hazy shade of winter [WIP]
[So…I wrote this all in one sitting. There’s more to come - Cloud’s POV follows this passage - but the beginning part is all Tifa. Kind of a follow up to my one-shot piece, Outside - follows Cloud at the very beginning of the OG]
Tifa smiled to herself as she finished drying off the last pint glass, placing it back in the rack. She very judiciously tried to ignore Barret’s probing stare as he came back upstairs from Seventh Heaven’s basement hideout; she could tell there was a question behind Barret’s frown, before he even opened his mouth.
She had a feeling she knew what the question was going to be, too; but one thing Tifa was not sure of, was how she would answer. Or if she even could.
“Where’d he go?” Barret asked her gruffly, his frown deepening as he took a seat at the bar. “The hell’s wrong with him, anyway?”
Tifa pursed her lips, cheeks flaming slightly, ready to spring to Cloud’s defense. “He just stepped outside to get some air, Barret…don’t worry about it. What do you mean, what’s wrong with him?” She wanted to get Barret’s take on Cloud, even though he’d only just met him; Tifa had been wondering the same thing herself. It was Cloud, just like she remembered him….but also not at all like she’d remembered him. He was acting…not like himself. Cockier than Tifa had remembered him being, but maybe that came of being in SOLDIER. And then he’d talked about that day as though he’d been there.
But he wasn’t there…I don’t remember him being there…I don’t think? Tifa shook her head, trying to gather her thoughts, to make sense of the puzzle pieces of her past that didn’t quite seem to fit together neatly. I lost a lot of blood that day…maybe I’m the one with a bad memory?
“I mean,” Barret continued, downing half a bottle of soda pop in one go, “somethin’ wrong with him. I know you say he’s your friend from back home, but how well do you really know ‘im, Tifa?” Barret finished the rest of his soda, exhaled a satisfied sounding sigh, and set the bottle back on the bar. They had a mission the next day, Reactor No. 5, and Barret never drank the night before a job. Tempting though it was, living beneath a bar, Barret wanted to keep a clear head when it came to business.
“We grew up together,” Tifa replied, shrugging her shoulders. “Cloud lived next door to me for….well, ever since I could remember. He was…kind of sweet on me, back then.” She smiled a bit at that, remembering.
Barret chuckled, then leaned his arms on the bar, shaking his head. “Childhood sweethearts, huh? He sure seems like he’s still tryin’ ta impress ya – “
“No – well – it wasn’t like that,” Tifa explained quickly. “We – we never dated or anything like that. Cloud….he had a huge crush on me, I knew that much. Everyone knew it, really.”
“So you didn’t like him back? Man…that’s cold, Tifa,” Barret commented, laughing and teasing. Tifa’s face reddened again.
“Barret! Just stop. It wasn’t like that. He – I thought Cloud was cute, okay? But – he was always getting into fights back then. He was picked on a lot by the other kids. Sometimes….sometimes I wish I’d said something to them, to get them to stop. I could have stuck up for him more than I did. But I didn’t want to embarrass Cloud, either.” She sighed. “Maybe I should’ve said something – “
“Nah, you did what you thought was right at the time, yeah?” Barret shrugged, feeling a small pang of sympathy, but mostly he was indifferent. After all, why should Tifa blame herself for something that had happened so many years ago? “Wasn’t your fault, right? Can’t be fightin’ the dude’s battles for him – “
“Well…” Tifa continued slowly. “It wasn’t only that. Something happened. I got hurt – and Papa – “ her voice caught on the word, only for a second – “He blamed Cloud. I think that was the last straw for him, really. Cloud left Nibelheim not long after that. Said he’d prove everyone wrong.” She remembered that last night, the last time she’d even seen Cloud until he resurfaced in Midgar years later.
But she didn’t share that memory with Barret, for some reason it felt like one she wanted to keep to herself; it was too private. Just between the two of them and nobody else.
“Huh. Well…I guess he showed ‘em, joinin’ SOLDIER an’ all, yeah?” Barret raised a bushy eyebrow quizzically. “Too bad he hooked up with the damn Shinra – “
“But he’s not with them anymore, Barret,” Tifa clarified. “You have to remember that.”
Barret snorted, and got up from his seat at the bar. “I don’t know nothin’ about the guy, Tifa. You’re vouching for him, so I’m hopin’ you’re right about this dude. He don’t seem right to me. Looks all skinny, and his eyes - “
“That’s from the mako, Barret. Remember? The mako treatments for SOLDIER – “
“That’s not what I mean, Tifa. His eyes – looks like he seen a ghost or something. They look – haunted. Like he ain’t all there.”
“Well, he was in SOLDIER, right? He’s probably seen some horrible things.” Tifa was grasping for what felt like a reasonable explanation, but she didn’t believe it herself. Not entirely. Barret was right, and he didn’t even know Cloud, not the way Tifa did. Cloud wasn’t all there. What had those eyes seen? What had Cloud been through, and what made him defect from Shinra?
All he ever talked about was becoming good enough for SOLDIER…it was his dream. And he walked away from that dream. Something really, really bad must have happened to him, Tifa mused.
“He just went out to get some supplies,” Tifa pretended to sound as though she wasn’t worried. “I’ll just talk to him later.”
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