Divorce is War

Divorce is War! A war you MUST fight to preserve your quality of life and ensure your financial security. My eBook "The Divorce Survival Guide for Women" is your battle plan: www.preparefordivorce.com You'll be amazed at what you will learn from my eBook. It is chock-full of divorce advice and divorce information. As I was writing it, I kept thinking: "if only I had known this information when I was going through my divorce!" I decided to write my eBook and create my website to help other women—to educate them so they are divorce savvy and don't make the same mistakes I did. My eBook is THE survival guide that will help you prepare for divorce and help you to avoid the pitfalls that so many women make in their divorce. Sincerely, Leslye Kohl

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Divorce Is As Devastating As The Death Of A Parent

Marriage is an emotional, physical, and financial commitment that we make to a person that is supposed to last forever.  The dissolution of a marriage, divorce, is like a death.  It is as emotionally devastating as the death of a parent. It is the death of your relationship. In coping with divorce, you should treat the divorce emotionally the same way you would grieve for someone who died.

Consider counseling if you feel you need help with the emotional aspects of divorce and the changes it will bring to your life;

Consider a support group for yourself and your children if you are the parent who has custody;

Be careful about making major decisions immediately after the divorce or separation;

Take care of yourself, do little things to pamper yourself;

Do not be afraid to feel badly.  Some depression is normal—but be careful not to share your negative feelings with your children.  You should seek professional help if you feel it is getting out of control;

Avoid over indulging in drugs, alcohol, or food;

Take the time to accept your part in what caused your relationship to fail.  It is rare for one person to be solely at fault in a divorce.  Forgive yourself and work on forgiving your spouse.  Trying to take some of the anger out of the situation will help you deal with details that have to be taken care of in finalizing a divorce.

Although coping with divorce is devastating, not all aspects of a divorce have to be negative.  Consider the divorce as an opportunity to rediscover yourself.  Take time to do things that you may have enjoyed doing but stopped doing because your spouse did not enjoy them.  Reconnect with friends you have not seen or heard from in a while because your spouse did not like them.  Find new friendships.  Divorce is not just an ending it is a beginning.  Accept mistakes you made learn from them and then move on.

As trite as it sounds, all things do get better with time.  It is hard to believe when you are going through the anger and disappointment of divorce.  It is difficult getting used to being alone again or being afraid that you will always be alone.  One day when you are doing some routine task, you will realize that you are happier now then you were when you were living in a dying relationship.  No one wants a divorce, but it is better than an unhappy marriage.

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Treat Your Divorce Like A Business Deal

You need to treat your divorce like a business deal—because that is the way your husband will.  A marriage is nothing more than a contract. Divorce is nothing more than the dissolution of that contract.

Do your research! Read "The Divorce Survival Guide for Women" to learn every aspect of the divorce process. Read the articles and blog posts @www.preparefordivorce.com for even more information.

Consulting with a divorce attorney before you actually need one is the best way to research about what to  expect during the divorce and the divorce process in your state.  This will help you avoid mistakes that could cost you dearly later.

Although it is very important that you hire the best, most experienced divorce attorney that you can afford, you must always remain in control.  Just giving a divorce attorney a retainer and letting him take over is a huge mistake. You need to be involved in every aspect of the divorce process.

Settling your divorce out of court is the ideal situation. You don't want a judge making the decisions that will affect you the rest of your life. Everyone loses in court—from the cost, emotionally and financially—to the chance of getting a bad judge (and most of them are bad). The only winners are the attorneys!

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Social Security - Divorced Spouse Benefits

If you’re currently unmarried, but a previous marriage lasted at least 10 years, you could qualify for spousal benefits based on your ex’s work record. The amount can be up to 50% of the worker’s benefit at his or her full retirement age. If you remarry, however, the divorced spouse benefit stops. You must be at least 62 to get spousal benefits.

If your ex has died and the marriage lasted at least 10 years, you could qualify for survivor benefits of up to 100% of your ex’s benefit. You can remarry at 60 or older (or 50 and older if disabled) and still receive divorced survivor benefits. Survivor and divorced survivor benefits can begin at age 60, or at age 50 if the survivor is disabled, or at any age if you’re caring for your ex’s child who is under 16 or disabled (and in that case, the 10-year marriage requirement is waived). People receiving survivor benefits can switch to their own benefit later if that’s larger, and vice versa.

Your ex must be at least 62 for you to receive a divorced spousal benefit, but does not need to be receiving his or her own benefit. (That’s different from regular spousal benefits, which typically require the primary worker to apply before the spouse can receive anything.) Survivor benefits are based on what your ex was receiving or would have received at full retirement age. (If your ex delayed starting benefits past full retirement age, the survivor benefit is increased by those delayed retirement credits.) If you start benefits before your own full retirement age, however, the amount you get will be reduced.

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Surviving After Divorce

You've survived the divorce and now you're concerned about how to make your settlement last. You know the amount of your divorce settlement—but what you don't know is whether it will be enough to cover your day-to-day living expenses, support your family and have enough money for the rest of your life! You have to make sure that you don't outlive your assets. How can you ensure that you can keep the assets you most treasure, rather than having to sell them to survive?

Living alone after your divorce may be difficult—especially if you had a long marriage—financially and emotionally.  Most women can expect to spend at least a third of their adult lives on their own. Because of this, they must get savvy about saving and budgeting. Saving sounds simple, but first you have to have enough income to save some of it.

The first step you must take is creating a budget.  These are some ideas of how to create a budget:

1. Make a list of the budget categories that apply to you;

2. Go through your checkbook for the past year and list each check under its category;

3. Go through your credit card bills and do the same thing;

4. Decide where you need to cut back and which ones you expect will increase;

5. Adjust and readjust the figures until your monthly budget equals your monthly income.

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Ghosting

Ghosting is when someone cuts off all communication without explanation. It can just be a friend not responding to your texts or phone calls; or even worse a lover who is ending a relationship by cutting off all contact and ignoring your attempts to reach them. When someone has stopped responding to your calls or text messages, they are "ghosting" you.

Ghosting is a form of silent treatment equal to emotional cruelty. It's really important to realize that if someone ghosts you their behavior says more about them than about you.

The advent of technology seems to have made this worse. It can be very hurtful if a friend has cut you out of his or her life and you can still keep track of them on Facebook and Twitter. Some people don't have the guts to tell you that they are no longer interested in having you in their life, so they ghost you. They find it hard to deal in person with ending a relationship. Or maybe they have tried to tell you and you just wouldn't listen!

The term has already entered the polling vocabulary: In October 2014, a Huffington Post poll of 1,000 adults showed that 11 percent of Americans have "ghosted" someone. Elle magazine polled 185 people and found that 16.7 percent of men and 24.2 percent of women had "ghosted" someone at some time in their lives.

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Getting Married

Because people are getting married later in life, it's more common than ever that you'll be starting out the marriage with significant assets that need to be protected. No one should get married without a Prenup! It might seem unromantic, but setting legal intentions before marriage can be very important later if the marriage fails.

The statistics are that every other marriage ends in divorce. That is for first marriages, the odds for second and third marriages gets even worse. This makes it even more important that you have a Prenup in place before you get married.

Prenups are no longer just for rich people but for anyone coming into a marriage—with or without assets. Signing a Prenup eliminates any ambiguity on those assets and gives you clarity. It is also the first real negotiation between you and your spouse to be, which makes it a good test of the strength of your marriage going forward. It clarifies what happens in the event the marriage fails.

No legal document seems to trigger as much acrimonious discussion as a Prenuptial Agreement. The request of a partner to become a signatory  to a contractual document, that spells out the terms and obligations of the parties should the marriage end, is often seen as an unromantic sentiment. It may cause a partner to have second thoughts on the marriage.

A Prenup may be very easy to write, but making one legally enforceable goes way beyond the written words. Most states will heavily scrutinize the fairness of  prenup. Attorneys drafting Prenups focus heavily on the steps required to make sure a Prenup holds up. You need to use a competent divorce attorney to write a Prenup. This is very important! The ability to enforce a Prenup in the event of a divorce should be a top consideration for anyone looking to protect their wealth with a Prenuptial Agreement.

There is another reason prenups are so important—death and taxes.  A Prenup not only covers what happens to your assets in the event of a divorce, but also what happens should one of the spouses die, including a waiver of estate rights.

It is important to also create a Will to make sure your spouse will be provided for and to make sure there is no ambiguity about which assets should go to your spouse, particularly anything that is not in the Prenup. A Prenup addresses questions in the event of a divorce, and they also function with estate planning and probate laws where death is a possibility...and an eventual certainty.

And a newly married couple should immediately update their own estate plan.

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Infidelity and Cheaters

It is always assumed that people cheat with someone better looking than their current partner. This may not actually be true, according to survey by Victoria Milan, a dating site for married people looking to have an affair. The website polled over 4,000 of their members and found that most people using the site consider their significant others to be more attractive than their affair partners.

Interestingly, the men polled said they consider their significant others superior to their affair partners in other ways as well. Only 30 percent of men cheated with women younger than their current partners, and only a quarter of the men found their mistresses more interesting or more in shape than their partners.

So why cheat at all? Men admitted that they found their mistresses to be more passionate, better listeners and more caring than their significant others.

Over half of the females polled also found their significant others to be more attractive than their affair partners, but 50 percent said their lovers were in better shape. Similar to the men polled, women reported that the person they were having an affair with listen better and are more passionate than their man at home. And a whopping 89.6 percent of the women indicated that the man they’re cheating with makes them feel more appreciated than their significant other.

Some reasons men cheat are that they no longer find their spouse attractive, boredom, a need to escape, and they couldn’t resist the other woman. Same goes for women who cheat. Infidelity is usually more a symptom of bigger issues.

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Prenuptial Agreement

No one should get married without a Prenuptial Agreement in place! It doesn't matter how much or how little you have, you always have to protect yourself! You are making the biggest decision of your life to marry someone.

And second and sometimes third marriages—and the extended families that sometimes come with them—require financial and estate planning. Forty percent of new marriages include at least one spouse who was previously married. A Prenuptial agreement is especially a necessity when getting married after the first time.

There are two key issues every Prenup should address:

The first is how the assets will be divided in the event of a divorce or a death. The time to address this is before you get married. Divorce rates for second marriages, third marriages, etc. are even higher than those for first marriages. While you hope this marriage will work, you just never know. You should have at least three to six months before the wedding to work out the details and have the Prenup finalized.

The second is deciding how your personal accounts and other assets, such as real estate will be kept separate after marriage. It's crucial that you keep them separate.

Typically a Prenup will spell out what each partner is bringing to the marriage—including income, real estate, retirement savings—and whether each asset will be treated as separate or joint. Most important is that a prenup can shield one partner from any liabilities accumulated prior to the marriage, including student loans, credit card debt, and alimony and/or child support. It is very important that how to treat debt should be decided prior to the marriage and in the Prenup. In the event of a divorce, sometimes courts try to divide debt equally between the two parties. You have to be sure to protect yourself.

Any gifts given during the marriage should not be considered marital assets but should belong to the person receiving the gift.

More than one-third of adults said Prenups make smart financial sense, according to a Harris survey. “The time to plan for a divorce is not when you’re in a state of hate,” says Suzie Orman. You can’t fully protect yourself against a marital heartbreak, but at least you can protect your assets.

Be sure to have a divorce attorney write the Prenup. Just any attorney cannot know the specifics that have to go in one. It has to be done right so there are no loopholes. Unfortunately, in today's world, Prenups are being challenged in court.

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New Year’s Resolutions

Many of us start off the new year by making New Year’s resolutions.  It’s a great tradition that has gone on forever. Unfortunately, most of the "resolutions" we make we will never keep. The beginning of a new year is the perfect time to think about how we'd like to improve our lives. Don't set your goals too high, because you are setting yourself up for failure.

One of the first things you should do to start off the new year is to unfriend your ex!  Whether it is your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, ex-husband or ex-wife, an ex-lover, or someone who has been negative energy in your life—the old-school way of going cold turkey and cutting off all contact with that person is the best way. The effects of remaining Facebook friends with that person (or even simply keeping an eye on their activities online) can disrupt a person's ability to heal emotionally and move on with their lives. Delete them now!

Among the top ten resolutions each year are financial goals—such as getting out of debt or saving for retirement. Your financial goals should take top priority. Carrying too much debt is bad for anybody.  You should  make a concerted effort to pay off all your credit card debt. Then you should consciously try not to pull out your credit card so quickly to pay for something. Think about this:  if you had to write a check or pay cash for it, would you buy it? You would probably think twice about buying it and probably not do it.

Saving for your retirement is also very important.  The more you put in, the more you will have when you need it.  Regular investing is the key. Social Security may not be there when you need it, and it doesn’t pay that much anyway.

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The Benefits Of Owning A Dog

People who own dogs live longer! They're healthier. They're calmer. Their children are less prone to allergies.

Dogs aren't big on social distancing. They lick and sniff everything and one another. Conversation, friendships and even romance between owners can often be the result.

A dog's love is unconditional. Once you have a dog, you can't live without one!

Living in a home with a dog may be linked to healthier psychological development in young children, researchers report.

A study in Pediatric Research made by Australian scientists, found that after adjusting for other factors, compared with children without dogs, those who had them were about 30 percent less likely to have behavior problems, 40 percent less likely to have difficulty relating to their peers and 34 percent more likely to show pro-social behavior. There was no association of dog ownership with emotional difficulties or hyperactivity.

The study suggested that the benefits of dog ownership started very early in life. "We are not saying, 'Go out and get a dog'...That's a really important decision. Owning a dog comes with responsibilities and costs. But the benefits outweigh the costs."

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Surviving After Divorce

You've survived the divorce and now you're concerned about how to make your settlement last. You know the amount of your divorce settlement—but what you don't know is whether it will be enough to cover your day-to-day living expenses, support your family and have enough money for the rest of your life! You have to make sure that you don't outlive your assets. How can you ensure that you can keep the assets you most treasure, rather than having to sell them to survive?

Living alone after your divorce may be difficult—especially if you had a long marriage—financially and emotionally.  Most women can expect to spend at least a third of their adult lives on their own. Because of this, they must get savvy about saving and budgeting. Saving sounds simple, but first you have to have enough income to save some of it.

The first step you must take is creating a budget.  These are some ideas of how to create a budget:

1. Make a list of the budget categories that apply to you;

2. Go through your checkbook for the past year and list each check under its category;

3. Go through your credit card bills and do the same thing;

4. Decide where you need to cut back and which ones you expect will increase;

5. Adjust and readjust the figures until your monthly budget equals your monthly income.

If your income doesn't cover your expenses, then having your list will help you decide where you need to cut back. If you consistently exceed your budget, then you will have to adjust your spending habits or find a way to increase your income.

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Sometimes Life Throws You A Curveball

Something happens that you never expected—sometimes life throws you a curve ball. You think that you are happily married and your sex life is great, and then you find out your spouse is having an affair—or he (or she) asks you for a divorce because he's in love with someone else.  You feel like you've been kicked in the stomach! What do you do?

The first thing you have to do is quickly learn about the divorce process and how to protect yourself.  Finding the right book is the best way.  The most informative book you can buy is "The Divorce Survival Guide for Women" @https://www.preparefordivorce.com. Remember knowledge is power.

Next you need to find an experienced divorce attorney.  You need someone who is experienced to help you to avoid mistakes that could cost you dearly later in your divorce proceedings. You need to find one that is knowledgeable and right for you. Interview at least three attorneys. "The Divorce Survival Guide for Women" will give you all the information you need to move forward and be prepared.

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Divorce is as Devastating as the Death of a Parent

Marriage is an emotional, physical, and financial commitment that we make to a person that is supposed to last forever.  The dissolution of a marriage, divorce, is like a death.  It is as emotionally devastating as the death of a parent. It is the death of your relationship. In coping with divorce, you should treat the divorce emotionally the same way you would grieve for someone who died.

Consider counseling if you feel you need help with the emotional aspects of divorce and the changes it will bring to your life;

Consider a support group for yourself and your children if you are the parent who has custody;

Be careful about making major decisions immediately after the divorce or separation;

Take care of yourself, do little things to pamper yourself;

Do not be afraid to feel badly.  Some depression is normal—but be careful not to share your negative feelings with your children.  You should seek professional help if you feel it is getting out of control;

Avoid over indulging in drugs, alcohol, or food;

Take the time to accept your part in what caused your relationship to fail.  It is rare for one person to be solely at fault in a divorce. Forgive yourself and work on forgiving your spouse.  Trying to take some of the anger out of the situation will help you deal with details that have to be taken care of in finalizing a divorce.

Although coping with divorce is devastating, not all aspects of a divorce have to be negative.  Consider the divorce as an opportunity to rediscover yourself.  Take time to do things that you may have enjoyed doing but stopped doing because your spouse did not enjoy them.  Reconnect with friends you have not seen or heard from in a while because your spouse did not like them.  Find new friendships.  Divorce is not just an ending it is a beginning.  Accept mistakes you made learn from them and then move on.

As trite as it sounds, all things do get better with time.  It is hard to believe when you are going through the anger and disappointment of divorce.  It is difficult getting used to being alone again or being afraid that you will always be alone.  One day when you are doing some routine task, you will realize that you are happier now then you were when you were living in a dying relationship. No one wants a divorce, but it is better than an unhappy marriage.

[divorceiswar]

Treat Your Divorce Like A Business Deal

You need to treat your divorce like a business deal—because that is the way your husband will.  A marriage is nothing more than a contract. Divorce is nothing more than the dissolution of that contract.

Do your research! Read "The Divorce Survival Guide for Women" to learn every aspect of the divorce process. Read the articles and blog posts @www.preparefordivorce.com for even more information.

Consulting with a divorce attorney before you actually need one is the best way to research about what to  expect during the divorce and the divorce process in your state.  This will help you avoid mistakes that could cost you dearly later.

Although it is very important that you hire the best, most experienced divorce attorney that you can afford, you must always remain in control.  Just giving a divorce attorney a retainer and letting him take over is a huge mistake. You need to be involved in every aspect of the divorce process.

Settling your divorce out of court is the ideal situation. You don't want a judge making the decisions that will affect you the rest of your life. Everyone loses in court—from the cost, emotionally and financially—to the chance of getting a bad judge (and most of them are bad). The only winners are the attorneys!

[divorceiswar]

Who Gets The Dog!

When couples are breaking up sometimes their dog becomes the focus of a battle. This usually happens  when the couple breaking up don't have any children or any children under the age of 18.

Dogs do become a member of your family and are taken care of and loved like children. Losing the dog that you have loved can be devastating. Going through a divorce or breakup is emotionally devastating enough without losing your "friend"  or "pal" who gave you unconditional love.

Losing your dog can in some ways be more emotionally devastating than losing custody of a child. It can make the devastation of a divorce or breakup even worse.

Usually an agreement can be reach with a lawyer or mediator because a court battle can be financially prohibitive. If a couple does end up in court, it's usually for revenge.

Although courts consider pets property and rule in favor of whomever owned the dog (which can be established by proof of payment or primary caretaker status), in 2013 a judge ruled in favor of the dog's best interest—something usually used in child-custody decisions.

Some divorces or breakups are amicable and no lawyers or mediators are necessary. The couples work out the joint custody arrangements for their dog themselves...

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Divorce Tips

With a multitude of divorce tips from the internet and self-help books, acquiring the essentials on how to rise above this challenging ordeal can be your best offense. The grueling process of divorce can take a toll on your health, finances, and mental stability. Equipping yourself with valuable divorce tips that have stood the test of time is vital for survival.

Benefits of good communication. One of the most common divorce tips you can find is the attempt to keep this often nasty process out of the court room. Mutual resolution is evidently the perfect scenario to aim for, and it is indeed feasible through open and constructive communication. This will provide a fitting venue to communicate your individual concerns without the fear of being attacked by your spouse.

Integrity is key. Throughout the course of filing papers, settling, or court trial when applicable, keeping your values no matter how tempting it might be not to, must be at the top of your list of divorce tips. You have to preserve your dignity by being honest—from your financial records to your accounted married life. You owe it to yourself and to your children to walk away from this difficult chapter in your life with self-respect.

Set an example. It is your children who carry the irrevocable damages of a broken home. While some divorce tips focus on the husband’s and wife’s standpoint, putting the child’s interest first and foremost can give you a wider and more mature perspective on things. You have to know that saying negative statements about your spouse in front of the kids only worsens the already painful experience for them. Keeping it civil helps the children to feel a sense of consistency, which is important when the big change finally occurs.

Observing these divorce tips in these trying times can provide a firm foundation on what you must prioritize on and how to tackle them successfully. With these basic guidelines, you can have a good motivator on effectively handling divorce with dignity.

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The Clap is Back!

Gonorrhea, the STI your grandparents knew as the clap is back—and unhappily, it's stronger than it ever was. A report from the World Health Organization shows that antibiotic resistance is making gonorrhea—the second most reported STI, infecting 820,000 people per year—much harder to treat.

If you're not scared of getting gonorrhea, here's a sobering thought—left untreated, gonorrhea can lead to chronic pelvic pain or infertility. Scientists fear that soon, some strains won't respond to antibiotics at all. The problem is the rampant antibiotic use.

A CDC study found that one third of all antibiotic prescriptions are unnecessary. Doctors prescribe antibiotics for even mild ailments like the common cold.  And the bacteria that causes gonorrhea is resistant to almost every antibiotic.

Things to think about: You should never take an antibiotic unless it is absolutely necessary. You should make sure anyone you decide to have sex with has a medical clearance from all STI's. Just don't hop into bed with anyone without them having a medical clearance! AIDs still exists, as does Herpes and Genital Warts. Using a condom helps but is not that reliable.

The CDC is busy tracking resistant infections and developing new ways to target which antibiotic will work best for the specific strain you have.

You have to be wise and cautious!