kirbstomp!!

🔞 minors do not follow 🦣 she diverges on my diamond until i interchange

[divergabout]

hiiii this is @eggthew's personal blog!!

🍊 I basically treat this as a diary!! I am just yapping and rambling!! there is venting or tmi or complaining or nsfw, and rambling about whatever crosses my mind! activity can be inconsistent, my brain decides when and when not I'm "allowed" to use my main blog for yapping based on absolutely Nothing

🍊 I do get vocal about being mentally ill - that includes being suicidal - and about trauma. I try my best to tag things but things will slip through. you've been warned

🍊 url is the divergabout, which is a new type of interchange/intersection that combines the diverging diamond and the roundabout! which is my favourite interchange and intersection respectively!!

🚫 minors dni. honestly idc who else follows me at this point. hello random strangers

public transport blinkie ♡ pooltoy blinkie

#🍞 - pictures of my cat

#🔄 - reblogs

#💾 - posts I want saved

#🦣 - mammoth tag :)

#📷 - photos

#🚗 - urban design + traffic engineering + cars + traffic jams tag

[divergabout]

its like. okay you made a mistake . youve made similar many times before and yeah it sucks but you can recover and its no use beating yourself up and thinking in circles until youre exhausted and scared. move on

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upset that drawing did not come out how i wanted but thats kinda just how things go so im. Not gonna dwell on it 🧍

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the fuck was i talking about. thats good art?

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BASIC HYGIENE AND CHORES SO DIFFICULT TO KEEP UP WITH

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upset that drawing did not come out how i wanted but thats kinda just how things go so im. Not gonna dwell on it 🧍

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nearly cried in the cinema bc my dad would really enjoy it and I thought "oh i should tell him about this" before remembering LMAO

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irt therapist saying "well seperating these parts from yourself in order to understand and move forward with them seems to help you, maybe try doing that with this" because like every few days im having a breakdown about my dad. and while thats helped with those other part i cant like. do it for this. for some reason. its quite stuck. that is me. I dont know why i cant but damn . I cant even pull it out when im not currently upset about it all like I can with others. pretend to talk back and forth and argue and all that its just very swift and unable to seperate myself and then its over and I cant coax it back out. idk

[divergabout]

I FORGOT TO GET TWEEZERS TODAY

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payday yknow what that means. orders some stamps

I'll log the new ones ive ordered in my journal tomorrow, and over the weekend im gonna make an account on stampworld and find the ones that tim got me from the op shop and log those too :) very excited! gonna pick up a pair of cheap craft tweezers because damn they weren't lying they are important

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I cant do this man every year is worse than the last even when things are getting better in some aspects it just hurts more and more theres no end. This situation will just get more intense it already feels like its killing me

[divergabout]

the second i start thinking about it i can feel myself getting so distressed. if I cant control it then its full body sobs. A few months ago i genuinely did not give a shit about him at all i dont know why its the sudden 180. I feel guilty i feel like im downplaying what hes done, or that i overreacted in the first place. im not, i didnt. It was bad. I dont know why this is happening. I dont know. Why do i feel worse than when he was making me **** ** * ****** like. whats happening. Hes lost everyone because hes an abusive piece of shit but it feels like my fault i dont know

[divergabout]

happy go lucky optimistic bitch that emerges whenever I enter a doctors office . you do not speak for me

[divergabout]

I'm lucky that the doctor was actually Good and didn't like. try and deny me gender affirming care because I didn't display enough Distress about my experiences. Because like. She asked me about my experiences and especially when I was a kid and how puberty went and I like. Waved it off???? I said that at the time I had other things going on (abuse) and there wasnt much time for me to think about gender stuff, which while a little true, mostly isnt. I was aware of gender stuff. I absolutely was experiencing dysphoria and puberty was kinda distressing!! It was not "whatever"!!??? ?

I wasn't even lying?? I fully believed it, it was true. It wasnt until i got home and have been able to think about it and go "wait that doesnt line up with what actually happened. why would I say that". Like its been frustrating enough this type of shit happening in therapy, where I'll just become someone who genuinely believes they dont experience xyz/dont remember it, but in situations like these, doctor appointments. Where im literally setting up Permanent Gender Changes I Want To Make To My Body. That I have been wanting for So Fucking Long. Im lucky she's nice and understanding. Genuinely why did I say that. Desperately trying to remember Everything I Said to see if I need to do damage control

[divergabout]

it's just shame stacked on top of avoidance stacked on shame, all the way. to unstack it i have to deal with the mold and the bugs underneath each one and to unstack it means that i know its wrong and everyone will see and know. this is why "clean your closet" turns into a huge moral dilemma that will have me thinking in circles and agonising and making myself sick over. it makes sense, which is a good first step i suppose

[divergabout]

sees that wolfertinger666 has made another tumblr blog and so goes and blocks him. decides to go see what the self-identified "salt blogs" are up to

they are fully debating on if he "counts as fat" and reposting selfies he's shared in order to examine them and are making guesses to what is actual weight it (in kg). they are debating if he's faking being transgender because he doesn't have chest dysphoria and likes to be feminine. they are publishing asks that misgender him and call him slurs. okay. okay.

[divergabout]

im like if a guy had pretty bad depression

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how I wake up from a nap on the couch apparently