𝖄ellowjackets centric blog, writing for any and every yellowjacket because the whole team needs some sugar!!
𝕮aution! this blog may contain nsfw content, all links will be labelled ** if reader’s discretion is advised. i mostly write f!r, but i write gn!r too. men and minors dni.
main acc
˚⟡˖ ࣪ ⋆౨ৎ 𝕵ACKIE TAYLOR
♱ greedy; where your best friend, jackie sends you mixed signals, so you punish her for toying with your loyalty
˚⟡˖ ࣪ ⋆౨ৎ 𝕷OTTIE MATTHEWS
♱ sovereign; where your girlfriend, nat isn’t too comfortable with you spending too much time with lottie, but who were you to deny your queen’s desires?
♱ prey; where you toy with predator/prey dynamics
˚⟡˖ ࣪ ⋆౨ৎ 𝕾HAUNA SHIPMAN
♱ pleaser; where you are the antler queen, but shauna has no problem pulling your strings
˚⟡˖ ࣪ ⋆౨ৎ 𝕹AT SCATORCCIO
♱ crowned masterlist; where you fight situationship!nat for the antler queen title, and you learn the hard way power proves itself a greater driving force than your feelings for her
˚⟡˖ ࣪ ⋆౨ৎ mari ibarra
࿇ hypocrite; where mari was never too keen on you bodsing her around… until she wasn’t
did you make 67 joke and a perchance joke in your newest fic or am i just chronically online
omg yall i wrote this so long ago and finished it recently 67 wasn’t even a thing back then😭😭 but it’s kinda funny that i just did that subconsciously months ago…
♱ mari can be a brat sometimes. she used to think you bossing her around was annoying, but not anymore…
♱ cw; slight!nsfw, making out, violence, antlerqueen!r, enemies to lovers, shauna (love her tho), long fic, mari deserves a little sugar after that brutal ahh 86ing bro…
deep in my enemy i find the lover; pierre corneille, the cid (tr. by a.s. kline), 1636
mari ibarra has made a lot of enemies in her lifetime. but only one succeeded into her barren life post-crash. you made an unbearable life even harder to bear, so she swore on her short-coming life to make yours just as difficult to live.
“is that really how you want to live, mar? on her bad side?”
as much as she didn’t want to admit it, you had a point. mari always prided herself in the ability to not give any fucks, but lately, even she’s felt the true pressure of shauna’s fury.
rolling her eyes, mari lied back. “i can’t just let it go.”
you scoffed, “why not? ‘cause your ego’s gonna be a little bruised? ‘cause you have to apologize? grow up, ibarra.”
“why can’t she just not be a psycho? it’s not fair!”
you pinched the bridge of your nose, your other hand resting against your hip. you glared down at the sunbathing filipina, sighing deeply. she was such a stubborn girl, and for what?
still, nat and lottie urged you to mend the broken bridge between shauna and mari before things turned awry.
luckily, if there was one person mari listened to, it was you.
“that’s my point--! you can’t reason with psychopaths, so for your sake, stop poking the bear.” you hissed through gritted teeth. “now, i want you to go to shauna’s hut and apologize.”
she rolled her eyes, lips pursing into a defeated pout. she lifted an arm to shield her eyes from the sun--and from you.
“shauna. apology. now.” you repeated, crossing your arms.
with a theatrical groan, mari propped herself up. you watched as she grabbed her shirt, slipping it on whilst glaring at you. still, you weren’t budging, and she wasn’t happy about that.
as a last attempt to get out of it, she stopped in her tracks to look back and argue. your sheer glare was enough.
ugh, even being stranded can’t abolish your moral rights.
even stranded in the canadian wilderness you had to be the captain you were. god, you were what jackie thought she was.
in a way, mari admired how the wilderness hadn’t changed you. it was comforting. oddly enough, she liked the comfort.
“and stay out of trouble, for god’s sake, mar. i mean it!”
what she didn’t like was the way you chewed her ass.
the only person who knew how to push buttons better than mari was her mother. in a way, she learnt her unbeatable skills from the best. but there’s still a long way to go, that’s for sure. nobody got on mari ibarra’s nerves the way her mother did.
a figure she wouldn’t mind shedding with what the wilderness took, it irked mari to no end, the talent you so often fostered with the ability to mother her. she was never one to take things as trivial as a soccer strategy or a simple “soccer captain’s” instruction personally, but something about the way you were clouded in an aura of arrogance--of unwavering confidence in yourself and your way of leadership. it was like you thought--nay, you knew--you were better than her.
god, it pissed her off to no end. stupid golden girl, y/n l/n.
“i just don’t know why she always has it out for me, y’know?” mari whined, dragging the spoon in circles around the stew brewing in the pot. “like, that psycho almost chews my hand off, and i have to apologize?”
mari had been complaining for nearly half an hour. and, boy, was her whining getting super old, super fast.
melissa and gen shared a knowing look at the filipina’s apparent frustration with your orders; it was obvious, your affection for the troublemaker--and the only person left in the dark about it seemed to be mari herself. you may have had an odd way of showing you cared, but it was rather transparent.
“and, it’s like, hello? does she not like me or something--?”
“--oh my god, enough with it, mar!” van interrupted. the redhead clutched onto the bucket of water sloshing in her hands. “you’ve been going on and on about y/n, dude. we get it, you want to jump her bones, now shut up!”
the outburst earned a few hushed giggles around camp.
flustered, mari scoffed, the spoon slipping form her hand.
“what?” she laughed, as if it were the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard, “seriously? i would never! like, i don’t even--!”
“well, sorry if i’m reading your mind wrong, but y’know how boys bully girls they like on a playground? yeah, that’s you.”
that’s a funny joke, like mari ibarra could ever like a girl.
“you’ve gotta admit, mar, you’re like… a little obsessed.”
mari couldn’t muster a scoff loud enough to channel the disbelief she felt for what just got uttered from melissa’s mouth. her? obsessed with y/n l/n, the antler queen?
“obsessed with what?” you emerged from your hut.
mari felt her heart drop to her stomach. her frantic gaze shot up at melissa immediately, watching the blonde’s face contort with the lie she was formulating in her head.
you stared, cocking your head as you waited in question.
“uh--well, mari’s been obsessed with this… new recipe she’s been cooking up.” melissa shot mari a wide-eyed nod, as if wordlessly beckoning her to play along. “right, mar?”
the filipina nodded sceptically. “yeah--yeah! i added some new herbs akilah’s been growing. it’s really good.”
you nodded along, but your eyes narrowed. “okay… well, try not to pull another misty shrooms trip.”
van had to suppress the biggest eye roll threatening to escape her, a harsh elbow from tai thrusted the antic straight back up her body. you were just such an uptight, prudish party pooper when it came to mari. it was jarring, almost.
“well, great,” you added, shooting the raven-haired girl a brief smile. your eyes meeting hers. “good job.”
eugh, you could cut the tension with a knife.
mari’s cheeks involuntarily heated up, she blessed her skin tone for shielding her fluster. she felt stripped under your gaze.
“uh--thanks.” she managed to utter. she sounded so stupid.
as you strolled off to speak to travis sitting in the corner, not without one last smirk flashed at your favourite troublemaker, gen immediately swatted mari’s arm with a hushed squeal.
“oh, come on, mar! you can’t tell me there is absolutely zero sexual tension between you guys after that, i was scared you were about to start stripping right then and there.”
mari clicked her tongue, “shut up. you guys are fucking dumb.”
“hey, you wanted to grab some ass, right? i mean, it’s not coach’s ass, but it’s still a pretty good one.” van snorted. the statement earned her a harsh nail to the stomach by tai’s elbow once again, this time, she doubled over with a groan.
“i mean, what’re you so annoyed for anyway?”
mari paused; what was she so annoyed about exactly?
“yeah, if you’re that upset, maybe stop pissing her off.” tai suggested curtly, shrugging. “stay outta shauna’s pants.”
“or, you guys can…” the redhead made a bed creaking sound, along with making lewd gestures with her hips. tai groaned, the shove knocking into her shoulder came much harsher than the last. still, it didn’t cease the hysteric fit of laughter coming from van. “hey, fuck the bitchiness out of her, y’know what i’m saying? come on, mar, we’re sick of you complaining!”
mari faked a gag. “stop. that’s actually disgusting.”
van let out a theatrical gasp. a hand clasped tightly over her chest. “is--is mari ibarra… homophobic? by chance?”
“what?” she spat, scoffing with a baffled grin. “i’m woke.”
“yeah, we’ve seen the lingerie mags you stash between the man of the month calendars, mar,” gen teased, smirking. “and i know your ass has been checking y/n out since provincials.”
sure, mari has snuck a glance or two towards the sweaty, curved figure standing in front of your cubby through her locker mirror. and yes, she’s caught herself biting her lip to keep a lewd noise from escaping her when you go absolutely ham on an orange, as juices dribble from your plump lips to your chin, during a halftime once. but come on, everybody’s found their soccer team captain hot at least once, right?
surely, that’s a normal occurrence for everyone… right?
“i wasn’t--y’know what? you people are psychopaths.”
grabbing her yellow team hoodie, she began strutting away with faux confidence. her “fight or flight” instinct left a couple smug grins to bask in her afterwords, they could only watch the filipina stutter in her step when she slipped past you and nat chatting. you could only stare at her diminishing back at the odd way she exaggeratedly avoided you with her body.
“oh my god, she’s so gonna cave tonight.” van scoffed.
“meh. mari’s self-esteem is pretty silver-plated. i give her… a week before she cracks.” tai rebutted.
gasping at the objecting raise, the redhead straightened up.
“wanna bet?” she wagered, pressing just the right button.
“oh, you know i’m right, palmer.” like the girl would ever back from a challenge. “what do i get when i win?”
“my god, these two are insufferable,” gen mumbled, strolling off. melissa closely followed suit. over her shoulder, she yelled, “keep the eye-fucking in your hut, fucking horn-dogs!”
honestly, you haven’t the slightest clue why mari ibarra was avoiding you like the fucking plague. you have a guess or two, but none of them justified her walking the other way.
after the odd conversation you stumbled in on yesterday, it was like there was a huge elephant in the room you couldn’t quite make out. it was beginning to bug you, the teasing glances thrown here and cheeky comments mouthed there.
it was driving you fucking mad, being outside this inside joke.
first, it was breakfast. as the others ate, you went around doing checks making sure everybody had their tasks laid out for the day. when you approached mari to inquire about her plans for rationing the material you had for dinner, she wouldn’t even let you get a word in before speeding towards the meat hut.
then, chatting to tai and nat about the shauna situation in your hut, the flow of conversation was harshly interrupted by unmistakable whining from outside. leaving your hut to see how you could help, you volunteered to help out with starting the stale fireplace when mari was cussing it out. you didn’t even manage a step outside before mari quickly yanked robin from her corner by the animal pen to come help.
sure, she was stubborn, she would complain and whine into your ear about how she could handle herself, but she never refused your aid. and that was strike two on your scoreboard.
at dinner, the lot of you discussed the logistics of throwing a festival to celebrate those you’ve lost, and to honour their sacrifices upon fallen victim in return for the greater good of your wellbeing. you absolutely adored the idea.
the next couple days were devoted to preparing the camp for festival de el faltered, as van named it. being the pair of eyes that oversaw every nook, every detail crammed in the crannies of things needed for this event, you barely had time to think about the mari situation. you could only thank all the gods she was keeping herself out of trouble with shauna, it has surely added some years back to your life.
the atmosphere was so positively charged tonight; everybody had taken a break from wearing each other down and focused on dressing the part for the night’s feast.
the fire was low, dancing in sputtering bursts, casting flickering shadows over the girls’ faces. they’d strung together something like a festival--someone carved antlers into a stump. someone else braided dried flowers into crowns, van called it “a doomscoming rerun,” and mari added, “if homecoming was held in hell, and the theme was trauma.”
you didn’t disagree. but you were glad to see some colour returning to the troublemaker’s persona.
you stood by the edge of the clearing, arms folded, cloak heavy on your shoulders, watching the others drink something vaguely alcoholic and wildly questionable from hollowed-out gourds. dinner was nearly ready, and you could feel the aura of frustration radiating off the filipina as she fought misty for cauldron duty. she then stormed off to the side, upon lottie stepping in to take over after an instructive glance from you across camp. she sat by her hut, sulking.
you knew mari had lengthy challenges with authority--from martinez, to scott, to nat, and now to you. something about somebody seizing power over her entire being unsettled her deeply, and it triggered the impish, troublesome reflex you had the great displeasure of putting up with.
but it was your realm of responsibility. you had no choice.
you don’t enjoy mari’s company, per se, but you had never minded it. she, on the other hand, made her irritant known.
"y’know, if you wanna stare any longer, you should take a picture,” nat commented, taking a seat beside you. she rested her elbows on her knees, tilting her head to watch you recollect yourself after being caught staring. “when’s the wedding?”
“knock it off,” you barked, like an order. “she’s acting weird.”
“mari?” the brunette inquired, head snapping to catch a glimpse of said filipina brooding by her hut. she couldn’t resist the scoff that escaped her. “what? did she make six ‘your mom’ jokes instead of seven today?”
“forget it. i’m probably just overthinking it.”
“no,” nat argued, “i’m just messing around. talk to me.”
you recalled every little moment that felt off to you the last two days--yeah, okay. you had been managing her. because mari, left unattended, was a blunt knife--dangerous in the dumbest way possible. and ever since she started clashing with shauna over anything, everything just got tenser. the group needed harmony. and harmony meant mari shutting up, making nice, and not dragging the whole camp into another silent civil war.
because here’s the thing: mari had always been a pain. always looking for something to dig her nails into. but lately, all that fire wasn’t just anger. not exactly. sometimes she’d get in your face about a decision you made like rationing or assigning chores--and her voice would get low and hot, and you’d catch her eyes dropping to your mouth like she hated the way you talked but wanted to taste the words anyway.
sometimes she'd flinch when you touched her arm, like she wasn’t sure whether to slap you or drag you into the woods, a slight detail you never noticed she had around the others.
it was like you physically repelled her, like your fingertips scorned her skin at touch. it was truly disheartening.
so yeah. you were over her attitude. and she was over your everything. which is why it was weird when she hadn’t snapped back at you or made a snarky comment once.
and tonight? it was like she wasn’t even trying to piss you off.
“she hasn’t snapped back at me or shauna the whole day.”
“isn’t that a good thing?” nat snickered, watching your expression closely. “i mean, this is what you’ve been praying for, right? for mari to get off your ass?”
“yeah, but,” you stuttered. it just didn’t feel right. something lacked in the air without your constant bickering, without her stubborn remarks. “i don’t know, something’s off. i feel it.”
“why not just enjoy the peace?” the italian commented, “it’s a good change of pace. and now you’ve got one thing crossed off your list of things to worry about.”
“yeah,” you muttered back, “yeah, you’re right.”
you prayed the way mari’s behaviour was bugging you wasn’t made obvious to the team. you weren’t exactly up to explaining yourself every time you were caught staring.
unluckily, nat wasn’t the last to catch your unsubtle efforts.
"so how’s the wife?" van asked, making her way over from the table set-ups. she grinned as she nudged you with her elbow. she nodded toward mari, who was now dramatically picking dried petals out of her soup. “trouble in paradise, perchance?”
you didn’t answer, just raised an eyebrow. seriously?
“she looks mad,” the redhead added. “like you forgot your anniversary or something. i mean, look at that pout.”
it took everything in you not to look. you found it hard to tear your eyes away from the filipina--her lips were pursed in frustration as she watched misty stir the pot, sulking with her arms crossed as she barked at whomever strolled close by her seat. you were almost… jealous? why was she suddenly snapping at and being mean to everybody, but you?
“maybe y/n didn’t tell her she looked pretty in her freaky ass necklace,” nat said, mock serious. “classic mistake.”
you rolled your eyes at their antics. “very funny.”
but that didn’t stop the teasing smirks. and it didn’t stop the tension you’d been trying very hard not to name. especially since mari has yet to let you within ten feet of her being.
“what? is our little old y/n upset ‘cuz her wifey’s mad?” van pouted theatrically. “maybe if mari got a little kiss from little miss antler queen, she’d have less of a stick up her ass!”
van’s taunting words echoed behind you as you propped yourself up to walk away. what has gotten into them today?
“hey! that’s cheating!” tai hissed, taking your place between nat and her girlfriend. “i said no nudging. you’re nudging!”
van held her arms up. “i’m not nudging, i’m just suggesting!”
“you can’t push y/n into it so you win your bet, mari has to be the one who gives in.” the taller explained, crossing her arms with an eyebrow raised. “so it won’t count if y/n does.”
“what? you’re totally making rules up.” van groaned.
“oh my god, you two are both idiots.” nat snickered.
after the odd little back and fourth with your teammates, your thoughts plagued your every waking moment: were they right? did they have a point? was mari acting weird because of something between the two of you? no--nat was right: enjoy the peace while you had it, it was precious.
so, you focused your worries on aiding others around camp.
helping akilah finish her routine tending to the animal pen, you had your ceremonial robe tied tightly around your waist, the sleeves of the shirt you had on under rolled up to your shoulders as you dodged the mud the pesky lambs soiled you with their lively, galloping hooves. it wasn’t ideal, to be painted in dirt right before an important dinner you hoped would bring some colour back on the team’s faces, but akilah needed help, and you weren’t about to let her be swamped alone.
when you finally emerged from the pen’s gates, you were damn near sweating through your shirt. with your hair framing your glistening features, you went to rinse your hand of any clutter before dinner. unluckily for them, a pair of curious eyes found themselves trained directly on your appearance.
god, who gave you the right to look like that all dirty?
“so this is what it is, hm?” her head snapped up. “ogling l/n?”
it was like second nature, the way something in mari instantly switched to atone to the offensive tone. like a cat arching its back, alert, bearing its teeth at the threat coming its way.
“wouldn’t you know, gaywad? we all know you had your tongue so far down jackie’s throat, you tasted jeff’s stds.”
shauna’s smirk fell, her fist clenching as her jaw locked.
“really tryna lose the other hand too, huh?” she sneered, nodding down at the filipina’s bandaged fist.
“why? you tryna get fingered, shipman?” mari pressed.
whatever measure you had ensued to prevent the volcanic eruption of the shipman islands dissolved in mere seconds. already treading the brink of its own fragility, the thread drawn between the two seemed to fade when shauna threw a heavy fist into the younger’s jaw. the crack rung across camp.
“what the f--shauna!” you yelled, pouncing to your feet.
“call me ‘shipman’ one more time, ibarra, i fucking dare you.” shauna growled, thrusting the girl down against the laid table, knocking over dent cups and filled bowls. precious food from gen and rachel’s hunts soaked into the hungry soil.
okay, that was it. they had successfully driven you over.
you knocked the entirety of your weight against shauna, like you once did in soccer, thrusting her away from mari. tai and lottie scrambled to hold the feral woman back by her arms, sneering at the struggle they had keeping her down.
you huffed, standing between a bloodthirsty shauna and a timid mari, whom laid on the floor, stunned.
“seriously?” you scoffed, glancing at the fierce eyes staring back in challenge. “the two of you had to do this today?”
"oh, look," shauna said, loudly, jerking away from the girls’ hold. "here comes the queen saving her fucking princess.”
"hey!" you barked, sharp, warning. “get your shit together.”
but she was already going, and there was no stopping the chain of venom spewing from the brunette’s mouth. "should i bow? or is it just enough if i sit down, shut up, and smile pretty while you tell me how to apologize to your fucking minion?"
the silence was brutal. even van didn’t have a quip ready.
"another fucking word, shipman," you hissed, calm only in volume, stepping closer. “you won’t speak at all.”
"give it up, i’m not your lackey in this fucked little game. and i’m definitely not going to be mothered by someone who thinks wearing antlers makes her better than the rest of us."
you stared at her. she was red-cheeked, breathing hard, hands clenched like she wanted to throw something--or maybe grab you by the collar. and for half a second, the world tilted, because yeah, there was rage, but underneath it: something vulnerable, of fear. after all, she was the one being cornered, stubbornly bearing her fangs at the queen the herd obeyed.
it was your duty to protect your flock, and that included those who strayed--pains in your ass like mari ibarra.
you left shauna’s taunt unanswered, with no response. instead, you huffed, turning away to peer down at a panting mari. you reached for her hand, yanking her up swiftly.
“everybody gas put a lot into tonight. i’m not letting your temper ruin a festive evening.” you announced, dusting the filipina off. you could feel shauna’s eyes burn holes in the back of your head, but quickly cooled by mari’s breath against your skin as you rubbed a speck of dirt from her cheek. you glared at the brunette over your shoulder. “tonight, we feast. but the moment this is over, the two of you are paying for the shit your childish little tantrums have costed us.”
swiftly, knocked-over food were getting cleaned. shauna was quick to storm off and sulk in defeat.
you sighed, hands on your hips as you watched her disappear into her hut. you glanced at mari, who gulped at the weight of your piercing gaze fixing on her solely. “you okay?”
she cleared her throat, “no, yeah. i could’ve taken her.”
you chuckled in amusement, watching her avert her gaze as you held it. “she had you over the table, mar. i don’t think you could’ve taken her with another pair of arms.”
she fixed her hair, the rogue strands of hair framing her face.
“she caught me off guard--! whatever, just forget it.”
“no, you stay right here.” you ordered, gesturing before you.
her feet halted instinctively, a natural reaction to the tone you nestled in the simple instruction. her mind raced, scolding at her own legs for listening so obediently.
“when i told you to stay out of trouble, i meant it, ibarra.”
she rolled her eyes. oh my god, are you really schooling me?
“hey, watch it.” you snapped, the gentle edge to your tone honed to pierce her arrogant facade. “just because i’m trying to keep this night about the friends we’ve lost instead of whatever petty shit you and Shauna’s got going on, doesn’t mean you can give me that nasty attitude, yeah?”
“okay, jesus.” she huffed, tip of her thumb dabbing lightly at the blood trickling from her nose. “i didn’t even do anything, she came over and fucking punched me in the face.”
you watched her fingers pick at the cut, hissing sharply.
“stop touching it, moron.” you scoffed, slapping her hand away lightly. she hated when you called her names; idiot, dumbass, dummy--you never held back when it came to making her lack of wisdom/maturity known. “follow me.”
you grabbed her hand, keeping it as far away from the fresh, gushing cut as you could. your hands were warm from working with akilah all afternoon, the faint tone of your back peaking from under your shirt. she felt greedy for looking, like she was about to slap herself for even thinking such thoughts.
and what thoughts were those exactly? good question.
in all transparency, mari could barely make it out herself. they were all tangled and morphing together like some fucked little fantasy cloud. swallowing her nerves didn’t seem to do much about the butterflies desperately thrashing in her stomach.
shit, the way your arm was flexing? no, it’s the hand hold, the way your fingers were weaving into hers. y’know what, it’s definitely the sweat glistening off your skin right now.
whatever it was, mari was feeling much less annoyed with you and much more annoyed with herself.
did she really think--eugh--y/n l/n was hot right then?
“gen, can you grab me a damp cloth, please?” you called, shooting the nodding girl a tight-lipped smile. you sat her down, hands pushing down her shoulders. “sit.”
“dude, i really don’t need you to--”
“stop talking for once, will you?” the snapback was immediate. you undid the robe tied around your waist, setting the festive piece down. “if that gets infected, you won’t be able to eat, drink or speak. which, i wouldn’t exactly complain about, but i know you’ll find a way to whine about it.”
gen handed you the shred of towel, standing behind you, watching, as you grabbed the filipina by her chin.
caught off guard by the sudden contact, mari jerked away from you grasp, feeling her cheeks flush with a sudden surge of heat. your fingers reached for her chin again, holding her head in place, her skin flushed hot against your fingertips.
“stop moving.” you muttered, dabbing the towel against her lips. over your shoulder, mari caught the teasing smirk gen was flashing her. still, she obliged, stilling her head.
"jesus," gen muttered under her breath. “just kiss already.”
when you snapped your head back, she was already strolling away, you caught the panicked wide-eyed from mari.
“what the fuck was that about?” you questioned, still lighting brushing at the cut on her face. she grimaced, but you could tell she was wracking her brain, finding an explanation.
“nothing--! it’s nothing, ignore her. she’s just drama-deprived.”
“god knows we have enough of it.” you sighed, a subtle jab at mari’s hand in the incident that had just unfolded. “look, i have some things i want to gather for jackie. i want to make tonight about her. will you do me this one favour, mar? please?”
mari always wondered if you and jackie’s relationship were ever purely platonic, but she could never make out if it was a justified suspicion, or her subconscious envy talking.
you were the golden duo, captain and her first mate.
shauna may have been jackie’s day one, but you were writhing in her palm. you had a questionable loyalty to her.
jackie wants you to keep mari in check? done.
jackie wants you to make mari do suicides? say no more.
jackie wants you to bench mari? aye aye, captain.
despite being the kinder of you two, you were somehow stuck with the bad cop title, always the captain kicking people off or telling sophomores off. jackie was the one lining them for her infamous compliment mirror exercise, the one giving the pre-game pep talks and leading the prideful team cheer.
but alas, platonic or not, jackie was obviously an important figure in your life, and her passing undeniably devastated you. arguably, much more, much deeper than the way it wounded shauna. you held no resentment, no twisted malice buried deep at the root of your connection.
you loved jackie. and she loved you. mari wish she could experience the delight of having someone care for her being.
but then, all she cared about was the fact y/n l/n was begging.
she nodded, her lip tucking into her mouth as she gulped.
you smiled, a tight-lipped, polite one, but a smile regardless. “if you were ever gonna get your shit together, this would be a good time.” you cleared your throat, “see you later then.”
mari’s eyes snapped to her, wild, and watched as you turned on your heel, sauntering off to your hut. your back defined and poking through your shirt, the robe swinging around your hips.
“the captain’s down bad,” van said, sipping from her cup. she smirked at the aghast expression from mari. “just saying.”
“more like down right mad,” she muttered, “did we just see the same interaction? ‘cuz i think she wants to strangle me.”
van shrugged, pursing her lips. “same thing.”
“oh, for--are you assholes ever gonna drop that?”
van chuckled, tilting her head to make out the sour expression on mari’s face better. "what? you gonna pretend that didn’t just happen? you did that little lip bite thing.”
the filipina tensed, yanked the rag off her skin and winced.
"what are you talking about?" she muttered.
“the mari move. when you’re really into someone, you bite your lip.” van stepped into view, arms crossed, one brow arched like she already knew the answer. "besides, she bitches at you but then fixes you up like a personal nurse.”
mari rolled her eyes and looked away. "she always acts like that. it’s her antler queen duties or whatever.”
"mhm," van said, like she didn’t believe a word. "she only acts like that with you. i’ve bled so many times around here, but she hasn’t patched me up once. not a single fucking time.”
"cuz tai’s always hounding you like a guard dog, lesbo."
van walked over, crouched beside her. “no. because you drive her insane. because you actually like her attention.”
mari flinched like she'd been slapped. “i don’t--that’s not--i don’t let her do anything. she’s the one with control issues and is always looking for an excuse to yell at me.”
"yeah," van said. "and you live for it. you two can’t go three hours without a showdown. you know what that is?"
mari didn’t answer. didn’t move. she didn’t want the answer.
van raised an eyebrow, cocking her head aside. “oh, come on, mar! don’t play dumb now, just bone the woman!”
"i--i don’t even like her," she stammered, but it sounded weak. curse her stutter, she hated when it’d slip under pressure. "she’s--she’s cold, she’s bossy--she’s always watching me like i’m doing everything wrong. like my fucking mother.”
van smirked, but there was something sad in it. “yeah. and you notice every time, don’t you? when she looks at you?”
mari’s chest ached, burning in her. her mouth opened like she was going to argue again, but nothing came out.
“look, mar.” van stood up, stretching her back. she rested her hands against her hips. “it’s okay. but you have to stop kidding yourself and be honest about what kind of game you’re playing. and who you’re playing it with.”
the redhead patted her shoulder, squeezing it firmly.
the cut on her lip throbbed, but not as much as whatever was turning over in her stomach. she thought about the way your fingers burnt against her skin, the way your eyes hadn’t left her face, even after the cut was cleaned.
the festival bustled with the most energy the camp has seen in a while--you let yourself sink into the chatter, the lively atmosphere engulfing you. the camp square was decorated with paper lanterns and torched sticks that kissed the quad with a gentle glow. a long wooden table was laden with a feast that seemed nearly impossible in your situation: roasted deer meats, fresh fruits, honeyed grapes, wild greens tossed with fragrant herbs. your chest swelled with content.
you settled into your seat at the head of the table, the crown robin had made with a fowl skull hung heavily on your brow.
the weight of the antlers stemming from your head rung familiar. you assumed the role of antler queen casually, as you did every day. a role you honoured it, embraced it so you could learn to embrace your friends too. but the way their eyes all fell on you, expectant, anticipating and waiting for your speech with bated breath, you felt monopolized by their worshipping.
“tonight,” you began, voice steady despite the tremor in your hand as you clutched your makeshift chalice, “is a celebration of life. to remember those who walked beside us.”
like we didn’t choose them, skin them, then consume them.
“to coach, rachel, laura lee, crystal, and javi.” you announced, pausing fir them to marinate in the silence. “and to jackie, who was my best friend. she was my light, my anchor, my family. and every day i get to help this team live a little longer, and live a little better, i carry her with me.”
the table fell silent, glistening eyes fixed on you as your own fell to the swirling fermented berry water in your hand. shauna stared blankly ahead, unable to meet your eye.
“jack, i love you. i hope you’re here with us, in the warmth from the laughter to the quiet moments, and all that in between.”
you held up your chalice. everybody followed suit.
“to our friends, and to this crazy dinner you beautiful suckers managed to pull together.” you chuckled, “cheers.”
glasses clinked, chatter broke out as the first drink broke. you fell back into your seat, smiling. but as the feast carried on, a hollow ache remained lodged in your heart.
around you, the noise only grew as the evening progressed. forks scraped plates, glasses clinking, voices rising in songs and stories. yet your gaze kept slipping away from the food towards the edge of camp, where the fire’s glow met the dark woods. you tried to taste the steaks and the rich stew, but every bite was bittersweet. the occasion just saddened you.
no one seemed to notice your sorrow except mari.
mari sat a few seats down at the near end of the table, her curious eyes never left you. something in her unsettled at the bottom of your stomach, knowing she wanted to reach out and hold you, to remind you that you mattered, that you deserved to be loved the way you loved jackie.
throughout the dinner, as the others immersed themselves into the joyous festivities tai had planned (and van hosted), mari’s fixation on you grew obvious to those around you.
with jackie hung heavy in your mind, you hardly noticed the pair of eyes burning holes into your skull.
as the night stretched on, the feast faded into a blur of voices and laughter, but your sadness stayed sharp and clear, a cold thread running through the warmth around you. you tried to push it down, to be present, but the memory of jackie clung to you like a shadow. you didn’t even yell at travis and lottie when they had started bickering about some tea the maui girl had brewed earlier that day. which was where mari drew the line.
she was being good, like you had instructed her, like you had ordered. she wasn’t feeding shauna’s rage, and it took everything in her to keep herself from spitting every snarky comment that came to mind. it was impressive.
the festival’s lights flickered in the darkening sky. the crown they had made for you grew heavier as the fire died, you were growing tired, your neck sore from bearing its weight. you lifted it, cradled it gently off your head, glaring at the details etched into the fine bone. it was beautifully disturbing.
you lingered long after the fire had started its slow death, amber coals pulsing like a weak heartbeat under blackened logs. the snow came down heavier now, catching in your hair, in the corners of your mouth, but you didn’t move. the cold felt earned. deserved. just like how she had died. you let yourself get lost in the thought of how she’d still be here, sitting beside you, if you had just told shauna to swallow her godforsaken pride and called her back in like you wanted to.
behind you, some huts glowed faintly, light seeping through the tiny cracks of the stick exterior. most were probably fast asleep, with some exceptions giggling or chatting like things were okay. everybody pretended it was, none of you liked looking each other in the eyes too long, especially not with the knowledge of how some of your friends passed.
you heard the crunch of shoes against dead leaves before she had to say anything. the sound of her uneven breath stiffled.
“you’re not, like, writing poetry or some shit out here, right?”
her voice was light, shielding the layers of uncomfortable confrontation she was so unwilling to face head-on.
you scoffed, a pathetic attempt at a chuckle. “not yet, no.”
she shuffled to stand beside you, back of her knees hovering just over the log by the fire pit. she stood close enough for you to hear every small movement, but just far enough to give you space. you don’t glance up at her, staring blankly at the crown in your hands. she finally opted to sit after a moment’s silence.
“good,” she sighed, tugging at the hem of her shorts, “i’m not in the mood to hear some emily dickinson shit right now.”
you don’t even try and laugh this time around, but the corners of your mouth twitched. that was just the thing about mari--she always said the most outlandish shit to get a reaction, especially when she was uncomfortable. and when she was uncomfortable, that meant she cared.
“go back to your hut. it’s getting cold out here.” you said.
“well, van and tai’s hut are right next to me, so i’m not exactly feeling like falling asleep to dry humping.” she glanced around, sucking in a sharp breath, “figured i’d switch it up.”
you loved that lame excuse she was trying to muster, but you’ve heard enough “i can’t come to practice, i have cramps” from mari to know when she was lying.
after a beat, she added, “also, you’ve been doing that whole tragic lone wold thing all night. i figured maybe you got stuck in it or something. like… emotionally.”
a chortle escaped you. “that’s your way of asking if i’m okay?”
she shrugged, feeling her cheeks warm. “what? no, i--shut up! this is why i never ask about anyone’s stupid feelings!”
“no, i appreciate it.” you assured her, fumbling with the crown in your hands. “i just… don’t know how to miss her right.”
mari swallowed thickly, internally debating on whether or not to push further. “what do you mean?”
“i don’t know, i just… i never stop thinking about her.”
she watched your side profile for a moment, taking in how the distant hut lights lighted the softest edges of your features. she blew out a breath, “yeah, well. jackie was kinda the worst.”
that made you huff, more out of surprise than anything.
“i mean, she was pretty and popular and definitely had main character syndrome, but she was also a huge bitch. and you--“ she paused, biting back her pride, “you put up with a lot more shit than the rest of us. co-captain and all.”
you held the crown up, finally sparing her your attention.
“this should’ve been hers.” you let it fall from our hands to the gravel with a soft thud. “she’s the captain. not me.”
“she could barely hold a bucket. you literally built a village.”
“i didn’t do that. you guys did that.” you shook your head, glancing around at the civil hamlet thriving since winter. “all i did was wear a stupid crown to keep nat from dying.”
“no, we built it all because you keep the peace around here.”
she poked the side of your arm, you sway with the push. your eyes fluttered shut, letting out a genuine chuckle.
“did you seriously just tell me i keep the peace? you’re the reason i need to do that.” you nudged her back with your knee. and for a moment, both pairs of eyes wander over each other’s features for a second. when you catch yourself staring at her biting her lip a breath too long, you looked away, clearing your throat. “you’re a pain in my ass, y’know that?”
she pursed her lips, and in a sulky tone, grumbled, “you should be thanking me. i’m giving you a job to do.”
“no, you’re adding to my already tough job, mar.” you corrected quietly. stubborn as ever, she looked away, letting her gaze drift out towards the edge of camp. she toyed with her hands, picking at her nails as the gnawing at her bottom lip intensified. and you watched her, just like you had the last couple weeks. except this time, you didn’t curse yourself for pouring so much of your attention on her, you took advantage of the opportunity to really take her in.
she doesn’t speak, afraid she’ll say something she can’t take back if she let the venom spill. she knows you’re right, she always has. she hated the feeling of being wrong.
so, like always, you take the high road. you submit to her.
“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean that.” you muttered, reaching out to grab her hand. “you know i don’t mind you.”
it sounded more… wrong than it should’ve, but it felt so right.
“yeah… god knows i love when you yell at me.” the semi-joke was out before she could rethink her choice of words. when she realized what she had said, you were already blinking; that was the closest she had ever came to sounding sincere. she pulled away from your warmth, crossing her arms. “this is so embarrassing, i’m gonna lose all my street cred.”
you shifted towards her, so the distance closed once again.
“street cred? for being a pain in the ass?” you teased, smirking. your hand fell into her lap, squeezing just above her knee to reassure you were only joking. her leg tensed at the action. “don’t worry, mar, that’s how i know you love me.”
she waited for you to move, for your hand to drop from her thigh so she could let out the breath she didn’t even realize she was holding. but it didn’t, it stayed just where you wanted it.
“i--i can’t do this.” she shot up, shoulders shrugged up. “i’m glad you’re okay, but i should probably hit the hay.”
you cocked your head aside, made aware of the sudden change in atmosphere. you grabbed her hand, wanting the moment to stretch just a little longer.
“no, please.” you pleaded, eyes wide and glossy. “stay.”
you waited, her fingers struggled in your palm. she slowly sunk back onto the log, you don’t tear your hand away, instead, you wove your fingers between hers. and it was like you could hear her short circuit at the contact.
you turned towards her, free hand grabbing her chin. frozen, she panicked, just as you leant in.
you didn’t kiss her like it was urgent, like you were two teenagers rotting away in the canadian wilderness. it was simple, quiet, your lips pressed firmly against hers. her lips were cold and a little chapped, but you couldn’t savour that feeling any more when she kissed you back.
when her hand found its way under your hair and cupping the back of your neck, it was like one of lottie’s nature spirits had taken over you; only, they weren’t offering spiritual guidance, but instead some much-needed release of the building tension between the two of you. and thank god for that.
from her straddling you over that log, to you lifting her from your lap with her legs wrapped tightly around your waist, to you practically waking up the entire camp with the way you hustled and bustled towards a nearby table, you were just intoxicated. all you could think about was mari ibarra, and not the petty, selfish little asshole that usually dragged rainy clouds over your sunny day, but a desperate, whiney brat whimpering at just the taste of your lips.
clasped between you and the table, she could only hold onto you, grabbing at your shirt, tugging at the antler queen chain around your neck. you groaned into her jaw, teeth grazing her skin just enough to leave your mark.
you were damn near about to split her in two on that table, before unwelcomed interruptions made themselves known.
“wow--! this is just a new low.” gen snickered.
“come on, man, we eat on that table.” melissa groaned.
“see? no nudging needed.” van smugly remarked, earning herself a harsh elbow in the stomach from her girlfriend.
“so does that make mari our antler… king?”
“shut up, quigley.” shauna huffed, “at least now we all know exactly why the bitch keeps getting off with nothing.”
you sighed, shaking your head, but you couldn’t help but smile at the position you found yourself in. mari, on the other hand, seemed much more transparent with her embarrassment. she yanked at the collar of your shirt, covering her flushed cheeks with it before you waved the gathering crowd off.
“okay, nothing to see here, everybody go to sleep!”
“yeah, you ain’t ‘bout to do much sleeping, huh?” tai snarked.
hm. maybe not.
an; omg this was so fucking long but i had to get it out, yall better love on this one cuz i put my whole dillydallyussy into it.
♱ spend one day with the deer, even a hunter learns to fear; where you and lottie prove who’s predator, who’s prey
♱ cw; slight!nsfw, angst, harsh language, violence, sexual tension, making out, dom!lottie
you’ve always been a hunter, since you could walk, you’ve learnt to cradle a rifle in your hands. you grew to love it, like a slave loved its master. you knew it, like another set of hands.
your father was a huntsman, and his father before him.
he loved with his expertise, the only role he ever assumed with you was a mentor; thus, you undertook that of a disciple.
you worshipped your father, and though he only loved you with a gun in your hands, you had never loved anybody as much as you loved him. that was, until you met her.
she made you questions your faith, your wit, and sometimes your identity. she was just, quite the unstoppable force.
you thought you were the hunter, dignified by the blood shed between your fingers--but was that all to you?
she had a look to her; that of a deer’s staring into headlights.
as cliche as it sounded, the way she spoke to you--no, when the two of you fought, her foremost reaction will always be to stare back at you. eyes wide, frozen, and startled.
you thought her to be awfully like the deer you’d slay.
like you were gazing through your scope, catching its eyes. it caught sight of you, but it appeared momentarily paralyzed by its innate, curious urge to scavenge. it is often an expression of confusion, or some plane of fear, as if caught between the instinct to flee, and the shock.
but by the time it realized it was staring straight into danger’s eyes, it was too late.
something about her, lottie matthews, reminded you of that.
nothing about her was threatening, from her almond eyes to her sun-kissed caramel tone, she exuded a soothing glow.
that’s why, of all the people you had imagined you would catch yourself ensnared in a power struggle with, you couldn’t bring yourself to accept that it was her.
especially when you were the voice of reason.
“hey, ranger! we’re running short on meat.” mari called.
you slammed the door shut behind you, a thick shawl of snow clustered on your shoulders drizzled around you. kissed by the cool flecks of ice, van let out a loud whine. you undid the strap of the rifle, lifting it over your head before setting it down by the door. frostbitten fingers clawed at the bandanas wrapped across every inch of skin on your head.
your eyes peered out the crevice you had left, your lashes frosted and your cheeks pink.
numb fingertips made your cask of torn dresses and cloth stitched together harder to shed, but eventually, you managed to yank the tight helm off your head.
the first thing you did was inhale, taking in as deep of a breath as you could before exhaling.
god, you missed air that didn’t burn your lungs with each breath. it was a blessing you had never appreciated more.
“another failed mission, 007?” mari snidely remarked.
the eerie glare you shot her way whilst undoing your boots was enough to silence her snarky comments. “it’s a barren hell out there. i barely got past the first grove.”
“maybe you could try the lake… maybe there’s fish under.”
every pair of eyes turned to melissa, peering back at her as if she had just said the most idiotic thing ever; because she did.
“i couldn’t even keep my finger on the trigger,” you muttered, “what makes you think i can hack through a frozen lake?”
“then what’re we supposed to do? starve?” misty cried.
when you felt the stinging ache of feel returning to your frost bitten fingers. you made your way over to where mari tended to the pot of a steaming concoction. your limbs stiff and taut, you grunted as your knees forcibly bent.
you sat, leant against the stone frame of the fireplace, eyes fluttering shut at the raging fire thawing your frigid body.
“i don’t know, quigley,” you sighed, “but i’m tapped out.”
“you can’t be tapped out, nat’s still sick--how about this, it’s still light out, maybe we could go back out there and look again. there has to be something.” tai prompted. she stormed towards the door, reaching for the gun.
you quickly stood to stop her, rushing over to usher her back with a hand up. “i’ve been out there all day, tai. i’m not stepping foot outside again until i can feel my fucking feet. and i’m sure as hell not letting you near a gun.”
“i can shoot. if you’re not gonna do your job, then i will.”
you clenched your jaw. “i’ll show you how to use a gun if you don’t back the hell off, turner.”
“guys,” lottie called softly. all heads snap towards the back.
“knock some sense into her,” tai groaned, crossing her arms. “or we’re all gonna fucking starve.”
“you don’t know the woods. if you go out there, i can promise you a death much more painful than starvation.”
“are you threatening me--?”
“who’s standing on the wrong end of this gun right now?”
“guys!” what once was lottie’s low, sensual voice turned sharp, this time enough to still all voices in the room. if anybody held such unspeakable power, it was her.
everybody seemed to submit unanimously, avoiding her eyes like it was some war crime. like they’d be wronging the throne.
“we can’t afford time being wasted on mindless arguing. we need to come up with something to ration through winter.” she announced, you swallowed a scoff. “y/n, hand me the gun.”
grimacing, you clutched it tighter. “what? fuck no.”
“i am protected by its generous hand, y/n. you’ve done well, now let me face it, it will provide what we need.”
“the land’s dead, lottie. and so is everything that lives on it.” you sneered, “animals won’t magically come out from hibernation because some dollar store jesus form wiskayok is walking herself through six feet of snow.”
“it hasn’t chosen you as a channel. accept it, and you shall see what greater good you can do by surrendering your position.”
“how about i just put a bullet through your fucking chest?” you challenged, cocking the rifle. your eyes never tore away from the taller, your hands steady, familiar on the gun.
“jesus, y/n, have you lost your fucking mind?” nat cried.
“this shit will blow straight through your chest cavity and pop your lungs like a balloon.” you gritted, “let’s see how your wilderness god saves you then, hm?”
“y/n, put the gun down!” ben yelled, “think rationally!”
“oh my god, travis, do something!” mari squealed, but the boy just scoffed back. “like what? she has a fucking gun!”
your breath small and your hands still, you glared lottie in the eye, your gaze unwavering. you’ve seen that look so many times before, oftentimes, they never stare back too long.
except, amidst those dark, glossy pupils, you sensed the unmistakable presence of serenity. despite facing with death.
like she was ready to embrace her as she comes. unafraid.
and what’s a hunter to its prey when no fear lies within them at the moment of reckoning?
“what do you say, lottie? wanna help a friend out here?”
“y/n, stop!” misty begged frantically, “killing lottie won’t save anybody--it won’t help! don’t do anything rash!”
“we need food, right? maybe this is the wilderness’ calling.” shauna chortled, evidently amused at the events unfolding before her. though you were aware of her demented, derailing state of mind since her stillborn son’s birth, you were somewhat glad somebody was standing in your corner.
though a gun was aimed uncomfortably close to her face, lottie remained indifferent, an eased expression across her features.
“you’re a hunter, you don’t kill without purpose.”
“wrong. i don’t care for what stands before my gun. as long as it breathes, it dies.” you muttered back through gritted teeth. your hands were steady now, thawed from fire raging in the ashy fireplace feet away. held up against your cheek, your finger settled on the trigger. “give me one good reason i shouldn’t shoot you in the fucking skull.”
“it speaks to you through me. as i stand, it protects you.”
“i don’t believe in faux religion, lottie. i believe what i see.”
you stared at her, she stared back into your headlight. unwavering, still and not willing to budge from your way.
“you’re still here, aren’t you? you’re here, those who aren’t, aren’t. it treasures you for a reason, it’s gated you from harsh conditions.” she preached, raising her arm, her fingers stretched to reach out for the snout of your rifle. “we need you. and it needs me. thankfully, it has blessed us with a fruitful spring. we just need to remain patient, our time will come.”
when her fingers came in reach of your gun, you jerked back.
instinctively, you spun the rifle, knocking her straight in the nose with the heel. lottie stumbled back, body thrashing through the wooden door and tumbled back into the snow as she reached for her bleeding nose.
before anybody could reach her, you pointed the gun at the few hesitant to help. “i’d think again.”
travis held both hands up, backing away. tucked behind him, cowering in fear, was mari and akilah, now unwilling to get in line of fire to help a groaning lottie to her feet.
it silenced, only the fire crackling inside could be heard.
lottie’s pained whining was muffled by the hand against her lips, blood staining her woollen sleeve.
“nobody blames you, y/n,” she sighed softly. “you did what you could, but the wilderness is not listening to you anymore.”
you didn’t say anything. you dropped your empty snares and looked her dead in the eye.
“you’re exhausted,” she continued, slowly propping herself up. she wiped at her nose, hissing at the sharp fracture at the bridge. “it understands your struggle, and it is seeking your strength. letting it guide you isn’t a sign of weakness, y/n, it just means you’ll be lead out of the darkness quicker.”
“i’d be really careful with my next words if i were you.”
she didn’t flinch. she sat engulfed in white, fingers trembling as her breath shook. “you don’t have to be afraid. this burden was never yours. you don’t have to bear it alone anymore.”
“you think this is about burden?” you snarled. “this is blood. my father taught me to skin a buck when I was six. you talk to trees and chase ghosts. i kill to keep us alive.”
your hands stilled, your eyes dull and dark. threatening.
her pleas were silent, but for a second, you wanted to end it--to silence her voice forever, bury her prophecies in the snow.
then your eyes caught sight of the cross around her neck, the one your father would’ve had branded on you if he could. a pendent holding all that your father had to give, one forced from your hands and collared around her throat like a thorned choker when she was crowned queen. she’d worn it every day since. you remembered your hands shaking as you tied it around her neck, teary-eyed and lip quivering as you parted with the last bit of your heritage. you remembered how she’d whispered “thank you” like it mattered.
your finger twitched on the trigger. then you stopped.
your breath fogged the air between you, and for a moment, all was still. it was like the eyes she described were real--greedy, watching you from between the nooks.
you stood. no one dared speak. lottie coughed and curled in on herself in the snow, her lips bloodied, but still whispering prayers to the woods like they had ears for her preachings.
you sighed, the gun lowering. you bit your tongue.
“get the fuck out of my face.” you hissed, “and stay away.”
first to rush to the maui girl’s aid was van. akilah tended to her nose with a cloth, as more yellowjackets gathered to usher their freezing queen back inside.
left standing outside, the door shut behind them. the cold crept up your spine, working fast to seize whatever warmth channeled through your blood. but you sat there anyway.
perhaps being a killer was in your blood. but mercy--as well.
seven hours in the cold, from dawn ‘til dusk, you were out voyaging your way through depths of snow. all for nothing.
the last thing you thought you’d do when you returned was sit on the steps outside, flushed cheeks kissed by the frosty air as warmth raged on inside. but the cold seemed to be the last thing crossing your mind right then.
you were so sick of everybody, so sick of their demands.
like dogs biting the hand that feeds.
they were so vicious, so unforgiving, digging their fangs into you like you weren’t the only reason they hadn’t died from famine yet. why were you working so hard? busting your ass during the day, losing feeling in your hands? for them?
ungrateful bastards. all of them. only knew how to take.
you missed the team you once were, the kind that didn’t eat people, that didn’t orbit around some supernatural entity.
your friends. the ones who saw beyond your value as a hunter.
now, looking at you, they frown, they sneer. unless you walked through those doors with a deer hogtied over your shoulder, they can’t even bear a glance your way without whining.
your thoughts kept spinning in circles, dragging you back to the past like a current you couldn’t escape. back to the day the plane had gone down. back to the first time you saw her at soccer tryouts. you were fighting for the last defender position, and you remembered absolutely resenting her for posing such competition for you. when a senior was pardoned for an injury, you both made the team. you recalled so vividly the way she got under your skin, but looking back, it seemed so trivial.
she was always different. she never really belonged to you--or to anyone. she belonged to something bigger.
there were nights you’d lie awake in the dark, the warmth of her body pressed against yours as the others slept around you, and you’d wonder if she was awake and present with you or not. you’d get your answer when you hear her gulp, the faint thumping of her racing heart against your back.
every time you thought about saying it, about closing that distance, she'd pull away, lost in her visions or her prayers, as if some god was whispering things in her ear that you couldn't hear, couldn’t understand. and since it lead nowhere, the little connection you thought you had died with everything else in the spring as winter swallowed everything in its midst.
“y/n?” you didn’t need to look up to know that voice. it was the same one converting half the girls into wilderness devotes.
“come inside, dinner is ready.”
you scoffed, shaking your head as you glanced down at the snowed top of your boots. your picked at your fingers.
“what dinner? i haven’t caught anything in months.”
“you shan’t blame yourself,” she replied in a gentle tone, “winter is unmerciful. but even such cruel conditions have its purpose. trust it has something great installed for us.”
“yeah, well, maybe tell them that.” you gestured backwards at the cabin, nestling the rifle in your lap. “‘cause i think belt soup has run its course as a house favourite.”
“it’s going to be dark soon. i urge you to come inside.”
you felt so ungrateful. you felt so selfish. you wondered if this was what jackie had wished for the night of first snowfall.
“i can’t stand another second in there, lottie.” you snapped, “i’d rather sit alone in the fucking cold, okay? just fuck off.”
part of you resented her for preying on your vulnerability.
for toying with what you thought was feelings for her.
lottie cocked her head aside, glancing down at the back of your frame in sympathy. she felt for your defiance, she did.
it wasn’t easy, carrying twenty lives in your hands.
kneeling, she took a seat beside you, her breath puffing clouds from her nose. she was only clothed in a sheer boho dress now, laura lee’s, and a thin fur jacket. you assumed the other was taken to be washed by one of her lackeys.
she was shivering, but she didn’t let that interfere,
“do you want me to hold a gun to your head again?” you murmured, “‘cause honestly it’s very tempting right now.”
she just smiled, exhaling through her nose softly.
“tell me the truth, y/n. as i see it, you’ve been burdened by your responsibilities, would you explain to me what exactly has been troubling you?” lottie inquired gently. carefully.
“you wouldn’t understand.”
“how are you certain? you haven’t even tried sharing.”
“you’re a trust fund baby with more rooms in your mansion than i have meals in a day. you’ve never raised a finger in your fucking life, how would you know what it feels like to work for anything?” you scoffed, “y’know, i find it fitting you’ve been named queen, you just sit on your ass and wait around for people like me to serve up a day of near-death experience.”
“is that what’s angering you so much?”
no. why are you talking to me like i’m one of them?
your breath hitched. “answering with more questions isn’t helping your case, lot. if anything, i want to shoot you blank in the face more than i ever have right now.”
listening to your words closely, lottie could make out the subtext pretty clearly. it didn’t take much to read who you were--who you’ve been melded to be, but not everybody had just the right eye to catch those little slivers.
you were raised to kill; hence, your instinct was to fight.
she was raised to survive; thus, hers was to run.
or perhaps, it was the her when medicated. because since she had been off her medication, her need to flee has diminished to such a tiny degree, she had no reason to fear anymore. she didn’t fear the hunter, and she didn’t fear the kiss of death looming over the rifle’s snout. she had no reason to fear you.
“your father isn’t here.” she simply responded.
the reply caught you off guard, and your eyes widened for a moment, revealing more than you initially wanted.
“there’s nothing to prove,” she continued, “nobody to please.”
“no.” you snapped sharply, “i devote my time--risk my life to feed you. and instead of the gratitude i’m owed, i get shit from everybody because of something i can’t control.”
“but you’ve showed them tonight who is in control.”
she reached out, resting a hand against your shoulder. you tensed, jerking away instinctively as your grip on the rifle tightened. she sighed through her nose, smiling softly. “i’m not challenging you, y/n. i’m simply inquiring about your feelings. that’s what i’m here for, and as you have so selflessly shown, i intend to serve my purpose.”
“your purpose is to be a cult leader?” you scoffed, “y’know what? i don’t even care for your bullshit, lottie. do whatever you want, but leave me out of it. I quit.”
oh, if only it were that simple. like you had any place to go.
“you won’t leave us to fend for ourselves. that’s not who you are.” she said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “you can’t submit to winter at its harshest hour. don’t give it that satisfaction, because you shall not turn into its prey.”
what the actual fuck kinda shit is this chick on?
you glanced at her, studying the soft lines of her face, the scar across her forehead. for a moment, you thought you saw something in her eyes--something not quite like the usual madness that made up most of lottie’s spiritual persona. it was like she was with you now, not lost in her visions, not tangled in whatever wild schizophrenic mumbo jumbo she clung to.
“you should go eat,” you muttered, staring off to the woods you had grown too familiar with. “they’re probably waiting for you to do grace.”
the joke didn’t faze her. you felt her gaze train on your lips.
she didn’t react, just leaned back slightly, her eyes still fixed on you. here voice was softer when she spoke again.
“we need you. i need you… will you come eat?”
your heart began hammering against your chest. that was the closest you had ever seen lottie come to admitting anything personal, anything real. anything human.
“i can’t.” you replied, voice quieter now, defenseless.
her lips parted to speak, but instead, she reached out, brushing a finger over the back of your hand, a gentle gesture that felt almost like an apology. a soft, fragile thing that caught you off guard. you let out a shaky breath, and for the first time that night, you felt the tension in your chest start to loosen. you didn’t pull away from her touch.
“how’s your nose?” you asked, voice hoarse.
lottie smile was small, a chuckle squeezed from her. “it’s nothing. i’ve had worse soccer injuries--i would say you hit quite gentle, actually, compared to those cucks at st. john’s.”
“fuck off,” you shot back, unable to keep the laugh you let out. “piss me off again, maybe i’ll show you how i really hit.”
“oh, yeah?” she beckoned, “i’m utterly shaking in fear.”
you turned your head to look at her, your pulse quickening when you caught her doe eyes already darting across your features. indecisive on where they should settle; undecided on which was her favourite. “i don’t that to be all i’ll ever be.”
“what?” she inquired, “a hunter?”
“a predator.” you corrected, “that’s all they’ll ever see me as, the one who pulls the trigger. it strips me of who i am.”
“i understand. i’m not a martyr,” she cut in, her voice sharp for a second, before her hands lowered to rest on her lap. “or at least, i’m sure that’s the figure they prefer i be. you need to serve a purpose here to survive. and i’m just trying to live.”
“why do you do that?” you asked, barely above a whisper. “why are you playing games with me, it’s so sadistic and cruel.”
lottie’s lips parted as if she wanted to answer, but the words didn’t come. she just shifted closer, and before you could stop her, she leaned in. the kiss was slow, tentative at first, like she was testing the waters. her lips were soft, warm against your cold skin. you tasted the tinge of iron still smeared across her upper lip. you hesitated only for a moment before your hand found her face, holding her closer, pulling her in deeper.
when you pulled back, both of you breathing a little heavier, lottie’s eyes were searching yours.
“you’re make it harderfor me to fucking hate you right now,” you muttered. “I’m not some… zombie for you to save.”
the cold air cut through your skin, but you didn’t feel it. not anymore. your body was too consumed by the heat of her, by the pull of her presence. she had you pinned against the supper beam beside the steps of the cabin, her hands gripping your arms with an eagerness that made your pulse race.
this wasn’t the lottie you knew. the one who spoke in riddles, who stayed distant, wrapped in her own world of spiritual nonsense. no, this was a different side of her--a side you wish you could see more often, one that was commanding, and undeniably predatory. unlike her usual doe persona.
her lips hovered just a breath away from yours. you wanted to move, to close the distance, but you couldn’t.
“you’ve gone so quiet, y/n,” lottie’s voice was low, almost mocking, as she traced a finger down your cheek. “i thought you liked to be in control, deer hunter.”
you swallowed, but your throat was dry. “i--i do.”
lottie smirked, the glint in her eyes sending a shiver down your spine. she was in control now. and you were the one helpless beneath her. her lips dove into your neck, her teeth grazing your throat like fangs choking a last breath from its prey.
your breath came out in a sharp gasp as she shifted, one hand sliding to the back of your neck, the other gripping your hip to hold you in place. she’s was stronger than you remembered, but she had always been at a physical advantage--even in soccer. you were at her mercy, and you let her consume you.
lottie’s lips crashed down onto yours, ferocious and demanding. there was no hesitation in her kiss--only the hunger, the need, the fervent want that she had buried so deep for so long. you tried to respond, to pull her closer, but you were trapped, and there was something intoxicating about it.
she pulled back just enough to look at you, her breath mingling with yours, lips swollen and slightly parted.
“will you surrender yourself then, y/n? to me?”
the weight of her gaze, the heat of her body against yours, made you lose your train of thought. you were drowning in her presence, breathing her in like it was the bane of your life.
you nodded. she smirked in satisfaction.
lottie’s hands moved lower now, tugging at your clothes with an urgency that made your heart race even faster. she was taking what she wanted, and you couldn’t do a damn thing to stop her. not that you wanted to.
her lips found your neck once again, biting gently at the sensitive skin there, and you gasped, the sensation sending a spark of heat straight to your core. you were her prey now, and the realization made you ache in ways you hadn’t expected.
she chuckled darkly against your skin, the sound low and rich with pleasure. “you like this, don’t you?”
“yes,” you breathed, unable to stop yourself. “i like it.”
her grin widened, triumphant. she knew it. she felt it. the way you melted into her touch, the way she had you exactly where she wanted you. she knew she would win you over one way or another. lottie leaned in again, this time taking control of the kiss in a way that sent your head spinning. she was all-consuming, all-powerful in this moment, and you were lost to her, unable to keep up with the frantic pace of her touch, her lips, her body pressing harder against you.
your hands moved up to her chest, but she was quicker, grabbing your wrists and pinning them above your head.
the sudden shift made your pulse spike. she was showing you just how helpless you were, just how little power you had left. and that feeling, being nothing but her prey, only made the heat between you both burn hotter.
“well, my darling,” lottie said, her voice a mixture of desire and teasing. “i do believe it’s time for dinner.”
an; holy fuck this was a hefty one lmao. hope yall are enjoying reading these as much as i am writing them cuz this is my fix for the next two years until the next season (😔)
do you have any tips on characterisation of the yj’s for someone just starting out with writing fics/a long fic? (mainly nat and lottie, because out of them all, i tend to struggle with them the most. but i’m hella bad at portraying everyone accurately lmaoo so i’ll take anything) mainly no crash AU
tips and advice for writing the yellowjackets!
nat is a very self assured character and she’s kind of a people pleaser who falls victim to her own humanity. i kind of write her as someone who stands up for what’s right but loses respect and her authority because she’s too morally right for what the wilderness has done to the others. i’d give nat an anxious habit, like biting her nails or picking at her shirt.
in a no crash, i picture nat to be a tough cookie on the outside but a little insecure and overthinking on the inside. she’s def the type to cuss someone out in public while defending her friends and then drink her anxiety away when she’s alone.
lottie’s an easier one to write, i use more formal language when it’s wilderness lottie, but i see medicated lottie as someone who is pretty sassy but has a gentle edge to her. she’s definitely a good energy to be around on the team, but loves bitching people out and gossiping behind closed doors.
some other distinct characteristics of the others would be van always joking around, making sarcastic comments and teasing her friends; tai is van’s warden, making sure the girl doesn’t say things too out of line and is definitely a more obvious power hungry figure. she’s consistently fighting to lead something or dominate but will still put the needs of her peers first (will be first to soothe shauna when she’s mourning jackie, will do basically anything for you if you’re somebody she loves).
shauna is a hard write for me in the wilderness, i just make her unhinged as hell lol. but pre crash shauna is definitely a pushover who has an outburst or two once in a while and then tries to play it off while everybody reacts awkwardly.
mari is a snobby pain in the ass for any authority figure, puts her own survival first. she’ll kiss ass, back stab, or poke the bear if it means she doesn’t get singled out to die. she’ll make a snarky remark of two here and there, trying to provoke someone who’s emotionally very easy to manipulate.
♱ though you were the antler queen, shauna seemed oddly comfortable bossing you around
♱ cw; slight!nsfw under the cut, harsh language, f!r, boyfriend!shauna, natstoryline!r, shauna would’ve been nicer if they just let my girl lezz out :/
“loser says ‘what’.” mari hissed in her ear in passing.
shauna’s head snapped back, but before she could spit back, you were quick to pounce to your feet. “knock it off, mar!”
the butcher brushed past you, charging at mari.
tackling the raven-haired girl to the ground, shauna held mari’s arm against her back. she held up the bandaged fist, leaning down to whisper through the struggle, “say one more fucking word, and it’ll be your whole fucking arm.”
“jesus--!” you barked, surging to split the two writhing on the ground. “enough already!”
tai and melissa lunged to grab shauna by her arms. you held mari, shoving her behind you. you caught the snarl on the brunette’s face, holding up a hand, gesturing for her to calm down. “what the fuck, shipman?”
“your pet is being a bitch. maybe you should string that leash a little tighter.” she spat through a clenched jaw.
“did you just call me a pet--?”
“okay, enough!” you stepped to place yourself just in the centre, between the two of them. “you guys want me to play the warden? fine. starting tomorrow, both of you are on house arrest. i don’t want to see either of you out of your huts and anywhere near each other. did i make myself clear?”
shauna jerked out of her guards’ grasp, rolling her eyes.
you raised your eyebrows, hands on your hips. eyeing between them when you got no response. “am i clear?” you repeated.
mari nodded, exhaling shakily. god, was she relieved.
if it weren’t for you, she was sure she would’ve been in store as next winter’s rations by now.
as you watched mari stroll off, you drew shauna’s gaze.
the butcher stepped towards you, her rough hand latching unto your arm harshly. her lips brushing against the helix of your ear as she growled, “hut. now.”
you let her drag you off to her hut, indifferent to the looks of question a couple pair of eyes flashed your way.
“what?” you scoffed, hands on your hips. “what is it?”
“what’d you mean ‘what’? you totally steamrolled me out there.” she barked, “are you fucking serious?”
ah, it might be appropriate to mention; you and shauna had a rather… complicated relationship dynamic.
her and jackie used to be a package deal. you wanted jackie, shauna came with. one couldn’t, and wouldn’t, go without the other. but after the crash, the bond between the two grew estranged, and eventually, shauna sought solace in the one yellowjacket that had yet to turn their back upon her.
she was desperate. she was pregnant. you were there.
you were there to say the things jackie wouldn’t, the ones she hopelessly needed to hear.
“i can’t have you and mari stirring up a storm around here anymore,” you sighed, “tension’s high and morale’s low, the last thing we need is some petty playground beef.”
“you’re gonna walk out there and let us go, warden.”
her little acts of rebellion were what she needed, so you let the first couple slip. but you were deeply regretting letting her get away with them, because now she won’t stop.
your authority meant little to shauna, and you need an urgent revamp to remind her just who was put in charge.
“no.” you replied. you swore you saw steam from her ears.
“no?” she replied, her lips curling into a vindictive smirk, her eyebrows still deeply furrowed. “did you just say ‘no’ to me?”
you crossed your arms, swallowing your nerves.
“yes, shipman. i said no.”
“stop fucking calling me that.” you were quickly pinned to the wall, shauna’s hand around your neck. a stunned gasp escaped your lips, her fingers etching her mark into your skin. “here’s what’s gonna happen. i’m not gonna be on house arrest, no, but mari will be. you’ll make sure that little pest stays out of my lane, and you won’t shame me like that in front of everybody again. do you understand?”
you let out a small whimper, nodding frantically.
her grip on your throat tightened, your pulse racing against her fingertips. “use your words.” she ordered, her breath grazing the burning tip of your ears.
“yes.” you managed, squirming beneath her.
“yes, ‘what’?” she asked, you knew just how to appease her.
“yes, shauna.” you breathed, feeling her warm palm creep up your shirt and caress your waist. “i understand.”
“good.” she hummed, her hand on your neck gliding smoothly up the curve of your neck to grab your jaw. her dull, doe eyes peered down at your lips, her own parting as her chest heaved with each quickening breath.
“wait, is that shauna?” gen questioned, tilting her head and narrowing her eyes for a closer glimpse.
melissa’s head snapped towards the back of camp, where they watched the butcher sharpen her knife. her shaggy hair parted to the side, and her flannel sleeves rolled up to her elbows.
“isn’t she supposed to be on house arrest?”
“right, ‘cause shauna’s the most obedient person we know,” melissa scoffed, “she’s probably violating her probation just to piss y/n off for putting her in time out--here.”
the blonde led the other towards your hut, where you were in a meeting with nat and tai about the logistics of camp.
upon the two shielding any light pouring through the arched opening of your private hut, all three pairs of your eyes looked up at the two standing amidst your doorway.
“y/n, can we talk to you for a second?” melissa asked.
you raised an eyebrow, you lips parting in hesitance. you glanced back towards tai and nat sitting on the cushions before you. you scoffed softly, a polite smile across your lips. “i’m kinda in the middle of something, ladies.”
“it’s kinda urgent,” gen added, her grimace evident.
you sighed, but after a quick nod of approval from tai and an indifferent shrug from nat, you gestured for them to continue.
“we think… shauna’s plotting something.” melissa’s voice fell to a hushed whisper at the end, “she’s either planning on jumping you or mari, we don’t know which.”
the hut fell silent for a moment.
you paused, rescinding your though before speaking. “what?”
“uhm, shauna? the big raging monster who’s been biting people and shit?” gen cocked her head. “she’s dangerous.”
“what makes you say that--? the killing part, i mean.” your eyebrows furrowed, pinching the bridge of your nose.
on top of lottie’s supernatural bs, conspiracies were too much.
“she’s not in her hut, she’s strutting around camp like she didn’t fucking assault mari.” melissa’s thumb pointed outside.
“uh,” you stammered, “i, uh… lifted the punishment.”
“what?” tai hissed, “are you batshit? you can’t just let shauna get away with treating mari like a chew toy.” she shot forward. “this is exactly what we were just talking about, y/n, soon enough, she’ll actually believe she can get away with anything. you’ve gotta put that ban back right now.”
you groaned, “look, i talked to shauna after and she knows what she did was wrong! it wasn’t like mari didn’t light the fuse, it’s not fair i punish her.”
“isn’t that why you punished them both in the first place?”
you sighed, rolling your eyes before glaring at the italian. as if mentally telling her, ‘not helping, nat!’
“what you did was nice and just. now that you’ve got shauna running free and mari serving time, you’ve tipped the scale again.” tai crossed her arms, “you’ve gotta set your foot down with her before she actually does do some damage.”
you held your hands up. “okay, okay! i’ll talk to her.”
you shuffled up, scurrying between melissa and gen, who made way for you. the two disperse as well, eager to catch the drama of your confrontation. as you disappear from their view, tai and nat share a mutual look of skepticism.
“how much do you wanna bet they’re fucking?”
tai sneered at nat’s prompt. “oh, come on. like y/n would ever.”
the blonde chuckled, shaking her head. “dude, think about it for a second, it’s so fucking obvious.”
“see, i actually like y/n, so i wouldn’t wish this upon her.”
“really?” nat scoffed, “how does two weeks of chores sound?”
tai narrowed her eyes, pursing her lips. after a brief pause, she slapped nat’s hand harshly in a shake, sealing the reward.
when shauna saw you approaching her, the first thing she could see was the hickey peeking out of your shorts with every stride you took. her heart swelled with pride.
she smirked to herself, setting her knife down, bracing herself for whatever excuse of a scolding you were about to give.
“shipman, get back in your hut!” you yelled harshly.
taken aback by the alternative approach, she scoffed. “what?”
“you heard me.” you spat, grabbing her arm and yanking her up. your hands planted on her chest, nudging her backwards towards her hut. “i don’t want you out of here until the sun comes up tomorrow morning.”
“the fuck?” she grabbed your wrists, “hold on--!”
“no, you listen to me.” you hissed, “people are starting to notice me cutting you slack, i want you to take this punishment and think about how you can control your anger issues.”
“hey! have you forgotten who you’re talking to?”
you shoved her straight into her hut. she fell back into the cushions making a bed, watching as you stood over her with your arms crossed. you clenched your jaw, foot stepping straight between her legs and down against her chest when she tried to stand up. she snarled.
“stay down.” you ordered, “and stay here. i’m warning you.”
shauna didn’t flinch. she cocked her head aside slightly, one brow arching, that slow, maddening smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth. replacing what once was that menacing scowl, you were--as twisted as it sounded--beginning to miss it. “i was hungry,” she said with a newfound softness, tucking the knife in her hand back into her belt without breaking eye contact. “didn’t think the queen would mind her butcher feeding herself. thought you’d have better things to care for.”
you let your foot dig into her chest just more in warning, trying not to let your face betray how your skin lit up every time she challenged you like this. “i didn’t ban you from eating. i banned you from leaving this hut after you attacked mari.”
"banned?" shauna snorted, but not before dragging the tips of her fingers across your ankle, slow and deliberate. “i was exempted by your majesty, remember? besides, mari’s a mouthy little bitch. it was time she got dealt with.”
you watched her face contort from one of annoyance to one of calculated seduction. “that’s not your call.”
she stopped, turned to face you fully. you could see it then--how much she loved this, the push and pull, the crackle of tension between rule and rebellion. the knowing you could yell at her all you wanted, but still submit the moment she touched you. she chuckled, the sound made your stomach churn. she grabbed your leg gently. “and you think it’s yours?”
you gulped, but held your ground, heart pounding.
you could only stand and watch as she moved your leg effortlessly, propping herself up so she could be facing you just one breath away. she smirked, the lines under her eyes creasing as she nodded, urging you to answer her.
“I’m the one wearing the crown. not you.”
she laughed--quiet and mocking, eyes flicking to the stupid necklace akilah had made you with an antler pendent.
“you’re right. you wear it,” she murmured, chuckling lowly. “but you don’t know what to do with it.”
you rolled your eyes. “just stay in the hut, shipman.”
she crossed her arms. “yeah, right,” she whispered, stepping even closer, so she could grab your waist, pulling you into her. “are you done with your little act? got that out your system?”
wow, were you really that disrespected as a leader?
“watch it,” you hissed, “before you make me do something both of us don’t want.”
she stared at you for a long second, eyes dark and daring, and then, she smiled. “okay,” she said, grabbing the side of your hips. “you’re the queen. i’ll stay right here.”
a bad feeling riddled you as she stared back at you with a submissive edge, but it felt like the crown was starting to fit.
dinner was thin that night--rabbit, again, stewed with dried berries in a dented pot that hissed softly over the fire. you sat a little apart from the others, still-full cup of stew in your hands, watching the steam curl and vanish into the cool spring night. shauna was across from you, expression unreadable, chewing slow like nothing had happened. like she hadn’t spent the last hours testing your chair, leaving her mark in the crown.
tai dropped down beside you with a grunt and handed you a wooden bowl. “the queen gets extra treats. eat up.”
she said casually, elbows resting against her knees.
“says who?” you scoffed, staring down at the bowl of jerky.
“says me. you’ve barely touched that thing of stew, so you’re obviously not into it.” she nodded towards the dented cup you’ve been toying with for the entirety of dinner. “i got some leftover jerky from the shed. you need to eat something.”
“ah. thanks.” you didn’t answer, picking at the food, though you weren’t hungry. tai, of course, didn’t drop it as she should.
“y’know if you ever need someone to lay it on shauna, im happy to help,” tai muttered under her breath. “she’s been out of control lately, and you--” she paused, eyes narrowing as her gaze flicked to the collar of your shirt. “what the hell is that?”
you froze, jerking away as her fingers reach your neck.
tai reached out before you could pull away, brushing her fingers against the edge of the bruise that peeked out above your neckline--a deep purple mark blooming just below your collarbone. “that’s a hickey,” she announced, just a tad louder than you had hoped. you quickly shushed her.
“it’s not,” you lied, stiffly tugging your coat closed. “it’s probably just some tick bite i got from the lake.”
tai scoffed. “oh, come on, if anybody here knows what a hickey looks like, it’s me. lemme see that!”
you clenched your jaw, avoiding her eyes. “tai, it’s not--!”
“you liar!” she squealed, your collar tugged down to your collarbone with her fingers. “who in the hell is our lovely y/n l/n screwing around here?”
“shh!” you hissed, “can you keep it down! it’s not a hickey!”
“getting some isn’t a crime, y/n. just tell me who it is.”
“does it matter?” you scoffed, “it doesn’t change anything.”
“of course it matters,” tai replied, nudging you with her elbow. “you’re the antler queen, if there’s another potential antler queen or king around here, i need to know.”
“there isn’t,” you snapped, a little too fast. “let it go, turner.”
tai raised an eyebrow at the defensive edge to your tone, but didn’t press further. she held her hands up. “you’re the boss.”
when she stood to leave, most likely to share her findings with van, you pulled your coat tighter and adjusted your shirt, making sure the bruise was well-hidden now. from across the fire, shauna was watching again--eyes half-lidded, a smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth as she toyed with her knife. like she knew tai caught you, and she liked it.
you rolled your eyes, but still, your stomach fluttered. you hated her for that. almost as much as you hated yourself.
you don’t remember exactly when everything fell into a deep pit of insanity, but you caught yourself standing amidst wave after wave of chaos and hysteria.
the camp was loud; panicked voices overlapping, boots crunching as people circled and recircled the same patch of forest clearing like mari would suddenly reappear if they just looked hard enough. but she didn’t.
and god, did you wish she’d just pop up like her mari self and say, “sike! you guys should see your faces.”
her spot at dinner was still untouched, her blanket rumpled.
and everyone knew it wasn’t like her to wander off this long without making some drama about it first.
“she probably slipped and fell into a ravine,” van offered unhelpfully, arms crossed and voice too chipper. “or she’s hiding as some crazy trick to get us worried.”
“she was being a brat all day,” nat added, adjusting her hair-band. “but even mari wouldn’t play games like this.”
then misty’s voice cut through the murmur like a blade. “so we’re really not gonna talk about the fact that shauna was the last one to threaten her and then mari’s suddenly gone?”
all heads turned towards the butcher. she didn’t flinch.
Just be leaned against the post of the meat-drying rack, arms crossed, her expression calm but simmering.
“oh, please,” she scoffed, “if i wanted to get rid of her, you wouldn’t even realize she’s missing.”
“jesus,” misty gasped, clutching the coach’s jacket like pearls. “are we hearing this? she just basically confessed.”
“you better watch your mouth, quigley,” shauna snapped.
the shouting started to swell again--tai stepping forward to place herself between shauna and misty, nat’s hand twitching near the knife in her pocket, lottie getting involved with some wilderness preaching. you needed to tame the fire--and fast.
you let it go for a few seconds, long enough to watch how quick everyone was to turn on each other.
it uneased you, as it has unraveled under your rule.
“enough!” you yelled at the top of your lungs.
everybody froze, their voices ceasing. you looked around, your voice more steady than you felt. “we’re not turning on each other right now because mari can’t afford it. what happened to her isn’t important, finding her is our priority. so until we find mari fucking ibarra, i don’t want to hear another accusation.”
“but--!” misty chimed. tai eyed you skeptically.
“i said enough,” you repeated, your tone final. “no one’s guilty until we know. that’s how this works.”
silence stretched. the group shifted uncomfortably, glancing at each other, but no one challenged you.
shauna gave you a cool stare, cross-armed and watching.
“we need to split up,” you announced, “cover as much ground as we can before it gets dark. now, nat and i will lead two parties. i want travis and akilah to lead their own as well. find yourself a group, spread out into even numbers, and find her.”
you waved for nat’s gun, she reluctantly handed it over.
“now, who’s coming with me?” you slung it over your head.
sending people into the woods, half-fed and directionless, wasn’t a plan--it was a risk. realistically, mari had been gone for the better part of a day, and most of the team weren’t exactly well-fed. still, only few of you knew the woods. the others could barely tell north from their own footprints.
you weren’t sure who you were hoping would join you, exactly. but you were sure you needed more than the rifle for security.
especially cuz you were queen; antlers are prone to predators.
wordlessly, you felt a presence loom over your shoulder.
shauna had stepped across the quad to stand beside you.
her antic got a few side-eyes, but no one said anything. they knew shauna was one loyal son of a bitch, especially to her newYou could feel Tai’s stare burning into your side, but you kept your gaze on Shauna, steady and unreadable.
“good luck keeping an eye on that one,” gen scoffed.
“hey.” you called, glaring at the girl. “one more word, and you’re on bucket duty ‘til winter.”
behind you, shauna shot misty a smug smirk. taunting her.
how could you, of all people, their sacred leader who always put the team’s wellbeing first defend a sadist as cruel as shauna? it made no sense, how you were always flying to her rescue, even when she didn’t quite deserve it.
the woods were quiet in that eerie, smothering sense. branches creaked, the wind stirred dry needles along the ground, but there was no sign of mari.
just the trees, serene silence--and sexual tension.
“really? are you still stuck on that whole ‘i’m the queen, listen to me’ thing?” she scoffed, you could hear the smirk. “come on, i didn’t take you for such a boring old dictator.”
“drop it.” you ordered, hand tightening around the gun strap.
“why’re you so worried about her anyway?” shauna scoffed behind you, her tone dry, “maybe she finally realized no one liked her and ran off into the trees to make it dramatic.”
you stopped in your tracks, turned. “can you not be such a heartless asshole for five minutes?”
she blinked, taken aback. “wow. thought sex would fuck the annoying mom voice out of you.”
you exhaled sharply. “you’re literally the worst person ever.”
shauna followed, boots crunching loudly, deliberately. “you chose to be alone with me, l/n. why’re you whining now?”
“i wanted to make sure you wouldn’t come back alone and i’d end up finding misty dead in a ditch somewhere.”
“you sure that’s the only reason?” she teased, a flicker of heat in her voice. she leant in, kissing your jaw. “mari’s been out here this long already, what’s another hour or so?”
you shoved her. “god, do you ever take anything seriously? she could be dead, for fuck’s sake, and you’re horny?”
she furrowed her brows, her hand on your hip slipping down. “what do you want me to do? cry about it? hold your hand and whisper that everything’s gonna be okay?”
“can we just… not? please?” you snapped, louder than you meant to. “i’m already so tired from managing a dozen people’s every move seven days of the week, i don’t need you giving me more problems, okay?”
a beat of silence. the wind rustled above.
she stepped in close, too close, the sharp scent of smoke and pine clinging to her--well, your--clothes. “then let me help.”
you opened your mouth to mutter out some poor excuse, but she kissed you before you could answer. hard and fast. her hands gripping your hips like she could wring control out of your body if she just held tight enough.
you tried to pull back. “shauna--!”
she kissed you again, slower this time, and your resistance melted like snow against skin. her fingers slid beneath your shirt, palms hot even through your shirt, grounding you and overwhelming you all at once.
“you’re swamped, right?” she murmured against your neck. “i want you to relax… let me help you with your duties.”
perhaps you lacked respect for your own place, but god help you, when shauna touched you like that--like you were the only thing she could still claim as she rages at the world--you felt like something she needed, something that made her human again. and who was a queen who didn’t serve her people?
even if this version of shauna only lasted when she wanted.
so you let yourself melt into her arms, backing into the trunk of the nearest tree. her lips trace the dip of your neck, tongue wet and hot against your skin. her hands melded around your hips just right, before she met you for another quick and needy kiss.
the moment you stepped back into camp, the shift was obvious. it felt like they knew you wasted the better part of the day letting shauna devour you whole instead of searching for your missing teammate.
your hair mussed beneath your bandana, and your cheeks still hadn’t cooled from the sharp burn of shauna’s hands.
you didn’t meet anyone’s eyes as you set the rifle down by the fire. your lips were swollen, your jacket half-zipped, and every inch of you screamed touched.
you tried to act normal, clearing your throat.
“so… anything?” you glanced around the circle, and perhaps it was your brain overthinking, but you caught some suspicion.
shauna, unlike you, looked like she just went for a nature walk.
she strolled in behind you, chin high, the usual tension drained from her shoulders and replaced with something looser.
she stood behind you, sneer looming over your shoulder like she was your guard dog. nobody looked your way as she glared down every single person around that circle, her hand on the small of your waist. “are you guys fucking mute? answer her.”
“uh, no.” nat reported, gulping. “nothing south of camp.”
“no sign of her up north either.” travis added.
you glanced over at akilah, a hopeful glint in your eyes.
alas, she shook her head regretfully. you could only let your eyes flutter shut as your heart sunk to your stomach.
“okay, uh… good effort, everyone.” shauna slipped in as everybody waited in bated breath for your reply. you could only sigh softly, you hand flush against your forehead. “we try again at the crack of dawn. the moment the sun rises, we’re setting out. just get some sleep and save your energy for tomorrow.”
everybody gradually disperses from that dismissal.
you caught the “since when was she in charge?” from gen.
hands on your hips, you remained standing in the middle of camp as everybody retired to their huts. loitering behind you stood shauna, who had her arms crossed.
“you need sleep, l/n. no use worrying, it won’t help mari.”
“i can’t believe this happened because i was too distracted. i should’ve kept an eye on everybody.”
“oh come on, people should be able to look after themselves.”
“y’know, if you had just listened to me and stayed in your goddamn hut, none of this would be happening.”
shauna knocked her head back. “really? this again? will you give it a fucking rest already?” she began sauntering towards her own hut, before you grabbed her hand.
“shauna, stop walking away from me when we’re talking.”
“you listen to me, y/n. when i tell you to drop it, you drop it.”
taken aback by her assertive tone, you felt your hand slip from hers. you glanced around to see if anybody had heard, and you were glad to see nobody had a head out from their huts.
“i know you’re stressed about this mari situation,” lulled into a gentler tone, she continued, “and when i find that little bitch, i’ll beat her sorry ass to a pulp. but right now, you’ve gotta stop wasting energy yelling at me and relax.” she squeezed your shoulder. “the girls need you at your best, so why don’t you go get some shut eye. i’ll handle everything for tomorrow.”
maybe you have been preoccupied with the wrong things.
“okay.” you sighed, “you’re right. i need to just relax.”
by the time you had undone your hair and changed into a more comfortable set of clothes, it was well into the night. the wind had calmed, but the cold still crept through the gaps in your walls like it owned the place.
you were curled up on the narrow cot in the antler queen hut, shamelessly more spacious than the ones surrounding it.
you stared at the warped ceiling straws, trying to will your body to forget shauna’s mouth, her voice, her weight pressing into you like a promise. you should be thinking of a game plan to find mari, to worry about your friend, but all you could think about was a certain butcher with a nasty attitude.
then a gust circled your hut, and you turned to see the curtain pushed aside before a figure stepped through the arch.
you didn’t have to see her face to know it was her. no one else would dare sneak into the queen’s hut after dark--not unless they wanted to be exiled by lottie, or worse. shauna didn’t say a word as she slipped inside and draped the blind shut behind her. her boots barely made a sound as she crossed the floor.
she didn’t ask. just slid beneath the furs beside you, cool fingers brushing your arm before she settled in close.
her hand found your waist. her nose nudged the back of your neck. she sighed--like she had finally come home.
“…shauna?” you whispered, not moving, not even turning to face her. “i thought you were making plans for tomorrow.”
“shh,” she muttered quickly. “just go back to sleep.”
but you felt your heart race at her body heat mingling with yours. the way she was clinging onto you right then, thigh flush against yours, her breath soft and steady in your hair. shauna--the girl who’d rather gut a bitch before admitting she needed help--wasn’t here to start something rough or fast?
it was so odd to feel it; her need to lay beside you to sleep.
you didn’t say anything. you reached back and linked your fingers with hers, dragging it to hold in front of your chest.
outside, by the dead firepit, nat leaned against a splintered beam, her arms crossed. tai stood beside her, eyes narrowing at the faint light glowing through the cracks of your hut. the two had gathered to talk about ben’s situation, but watching shauna sneak across camp to the queen’s hut was something neither of them could ignore.
“oh my god,” tai muttered, “first the hickey, now this?”
“told you,” nat said, grinning like the smug bastard she was.
“no. no way. y/n is so--” tai scoffed, her arms crossed. “that’s why the bitch never gets punished. fuck, now i gotta do your chores for a month?”
nat shrugged, smug. “hey, if anything, i should’ve bet higher. you were never gonna win that one.”
tai cursed under her breath while nat laughed.
tai could not believe her eyes. for a moment, she was certain she was still asleep and this was some fucked up nightmare. but van’s sarcastic comment proved otherwise.
“someone got her vibrator working again.” van scoffed.
shauna, stirring what smelled like a hefty feast for breakfast. she pointed at the stack of rusty and misshaped plates. “help yourselves, it’s berry sauce with deer bacon.”
from your hut, you awoke to the commotion from outside. getting up sluggishly from your bed, you moved the bedsheet curtain out of the way, to be met with everybody emerging from their huts, and shauna… smiling?
“are you assholes just gonna stand there? mari’s waiting.”
van and tai shared a look of skepticism. the redhead, proving herself to be most daring of the bunch, risked losing a finger to poke the bear. “shauna, are you… well?”
and then, as if to conceal it, the butcher cracked a smirk.
“careful. your voice is so grating it’ll scare mari out of hiding.”
it silenced. van scoffed. “was that a joke? from shauna? oh my god, we’ve all been drugged in our sleep.”
you could hear misty let out a confused little laugh, like she didn’t know whether to be scared or amused. to be fair, the brunette was threatening to kill her just yesterday. tai stared openly, mouthing what the fuck at nat, who squinted at you, then back at the girl. like she was saying, i told you so.
“well,” you cleared your throat, stepping to stand in the light. “thanks for making breakfast, shauna. everybody should eat up. we’ll get more time to search for mari today.”
shauna filled a singular plate, strolling over to hand it to you personally. “enjoy, my queen.” she purred, smirking.
as everybody settled, you sat across camp with her.
watching your every move closely,
“she’s smiling?” melissa whispered, her arms crossed as she leant against the table. “i can’t remember the last time shauna wasn’t trying to kill someone with that permanent scowl.”
“no, no--joking,” van murmured, sounding halfway between impressed and alarmed. “shauna made a joke. did she put shrooms in the stew last night, or is this actually real?”
“yeah,” travis added under his breath, joining them. “since when does she talk to anyone unless she’s pissed?”
as they broke down the girl’s odd behaviour, the two of you sat isolated away from the team.
“i have an idea on how to punish mari when we find her.”
when. that’s ironically, rather optimistic for her.
“punish--? shauna, she could be half-dead and bleeding right now for all we know.” you scolded, picking at your berry sauce.
“it’s mari. she probably just ran off for attention.”
you were about to make some argument in protest, but you knew better than to bicker about something so trivial with shauna of all people. you just nodded, urging her to elaborate.
“since she loves running so much, let’s give her a reason to run.” her smile was… sinister, almost. sinister, but genuine, and that was probably what scared you most.
it was the way she sounded so excited talking about it.
“what’re you saying?” your tone came out fearful, hesitant.
“don’t you hear it?” she grinned, “the cards are calling.”
an; omg this took so long cuz my fuck ass school is throwing a million things at me at once… i want to update more and i promise yall there’s a lot of drafts waiting to be posted! ily :)