soooo i fainted for the first time ever this morning on the train so let’s talk about it.
the train was quite busy. i was standing near the door with about 6 other people standing in the area. the girls around me were so so kind and made sure i was okay after it happened.
before it happened i got really hot all of a sudden and felt queasy. i just thought i was feeling a bit motion sick. i don’t get it often but i’ve been queasy randomly before, once sat down on the train and once on a plane (that was awful). i looked at the time, saw it was 8:07 and thought, “okay i just have to get through these last 10 minutes so i can breathe some fresh air”. i couldn’t control myself as i fell. in the time it took for me to get on the floor, i was conscious and i could push myself back up. the girl next to me told me to sit down. then came the shaking and i found it really hard to breathe. it wasn’t quite a panic attack because there was no tingling in my fingers but maybe a minor anxiety attack? (are they different? who knows). one of the other girls asked if i had water and i had to think for a second, “yeah, yeah i have water in my bag”. i took a few sips and the icy water was cooling which helped a little bit. it took all the time until i got off the train to be able to breathe clearly (thank you dreary uk spring weather).
i felt quite awake afterwards, like i all of sudden had energy. i apologised countless times to the people around me. i was talking coherently, and told the girls i hadn’t eaten (which i hadn’t) and was just feeling anxious this morning (which wasn’t entirely true, when i’d looked at the time it was about 8:12, to which one of the girls said “it’s okay you only have 5 minutes left”, but that meant i had basically only been awake for about an hour by that point). my morning consisted of showering, washing my hair, getting dressed, styling my hair and getting my work bag ready, in the space of about 35 minutes. then speed walking to the train station, which is about a 10 minute walk, so fast my shins hurt when i arrived.
i didn’t have dinner last night. no breakfast today. hardly any water. i’ve rushed around in the morning plenty of times before, and felt light headed once i finally sat down wherever i needed to be. but, perhaps this was just a push too far. according to my apple watch i slept for 5hrs51 which, probably contributed to the incident.
i didn’t find the experience scary or anything, i’m just really aware that it happened. i just wanted to type this out so i could get the thoughts and speculation out of my head. and i guess document it somewhere because i refuse to tell anyone about this so, chances are, i’m going to forget about it completely.
