VK

[dispatchdiary]

ADULT | HE/HIM | 🇦🇺

In Australia, all radio callsigns start with VK. For security reasons (and familiarity reasons) I'm just going to say my callsign is VK. Phonetic alphabet has that as Victor Kilo, so you can call me Victor.

I am a queer man and neurodivergent. I work as a Police dispatcher. I made this blog to have a space to put my thoughts because they are growing too much for my head. Some things are funny, some aren't so much.

You can use my inbox for anything. It doesn't have to be about my work. Anons are welcome.

There is obviously going to be a lot of context required for certain things I post. I am happy to try and explain if anyone asks but I won't by default.

Take care of yourself and hold onto your empathy.

#soapbox — Talking generally. Not particularly about work and not a recount.

#log — Transcript of an interaction.

#radio — Something to do with radio transmissions.

#team freak — Talking specifically about my team.

#vent, #humor, #memorable — Self explanatory.

[dispatchdiary]

Jen, kicking me before running off:

Me, knowing it was Jen, but seeing Driver not too far away: ...Wow. Can't believe Driver would do that.

Driver, tuning in: ?

Me, shaking my head while holding back laughter:

Driver: What?

Jen, laughing:

Me: Can't believe you'd kick me like that.

Driver: Huh?

Me: Huh?

Driver: Eh?

Me: Ah?

Driver: You're stitching me up.

Jen, bursting out into laughter again:

Me: What are you talking about?

Driver: I'll double bank you.

Me: You started it!

Driver: I'll get you. Don't even bother calling it in.

Me: You'll see it and just go, "Hm, downgrade."

Driver: Huehuehue, exactly.

Me: Job can be canned.

[dispatchdiary]

The reason I made the tag for my team '#team freak' was because we (particularly the dispatchers) are seen as a bit of an odd bunch compared to the rest. I started out on a different team— let's say they're team Free— and I thought they were quite the set of characters. I really loved team Free. I admittedly felt terrible when I found out I had to move to team Freak, and everyone else on team Free was jokingly saying good luck, telling me to let them know how it goes, etc.. I knew way less about the team's reputation then. I've learned more now that I'm actually in the team, and I see why people were making such jokes.

Now I'm really glad I was moved. I fucking love this team. We have so many inside jokes, we're all strange (neurodivergent) in the same way, and I loathe the term 'family' being used in association with work so I'll just say it feels like a genuine group of friends. I look forward to work because of the people there. Sure, another lens could be that I have been irreversibly altered by my time here and just can't help connecting easier with members rather than otherwise, but regardless.

Particularly Driver and Rain. And Sailor. And Lane! And everyone. Sailor is one I think about often, since he plans to retire soon. He's worked here for nearly my entire lifetime and I feel grateful for having the chance to work alongside someone like him. I hold a lot of admiration for him. He's an old fart but he's a real fun guy. Always playfighting with me and he likes that I'm not scared of him. I'm going to be sad when he goes. Even Penny. She is incredibly irritating at times but I don't mind her and I know she has my back.

Someone from team Free recently said he likes working overtime with us because we have such a good vibe. We don't just feel like basic co-workers— we have so many inside jokes, we're always laughing, and it's obvious that we all genuinely like each other. And we work hard.

I don't know. I just like to think about that sometimes. I get spoiled with good memories and a boosted mood every time I go to work, despite what we deal with.

[dispatchdiary]

It's funny— maybe it's just because of the region I work in but our CAD and our system is so terrible it actually makes me laugh sometimes. The way gate codes and other location data is stored is so stupid. Why is the most recent listed keyholder from 2012? Even those people laugh when I call them sometimes. "Oh wow, I haven't worked there in over a decade. What a throwback. Sorry I won't be any help. I have no idea who works there now."

We also recently got the system updated but I can't find a single positive outcome of this. It has introduced an incredible level of lag. Every time, there's a small chorus of, "Lag... Lagging... Ooh, big lag..." as Driver notes down the time of lag for a report he's building to throw at admin. (He really wants them to reverse the update.)

You'd think the Police dispatch system would work well but it's truly laughable. Web Discord works better than this. Even Tumblr!

[dispatchdiary]

[EMD breach job comes onto the screen]

ME, ringing BOLOF bells: VK to all SECTOR units, standby for the following Be On the Look Out For, EMD breach.

Driver, closing the job to merge it into a pre-existing job:

ME, realising the broadcast is now entirely unnecessary: ...VK going ahead... Disregard. Uh. VK out.

SV, after a moment: VK, was that for LAST NAME?

ME: Affirm, FIRST NAME LAST NAME.

SV: No worries, thanks. /lh

[dispatchdiary]

Unfortunately there is very little I love more than annoying a unit that annoys me. You want to try and push back? Okay, let's go. I can do this all day. Fuck around and find out what happens when you irritate comms. If you were funny or cooperative, I might even offer you a meal break, but here we are, and you still have to attend. Get fucked. Lol.

[dispatchdiary]

[Desperately] Anyone considering being a traffic officer should give up immediately. Any current traffic officers considering pulling a TRAP should also cease immediately. Thank you.

[dispatchdiary]

One thing I despise is when channels couldn't care less about the role of dispatch. Zero awareness of what our job even entails. Do this, do that. Hello. Hello. VK did you get CCTV to review? Can you call for traffic control? Advise the DVSS? Put this back to pending? TRAP when you're ready? Clear and mobile, ready for next.

I like when it's fast, sure. It feels like driving a fast car. I feel good. But when it doesn't feel like the units are working with me and are rather just talking at me, I start finding the rhythm hard to grasp and it feels like a theme park ride going way too fast for my liking. It becomes physically impossible to keep up and it makes me feel like shit. You cannot ask me to do something if a unit has just asked me to do something. Do not make me create a TRAP or 730 just for you to immediately clear or give results. I will fucking lose my mind.

[dispatchdiary]

I feel bad about the way Penny is always pressured into buying takeout for the group. She clearly feels a little ostracized and I think she does it to try fitting in. I also think Rain knows this which is why she pressures Penny a little to buy food, because it's 'easy'. I don't know if anyone else pays her back. I do because this happens far too frequently not to.

[dispatchdiary]

Driver: Oh, that UNIT BLOCK job isn't looking very good.

Me, scanning through it: Oof, true. Want me to do checks?

Driver:

Me:

Driver: Ah... if you can beat me to it.

Me, trying to speedrun checks: Oh fuck you, you got a headstart.

Driver, smug: Aaaand done.

Me, looking at the job: No that doesn't count, your checks are lazy checks.

Driver: No I hate the way you all do checks.

Me and Rain: What?!

Rain: The way you supervisors do checks doesn't make any sense.

Me: Ours make way more sense for dispatching!

Driver: Nah yours are shit.

Rain, bursting out laughing:

Me: No way! Fuck you.

Me and Rain: I'm hanging myself right now. /ref

All of us, nearly in tears laughing:

[dispatchdiary]

537: VK this is 537, log on when you're ready.

Me, after a bit: VK to 537, good morning! Go ahead with details when you're ready.

537: Good morning, we're strike force OP until 1400... uh... if you can log me on... Sorry— yeah— logon details when ready!

Me: You're alright, go ahead when you're ready.

537: Yeah sorry, need a coffee. Case officer NUMBER, second member PORTABLE— ...Case officer NUMBER with portable PORTABLE-08, [...]

Me: Copied all 537, have a good shift and a good coffee. :)

537, with the other members dying in the background: Hah, cheers mate, we'll see how it goes!

[dispatchdiary]

Driver, reading a job: "Wants Police to lock him up because he hurt the complainant's feelings"...

Ark: That's an offence!

Driver: You better be careful. If you hurt my feelings I'll lock you up.

Ark and I, laughing:

Driver: Goes both ways though. You could lock me up if I hurt your feelings.

Ark: Hahaha, I'll do a citizen's arrest.

Driver: No, no, you have power to arrest. In the eyes of the law you are a full Police officer.

Ark: Really?

Me: Ark, that's why we had to learn about Police powers and obligations in college.

Driver: You could put me in handcuffs.

Me: For arrest, or..?

Driver: No, for other things. I've got some pink fluffy ones.

Me, laughing:

Driver: You started it. Always in the gutter.

Me: I don't have Rain here to back me up!

[dispatchdiary]

UNIT: Sorry, I'm not trynna, obviously, piss people off, but it's... just... yeah. Of an urgent nature.

ME: All is good, I've written it down.

I just always found it funny that the unit was so hesitant to ask for the ambulance to hurry up. I remember thinking, mate, of all people, I think you are one of the few allowed to ask the ambulance to speed it up a little.

[dispatchdiary]

Lime: Am I good to log out?

Jen: Yup! Log off and nick off.

Lime: Log off, nick off. 🫡

Me: Logoffnickoff... Sounds like a Russian last name...

Lime: Logoff Nickoff.

Me: Logov Nikov!

Lime: Logoff Nickoffyabitch.

Me: Logov Nikovyavitch...

[dispatchdiary]

Lime, to a unit over the radio: Your job P number is, P for Potoroo, [...]

Driver, once Lime finished: What P word was that?

Lime: Potoroo. It's a small kangaroo.

Driver: What? You're making that up.

Lime: No, it's real.

Driver: You're spouting bullshit! That's not real. I'm looking this up.

Lime: Go ahead. It is most certainly not bullshit.

Driver: Sounds like bullshitting. If you're lying to me, you're going in the shift report.

Everyone, laughing:

Driver: And if I'm wrong, I'll put myself in the shift report. [...] "A small marsupial related to the kangaroo." Fucking hell, sounds made up.

Sailor: What word'll you use next week?

Rain: He was using 'pheromone' last week!

Driver: P for pedophile next week.

[dispatchdiary]

I still remember this well. It was my first pursuit, a little less than a year ago. It was so minor and only lasted a couple of minutes but it was my first one so I was very anxious about it.

———

206: VK this is 206, urgent urgent, pursuit pursuit—

ME: Shit, pursuit, pursuit!

206: —following vehicle with STATE rego of REGO for dangerous driving, currently on ROAD at 50kmph, right hand side of the road,—

SV: Which unit is doing the pursuit?

206: —vehicle is aware of police pursuit with lights and sirens going and refused to stand down. Appears to be 2 heads onboard,—

ME: Uh, I think it's 214?!

206: —continuing at 60kmph in 50km zone, heading towards STREET.

ME: Roger.

SV: Victor, you need to play the pursuit warning.

204: 204 to unit in pursuit, do you require backup?

ME: Y-Yeah, hang on—

206: Negative.

211: This is 211, we're at STREET ahead of the vehicle.

SV: You really need to get that warning going ASAP.

206: Roger. Continuing to pursue at 50kmph.

ME: Roger.

ME: Wait but, does it cut people off while they're talking?

206: 206 turning onto STREET, traffic conditions continue to be good.

ME: Roger.

ME: Ok, whatever, I'll just—.

211: 211, VOI in sight. Following behind.

206: Roger.

ME: All units standby for pursuit warning.

SYSTEM: [Pre recorded pursuit warning]

ME: Oh God, okay, finally that's going.

WC: Who is the primary unit for the pursuit?

ME: Well, I thought it was 214, but they keep coming up as 206 on comms. I don't really know for sure...

206: 206, continuing pursuit at 60kmph.

ME: Roger.

ME: I didn't even get the reason for pursuit.

WC: It was for dangerous driving. They mentioned it right at the beginning.

ME: Ah. Sorry, as soon as I heard 'urgent, urgent,' I was gone.

206: 206 pulling into the servo on STREET beside CAFE with vehicle.

ME: Roger.

SV: Have we confirmed the primary unit?

211: 211 off with 206.

ME: Roger 211.

ME: Sorry, no, not yet.

ME: VK to units involved in pursuit, could you please confirm the callsign of the primary unit?

206: Callsign is 206.

ME: Roger 206.

ME: Ok, it's 206, not 214. Sorry about that.

206: 206 with POIs now— standby.

ME: Roger.

WC: It's alright.

ME: Jesus...

WC: Can we get a sitrep?

ME: Oh, uh, sure.

ME: 206 this is VK, requesting sitrep when available.

206: Roger, we have the vehicle occupants 1 male and 1 female in police custody.

ME: Roger copy.

ME: Huh, thought they wanted us on standby.

208: This is 208— Do those units need assistance with a cage for the POIs?

206: Negative, we've already got a 2 cage, we're good here.

208: Roger.

444: 444 to VK, mark us mobile to ROAD, patrolling for our POI.

ME: ...Already over the pursuit?

ME: Roger 444.

211: 211 to VK, mark us clear and mobile to ROAD for our previous job to patrol for our POI.

ME: Roger 211.

872: 872 to VK, mark us clear as well and returning to location as attached.

ME: Roger 872.

ME: ...When the hell did 872 get involved?

[dispatchdiary]

I got tired of trying to keep everything to myself, scattered around. There probably isn't going to be much here but I need it. Tumblr isn't even the right place for this but I like the format too much not to use it.