“You have to find the right therapist who works for you” is part of the reason therapy has a bad reputation.
If my knee is broken, I don’t have to find the right radiologist to x-ray it or the right doctor to put a cast on it. There are doctors who aren’t really qualified for that - they won’t be offering to do the job. I don’t have to review their past histories and build a specific type of rapport with them before I can expect work that gets verifiable results.
If I want a tasty dinner, I don’t have to interview a bunch of chefs. I can say, “I like these flavors; I don’t like those flavors; I’m in the mood for [sweet/ hearty/ tangy/ etc.] food” - and can go to a place that specializes in that kind of food, and I can trust I’ll get something I’ll enjoy. Maybe it doesn’t work every time, but it’s sure as hell not, “You may need to try three or five or twelve restaurants to find an ice cream sundae you really like.”
If I’m looking for a therapist to treat depression, it is NOT UNREASONABLE for me to say, “I’ve had depression for X years.Here’s a list of other symptoms. I’m willing to fill out questionnaires or do an interview to go over other details” - at the end of that, I should be faced with a trained person who can help me.
Not, “a trained person who is qualified to treat depression.” I don’t care if they’re qualified to treat depression. I care if they’re going to help me. If they don’t have the kind of training or personality resonance needed to treat my problems, they are supposed to know that. I am not a medical expert; I am not a psychologist. Pushing the responsibility of finding a good therapist on me is an abdication of their health care responsibilities. When they say, “I accept you as a patient,” that needs to include, “I am fairly certain you will improve under my care.”
And I expect to start noticing those results - not “fix everything,” but noticeable changes - fairly quickly.
If I take a dance class, in three weeks, I can tell I’m learning new ways to move. If I take a coding class, after a few hours of work, I can spot some of my weak points and have some idea what I’ll need to do to improve them. If I take a cooking class, after a few sessions, I’ll have new vocabulary and a different understanding of safety procedures in the kitchen. I won’t know what to do with all that new knowledge yet, but I’ll be certain that I’m learning and growing.
It took me 8 months to tell my therapist anything personal
Name the other medical treatments you’re expected to pay for FOR 8 MONTHS before getting noticeable results.
I know a lot of people have been greatly helped by psychological therapy. I know a lot of therapists who actively help people, who are ethical, supportive people who wade through the sludge that is our medical payment system in order to provide that help.
But the profession as a whole is more art than science. There is no test for “Can Therapist X help Patient Y” the way there is for surgery, for internal medicine, for physical therapy.
I understand why. Letting someone change how you think and feel and relate to the world, is intimate. Allowing that intimacy with a stranger is difficult and dangerous. Some people can’t; some people do so too easily and get hurt. Therapy, more than most treatments, requires personal trust, and that’s hard.
Some therapists, like some members of any profession, are careless or ignorant of the side effects of their treatments. Many are honest but hampered by logistics - there is only so much you can do in a couple of hours a week, and adding to a person’s money worries may cancel out any benefit they get in other areas.
But understanding why therapy is often difficult doesn’t excuse the many therapists and other professionals who insist it’s the patient’s job to keep looking for someone who can help them.
If I need heart surgery instead of a cast on my leg, I don’t have to interview all the heart surgeons in my medical insurance plan to find the ones whose specialty includes my specific problem.
Therapy is often suggested as a treatment for considered or attempted suicide. A treatment designed to prevent death should have better standards than “maybe you will get along with one of the people on this list - how about you call each of them and have a 10-minute intro interview?”
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