
"I'll get a taxi too. Shame you live on the other side of the city, Hyun. You can go before me; I just need to grab my things in the coatroom," Seungcheol urges, hoping for a quick escape.
Minhyun nods along, giving his colleague a quick hug goodbye before making his way to the exit. Seungcheol exhales deeply and looks out through the corner of his eye. Jeonghan and the man were still there, now joined by a shorter female.
All Seungcheol had to do was make his way discreetly to the coatroom, which happened to be in the direction of the bar. It was fine, right? Jeonghan was surrounded by people and there was no way he'd pick out Seungcheol moving quickly if he was engrossed in conversation.
Seungcheol huffs, gets up and trods towards the side-room determinedly. He sighs in relief when he makes it in one piece before handing the ticket to the worker and being handed his coat and satchel from work. Okay, all he had to do now was make it to the exit in a discreet fashion and it would all be okay and he could forget that this night ever-
"Seungcheol?"
Seunghceol's heart leapt in yards and bounds as his stomach dropped. Would he be a terrible person if he ignored the calling and just continued on his merry way? Would that hurt more or less?
While Seungcheol was debating and hosting an inner monologue, Jeonghan had wrestled out of the hurdle he was in and approached the man, placing a light hand on his shoulders, "Seungcheol?" he called again.
Seungcheol turned around with an awkward smile, meeting the soft (and slightly red) eyes of his former lover, "Oh, Yoon Jeonghan! Fancy seeing you here!"
Jeonghan spluttered as he looked around and assessed Seungcheol, "W-what are you doing here?"
"I just had some drinks with my coworkers. They all already left," Seungcheol tried to explain, pretending oblivious to the actual meaning of his words.
Alas, Jeonghan was a persistent one, "No, Cheol. In Seoul. What are you doing in Seoul? Coworkers? Don't you work in Daegu?"
Seungcheol's lips pulled up into another awkward smile and laugh, "Ah, no. I got a promotion that came with a relocation to headquarters. Here in Seoul. This was my welcome drinks gathering, though I started two months ago."
"Two months ago?" Jeonghan's eyebrows converged into a furrow, "No one told me you were coming back."
"Sorry," Seungcheol breathed out, "I kind of didn't tell anyone. Wanted to settle in and see how it'd go."
"No one at all?"
Seungcheol scratched the back of his neck, "No. Look, I don't wanna keep you from your people. I should really get going but it was nice to see you, Jeonghan-"
Jeonghan took a hold of his wrist and frowned, "Seungcheol, don't go yet. I have so many questions to ask. I-"
"Do you think that's the best?" Seungcheol interrupts gently.
A look of slight hurt and disappointment washes over the angelic features of the man in front of him, making Seungcheol regret the words that came out of his mouth.
Jeonghan bit his lip as he looked at his ex and it was probably the alcohol that prompted him to be so bold with his next words, "I missed you, Cheol. I wanna know how you've been!"
Seungcheol's eyes widened at the confession, his neck flushing in a deep red, "Oh. Don't you have someone at home that would object to that?"
He doesn't. Seungcheol knows he doesn't.
"No," Jeonghan mumbles, "Can't you stay a bit longer? I'm just with my coworkers; we go out for drinks all the time."
Seungcheol looks at his watch and then at the man. How futile; he'd spend a trillion years ignoring his duties just to spend time with his lover. Or he would have. He doesn't know the right thing to do anymore.
"I should get going," Seungcheol utters reluctantly.
Jeonghan's demeanour drops visibly at the rejection, "Do you have someone waiting for you?"
He doesn't. Jeonghan knows he doesn't. Or at least he didn't last time he asked.
"No," Seungcheol quickly corrects, "It's just- I don't know if this is right. It's been a while and-"
"It's my birthday," Jeonghan blurts out suddenly.
Seungcheol pales. The days in Seoul had all blurred together and he couldn't tell you what day it was. It probably would have taken him the morning to have realised that, but he guessed it was a bit past midnight on October 4.
"Oh, happy birthday, Jeonghan-ah."
Jeonghan face palms and exhales, "What I mean to say is that I'm having a birthday party tonight. As in later in the evening once the sun comes up and then goes down again. You should come."
The invitation truly took Seungcheol by surprise, "Look, Jeonghan. I don't know if that's such a good idea. I haven't seen everyone in ages and it's a bit weird for me to drop in like that."
Jeonghan shook his head vehemently, "No, no. It's perfectly fine. They'd be so happy to see you and I know they miss you so much and everyone's coming and- and Jisoo!"
"Jisoo?"
"Jisoo! Jisoo's flying into the airport in the morning and Seokmin is collecting him and I know you haven't seen him in 3 years so you need to come!" Jeonghan urged. When did he get this brave? He was truly surprising himself.
Ah, Jisoo. Their missing puzzle piece and the 3rd in their trio. Seungcheol and Jeonghan had met the American on the first day of college and they all instantly clicked and everything fell into place. He was their brother, their wingman and their platonic soulmate. Well, that was when Jeonghan and Seungcheol thought each other to be their romantic soulmate.
"Please, Cheol. It won't be awkward! Now that you're back in the city, we can all be friends again!" Jeonghan clapped. He was always the more optimistic one and that was what hurt Seungcheol when he walked away from Jeonghan's pleading tries of 'we can make this work!' 3 years ago.
The defences came bouldering down when Jeonghan tugged on Seungcheol's sleeve and pulled his angel eyes, "Please?"
"Fine."
The slightly tipsy boy squealed in delight and squeezed Seungcheol's wrist, making his blush deeper in colour.
"What's your number? I need to text you my address."
Oh hell, Seungcheol thought to himself. He was so, so screwed.
------
ii. does it hurt to say you miss me too?
Seungcheol thought Jeonghan's reception to him would be cold at worst, reserved at best upon seeing him for the first time in 3 years. When he awoke in the morning in the sweet confines of his own bed, he was quickly overcome with thoughts from the night previous. How in the world was Jeonghan so nice to him when Seungcheol walked away so easily all those years ago?
That's what Seungcheol loved about Jeonghan in the first place anyway. He was warm, inviting and so lovely to everyone he met, despite being the cheekiest boy with his friends. Jeonghan loved to tease and he loved to trick and he loved to play games, but when it came down to it, Jeonghan was dependable and caring.
Seungcheol had been pondering over the past 3 years repeatedly why he left Jeonghan. When he was all alone in his flat in the centre of Daegu, he'd look over to the other side of the bed and wonder how it would feel to have Jeonghan occupying the other side. When he was having dinner alone on the couch, he would dream of Jeonghan sitting cross-legged beside him, slurping up his food despite complaining that Seungcheol was a terrible cook.
There was absolutely no denying that Seungcheol missed him. He never stopped missing him. But he was the one to walk away, so it was not his choice and privilege to come back and beg for forgiveness no matter how hard he wanted to.
3 years ago, they had just graduated from college and living together in a studio apartment on a 6-month lease. They were coming up towards the end of it and all they had done since then was fight and fight and fight. It had baffled them both considering they lived together in their last 3 years of college so why were they fighting now? Jeonghan was pushing hours at the marketing office he had landed a position at, to try and impress his coworkers, meanwhile, Seungcheol was working at the convenience store every night and most days while scrambling to find a job in the field he actually wanted to work in: music. They would work and work and come home to each other tired and exhausted, which would just lead to fights. Seungcheol hated how he couldn't provide more for his lover and Jeonghan detested that Seungcheol was never present at home. Eventually, when an offer to work at a music studio in Daegu came, Seungcheol took it and left the next day.
In his wake, he left behind a trail of disappointed friends, but most importantly, a heartbroken Jeonghan who had pleaded him to stay. Seungcheol had a lot of regrets. Not answering Jeonghan's or his friend's call for months being one of them. He was weak and he was a coward and if he could turn back time, he would. Losing Jeonghan was the worst thing that ever happened to him.
A call on his phone tore him away from his memories and only then did Seungcheol realise he was crying. It was Joshua, surprisingly.
"Shua?"
"Cheol! Guess what? I'm in Korea! Surprise! I'm here for a week and a half and I was thinking I'd come down to Daegu to visit you in a few days or you could come up to Seoul? I really miss you and I just landed and Seokmin picked me up," Joshua babbled happily.
When Jeonghan and Seungcheol broke up, Seungcheol had lost touch with mostly everyone. He still spoke to Jihoon often due to their musical ties, which by extension meant he was still in contact with Soonyoung, who never left his fiance's side. Other than that, Seungcheol only maintained regular contact with Jisoo, his very best friend. The only thing was that Jisoo never brought up Jeonghan unless Seungcheol asked (which he did so every year on his birthday, but reluctantly at that).
Jisoo never had the trouble of having to split his time between Jeonghan and Seungcheol because he left soon after their graduation to do his masters in his hometown and stayed there after. Jisoo had no problem keeping in contact via texts and calls with either of them.
"Ah, sorry Shua. I'm really busy with work. I don't know how much time I have," Seungcheol plays off regretfully. He knew he'd see his far away friend later on in the evening but Seungcheol wanted to have some fun.
"Oh," Joshua sighed, "I get it man. I should have told you sooner; sorry. I have some news to tell you, but I see Seokmin now so I'll tell you later or tomorrow."
"Bye Shua."
The call clicks to an end and Seungcheol finds himself face to face with his lock screen that only has one notification on it from an unknown number.
[unknown]
hey, it's han. praying you gave me
the right number, otherwise dick
move. my address is [x] and you can
come like at 6 or something. no need
to bring anything.
Seungcheol's phone buzzes again and he's so glad he doesn't have his read receipts on.
[unknown]
oh, and good morning cheol :)
Seungcheol takes a few minutes to reply, not wanting to seem to eager.
seungcheol
i'd never give you a fake! thanks
for the invite. let me know if you change
your mind about me coming. shua
called me just now and i rejected him
offering to come to daegu so don't tell
him i'm coming
seungcheol
good morning jeonghan
jeonghan
no smiley face for me? it's my
birthday! :( but i won't tell shua. i
guess i won't tell anybody and
it can be a surprise. i'm sure
they'll be happy to see you
seungcheol
i'm sorry. happy birthday again
jeonghan :)
seungcheol
but why are you being so nice to me?
jeonghan
don't interrogate me, it's my
birthday !!
jeonghan
can a man not be nice to his friend?
seungcheol
are we friends?
jeonghan
can a man not be nice to his
*ex-boyfriend? hey, the word
friend is there
seungcheol
so is the word ex
jeonghan
i miss you, that's why
seungcheol
what are you expecting
from me?
jeonghan
all i'm expecting from you
is to come to my party. that's
all, seungcheol
jeonghan
does it hurt to say you miss
me too?
seungcheol
kind of
--------
iii. no hard feelings
He's nervous. More nervous than the time he met Daegu's finest- Min Yoongi- and wrote a couple of verses with him. He's trembling on Jeonghan's doorstep, hyperaware of the noise coming from the other side of the door. It sounded like there were people there already.
While Jeonghan said to not bring anything, it was only the polite thing to turn up with at least some food, so he was gripping a bag containing an assortment of cakes. He was pretty sure his knuckles were white and stripped of blood supply.
After a few deep breaths and a mumbled pep talk to himself, Seungcheol mustered up the courage to knock at the door. His whole body tensed when the noise cut abruptly and someone was bounding towards the door.
"Seungcheol-hyung?" it was Chan that had opened the door, a look of perplexity overcoming his features. Jeonghan was bounding towards him worriedly, as if he had meant to grab the door first, "Seungcheol-hyung, what are you doing here?"
At the call of his name, many more footsteps came rushing at the door, uttering his name in confusion. Great, Seungcheol thought to himself, all 12 of them had arrived and he was the freak in a glass box.
"Ah, let me explain," Jeonghan sighed dejectedly as he pushed everyone back into the living room. Seungcheol didn't dare to look any of them in the eyes nor speak a single word.
Everyone fell back in their previous positions, though now with eyes trained on their long-lost friend. That was an exaggeration- Seungcheol said happy birthday to everyone every year and kept up small conversations over social media.
"Yeah, you better," Seungkwan piped up. Seungkwan had been the one to maintain some kind of coldness towards Seungcheol, being overprotective and emotional. Seungkwan highly disagreed with what Seungcheol did and he made that known to him.
"Is this why you rejected me coming to Daegu?" Joshua was the only one to approach Seungcheol and envelop him in a tight hug, "I missed you, man."
Seungcheol could only just say back the same thing before Jeonghan began explaining.
"We met at the bar last night. We were both with our coworkers. I told him to come so he could see you all again. No hard feelings," Jeonghan clapped decisively at their college friends.
"What about you, Hyung?" Mingyu directed at Jeonghan, "No hard feelings?"
Seungcheol froze up.
"It's been 3 years, Mingyu. Time heals all, so be nice to your hyung. I know you all miss him," Jeonghan stares pointedly around at the boys with sheepish faces, "I know you stop talking about him every time I walk into a room, so here's my present for you. On my birthday."
"Gosh, you're such an angel," Jihoon drawls from beside his fiance before grinning at his stoic friend, "Man, loosen up. We're still your friends."
Seungcheol sighs and his face couldn't help but transform into a grin. Jeonghan took the bag from his fingertips with a whispered thank you, before disappearing into a foreign room.
"This is crazy," Seokmin utters, "I did not expect this."
Joshua has an arm around Seungcheol's shoulders and leads him to a space on one of the two couches between Minghao and Hansol. Thank God for Jisoo because Seungcheol doesn't know if he can trust his legs.
He was nervous, but he couldn't pinpoint exactly why. He had known his friends for years, some since college and some before. No one seemed like they actually hated him and no one was jumping on him beating him bloody and bruised. So it was good on that front.
But he was in Jeonghan's apartment. On Jeonghan's birthday. On Jeonghan's couch.
What did that mean?
"Are you back in Seoul for good, Hyung?" Minghao asks, perched on a dining room chair while swirling his usual red wine in a glass.
"Yeah, I got a promotion. They relocated me to their Seoul headquarters," Seungcheol explains.
"Then why didn't you tell any of us?" Junhui frowns.
"I don't know," he shrugs, "Was scared."
Seungcheol's breath hitches when Jeonghan returns to the room with the cakes he brought now laid on two plates that he sets on the coffee table. Seungcheol looks around. It was spacious and definitely much nicer than the apartment they had shared back in the day.
"Nice, huh?" Wonwoo claps Seungcheol's back as he walks past, "Jeonghan-hyung is rich now."
"I'm not," Jeonghan scolds with a faint smirk, before looking over at Seungcheol, "I worked hard for this. I worked a lot since I had nothing else preoccupying my time."
Ouch, that felt like a dig.
"Ah well, congrats Jeonghan," Seungcheol says politely. Jeonghan settles himself on the arm of the other loveseat that Soonyoung and Jihoon were occupying.
A silence falls upon them and Seungcheol cringes internally. Maybe it really wasn't the best idea to come.
Chan clears his throat before looking around and assessing the atmosphere, "So, drinks?"
There was a collective sigh of relief.
------
iv. these chickens won't pay for themselves
Seungcheol doesn't see Jeonghan for a while after the party. It takes a few weeks in fact for the two to reunite. The party had passed by quickly and went the same as always: Mingyu would get drunk the fastest despite his huge stature and Wonwoo would drag him out first (of course, accompanied with screaming, kicking, crying and whining from the giant), Soonyoung would get drunk next and would begin making out with Jihoon who would roll his eyes but secretly enjoy it, Seokmin and Seungkwan would load up the karaoke machine before they even got tipsy and sing from their hearts until they got a noise complaint and Jeonghan- well, Jeonghan would get drunk and cry.
That was when it got awkward.
At Jeonghan's first sniffle and wobble of the lip, Joshua had dragged him out into the square kitchen with an unreadable glance.
"Oh, you know that news I had to tell you?" Joshua began, "Well, I feel like I should tell you now, but I'm moving back to Seoul too!"
A grin became of Seungcheol's face as he hugged his best friend, "Oh my God? How come?"
"Well after two years of working in that drab company," Joshua rolls his eyes, "I found a job here! I'm basically here this week to meet with the company and sort some things out, then I'll be back two weeks after I leave! Isn't this great? All of us in the same city again?"
"Yeah," Seungcheol breaths, "No, yeah, it's great. Feels just like the old times."
A pitchy yell/son cuts through the apartment.
"Speaking of the old times," Joshua began, "I think it's best for you to go home. I don't trust Han in this state."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you know how Jeonghan cries when he's drunk. His topic back in university used to be his stress from schoolwork and his family, but the boys have told me that now, he cries a-"
"He cries about me?" a pang shoots to Seungcheol's heart.
"When he's drunk," Joshua adds, "So I think you should go home in case he says anything he doesn't want you to hear. We can take care of him."
It was useless to protest. There was no reason for him to stay anyway, so he quickly left without saying goodbye to the boys in the living room in fear of being around Jeonghan, who was sprawled out on the floor like a starfish, for too long.
Anyway, the next time he sees Jeonghan was at the supermarket which apparently was a good distance between both Jeonghan and Seungcheol's apartments.
Again, Seungcheol spots Jeonghan first in the dairy aisle, looking at all the different types of cheeses. Seungcheol smiles to himself briefly, remembering the younger's affection for cheese despite being lactose intolerant.
He debates whether to call out for him or not, but figures it doesn't hurt to, "Old habits die hard, huh?"
An adorable yelp comes out of Jeonghan's mouth as he jumps in surprise, but relaxes and then stiffens when he sees Seungcheol, "Oh it's you. Hi Seungcheol. What are you doing here?"
Seungcheol motioned over to his half-full cart, "Grocery shopping. You come here often?"
Wow, Seungcheol. So smooth. As if that wasn't the most overused line in the history of all conversation starters.
"I usually shop on Friday nights but I had a day off today," Jeonghan says while placing a packet of mozzarella into his cart, "Jisoo told me you're picking him up at the airport in a few days."
"Oh, yeah. He was going to get Seokmin to pick him up but I offered. Should have just let them do their thing."
Jeonghan scoffs fondly, "After 6 years, they're still as oblivious as ever."
Seungcheol smiles, "Yeah. Yeah, they are."
Jeonghan stares down awkwardly at his shopping cart and Seungcheol knew it was time to exit the conversation.
"Well, I should go. These uh, chickens, won't pay for themselves," Seungcheol flushes awkwardly, avoiding Jeonghan's eyes before moving away. God, he was such a mess around Jeonghan, even now.
He moves out of the aisle without looking at his former lover again and reaches the drinks aisle before he stops and scolds himself in his mind for being such a disaster.
Back in the dairy aisle, Jeonghan smiles to himself.
-----
v. it's like a quadruple date!
It takes another 2 weeks for their paths to cross again. Even though they have each other's numbers on their phones, neither dared to reach out again after the initial conversation on Jeonghan's birthday.
This time, they were the first ones to arrive at the restaurant where they were having a group dinner.
Seungcheol had waited in his car for a little bit when he checked the time and it was still 5 minutes until their reservation time. Not everyone was coming, as far as he knew, but he knew Jisoo, Seokmin, Jihoon and Soonyoung to come at the very least. If everyone maintained the same traits since college, then at least 80% of them would be late and Seungcheol knew this, but as soon as the digital numbers on his dashboard turned 7, he couldn't help but to head inside and wait at the table.
It was 7:05 by the time Jeonghan arrived, hair perfectly fluffy and his outfit baggy as always. It took 3 blinks from Seungcheol to realise Jeonghan was wearing a hoodie that Seungcheol had been looking for for 3 years. He decided against saying anything about it.
"Oh, I didn't know you were coming," Jeonghan said casually, sliding into the booth around the circular table.
Seungcheol gulped, "I didn't know you were coming either. Is this a problem?"
"No," Jeonghan said quite quickly, "No it isn't. I just didn't know."
A silence fell quickly between them and Jeonghan busied himself with the menu. Seungcheol visibly deflated at this action. They had been coming to the restaurant since the start of their college days and Jeonghan for the duration of those 4 years had gotten the same exact dish each and every time; Seungcheol found it hard to believe he'd had a change of heart.
"What, you don't get your spaghetti anymore?" Seungcheol attempted to tease, but his tone came out more accusing.
"I'm surprised you remember," Jeonghan placed the menu down softly, turning his face to meet Seungcheol's eyes. That made him nervous.
Before he could reply with something like, 'I remember everything about you', Jisoo and Seokmin came bounding over to the table giggling together in their own little world.
"Oh! You two are here," Seokmin smirked, "Did you come together?"
Jeonghan vehemently shook his head, "No, no. Seungcheol came first. I just got here."
Jisoo matched his companion's expression, "Sure, okay."
"Why don't we talk about why you two came together?" Seungcheol fired in defence, eager to take the attention away from them.
"Jisoo-hyung doesn't have his car yet, so I picked him up," Seokmin said as if it were the most obvious statement in the world.
As if it were like the old times, Seungcheol and Jeonghan sent each other an amused and unconvinced look before realising what they had done and quickly looked away.
Eventually, Jihoon and Soonyoung turned up and increased the distance between Seungcheol and Jeonghan and distracted the table with more updates about their wedding plans. Apparently, they had decided on a mocha cake for the middle tier of their 3 tiered cake and that Soonyoung had found his tuxedo.
"It's still a year away," Jihoon mumbled every time Soonyoung had a lightbulb moment of more updates he had to tell the group, but everyone knew that Jihoon was just as excited as his fiance to finally get married after years and years.
15 minutes in, Seungcheol was surprised to see Mingyu and Wonwoo come hand in hand walking with no care towards the table.
"We've already ordered," Joshua laughed. Those two were always the most late and that was only down to Mingyu and Mingyu only. He got distracted easily.
Mingyu took a seat next to Seungcheol and looked around before his face lit up and he delivered his next sentence in the most oblivious and innocent manner, "Oh my God! It's like a quadruple date!"
Jeonghan almost launched himself across the table to strangle the tall man.
-
vi. strawberry soju
Eventually, New Year's Eve comes around and Seungcheol feels like he's been in the city for years. He's truly settled into his job and he'd regained the same relationship with his friends. Sure, there was a large part missing, but even having Jeonghan in close proximity just by being in the same friendship group was enough.
Because they were all adults with full-time jobs and responsibilities, they weren't up to their same college antics of partying and getting all sweaty and drunk in a random house. Of course, they were all down to go to the club, but by general consensus, they decided on just a simple gathering at someone's house with chicken and beer.
It was at Jihoon and Soonyoung's house, which was where most gatherings were since everyone lived in apartments and the house was the place where they were least likely to get a noise complaint. Plus they always had a stocked drinks fridge.
Everyone had been there for a while, enjoying each other's company and getting slightly buzzed on beer and satiated with endless chicken. The karaoke had been set up again, but Junhui and Minghao had found the Chinese ballads section and were slumped on the couch on the verge of tears singing their hearts out. While everyone found their source of amusement in this, the two Chinese devils had found their source by next forcing everyone to tackle a Chinese song.
Seungcheol was curled up with a beer can next to Chan, who was babbling away happily about the new class he was teaching at Soonyoung's dance studio and how the kids were so talented. Seungcheol adored Chan's company, but eventually, Seungcheol excused himself to the toilet.
"It's down that corridor on the right," Jihoon pointed out.
"But hurry back!" Joshua called after him, "It's midnight in 2 minutes and we're counting down!"
It was always their favourite thing to do to count down as a group and it ended with everyone taking a shot together before turning to their partners.
Seungcheol rushed down the hallway that took him out of sight from the party in the living room and he quickly did his business and exited, but not before giving his face a quick splash with cold water to focus himself. He had been distracted all night by the sneaky glances that Jeonghan had been giving him. He kept catching the blonde's eye while in mid-conversation with someone else, and each time their eyes met, Seungcheol's heart would beat faster and faster.
"Oh shit!" Seungcheol yelled as he exited.
Jeonghan was leaning up against the wall outside the toilet, arms folded and a leg propping himself up. It was dark in the corridor as Seungcheol hadn't been bothered to turn on the lights, thinking his escapade to the bathroom to be a short and energy-saving one. The only light illuminating Jeonghan's angular features was the bathroom light that Seungcheol was about to switch off, but dimmed as the door shut behind him a smidge. He should turn that light off after, he thought to himself, but for now, he let it brighten the hallway.
"Do you need the toilet too?" Seungcheol offered awkwardly to the other boy.
"No," Jeonghan merely shook his head.
"Were you looking for me?"
Jeonghan shrugged, "I guess so."
"How come?"
"Why don't you text me?"
Seungcheol was taken aback by his directness and found it hard to string together the words to reply, "Uh, I'm sorry? I didn't know if you were open to that."
"Do you not want me anymore?" It was definitely the alcohol talking. Jeonghan was very honest when it got into his system.
"Jeonghan-ah," Seungcheol trailed off before being interrupted harshly.
"It's a yes or no question, Seungcheol."
Well, this was not how he pictured his New Years' Eve going. Seungcheol swallowed hard before letting the words fall out of his mouth, "I do, Han. But we're not together anymore. I broke your heart and I didn't come back for 3 years. It's not that simple."
"You were a coward," Jeonghan half-spat, "You didn't call or text or give me a chance to beg. Cause I would have, Seungcheol. I would have begged. I would have moved to Daegu and tried to fix our relationship if you even slightly implied it. I would have told you that I wish you took me with you."
Seungcheol flinched at the harsh words, but he knew them to be the truth, "I know. I was a coward. I thought our relationship had hit a dead end and I thought that you didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I thought I was giving you an out."
"You were giving yourself an out," Jeonghan snarked back, before his features melted, "But I'm asking you if you want to try again. Cause I'm here now and you're here and we're still single and no one I meet has ever lived up to you-"
"5! 4!"
The collective counting from the boys filtered into the dark hallway. Jeonghan's eyes were boring into Seungcheol's soul.
There were no words to describe Seungcheol's spinning head. He was elated, ecstatic, happy, but at the same time so confused.
"It's not so simple, Han," he repeated, "We need to properly talk about what happened."
"3! 2!"
"I still love you."
"1!"
Seungcheol blinked once and suddenly he felt hands gripping his shirt and pulling him close, and he tasted strawberry soju on his tongue. The familiar taste took him straight back to college and all he could remember was lovingly wrestling a blond boy against every surface to exist and when their lips would meet after whispered endearments and happy laughter, Seungcheol would taste strawberry soju.
Jeonghan's lips on his were hesitant as if waiting to be invited in. Seungcheol found his arm snaking around the slim waist of his once lover as he deepened their kiss and savoured in the familiarity of Jeonghan's kiss.
The noise of cheering cut through the silence and Jeonghan and Seungcheol pulled away and occupied the hallway with their laboured breaths.
Seungcheol was confused as to why he felt so conflicted. There Jeonghan was, asking for another chance when it was him that had his heart broken. It was Seungcheol who had left him regretfully, but it pained him to think Jeonghan was the one to say that he still loved him. How could Jeonghan love a man who broke his heart?
Seungcheol could only do one thing. He fled.
-
vii. i hate you
3 AM a few days later, Seungcheol was awoken from his deep slumber by the sound of his ringtone filling his dark room. He had initially thought it was his alarm waking him for another long day at work, but a quick glance out to the sky told him it was still nighttime, or at least the early hours of the morning.
Seungcheol picked up without even reading the name of the caller, "Hello?"
"Oh my God, Hyung! Thank God you picked up! Sorry to wake you up."
Seungkwan's distressed voice filled his ears and Seungcheol frowned, "Kwannie? Is everything okay? Do you need me?"
"Yeah, but it's kind of a difficult situation," Seungkwan began, "You know how me and Jeonghan, Jun, Hao, Hansol and Chan went out clubbing tonight?"
"Yes, on a Sunday night. I remember," Seungcheol almost chuckled to himself before remembering the panic that Seungkwan was speaking with, "Why? Is everyone okay?"
"Well, Jeonghan-hyung is crying," Seungkwan deadpanned, and for effect, directed the microphone over to a familiar wailing.
"You know he does that. Just stroke his hair and let him cuddle you. He'll fall asleep or throw up eventually," he recalled easily. He'd had enough practice to forget how to take care of drunk Jeonghan.
"We tried, hyung," it seemed as if Hansol had snatched the phone from Seungkwan, "But Jeonghan-hyung keeps crying and he says he wants to see you and he literally refuses to get up off the floor. He always cries about you, but he got really drunk tonight. He's been saying something about you running away and he won't stop crying. We got kicked out of the club."
Seungcheol's heart dropped, "Oh. Do you want me to come pick him up? I don't know how happy he'll be in the morning but I guess if he's asking for me... Anyway, I'll come now. Text me your address. Is everyone okay?"
"We all pretty much sobered up from it," Hansol sighed, "Thanks, Hyung. Please come quickly."
Seungcheol only threw on a hoodie and joggers and ran out of his apartment in his slides, heart beating and adrenaline pumping. Thankfully, they weren't too far away from his apartment and the roads were mostly empty. Sure, he may have broken a few speed limits, but his Jeonghan was on the floor crying for him.
He pulled up near the group on the kerb and quickly got out to assess the situation. Jeonghan was still on the floor cross-legged, leaning on Junhui's legs while Minghao paced in front and Chan was trying to comfort the poor man.
"Hyung!" Seungkwan called out, tone laced with relief, "Thanks for coming. We really couldn't help this time."
Seungcheol's eyes softened at the boy on the floor who was sobbing into his sweater paws. Seungcheol bent down and reached eye level with Jeonghan, "Hannie, I'm gonna need you to get off the floor."
Jeonghan's eyes snapped forwards to him,m and it seemed that at that moment, anger coursed through him. Jeonghan started pounding with his fists on Seungcheol's chest and thankfully, he was drunk so they didn't really hurt physically. His state, though- that hurt Seungcheol to see him cry like that.
"What are you doing here?" Jeonghan cried out, "I hate you! You always fucking leave!"
Tears welled up in Seungcheol's eyes as he wrapped his arms around the boy, encouraging him to stand up. Seungcheol didn't dare to meet the eyes of his friends who were definitely staring in shock at the scene playing out in front of them.
"I know Han. I know. I'm sorry for leaving and for running away," Seungcheol cooed. He had managed to wrestle the boy into standing, but his arms were still wrapped around Jeonghan, "Come on, Han. Let's get you home."
"I hate you," Jeonghan kept repeating. His beatings on Seungcheol's chest were reduced to taps as Jeonghan's cries faded down slightly. That was definitely progress, "I hate you so much."
"Do you know where he lives?" Minghao came up behind Seungcheol, "His keys are in his pocket."
"I got him, guys. Thanks for trying. Get home safe," Seungcheol murmured to his friends. Jeonghan was thrashing in his arms, but Seungcheol refused to let go, "Can someone open my passenger door?"
Junhui quickly opened the door and Seungcheol scooped up Jeonghan into a bridal style position in order to place him inside the car. It was definitely easier said than done because Jeonghan was very drunk and still crying a lot, but he managed to get it done with the help of Hansol who made sure Jeonghan's head didn't bump into the top of the car.
Seungcheol eventually got into the driver's seat after waving his friends away and sighed at the man who was still claiming to hate him. He put Jeonghan through a lot of pain and this was one of his first manifestations of it in front of Seungcheol. Jeonghan had always acted so indifferent and eager to get back together.
He reached over to secure the seatbelt over Jeonghan and quickly drove to his apartment. After a few more law breaks, they made it in one piece and Seungcheol was dragging a still crying Jeonghan into an elevator and encouraging him to take out his keys. In the middle of his babbles, he complied and dropped them onto the ground, but at least Seungcheol could open his apartment.
Jeonghan's cries echoed even louder in his apartment and it took 3 doors for Seungcheol to find his bedroom. As he expected, there was a glass of water and some hangover pills on the nightstand already. Jeonghan always prepared in the same way before a night out because he knew how he'd get. In the earlier years of their relationship in college, Seungcheol had been the one to prepare the water and medicine on the nightstand for Jeonghan, until Jeonghan himself caught on and began doing it for himself.
"Hannie," Seungcheol cooed again, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for hurting you."
"I love you so much, Choi Seungcheol," Jeonghan had cried out, "And I hate you for that. I was doing better and you came back and ruined it all."
Seungcheol managed to force a few gulps of water into Jeonghan's system and to take off Jeonghan's shoes and socks and he wrestled the drunk man into the bed. He turned on the fan as Jeonghan was fully clothed and was bound to get hot during his slumber, but Seungcheol was in no position to strip him.
"I know Han. I'm sorry. You need to sleep. Please get some rest."
Jeonghan's cries turned into whimpers as he buried himself into his sheets, "I love you, Cheol. Please stay."
Seungcheol sighed deeply as he pushed back Jeonghan's damp hair and placed a kiss on his forehead, "I'm not leaving again, Hannie."
"No, tonight," Jeonghan mumbled, "Please stay with me."
Seungcheol hummed, running his fingers through Jeonghan's hair repeatedly as he knew that to be the best way to coax him into sleep. He was perched on the edge of Jeonghan's bed, and as Jeonghan stopped moving around, Seungcheol was able to look around the room.
It was pretty plain. A bed in the centre, a desk with his gaming setup, a wardrobe in the corner and two nightstands on either side of the bed.
Seungcheol's eyes focused on a picture frame behind the water and when he processed the image, he felt tears gather on his lash line, ready to fall at the next blink.
It was a picture from their graduation day in their robes. Jisoo was grinning in the middle with an arm wrapped around both of his best friends. Jeonghan was on the left, a bouquet of flowers in his hands, but he was in mid-laugh, facing to the right where Seungcheol was grinning back at him affectionately.
It was the photo that Seungcheol and Jeonghan had displayed in the living room of their shared apartment, but Seungcheol hadn't realised that Jeonghan had kept it, let alone keep it on his nightstand. Had he had it up all these years.
He was snapped out of his daze by Jeonghan's snoring and realised he was crying.
-
viii. give me a chance
Jeonghan woke up with the worst headache he had endured in years. The blinding light from the window had directed itself into his eyes and no matter how exhausted he was, he was forced to wake up. He found himself still in last night's clothes, sans his shoes, but the fan was on and the glass was only half full.
Jeonghan looked to the other side of the bed. Empty, as always. Jeonghan quickly swallowed the tablet he had laid out for his hangover and downed the water, before groaning loudly at his antics. He could not believe how much he cried. Seungcheol had picked him up, right? God, he said so many embarrassing things, but they were all fuzzy in his mind.
"Jeonghan? Are you okay? I heard noises," Seungcheol burst into the room, causing Jeonghan to yell in surprise.
"Oh my God! What are you doing here?" Jeonghan screeched, covering himself with his duvet even though he was fully clothed.
"You asked me to stay!" Seungcheol defended, "I slept on the couch though!"
"Oh," was all Jeonghan could muster. Seungcheol had always been considerate of him in his drunk state.
"Anyway, I made breakfast," Seungcheol said sheepishly, "Sorry if you mind me going through your fridge."
"It's okay. Thank you," Jeonghan sighed, standing up and putting his slippers on, "Can I just change and wash up?"
Seungcheol nodded innocently before leaving the room and returning to the kitchen to attend to the eggs that were now a little over well done. Eventually, Jeonghan returned in pyjamas and dripping hair. He was always fast at showering and changing.
"How are you feeling?" Seungcheol placed a bowl of steaming rice in front of him as he sat down.
"Worst hangover of the century. I can't believe everyone let me get that drunk," Jeonghan scolded himself internally, "But thank you for getting me and taking care of me."
"No problem, Han. Anything for you."
Jeonghan tried to hide his blush as he looked at the clock, "Isn't it Monday? Don't you have work?"
"Yeah, but I called in sick," Seungcheol began, "I wanted to wait for you to get up so we can talk."
"Talk," Jeonghan breathed out, "Yeah, I guess we should."
"I just want to apologise," Seungcheol said, "For running out on you on New Year's Eve. I'm just so torn."
"That was a dick move. Again," Jeonghan uttered, "Why did you? Why are you torn?"
"You still love me, Han. You deserve so much better than someone who broke your heart," Seungcheol exclaimed.
"Isn't that for me to decide?" Jeonghan snapped back, shoving a mound of rice and egg into his mouth, "If you don't love me, just tell me. I hate this dancing around that we're doing with each other."
Seungcheol stammered, "I- It's always you Han. It'll only ever be you. I don't want to leave you again, but I want you to be sure of it."
Jeonghan scoffed and rolled his eyes, "Seungcheol, I'm the only one here that's been trying to get us back together. I'm the one that's putting my pain behind me and telling you that I still love you. Which of my actions say that I'm not sure?"
"I don't know," Seungcheol felt small, "I guess I'm being stupid. I just hate myself so much for leaving you that-"
"That you think you don't deserve me anymore?" Jeonghan finished, "Well maybe you don't. But we were together for over 4 years. We weren't fighting at the end because we didn't love each other; life just got hard and we weren't leaning on each other. All these years I've tried to move on, but I just couldn't stop loving you no matter how hard I tried and no matter how much you hurt me. I need you, Seungcheol. Just for once, consider how I feel and give me a chance."
"You're a better person than I'll ever be, Yoon Jeonghan," Seungcheol breathed out, staring at the man in front of him with something akin to adoration. For all the terrible things he had done, he was rewarded with such great things.
"I know I am, so come here and kiss me lifeless."
-
ix. shotgun
"What?" Seungcheol yelled into his phone, "You're doing what?"
"You hear me, Choi Seungcheol," Soonyoung giggled from the other end of the line, "Now get your ass over to the address in your best suit. You have an hour. And I assume you can tell Yoon Jeonghan too."
And with a click, the line dropped.
"Baby?" Jeonghan's figure entered the bedroom, "What's happening? I heard you scream."
Seungcheol looked up at his 2 month lover in amusement, "It was Soonyoung on the phone. I can't believe what he's doing."
"Is he going on another trip around Asia to see tigers again? Ah, can you even believe he's an adult?"
"No," Seungcheol wheezed out, "He's demanding we get to the courthouse within an hour in our suits."
"What?" Jeonghan's eyes widened, "Why?"
"They're having a shotgut wedding," Seungcheol grinned, "Soonyoung said they just can't wait 8 more months to actually get married so they're signing the papers today. Come on, Han. Let's get ready."
Seungcheol joined in with his lover's laughter as he wrapped his arm around the other and peppered kissed all over him, "Of course it was. Jihoon is so whipped for Soonie. Hey, maybe we should do something like that too."
Jeonghan rolled his eyes playfully as he untangled himself from Seungcheol's grip, "Slow your roll. We've only been dating 2 months."
Seungcheol's eyes brightened as he took Jeonghan's face into his hands and planted a passionate kiss on his lips, "But I've been in love with you for 9 years. A lot longer than Jihoon and Soonyoung."
It was true. They had met when Seungcheol transferred from Daegu to Jeonghan's school at the start of their junior year. Jeonghan had been tasked to show him around and to this day, Seungcheol claims it was love at first sight on the skinny boy with shoulder length brown hair. They had been inseparable all through high school, and Seungcheol followed Jeonghan into college and confessed on the third night that they moved out.
"Put a ring on my finger and maybe I'll consider it," Jeonghan smirked and pushed him away, "I'm gonna go to my apartment and change into a suit, so I'll meet you there?"
Seungcheol nodded, and Jeonghan connected their lips sweetly, "I'll see you later, Hannie. I love you."
"I love you too! I'm so excited to see you in your suit!"
Jeonghan let the bedroom door click shut behind him, leaving Seungcheol sitting on his bed in some kind of a daze. His best friends were getting married! They were having a shotgun wedding! They were crazy like that, he thought to himself.
Eventually, his mind and eyes wandered to the drawer in front of his bed that held his TV. In the third drawer, underneath his sleep shirts, he had buried a small and square velvet box that he had purchased impulsively at the end of his senior year. The ring that sat inside wasn't so expensive actually, but Jeonghan had pointed it out one day when they were walking hand in hand in the shopping centre. It had been on sale and maybe it was stupid of Seungcheol to dip into his savings and buy a ring, but he did.
Seungcheol knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Jeonghan then, and he shared the sentiment now. He knew that if he got down on one knee, Jeonghan would say yes. He knew that if he seriously suggested following in Jihoon and Soonyoung's footsteps and saying fuck it to everything, Jeonghan would say yes. They were each other's everything- each other's soulmates.
He snapped himself out of imagining what married life would be like with Jeonghan and rushed over to his wardrobe to pick out his best suit.
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