"We all have our erotic likes and dislikes, and none of us should have any kind of sex, inter or outer, that we really don't want. No means no, and the ability to say no to something we don't want is as vital to sexual intelligence and practicing the Bonobo Way as the courage to say yes to the things we actually (often secretly) desire. Interestingly, studies from the Max Planck Institute show that bonobos shake their heads, in the exact same manner as most people do, to say "no." But if you say "no" a lot, especially to the one(s) you love, whether human or bonobo, rejection becomes cumulative and backlash is inevitable. When you constantly reject, belittle or ignore your lover's desire for a particular kind of outercourse, foreplay, fetish or fantasy, it doesn't just go away. Sometimes it gets even stronger and more urgent, transgressively rattling its cage inside your partner's head, pushing for release, possibility through infidelity, alienation or both.
Your disgruntled partner, trying to respect you and sidestep your negativity, will simply seek outlets outside of you, such as secret love affairs, clandestine phone sex, discreet porn viewing, obsessive social media networking, hiring an escort, serving a dominatrix, or engaging in an embarrassing affair with your hot and unhappily married sibling, to name just a few common possibilities. Or perhaps he or she won't be so sexually adventurous and will simply curl up into a big, seething ball of erotophobic resentment and bitterness toward you, without ever mentioning the ... problem. And both of you will be left wondering how "that lovin' feelin" (apologies to the Righteous Brothers) got flushed down the sinkhole-loo."