hysterics

the fierce last stand of all i am.

[user-boxer]

This user has a triggering blog

[dissosiation]

i've known i'd go out violently,

in a bloody manner beyond compare

for as long as i have known anything.

...but i want it to be mine.

the choice, the sight, the satisfaction

the predictability of the final blow

because, truthfully, there were many before it

countless instances of self betrayal.

"she has potential" they'd say,

"but she is much too much in her own way"

i don't know how to move to the side,

to allow myself some room

instead i drag myself through steep highs and abysmal lows

i make promises i can't keep

i ascend from the hole

only to be forced brutally back in

even deeper than the time before

i hope that one day i step out of the chasm for the final time

though what would be worse?

the repetitive routine of falling into trenches

or the constant unsureness: will i once again lay in the same spot for so long that i begin to nourish the soil beneath me?

[norfisthewhimsy]

[secrevts]

[creepish]

i’ve died alone in my room 3000 times nothing you can say can hurt me.

[feral-ballad]

Carrie Fountain, from Burn Lake; “Burn Lake 4”

[dissosiation]

when u pull up to the 'hating and being so disgusted with yourself so intensely for your entire life that you're convinced no amount of therapy could help you because it's the core of who you are and you can't imagine ever being okay with yourself' competition but i've already arrived...

[dissosiation]

ok this is gonna sound fucked up but when ppl ask me why i have a sh addiction (tho its been a long time since i have done it) i feel i can tell them some of the reasons.. like the ones that dont make me sound as crazy? like externalizing the issues i have so they seem real, the release, the blah blah. but i legit can't tell ANYONE or admit at all that yes, a big part of it is that i simply like blood. i like watching myself bleed. the sight of it calms me and takes me out of my head. i'm genuinely into it. and like people assume that those who sh only do it when they're breaking down and crying but i was so deep in the addiction that id make a nice evening of it.. light some candles, sit in the bathtub and do it. like i can never ever admit that to anyone without them being like 😦 so i guess nobody will ever truly know me

[stalgivc]

[lovedirt]

[tenderlypressed]

[archbudzar]

little black sheep

[areyoupure]

[voor-hees]

i stand in a valley watching it

[bellafleurz]

[starsalvation]

—Natasha Rao, Divine Transformation

[weltenwellen]

Hanif Abdurraqib, They Can't Kill Us Until They Kill Us