We drink to die, we drink tonight

Your name is PICKLE INSPECTOR, but most everybody calls you PI. As your name might imply, you inspect various crimes. Your interests include whiskey, tea, solving cases, sweets and various other things. You spend a lot of time in your office and do your...

[rosallorart]

G-good evening.

By all means it is not a good evening but all the same, yes, hello inspector. I should’ve known I’d be hearing from your stuttering maw sometime soon.

…My apologies. 

Please excuse my outburst. I’ve been put on edge by a rather unpleasant visitor and I don’t care to think about them any longer. I don’t know why an inspector has found their way into my own conversation space? As far as I knew your type attempted to stay away from the shadowy side of the law. Or perhaps, are you here to make a request of me?

[disconcertinginspector]

...I-I apologize. If you’d like, I could leave you alone. B-but, no need to apologize, heh. I understand th-that you’re having a bad day. I’d rather not make it worse.

Um. N-no, I just. I don’t know. I f-f-figured... I figured it’d be best to just... ...I have no excuse. I’m very sorry if I’m c-consuming your time.

[disconcertinginspector]

Psst. Hey. Hi. You're the pickle guy, right?

Oh. Um, yes. Pickle Inspector. Th-that’s me.

[disconcertinginspector]

Not your fault, Fin. ….I don’t b-believe I’d heard about that. Goodness. It’s t-terrible when you get like that, isn’t it? Um. Should I tell another one, or-?

[thefintasticfive-blog]

Yeah it was not good. But sure, if you want to!

[disconcertinginspector]

Well. Th-there’s no harm in not telling another, I suppose. Um... hm. There are plenty I have. I know one time I made the mistake of going to a party sober. Or g-going to a party, you know, in general. That was a time I’d r-rather not think about.

[disconcertinginspector]

DONT OPEN THAT PACKAGE

Wh-what? You mean the evidence package?

[disconcertinginspector]

A small square package, neatly wrapped in brown paper, is left sitting outside your door. A note attached reads simply: "Evidence." There is no way for you to know this, but underneath that paper is a box with a hinged lid, and underneath that lid is about a pound of rainbow glitter and a spring-loaded mechanism ready to launch this colorful barrage in the face of whoever opens the box. What will you do with this package?

He picks it up, staring at it for a few moments. There’s a certain curiosity, but also he can’t help but feel a little apprehensive. He carries it inside, shaking it a little and finding that it’s rather light. It’s set on his desk before he gets a message from someone.

[disconcertinginspector]

uh, picks, hey, yo. caaan. uh. i ask you something.

Oh, s-sure.

[disconcertinginspector]

Hah, wonderin' when you'd come back. How ya' doin', stretch?

A-ah, hey, Dick. I’ve been alright, heh... and you?

[disconcertinginspector]

(( omg sorry to those who sent me asks tumblr didn’t tell me i had any ))

[disconcertinginspector]

Psst. Hey. Hi. You're the pickle guy, right?

Oh. Um, yes. Pickle Inspector. Th-that’s me.

[thefintasticfive-blog]

Oh man, that sucks man I’m sorry.

My turn… Okay well you might’ve already heard about this but once me and Trace decided to lock ourselves in a liquor store and we got so drunk that we passed out. And then we woke up naked and cuddling and neither of us could remember what we actually did that night, and our hangovers were so bad that Crowbar had to come pick us up. And when we got back home everyone had made a “congrats on the sex” cake for us. Even though we don’t know for sure if we did or not. And apparently the workers we had tied up in the back room got free and told everyone about what happened. Including dumb shit we said while drunk.

[disconcertinginspector]

Not your fault, Fin. ....I don’t b-believe I’d heard about that. Goodness. It’s t-terrible when you get like that, isn’t it? Um. Should I tell another one, or-?

[disconcertinginspector]

Psst. Hey. Hi. You're the pickle guy, right?

Oh. Um, yes. Pickle Inspector. Th-that’s me.

[disconcertinginspector]

…okay. I-I can do that, sure. I hope I can trust you.

[thefintasticfive-blog]

Yeeeeeah, you totally can! You get to go first.

[disconcertinginspector]

U-um. Well. I... I know a long time ago. Back on Prospit, I mean, I. Heh. I h-had a  crush on someone. And. I don’t know. Th-they tried to talk to me one day b-because. I kept glancing at them and I just. I got nervous a-and threw up and ran away. Heh. I never saw them again... b-but. Your turn.

[loudwhispersandquietlions-blog]

Send me “Hoe Don’t Do It” and I’ll generate a number

[corinctus-archive-blog]

loudwhispersandquietlions:

Chugging an entire bottle of hot sauce

Admitting a crush

Running a red light

Kissing your muse

Flipping off a police officer

Setting a chip on fire and eating it

Telling a bad pun

Proposing to your muse (real or fake, you decide)

Starting a flash mob

Commencing an impromptu rap battle

Killing a man

Robbing a gas station

Stealing a car

Carrying your muse someplace

Pushing your muse out of a helicopter, with or without a parachute

Playing a game of chicken with cars

[diplomxcy]

(( for the one art thing- art palette 5, 4B, sleuth? ))

((proof idk what im doing 70% of the time

[contaminatedsuitandtie]

disconcertinginspector started following you

[contaminatedsuitandtie]

  I have indeed, thank you. I was thinking if we’ve ever seen each other lately?

[disconcertinginspector]

No, not really. Not as far as I know, at least.

[disconcertinginspector]

Psst. Hey. Hi. You're the pickle guy, right?

Oh. Um, yes. Pickle Inspector. Th-that’s me.

[disconcertinginspector]

But I don’t know how you’d react to mine.

[thefintasticfive-blog]

How about if you tell me one of your embarrassing stories, I’ll tell you one of mine?

[disconcertinginspector]

...okay. I-I can do that, sure. I hope I can trust you.

[roseandborn]

Going formal #roseandborn (på/i Rose & Born)

[amongie]

i tried making a color palette challenge thing so ye!

[disconcertinginspector]

Psst. Hey. Hi. You're the pickle guy, right?

Oh. Um, yes. Pickle Inspector. Th-that’s me.

[disconcertinginspector]

…I can try. I’d have to think of one th-that’s not embarrassing, though. Um, let’s see…

[thefintasticfive-blog]

Oh man, I have an endless lineup of embarrassing stories, don’t even worry about it.

[disconcertinginspector]

But I don’t know how you’d react to mine.

[disconcertinginspector]

sleuthin replied to your post: okay but what kind of pickles do you inspect…

its almost like ppl dont understand slang

I know..

[diplomxcy]

its sorta ridiculous

[disconcertinginspector]

‘Sorta’ feels like an understatement.