A quick measure of whos asleep and the light from the sheet-covered window to figure out if its midnight or 5 am
Its a little hard to judge with how many 'one more sip's I've taken by whichever point I'm at
And I go. And I sit. And I forget time and everything exists, if I ever even really knew it did, and I blink, and both years and seconds pass in it.
I stand. I pull some ratty, likely paint stained pants up.
I stare at the mirror after I'm finished.
Its not wistful. Its not 'Noir film protagonist splashing water on his face before he goes to his thankless job'
Memorizing lines and shadows that hadn't been there before.
God, when even was the last time I look in a mirror for longer than a fleeting flash of a glance
Its a difficult two syllables, to even think.
Thats not me. I'm still 17, with bright hair and still somewhat bright eyes. They're a little dulled but what wouldn't be by almost dying a handful of times and trying to so many more than that.
And somehow both hours and mere seconds have passed again. I'm not even sure I blinked
I asked a silent, self pitying question, of if this is all I'll ever be.
The answer comes from not some distant voice or higher power.
If this is what I'll accept as all I can be
Do I have power in it...???
Was I born rotten? Or did one of the too many to name vices plant the seed that grew into whatever decaying thing that burns in my brain and my lungs and my heart and my throat and my
Does it even matter at this point...?
Get through the next hour.....or more accurately, get through the next *insert unnameable and incomprehensible jumble of time felt missing* and try to take another breath and feel another beat of a heart
It may not feel it to outside hands
It may feel strong. Resilient. Normal.
yousharknotpass
izzy806
prguitarman
amandla
tangentwithtanner
