SIT - UPS & SPINAL BRUISES @dissimvlate - Tumblr Blog

𝚜𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚘 𝚔𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚎𝚊𝚛.

things that are hard to hear.

**possible triggers - abuse / death / suicidal implications change pronouns as needed for things you’d WANT to hear, click here!!

❝ i don’t want you in my life anymore. ❞

❝ i don’t want to have a relationship with you. ❞

❝ she’s not coming home. ❞

❝ that wasn’t meant for you. ❞

❝ i don’t love you, okay? i never did. i never will. ❞

❝ you’re wasting my time. ❞

❝ you’re wasting your time. ❞

❝ you’re not listening to me! ❞

❝ i feel like i can’t tell you anything. ❞

❝ you’re too late. ❞

❝ you don’t give yourself enough credit. ❞

❝ you don’t give me enough credit. ❞

❝ it’s time for things to change. ❞

❝ you failed me. ❞

❝ fuck you. ❞

❝ i can see right through you. ❞

❝ things are getting bad again. ❞

❝ are things getting bad again? ❞

❝ move on. ❞

❝ that’s on you. that’s your fault. ❞

❝ you’re holding on to things that are holding you back. ❞

❝ you haven’t changed. ❞

❝ i’m not changing my mind. ❞

❝ i’m dying. ❞

❝ you’re good – but you’re not as good as you could be. ❞

❝ it’s always about you. ❞

❝ nobody cares about your problems. ❞

❝ i don’t trust you. ❞

❝ you’re being taken advantage of! ❞

❝ i feel like you’re taking advantage of me. ❞

❝ did you hear what she said about you? ❞

❝ life isn’t fair. suck it up. ❞

❝ i didn’t mean i liked you that way– ❞

❝ maybe it’s better this way. ❞

❝ i wish i’d never met you. ❞

❝ you ruin my happiness. ❞

❝ i think we should see other people. ❞

❝ i’m not ready to settle down. ❞

❝ i want to love someone like you love me. ❞

❝ you can do anything you set your mind to, but you won’t. ❞

❝ stop crying. ❞

❝ don’t come back. ❞

❝ i’m not coming back. ❞

❝ i don’t care enough about you to hate you. ❞

❝ i feel like you’re dragging me down with you. ❞

❝ why don’t you smile anymore? ❞

❝ something happened today. ❞

❝ i don’t want to do this anymore. ❞

❝ stop letting it get to you. ❞

❝ i’m sorry. ❞

❝ i’m not sorry. ❞

❝ you’re not sorry. ❞

anotherdamnrpmemeblog

Lightheaded/Fainting Starters

❝Whoa, hey, you okay there?❞

❝Please don’t pass out on me–❞

❝Stay with me.❞

❝I think you need to lay down.❞

❝I need to lay down. Like, now.❞

❝Can you help me sit down?❞

❝I think I’m gonna pass out.❞

❝I don’t feel so good…❞

❝I can’t move.❞

❝I can’t sit up.❞

❝Why is the room spinning?❞

❝When’s the last time you slept?❞

❝Do you need to eat something?❞

❝When’s the last time you ate?❞

❝I think I just need to eat something.❞

❝Let me get you some water.❞

❝Here, elevate your feet.❞

❝How much did you drink?❞

❝I think I drank too much.❞

❝Did you drink something? Did you take something?❞

❝You’re really pale.❞

❝Can you hear me?❞

❝Hey – you passed out.❞

❝Are you gonna pass out again?❞

❝I think I’m gonna pass out again.❞

❝Don’t sit up yet. Just relax.❞

❝This isn’t normal. You’re freaking me out.❞

❝Thank god you’re awake, I was about to call an ambulance.❞

❝You’re gonna be fine, I’m gonna call an ambulance.❞

❝What happened? Did I hit my head?❞

❝You hit your head pretty hard. Just stay down.❞

❝What happened? I just found you laying here.❞

𝚜𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚘 𝚔𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚎𝚊𝚛.

the-composer

❤ ▬▬ emotional starters to kick you in the feelings.

“What am I to you?” “If you could be with me, would you?” “Do you still think about (___)?” ”Do you want to be something more?” “I need to tell you how I feel.” “I miss how we used to be.” “Is it okay to say that I’m jealous?” “I’m so sorry I’m jealous… It’s such an ugly feeling.” ”I can’t help the way I feel.” ”They all want you, but they don’t even know you.” ”Is it okay to want you for myself?” “You’re mine. I don’t want to share.” “I want to be the only one for you.” “It’s you. You’re it. You’re the one I want.” “If you want me, you can have me.” “You can have others, but I will be your priority.” “Let’s talk about what you want.” “Let’s talk about what I want.” “I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait until you’re ready.” “You’re my friend. You didn’t know that?” ”I don’t think I know how to love…” ”Can I trust you?” “I forgive you.” “I only play around because I don’t have you.” “Name it. I’d give it up for you.” “You play so hard to get. Will I ever catch you?” “How can I get you to like me?” “Is there some secret to winning your love?” “Are you available?” “Are you afraid of commitment?” “If I agreed to be exclusive with you, would you do the same?” “Do you feel anything?” ”Why are you pushing me away?” ”The instant you start to feel something, you turn tail and run.” ”He/she/they love you, you know…” ”Don’t. I’m not good for you. Don’t even think about falling for me.” ”I will hurt you. That’s just a fact.” “You’re so wild that I want to be the one to tame you.” ”If you love them, then I want to as well.” “Your heart is safe with me.” ”You’re the type who wants to have your cake and eat it, too.” ”You’ve got me wrapped around your finger.” ”I’ve missed you so much.” ”Your happiness comes before mine.” ”I don’t mind sharing, as long as I’m with you.” “I am so sorry for hurting you.” “Can we start over?”

HELO / waldenborn·:

WHEN HE HEARD THE knock, he lifted his head from his pillow within his bedroom, tired eyes squinting at the crack of his door that allowed the light of the hallway seep into the darkness that shrouded his room. with a gentle sigh, he rolled out of bed and trudged himself past his door, down the hallway, and into the livingroom where he could see his front door. hair tousled, eyelids barely keeping themselves awake, he opened his door and squinted against the assault from the harsh light of the hallway in his apartment. he was coming down from a rough high, using a nap to sleep the rest of it off. ‘ ellen – ‘ helo spoke, surprise within his rough timbre. stepping back, he opened his door wider as a silent invitation for her to come in. ‘ what’re you doing here? ‘

why ellen struggles for a smile is unbeknownst to her. if not even she believes the fabricated curve , how could she presume another to ? and in the physical state of which she stood , happiness was an impossibility. but what wasn’t insincere was her relief to see him answer the door. ❛ hey helo. ❜ no other words were swapped. on the contrary , ellen only moves from the scantily lit hall and into the sanctuary that was his apartment. glancing from wall to wall , the familiarity and warmth his home delivered instantly flooded over her. ❛ oh i uh ––– - ❜ with his query catching her off guard , digits bound around the sole strap supporting her bag upon a skeletal shoulder tighten. ❛ can i stay here for a day or two until i figure something out ? i know i should’ve called i just . . . i didn’t have my phone , ❜ thanks to her abrupt escape. ❛ and i can’t go home. ❜

#WALDENBORN

HELO / @waldenborn

it was a risk showing up at his doorstep. there was no uncertainty inside ellen’s mind that susan her step - mom would reach out to him concerning her flight. helo had always been her rock so to speak. the person she fled to without fear of judgement nor reprimand. and so while yes it was a risk , it was a one ellen judged worth taking. fingers coil into a skeletal fist before hammering against the wood door. praying / hoping / needing him to answer. ❛ please be home ––– – ❜

#waldenborn

the-composer

❤ ▬▬ emotional starters to kick you in the feelings.

“What am I to you?” “If you could be with me, would you?” “Do you still think about (___)?” ”Do you want to be something more?” “I need to tell you how I feel.” “I miss how we used to be.” “Is it okay to say that I’m jealous?” “I’m so sorry I’m jealous… It’s such an ugly feeling.” ”I can’t help the way I feel.” ”They all want you, but they don’t even know you.” ”Is it okay to want you for myself?” “You’re mine. I don’t want to share.” “I want to be the only one for you.” “It’s you. You’re it. You’re the one I want.” “If you want me, you can have me.” “You can have others, but I will be your priority.” “Let’s talk about what you want.” “Let’s talk about what I want.” “I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait until you’re ready.” “You’re my friend. You didn’t know that?” ”I don’t think I know how to love…” ”Can I trust you?” “I forgive you.” “I only play around because I don’t have you.” “Name it. I’d give it up for you.” “You play so hard to get. Will I ever catch you?” “How can I get you to like me?” “Is there some secret to winning your love?” “Are you available?” “Are you afraid of commitment?” “If I agreed to be exclusive with you, would you do the same?” “Do you feel anything?” ”Why are you pushing me away?” ”The instant you start to feel something, you turn tail and run.” ”He/she/they love you, you know…” ”Don’t. I’m not good for you. Don’t even think about falling for me.” ”I will hurt you. That’s just a fact.” “You’re so wild that I want to be the one to tame you.” ”If you love them, then I want to as well.” “Your heart is safe with me.” ”You’re the type who wants to have your cake and eat it, too.” ”You’ve got me wrapped around your finger.” ”I’ve missed you so much.” ”Your happiness comes before mine.” ”I don’t mind sharing, as long as I’m with you.” “I am so sorry for hurting you.” “Can we start over?”

COLLEEN / twclvesteps·:

taking a generous puff from her cigarette but allowing it to hang idly between her lips while she offers the lighter out , flicking it and pushing the flame towards the end of the other’s cigarette. she nods , shoving hands back into her pockets to ward off the cold , her elbows locked straight and her weight shifting slowly from foot to foot. “ yeah , ya’ ain’t gotta lie to me. i know it’s a little too dark for most people. ” haunting for others. there’s a reason she didn’t tell most people. only aired her laundry at meetings like these , when it was necessary to stay sober. “ i bet that fools most people , right ? they just fawn all over ya’ , asking if yer’ warm enough now. clever. ya'know sometimes ya just gotta talk about the shit that’s bothering you. ”

a thank you is provided in way of a smile. inhaling a breath of smoke into already tired lungs , the subtle comfort it provides is fleeting but well welcomed. blowing the cloud of smoke into the chilling air , eyes shrouded by exhaustion fall over to the side as the other calls out ellen’s fib. ❛ well i’m not like most people ❜ a subtle huff is used in way of a laugh when she states the claim , not that the woman would understand fully what she meant. but as quickly as it appeared , the grimace dissipates when her words carry on. always ellen kept her walls heavily fortified. displayed the self she wore for the public all the while keeping the world blind from her TRUE SELF. so whilst she , the stranger , has a place to safely open up , ellen does not. nor would she willingly had she such a place. ❛ something like that. ❜ she replies with eyes drifting back to the dark world ahead. ❛ i’m not really into the whole sharing my deep dark secrets thing though. ❜

#twclvesteps

recentering-deactivated20241015

To the Bone (2017) dir. Marti Noxon

#` & I’M NOT A PERSON ANYMORE–I’M A PROBLEM. / visage.

COLLEEN / twclvesteps·:

colleen doesn’t have the balls to stick around long after sharing. she shrugs on her coat and ducks out the door without saying a word to anyone. she doesn’t want their pity. it’d too painful to hear the ’ oh i’m so sorry’s of people she barely knew. the hugs and the handshakes that meant so little when her baby girl was still dead. so she grabs her coffee and heads outside , shaking a cigarette into her hand and holding it between her lips before she’s even gotten outside the door. she deserves it , right ? it’s only when she’s outside that she sees the new face that had entered and exited during her share. the new girl colleen clears her throat quietly , " hey , i didn’t mean to scare ya’ off. those things can get kinda’ intense , i guess. it’s a good program though. "

somewhere between the exit and outside air, a cigarette entered her lips. ellen tries to retain her focus on lighting the end , to block out the account she had just heard. but as shuddering hands meet the winter breeze , her feat does not stand TRIUMPHANT. rather the numerous tries at igniting and maintaining said light prove ineffective and back into the pits of her pocket the lighter goes. however as soon as it does , the soundless eve is shaken when the words of a recognizable stranger greets her ear. as if she’s known the woman for years , ellen already recognizes who said accent belongs to. ❛ you didn’t. ❜ while it is a lie she responds with , for in fact it was the woman’s story that sent her running , the core reasoning is not what the other thinks. ❛ i just came here for the coffee and to get out of the cold for a bit is all. ❜

#twclvesteps

DR.GRIFFIN / @mcthersguilt

❛ you really need new material. ❜ perchance giving the doctor in one’s care such attitude was not the most idyllic of acts. but then again , this was ELLEN she was speaking to. and could the physician really anticipate any less ? ❛ you're starting to sound like a broken record. ❜

#mcthersguilt

COLLEEN / twclvesteps·:

colleen stands on her feet at the front , wavering slightly from exhaustion. she doesn’t like sharing , but found it was an important part of staying sober. if she didn’t , she could slip up and no one would know or care. and that only meant the worst for her. and so hands grip the podium with white knuckles and her eyes dart a little too quickly around the room , from one bored face to the next. it’s not like they were listening anyway. “ hi —— um. colleen. im an alcoholic. ” she faded to silence as the room greeted her , " my daughter was seventeen when she died. 4 months ago. she was burned alive as part of a revenge plot. " she pauses , wiping her nose on her sleeve. “ i wasn’t there. but i … i should have been. after she died , i started drinking again. i had been two years sober at the time. ” another pause , stiff swallow , “ anyway. i uh , lose three months of my life to drinking. i don’t remember any of it. until the day i realized i found myself waking up in an alleyway. i didn’t know my own name , or where i lived. i was so out of it that i wouldn’t have even know my daughter’s name. anyway , i realized that’s not what i needed to do for her. so i started getting my shit together. anyway , i uh … i’m one month sober today. and i wanted to share that with everyone. ” there’s a round of applause as she steps off stage and makes a bee line for her chair , ready to shrink off of the radar once again.

it’s a story she would’ve never imagined. not even in the darkest of nightmares. listening to the woman standing behind the podium tell her story , preaching outwards to the masses about how and why she fell back into her old ways , it struck the wide eye girl mute. and even in her silent state she was able to grow quieter. ellen clung to each word , her heart aching hearing such saga from the MOTHER’S side. to hear how destructive the loss of a child could be. free coffee and warmth , that’s the only reason she came in. yet instead she found herself standing eye to eye with a possibility / reality she avoided even pretending could happen. the warmth was not worth this. rising to her feet , her jacket hanging from skeletal shoulders flowing like a cape behind her as she took it upon herself to leave. to run. as fast and as far as she could until her mind was too weary to draw on such thoughts.

#twclvesteps #vtbt

COLLEEN / @twclvesteps

the wind cut her skin like knives. although numerous layers clothed an emaciated frame , she might as well been walking nude. ellen could feel the cold deep in the core of her bones , emitting outwards as to devour her from the inside out. she understood she had to get out of the cold or , in the least , locate temporary reprieve from the arctic embrace. eyes dart from one side of the secluded road to the other 'til the crowded parking lot of a CHURCH grabbed her eye. at this hour , and based on those she viewed come and go , ellen could only presume the gathering was not the congregation , but some anonymous meeting. which one she didn’t know. but she did know those meetings meant two things : FREE COFFEE and WARMTH. one weakening heartbeat is all that passes before she makes her move. head down , remaining softer than a mouse , she takes her own helping of economy coffee prior coming to rest in the back and away from the eyes of the many.

#twclvesteps #vtht