• Log #002: Axel's Backstory - 1
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Well, from where we should start? Maybe I should start from introducing myself.
My name is Axel. I was born as Axel Olbrich, on a certain sunny day in a refreshing spring. Spring is the season of beginning, and so was my birth. My parents expected my birth so much, I was a new beginning to their life. We finally became a small family with my existence.
I am a Therian Wolf. Basically, I am a part of the race that can shapeshift into an animal, and my animal is wolf. We were known as a proud race who loved battles and world conquests, and we used to be the strongest Therian race to ever exist in the past. A lot of other races, Therian and Human alike, eyed us with hatred and jealousy. Well... it was a long gone story now. In the present day, being a Therian Wolf means my race is basically on the lowest rank of discrimination.
When I was younger, my homeland used to segregate our settlements from the others, especially humans. We lived behind the thick, impassable walls made of living trees we call Dusk Forest. I too, was born behind that wall. I did not know how was the world beyond the endless sea of trees. However, it did not matter for me. As long as I had my parents, I did not mind to live my whole life here.
It was my simple and happy days.
As a mean to prevent any unnecessary bloodshed between people who were separated by the living wall, a semi-military force called 'Forest Rangers' was created by the Therian Wolf. My parents were also part of them, and despite their young age they were quite accomplished. The forest was indeed thick and bewildering, but sometimes adults could traverse it with no problem if they need to. It was rare for them to do so, though, and I never saw any human for a good while of my life. It was the reason why Forest Rangers existed.
Well... Maybe, I did see humans before. I just tried so hard to forget that memory.
My mother was Hilda Olbrich, born Hilda Esser. She was one of the elite members of Forest Rangers, and probably the only female there. I called her Mama. Mama was a tall woman, she was almost as tall as Papa. Mama had short and unkempt blonde hair, parted to the right side of her face. Her body was quite muscular. She was very rough, brutish, insanely strong... but she was also gentle and loving, especially to me. I love Mama so much, and she loves me too. I inherited her looks and I am basically her if she is a man, and I suppose that is one of the blessings I feel so grateful of.
But as the famous saying goes... every good thing in this world never lasts forever. Sometimes, they went away too quickly. It also happened to Mama.
It was a certain day when I was three years old. Mama was swamped with paperworks, and she did not want to do it in our house.
"Axel, let's get a walk!" she excitedly invited me. I gladly accepted with a big smile on my face and took her hand. I did not forget to bring my beloved ball along. We hummed a song together, striding along the path leading to the forest. I could smell the fresh air. The clear blue sky with white, thin cotton-like clouds scattered and the green foliage of the forest were above us. I looked up on the sky, as if I wanted to fly. I released Mama's hand and started to run, letting out small giggles. Mama was laughing behind me, and she finally sat under a tree.
"Mama will work here. Don't play too far, okay?" she said. Mama pulled her files of papers and started to read them.
"Okay!" I responded with a big nod. I started to play with my ball, kicking and throwing it around. I did not realize that my ball started to get further and further, until Mama was completely out of sight. I was too busy chasing it so I did not realize. When I came to my sense, I saw some men looming over me. They did not have ears and tail like me or Mama.
"A werewolf!" one of them exclaimed. I looked at their face with curious eyes.
"Hello!" I tried to greet them and gave them a warm smile. They did not look at me with the same feeling, however.
"Tch, what is it? A bait?"
"It's just a kid, he probably can't harm us."
"I'm sure it's a bait! Those piece of shit, scumbag werewolves! They think they can fool us again?"
One of them grabbed my arm and squeezed it tightly, almost as if he was trying to crush my arm. I winced in pain. "Mi-Mister! It hurts..." I weakly cried.
"Hurry, call the others! We must kill this mutt, here and now!" the man who grabbed my arm yelled. Some of the men left in a hurry. Even though I did not understand, I knew they did not have good intention. However, I did not cry because I was too confused with what happened. I did not struggle too, so I guess that was why the remaining men did not harm me. Sooner than I expected, more men came. They brough sharp weapons, blunt weapons, and even torches.
"Kill him! Kill him!" they angrily rushed to me. One of them almost swinged their weapon, until a hand punched that person away and he fell flat on the ground.
"AXEL!!!" it was Mama's voice.
"STAY AWAY FROM MY SON!!! GRAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" Mama roared. She kicked and punched the angry mobs who tried to kill me. It was amazing, she could stand her ground despite being outnumbered and all her opponents were men. Maybe when we said Therian Wolf were used to be the strongest race, it was not an empty brag.
"Mama...?!" I confusedly called her. I wondered if Mama heard me.
"Axel! Axel stay close to Mama, okay! Let's get away from hereー" Mama tried to reach me, but it was too late.
Kshluk!
Mama's eyes widened. A dagger penetrated into her flesh, followed by a loud woman's scream.
"AAARRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!"
It rung so loudly in my ears. In her last desperation, Mama still valiantly fight back and punched the men who stood in our way. Mama carried me and hurriedly ran back to the forest. Mama panted so heavily, but she kept running and running. She knew at this point, she could not win anyway.
"Mama, my ball!" I yelled.
"We'll buy a new one later, Axel!" Mama replied in the middle of her heavy panting. We probably got away pretty far already, so Mama dropped me. Her whole body was shaking, her face was pale. Mama was sweating a lot.
"Axel... Let's rest here. Mama is tired..." she said. I looked at Mama without saying anything, but I proceeded to follow her sitting under a tree. I blankly stared at her, until she started to shiver uncontrollably and puked.
"Oeegggghhhh... Bleerrgghhhh...! Cough... Cough... Blerrghh!"
"Ma... Mama...?"
I started to sense something was wrong with her, so I stood up. Why did she puke? Did she not eat the same meal like me? I was okay, though. Did she eat something when I was not looking? Mama's skin started to look bluish. Mama turned her head and looked at me for a moment. Then, she gave me a warm smile and gently patted me on the head.
"Axel, Mama is tired..." she said with a weak voice. "Let Mama rest a bit, okay?" she continued.
"Okay, Mama." I replied.
I sat next to her, while Mama slowly closed her eyes. I could see her body briefly jerked, until she stopped moving completely. I hummed the song we used to sing together and looked up on the sky. The clear blue sky I saw earlier was a bit darker with thick, black clouds scattered now. A murder of crows also flew above me in circles, as if it was telling a bad omen.
"Mama?" I called her quietly, not sure whether to wake her up. I saw Mama closed her eyes, as if she was sleeping. I reached her cheek, and it was cold.
Mama is cold, I thought. I took off my small jacket and covered her shoulder with it.
"There... Mama will get warmer." I muttered. Mama did not like her naps getting disturbed, so I tried so hard to put it gently. I sang again and looked at the sky once more. It started to get darker, the sun was setting. Would Papa get angry if we got home late? I wanted to wake mama up, but I was too afraid to do so. I held her hand then. It was cold too, so I gripped it tightly.
Maybe, I could make her warmer.
Soon, I heard some footsteps coming closer. There were two rangers approaching us.
"Oh, it was Axel." one of them laughed at me. "Hello, Axel!" they greeted.
"Hello, Mister!" I greeted them back with a smile.
"Oh, is that Mrs. Hilda?" the other ranger looked at Mama, but his expression suddenly changed. It was like a grave shock, as if he wanted to say something but words could not escape his mouth.
"A-Axel..." he tried to call me. "Your mother...?"
I smiled innocently while letting out a small laugh. "Mama said she is tired, so she is sleeping!" I tried to explain. The two rangers did not seem to be satisfied with my answer, and in turn looked at us in horror.
"And this is... your jacket?" they asked me again.
"Yes!" I exclaimed loudly with a big nod. "Mama is cold, so I'm trying to make her warm!"
The two rangers were shocked speechless with my answer. We fell into a silence for a moment. One of the rangers sighed, and spoke to his comrade. "Please, bring Axel home and tell Mr. Siegfried. I will contact the others."
The other ranger hung his head and stood up. His face looked gloomy, but after he took a deep breath he gave me a smile. "Let's go, Axel."
"But Mama?" I looked back at Mama.
"It's okay, my friend will be with her." he lifted my body and carried me. "It will get dark soon, so stay with me."
The ranger started to walk away, and Mama became farther and farther. I could not stop looking at Mama until she was out of my sight. I hoped Mama did not get angry with the other ranger, but she really napped for too long.
The ranger who was with me finally spoke, after walking for a while. "Axel... What happened earlier?" he asked.
"Oh... I was playing with my ball. Mama was reading papers." I replied.
"And then?"
"I chased my ball until I saw some men without ears and tail. They did not seem to like me, so, umm..." I tried to put what I saw into words. "They brought... knife? Fire? And, umm... Something you use to hit ball..."
The ranger stopped walking, and stood frozen while hearing my answer. He was really dumbfounded.
"Oh, they also said 'kill him, kill him'... What is 'kill'?" I asked the ranger. The ranger didn't answer, but he hugged me and stroked my head as if he was trying to comfort me.
"Sorry, Axel..." he said that instead.
I did not understand why he apologized.
Soon, we arrived at my house. The ranger knocked the door, and Papa opened it.
"Oh, Axel!" he was so delighted to see me, but his smile soon went away when he noticed someone was missing. "...Where's Hilda?" Papa asked.
"Umm... Sir... Mrs. Hilda is..." the ranger looked unsure about what to say. Papa started to look alerted. He pushed the ranger out of his way and ran from our house.
"Papa!" I tried to call him and struggled from the ranger's hold. The man dropped me, but he held my hand so I could not chase him.
"What's wrong? What's wrong?" soon, my neighbors gathered. A neighboring lady now was holding me. Amidst the hustle and bustle, I could hear some words although I did not understand what that meant.
Hilda died.
Papa came home crying, which was an extremely rare sight. People around me were also crying. Why? Why they suddenly felt sad? I saw Mama in a pretty, white dress, being put inside a box. Mama was still sleeping. I stared at her face. Why did not she wake up? Mama would hate it, that kind of dress must be uncomfortable for her to wear. Furthermore, I never saw Mama in a dress.
Papa was still sobbing, his face was covered by his big, calloused hands. I did not understand, why Papa cried so much? Papa was usually alright when Mama was sleeping. Mama would wake up tomorrow morning, right?
Right?
"Axel!" the lady from earlier pulled me away from the Box where Mama slept inside. I glanced at that lady's face, her eyes were also wet.
"Axel... You don't feel sad?" she asked me.
"Why?" I smiled to that lady. "Mama said she is tired, and she needs a rest. She will wake up when she is not tired anymore. Maybe tomorrow morning!" I continued.
The lady bursted into tears when she heard my answer, along with other adults around who heard what I said. I felt like maybe they wanted to say something to me, but they couldn't bring themselves to do so.
Soon, the top of the box was covered.
Would Mama still be able to breathe?
After that, some men carried the box outside. Out of curiosity, I followed them. I tried to got close to Papa, although he dismissed me. He did not look at me even once, he was busy crying while some of his subordinates calmed him down. I did not know where did they bring Mama to, but it was a place with a lot of stones. The stones all looked the same. There was a large hole on the ground. The box was lowered. Mama was there, inside of the box. My eyes widened. What did they do to Mama?
"Mama...!" I tried to reach the box.
"Axel! Don't!!" a man grabbed me and held me back. Maybe he was a ranger like Papa and Mama.
"But Mama...!"
My jaw dropped when they covered the hole with the soil around it.
"Mister! What if Mama wake up!" I tried to struggle from the man's hold. I wanted to stop the men who buried Mama, but I could not escape his hold.
The man did not say anything for a while, until he finally spoke in a low voice. "Your Mama... Will not wake up, Axel..."
I looked back at him. "Umm, not tomorrow?" I asked in disbelief.
"Yeah... yeah. Not... Not tomorrow." he replied hesitantly. I stood up in a daze. Maybe he was right. Sometimes, Mama needed to sleep a lot when she was so tired. Maybe this was also one of those times.
"Okay..." I stopped struggling. "Then I'll wait until Mama wake up."
The man did not reply to me anymore, but I could see a single tear fell from his eye.
I did not cry at all even until the burial was over, because I believed Mama would wake up someday.
* * *
After that fateful day, Papa changed. Papa smoked a lot, he often locked him inside his room. Papa kept himself busy with his job and did not allow me to leave our house. I did not have anything to do, so I only waited for Papa to come home in front of our door. But, Papa still did not look at me. He acted as if I was not there. Papa always refused to play with me. Maybe he was tired, so I tried to understand.
It was lonely, though.
"Mister Kitty, play with me~" I said to a ginger tabby cat who often visited me. I swung the cattails in front of it.
"Meooww~" the cat flopped on its back, trying to catch the toy. He looked rough and dirty, well he was a stray cat. But, Mister Kitty was very friendly to me. After a while, Mister Kitty got bored with the toy and just sat next to me while licking his paw. I gave him some pats.
"Axel, why don't you play with other kids?" Mister Kitty asked me. As a Therian, I can understand animal speak which is a good thing.
"Umm... I don't have friends..." I replied.
"Poor little thing." Mister Kitty licked my hand. "Then it can't be helped, huh? I'll be your friend."
I laughed at him. "Sure thing! I love being with Mister Kitty, too!"
At least, with Mister Kitty around, I was not that lonely.
Some neighbors sometimes would stop by and asked me, "Why don't you play with other children, Axel?"
I shook my head. "Papa said I couldn't leave our house..."
"You can play on my house," said my next door neighbor lady. "I also have a son around your age."
"No... thank you..." I shook my head again while giving a sheepish smile. "Papa will get angry if I disobey him."
"Ah, then... I'll try to ask my son if he wanted to play with you, okay? Wait!" she hurriedly went back to her house. I only blankly stared at her. Not too long after, I could hear her son yelled from their house.
"No, I don't wanna play with Axel!"
"But why? He doesn't have a friend, you know?"
"He is boring! I don't like him!"
I sighed. I knew it. I did not know why other children did not like me that much. I stared on my feet. It did not matter, anyway. I had Mister Kitty. I still had a friend.
But, that day was weird. Mister Kitty came to me with bloodied head and limping feet. I was very shocked when I saw him on that state.
"Mister Kitty!" I quickly ran to him. "Mister Kitty, what's wrong???" I asked. I squatted and tried to touch him very gently, afraid that my touch could hurt him.
"Someone hit me, Axel." he huddled closer to me and purred. I did not know what to do, so I sat on the ground while staying close to him.
"Mister Kitty..." my voice was shaken. I was on the verge of tears when I saw my only friend was badly battered like that.
"It's okay. Don't cry, boy."
Sadly, I could not stay with Mister Kitty. When Papa came home, I needed to go inside. The next day, Mister Kitty was not around my house anymore.
I waited. Maybe Mister Kitty would come later. Soon, I heard two neighborhood ladies talking to each other.
"Last night, I saw an orange cat on my backyard. It was dying and really made my daughter shocked." one of them said.
"Oh, poor thing... Did you managed to save it?"
"No... It died. We ended up burying it there."
My eyes widened. Where did I hear those words before?
Hilda died.
It... could not be Mister Kitty, right? There were a lot of orange cats around. I shook my head, trying to not think too much about what they said. Mister Kitty was probably resting and would come later.
Later.
One day. Two days. Three days.
A week. Two weeks.
Mister Kitty did not come for two weeks. I was starting to feel uneasy and upset. Where was Mister Kitty? Had his wound healed already?
I remembered the neighbor from that day, I knew her house. For the first time after a long while, I stepped out of my house alone. I ran to her house and sneaked to her backyard. I gasped when I arrived there, I saw something. It was a small mound of soil. It looked like... the place where Mama was buried, just much smaller. I fell on the ground, sitting, and my jaw dropped.
"Mister... Kitty...?"
I see. Mister Kitty was also tired. Mister Kitty was not going to wake up anytime soon. For the time being, I should leave him alone, then.
"Good night, Mister Kitty..."
* * *
After I did not see Mister Kitty anymore, my days became bleaker. I was only sitting in front of my door, staring blankly to the hustling road without doing anything while waiting for Papa to come home. Sometimes I would read some books, but even that went boring so quickly. I wonder if there was something I could do.
One day, Papa came home earlier than usual. He looked like he was in a hurry.
"Axel, pack your stuff." he also spoke to me. How unusual.
"Eh? Why?" I followed him inside.
"We're going to move." Papa replied.
"Move? Where?" I asked again.
"Doesn't matter, just pack your stuff." he said without looking at me, busy with looking for something.
"But, this house...?"
"That's for Papa to think."
"But, how about Mama? What if Mama wake up and we're not hereー"
"JUST!!! PACK YOUR STUFF!!!" Papa yelled on the top of his lungs straight to my face.
"...!!!" I gasped and was frozen in shock. Papa never yelled that loudly to me, but it seemed like he did not care. Papa left me alone when I was still standing motionlessly. After a while, I could let the shock sink in and then ran to my room. I did not know what to pack, so I took all of my toys. When I was busy collecting my toys, Papa came in.
"Done packing?" he asked. He frowned when he saw me and my toys, and clicked his tongue. Papa removed all of my toys from the box and replaced them with my clothes. "We can't bring them." he said, as he stuffed my clothes inside the box.
"But I... want to bring them..." I tried to talk back, now in a lower voice.
"We can buy them again." Papa replied dismissively. I could only see Papa packing up my stuff in silence. I looked at my bookshelf. Ah, right. My books. I took every single of them and approached Papa.
"Papa, I want to bring my books." I said to him.
"No." Papa answered without looking at me.
"Please, Papa? It doesn't take a lot of space like my toys?"
Papa sighed, and took a brief glance at me. He was just finished with packing my clothes.
"Fine, just five. Put it with my books." he said shortly before he left my room.
"Really! Yaaayy!!! Okay, one..."
I counted to five for the books I wanted to bring. It was hard to choose, because I love my books. But eventually, I could decide. I excitedly came to Papa's room and showed him the books I wanted to bring.
"Papa! These are the booksー"
Without saying anything, Papa took the books from my hands and put it in a bag along with his books. "Now, bath. We will leave soon."
I complied with what he said. He was right, as soon as I was finished with dressing up we really left our house. Papa brought me to his office, although he told me to wait on the entrance.
"Hi, Axel!" the officer in duty greeted me.
"Hello, Mister!" I greeted back with a huge smile.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"Papa said we are moving away."
"Really?" he seemed surprised. "Then, good luck with your new place! Have a safe trip~" the officer continued with a heartfelt laugh. I could not help but also laughed together with him.
Soon after Papa was finished with his business, we took a bus. It had been a long time since I rode a bus. I was excited to see the scenery from beyond the glass window. Then, I quietly stole a glance on Papa.
Papa was looking away. He looked lost in thought, but he did not look at me.
Papa never looked at me anymore ever since that day.