Smile like you mean it~

ind. priv. sel. alastor of hazbin hotel | 18+ for violence, substance abuse, & other adult content | headcanon heavy | multi'verse & AUs | formerly a side-blog @diistortion-aa

[diistortion]

                                 ind. priv. sel. heavily canon divergent                                       alastor of hazbin hotel               18+ for violence, body horror, substance abuse, ambiguous morality,                        gore, general nsfw, blasphemy & other dark content                                      dead dove ; do not eat                                  formerly a side-blog​ @diistortion-aa ​                                             originally est. 09.2020

                                                      rules & about                     starter call | plotting call | meme tag verses & AUs | headcanon tag | promo                                                 wall-of-text

                                           open for commissions

                                        angel dust side-blog @pciison                           naberius (ars goetia oc) side-blog @murderxfcrows                                         fizzarolli side-blog @fiizzypop                                oc side-blog @lucyinthcsky                MAINS/EXCLUSIVES & Major Canon Divergences under the cut

dni if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, misogynist/misandrist, are an asexual/aromantic exclusionist, have an issue with neurodivergency, if you romanticize incest, or if you whitewash. I understand that this is Hell and in general it has all of these things and that they may appear in-character, but if you're like this out of character then I don’t have the patience for you.

                      essentially, don’t be a dick and don't be foul and we’ll be fine.                        MINORS & PERSONAL BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT.

🚫 shipping || radiodust is highly selective and will be considered very carefully and restricted to only two partners ; shipping in general is highly selective and based on chemistry and highly likely to be toxic in some way due to alastor's nature 🚫​

                                this blog will be dash-only

updated | 10.15.2025

MAINS/EXCLUSIVES & Major Canon Divergences under the cut

                 affiliated with @monmuses (simon petrikov)                               @voxxcd, @truearchangel, @voicesunified (lucifer)                                   @spidersins, @zestials

        default 'verse mains         @voxxcd, @truearchangel, @ducktastic-dad, @ofhell                                    @spidersins, @zestials, @hellishlyclean

        fallen angel 'verse mains         @truearchangel

Currently I'm still undecided on how connected to the fandom and series canon that I wish to be, so I'll simply be on the lookout for upcoming developments before making a decision. As it stands, my interpretation of alastor and how I write him will not change to fit canon unless something happens that meshes well with what I already have.

Major Canon Divergences (outside of anything to do with Angel Dust specifically)

My Alastor also does not look specifically like canon Alastor anymore, and I do have a reference sheet for him here.

My Alastor was not missing for 7 years; there was a brief point in time after his clash with Vox where Alastor left for a year or two max to investigate the nature of whatever being is holding his contract. His power had been forcefully bottlenecked and weakened during the confrontation and he retreated before he could have been killed.

My Alastor's contract is not a literal leash, rather it is a debt of souls that he is required to pay off to earn his freedom back; at least this is what he has been convinced of. This can visually manifest as the neon green glowing stitching that sometimes appears or by the same glowing strings hanging from his limbs. He's like a puppet.

The initial way he was collecting souls was as a Crossroads demon, but when they turned out to be too slow of a method he turned to clawing his way through the Overlords.

As far as Husk is concerned, Alastor largely leaves him to his own devices and only calls on him when he is cashing in a "favor" (such as helping out at the hotel with him). The actual leash is not something that is bound to Alastor directly but rather to the being holding HIS contract; Alastor does not directly own Husk's soul but Husk sure thinks that he does. Alastor is obnoxious and controlling and tends to use his reputation to get his way, but he is not outright abusive; it's all hollow threats.

He does not have the same posturing vitriol toward Lucifer as he does in canon; it's more a mild disdain stemming from his distaste for what he sees as "poor father figures"; he'd be much easier to win over than canon Alastor, but it's purely based on how Lucifer interacts with him.

Regardless of how Vox feels about Alastor NOW, when they first met and early on in their interactions Alastor was genuinely quite fond of him; one of the main reasons he's so bitter is because he felt that by evolving with the times and new technological advances, Vox was effectively leaving him behind and didn't need him anymore. Vox partnering with Valentino, someone he despises and would have absolutely been a target of his during his serial killer days, is just an additional spit in the face.

Alastor wants to tear off Val's wings and give them to Niffty for her collection.

The reason Alastor does not sleep often is because whatever ancient being is screwing with him will invade his nightmares, and he evades this by just. Not sleeping. Until he collapses. He is afraid.

UPDATE | As for the being that is holding Alastor's soul, I've come to the decision that it is Malvada, an ancient eldritch chaos being who, in Alastor's original Zoophobia canon, was Alastor's true father who abandoned Alastor in the wilds as a child simply because he did not want him. It fits in with his disdain for abusive or absentee father figures, though Alastor does not know for certain his connection to Malvada other than the creature was manipulating him through words and music, leading him down the road to becoming a killer and collector of souls. Along with being the creature that owns Alastor in one form or another, he is in fact Alastor's father/creator. He was raised as a human by a woman that found him abandoned in the woods, but he is not in fact human.

[diistortion]

"It's so peaceful and pretty, I think I'm going to vomit."

"Oddly enough, I feel the same way when I think back on Heaven--..."

z̴̡̛̛͙̘͔̖̟͈͉̖͓͙͒̇̑͂́̐̾́̄̉͐͜ͅr̵̡̢̢̢̯͚̪͉̜͇̻̯͍̥̜̙͖̓̒̀̐́͂͆̉r̴̰̰̥̫͚̄͛ẗ̶͚͇̤̻̟̦́̿͂̈́͑́t̸̛̘̊̏͋̍̑͊̓̚͝

"...what were we talking about?"

[diistortion]

♡

Send ♡ to see what my muse thinks of yours

●●●●● | ATTRACTION ●●●●○ | AFFECTION ●●●●● | INTEREST ●●●○○ | LOYALTY ●●●●○ | TRUST

LOW | ●●●●● | HIGH

The man has questionable taste, what can I say?

[lyricsxmusings]

Send ♡ to see what my muse thinks of yours

○○○○○ | ATTRACTION ○○○○○ | AFFECTION ○○○○○ | INTEREST ○○○○○ | LOYALTY ○○○○○ | TRUST

LOW | ●●●●● | HIGH

[diistortion]

My Alastor both hates men and is randomly attracted to (certain) men. He has a difficult time reconciling these two facts about himself, which is often displayed as aggression. Not always. But often. He sits somewhere on the asexual spectrum, so random bouts of attraction cause him a bit of panic.

[cupofsandwich]

Assorted Markiplier Quotes

"What if I didn't run? What if I'm not a coward? What if I wanted it to kill me? What if I wanted it to try?"

"The good ending is never the true ending of anything."

"I am a man who own FIVE ovens!"

"They can torture me for all I wan- they want…"

"If you EVER come in here again with a Goddamn opinion, I'll shove it so far up your ass it'll never see the light of day again!

"Are you going to keeping finding things to complain about or are you going to keep finding solutions?"

"I can milk you."

"You are not pretty enough to be this stupid."

"It's adorable! ...Oh, it's traumatized. ...Oh, it has anxiety."

"I will sue you out of existence."

"Yeah, this is big brain time."

"Now, this would solve problems, I want to cause problems!"

"What was the thought process there?"

"I'll sleep up high! Good air up high!"

"I'm not a masochist. But..."

"Note to self: Body slamming the local fauna is not a good idea and not a good preventative for damage."

"Love is blind; I think that's what they say. That's what they say right? Love is something anyway."

"It's so peaceful and pretty I think I'm going to vomit."

"Can we do it? No we can't! …Maybe. I don't know, I'm not very committed to this decision, but whatever."

"I want to dance like an epileptic squid on acid."

"No, thank you! I don't want any!"

"I'm the best. Ever. In the history of forever."

"Let's just nope off to Fuckthatville!"

"I don't like this game, but I know how to beat it."

"I beg of you. I beg every single fiber of your body. Please let me have as much time as you can give me. Please, take your sweet-ass time."

"Don't wake the baby. Don't wake the baby."

"Wanna run that by me again?"

"Well, isn't this fan-fricken-tastic!"

"What is every graveyard, but humanity's hall of fame."

"I'm a giggly bitch by nature."

"Okay, so the first night is never usually that bad..."

"I could punch that thing from here to Timbuktu!"

"Life needed a bit of madness, but why should death be any different?"

"This is what it means to go even further beyond."

"What I do is temporary but what I leave behind is forever."

"I’m the king of the squirrels!"

"You think you can do that to me?! You think you can just do that to ME?!"

"Get on the bottom, you basic bitch"

"I might be a potato, but I have standards."

"This is what causes people to turn into Werewolves, and that's a CHOICE! NOT A CURSE!"

"AM I SUPPOSED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!?? THIS SEEMS HIGHLY IRREGULAR!!!"

"I’ve learned things… but they don’t help me… nothing can help me."

"That right there’s a slice of something special."

"Well, that's a problem. But not my fault, I did everything I could, and you did too."

"You are big. And I am sm- average. I'm average."

"I don't believe in ghosts… but… when I turned around… I couldn't explain what I was seeing!"

"I want to make it perfectly clear: Its not a sexual thing, Its about the power."

"I’m a smart man, I dropped out of college."

"I may be a God and handsome to match but I'm still human despite all my perfections."

"I guess I'll die."

"I missed it! Do it again."

"I'm shaking and crying rn."

"I don't think I'm supposed to be here…"

"Don't swim away from me, you know you want to be cooked!"

"They’ll never be able to find me! …Ah crap, they found me!"

"I'm not mad, I'm short!"

"I'm like a wild animal when I get cornered."

"What you’re seeing right now is $500 worth of pop tarts."

"That makes my soul itch."

"You don't need to worry about me. I just need to worry about me. And don't mind the yelling! I yell when I'm NERVOUS!"

"I'm okay with pain because, it's not the end. I know the pain won't kill me."

"You don’t need to know how something works in order to use it."

"Don't quote me, ever!"

[wszczebrzyszynie]

Drawing doesnt help i have to kill people

[diistortion]

[diistortion]

[diistortion]

I lost my baby boy this weekend.

I hadn't really talked about it much because I was in denial, but a very aggressive stomach cancer formed and he was just on a rapid decline over this past month. We'd hoped he would make it to a day where we could call in a vet for a house call, where he could go to sleep safe and painlessly in his own home instead of being carted around and poked and prodded by strangers on a cold steel table while he was already scared and confused about what was happening to him, but unfortunately things like this don't care what our plans and hopes are.

This weekend he had a severe seizure and we knew that was the end. My mom and I sat with him until he was gone, and I'm still not convinced he's really not here anymore. It doesn't feel real. I'm going between numb and feeling normal and crying and feeling numb again and I'm exhausted and heartbroken.

He wasn't "just a cat". He was my best friend. In some of my darkest moments when I didn't want to live anymore, he made sure I kept going. I love his sister to bits too, but Loki took a piece of my soul with him that I may never get back.

Twelve years wasn't enough. I'm so sorry, baby. I'll miss you, and I'll always love you. So will your sister, who already notices that she can't find you in your favorite hiding spots or the places you always curled up to relax and nap. We'll be okay eventually, but we'll never be the same.

You head across that Rainbow Bridge, baby, and remember what I told you.

I'll see you later, Loki.

[diistortion]

[javarisx-fightingthosedemons]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

uh oh forgot to take the Pill That Makes Me Sane

[diistortion]

"Can anyone recommend a good breakfast whiskey?"

[aurorarpresources]

reblog this if you're fine with your mutuals sending you asks unprompted

[diistortion]

[diistortion]