“I just want to eat. Which I realize is a lot to ask for… at a dinner party.”
“The ice melts and then it’s like, second drink.”
“I feel God in this Chili’s tonight.”
“I suggested we flip a coin, but _____ said she doesn’t like to gamble. Of course, by saying that, she was gambling that I wouldn’t smack her.”
"Let’s say that my teeth turn to liquid and then they drip down the back of my throat. What would you call that?”
“It’s not about who you’ve been with; it’s about who you end up with. Sometimes the heart doesn’t know what it wants until it finds what it wants.”
“It’s like squishing a spider under a book. It’s gonna be really gross, but I have to see if it’s really dead.”
“Maybe I played a little in junior high and in high school. Maybe a little in college. And went to volleyball camp most summers!”
“What are you doing? What do you expect me to say to that?”
“I’m really sorry if you misinterpreted things. It’s probably my fault.”
“There’s nothing better than a beautiful day at the beach filled with sun, surf, and uh, diligent note-taking.”
“I’ve been trying to be more honest lately, and I just need to say a few things.”
"There were a lot of reasons to call off my wedding. But the truth is, I didn’t care about any of those reasons until I met you.”
“It’s caused a lot of unpleasantness between _____ and _____, who are both already prone to unpleasantness.”
“I don’t think it’s many girls’ dream to be a receptionist.”
“I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I hate even thinking that Al-Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me, they wouldn’t hate me.”
“Just go after what you want. And act fast because life isn’t that long.”
“There’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things.”
“Turns out there’s no limit to the number of cheese puffs you can throw at someone’s face.”
“I could give a shit about your happiness! Stop dating my mother!”
“You cannot speak until you buy me a Coke. Those are the rules of Jinx and they are unflinchingly rigid.”
“I don’t want to say the computer was old, but its IP number was 1.”
“When you’re a kid, you assume your parents are soul mates. My kids are gonna be right about that.”
“I’m afraid that this is not enough for you. And I’m afraid that I’m not enough for you.”
“It’s like a long book that you never want to end and you’re fine with that because you just never want to leave it.”
“I was just feeling impulsive. I should’ve gotten a tiny tattoo on my ankle.”
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